- Apr 2017
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arnasr.gsucreate.org arnasr.gsucreate.org
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). Allison Spann’s Blog
Title of post?
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http://www.nationalhomeless.org/publications/crimreport/meanestcities.html
How about include links too?
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Work Cited: Reference
The images list is very difficult to make sense of. Rethink the spacing of information here. The WC list itself is much more readable/manageable.
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arnasr.gsucreate.org arnasr.gsucreate.org
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Conclusion
Try "Conclusions" instead... How does making this change shift meaning/thinking?
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Origin’s of Hurt park and it’s surrounding laws and values.
I think these synopses here in the table of contents work really nicely! Include them with all chapters. You can leave off the periods if they're sentence fragments.
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/yourdon/
Nice attribution and photo choice. Can you imagine a photo here that would shift the focus to built environments instead of the homeless? Or could you use linguistic text to shift the focus to built environments?
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em.
No period in a title. Also, can you make this a more academic title, one that places the focus on built environment? As is it sounds like this is a piece about the homeless. It's not, right? It's about built environments...?
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arnasr.gsucreate.org arnasr.gsucreate.org
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other key area of this law states ““Interference (or “interfere”) with ingress and egress” means standing, sitting, lying down, using personal property, or performing any other activity on public property and/or in a park, where such activity: a) materially interferes with the ingress into and egress from buildings, driveways, streets, alleys, or any other real property that has a limited number of entrances/exits, regardless of whether the property is owned by the city, a private owner or another public entity; b) reasonably appears, in light of all of the circumstances, to have the purpose of blocking ingress and egress; and c) occurs without the express written permission of the owner of the property at issue.
How much of this is directly quoted from the source? It's difficult to tell. How can you make this clear by using the affordances of the medium?
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How does the Muni Code or “Law” of Atlanta set an inherent negative outlook on homeless people and their existence through the cities’ legislation and rulings?
And what does this have to do with the built environment? How does the law SHAPE the built environment, or vice versa?
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Arguement
"argument" spelling... I'd give this a more descriptive subtitle...
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arnasr.gsucreate.org arnasr.gsucreate.org
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after streetcar developer Joel Hurt
Okay. so this section will develop answers to some of these questions: 1) Who is Joel Hurt 2) Who designed this park? 3) What was the park's original intent? 4) Where is the park in relationship to GSU, other entities (Grady will be important here, I think, as will MARTA, as you've noted in the intro) 5) What laws? (history) 6)What values? (history) 7)relationship with surrounding neighborhoods? (Who else lives in this space?)
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communities
"community's"?
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arnasr.gsucreate.org arnasr.gsucreate.org
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ered by WordPress
How about inserting some "Next" or "Previous" types of "buttons" here so we can navigate from the end of a section? If not in the footer, then on the bottom of the page?
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Okay. So your thesis is doing this drawing together of built environment and ignorance of the homeless. Try moving that up before the last paragraph... Maybe that will help with focus?
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People are known to be less generous if they feel intimidated or unpleasant by a situation, which causes an overall negative feeling about the issue itself, in this case being the increased homeless population around Hurt Park. This allows me to create a statement surround the issue itself.
This paragraph seems here to be veering off topic. The focus is built environments, not ignorance of the homeless. If you're arguing that the built environment encourages ignorance of the homeless, bring this in earlier maybe?
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residents.
This paragraph sets us up for discussion, but then closes up. Your audience asks, "How does the furniture and placement encourage homeless populations to migrate there?" But the end of the paragraph answers with an oversimplified, "...because lots of other people travel through the space and the homeless can beg." This response stereotypes the homeless needlessly and probably wrongly. Not all homeless people beg, for instance, or use the space for begging. Take some time here. Stick with the more interesting, less "obvious" discussions: how does the built environment cultivate homeless presence in the park?
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where many sleep, sit or socialize with the community. Why is That? When we begin to focus on the structure and layout of the area itself a few reasons appear to attract the homeless community.
Really nice transition here. I think asking the question and then answering it sets us up nicely for the focus of your interest.
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ommunity. Why is That?
What does GSU have to do with Hurt Park? The first half of the first sentence is about GSU, but the second half is about "residents of Atlanta"... Try a different focus: What is Hurt Park? Where is it? Where is it in relationship to the University and why does that matter?
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