During my conference I realized I make a lot of overstatements in my writing: I exaggerate on some of my ideas and can often sound too cheesy. Therefore, in this revised piece, I wanted to show my reader that I do acknowledge my overstatements but that they can sometimes be an important way of getting my point across. In this case, they were helpful to show how unique the feeling of going to Eagle's Nest for lunch everyday was for me. So it was important to include that statement but also show that I am aware that many might think it is almost cliché of me to call it "a Home."

This was a section I added in my revised piece. I wanted to be more honest with my reader about my thoughts on the food in Eagle's Nest. Although it was important to include details on how much it reminded me of home, I felt it would be a dishonour to my reader and myself to not be honest enough to talk about how I actually felt about the food and its taste. My aim with this section was to make my reader understand that it is still important to me to have the rice and beans in Eagle's Nest, but it is no where near the actual taste of what I am used to having at home, it's just the closest thing I have to it at the moment.

On my first draft I struggled with including a lot of irrelevant information that didn't build up to my main point. I initially talked about all of the stations offered in Eagles in great detail, but for this revised piece I focused solely on the station that I enjoyed the most: the bowl station. This would help make my essay more concise while also more personal and interesting to the reader. My goal was to show them how Eagle's Nest was unique to me. Therefore, in this revised section, I tried to highlight the details of some of the five senses and how I felt about each them to create a more personal and intimate piece.

This paragraph was a new addition in my revised piece. I included it because I felt it was crucial to include a section on the friends I've made while coming to Eagle's Nest for lunch. I wanted to show how Eagle's Nest was not only an important place for me because of the food that reminded me of home, but also because it was a place that allowed me to connect with some of my closest friends on campus today. Eagle's Nest is to me a place where deep friendships can be made, and I wanted my reader to know that. This was also another way of making Eagle's Nest unique to only me.

In this section I focused on including the "how/why" to my stimuli: the long lines in Eagle's Nest. In my first draft I felt that I flowed through many ideas without diving into my reactions and thoughts on each of them - which was the main goal of this writing. So, in this revised section, my goal was to show my reader how I felt about joining the long lines for lunch in Eagle's because, although many might be annoyed by them, I actually feel excited to be around friends and other students who are all there for the same purpose and can easily bond over something. By including my own thoughts and feelings I am able to make my writing more personal and create a sense of intimacy with my reader.

This was originally my second paragraph in my first draft. However, I felt it would be more effective to start my essay with my feelings about college, to make it immediately relevant to my reader. After reviewing this paragraph I tried to expand on this paragraph by giving some details on how I felt insecure, including specific and concrete examples that made me feel overwhelmed. When revising this piece I tried to have in mind a reader who is also an international student, more specifically a Brazilian who was coming to BC, so I could give them an idea of what campus life and meal times were like.

I wanted to include this sentence in the end of my piece because I wanted my conclusion to tie in with my introduction. The idea of the book-end conclusion was very amusing to me, so I wanted to try it with this piece too. I believe that it helps create a more intriguing ending and gives a full circle picture of my story.

My transitions in between paragraphs were one of the major issues I had with my first draft of this freewrite. So for this newly revised piece I focused on creating more clear transitions to make it easier to follow through my ideas and therefore make my essay more enjoyable to read.

I included this section because I felt it was important to give my reader a background on the role that dance has played in my life for so long. I felt it was important to mention specific details, like the hours I spent dancing and the events I'd miss out on to be in practice, so it would become clear to the reader how important dance has been for me.

This piece of writing originated from our first "freewrite" task of describing a moment where we either lost ourselves or found ourselves. After receiving my first piece back and re-reading it a couple times, I decided to improve on it by including a few more details on why dance has meant so much to me. As I reached the end of the semester I reminisced on a lot of the things I missed from home, and dancing was a big one of them. So I decided to write about how I'm able to be on my own zone and have no fears when I am dancing. It makes me feel confident, and writing about it brings me great pleasure.