I suddenly became an "exotic" worran to the rnen rvho hrrdsurwived the popularity wars in liigh school, r,vho were pelrr practicing to beworldly: they had to act liberal in their politics, in their lif'estyles, and in thewomen they went out rvitl-r. I dated hetivily fbr a while, then mat'ried young.I had discovered that I needecl stability more than social life. I had brainsfor sure and some talent ir-r u'riting. These fiicts were a constant in rny li{'e.My skin color, my size, and rny rlppeararlce were vzrriables-things thatwere judged according to my current seli'-image

Tecl's father had shaken his head. No. Ted would notbe taking rne out. Ted's {irther had known Puerto Ricans in the arr.r-ry. He htrdIived in New York Ciq, while studying architectr-rre and htrd seen hou, thespics lived. Like rats.

This is the tlpe of reli-gious nut that Gary was: when the school bus did not show up one day, heput his hands over his face and prayed to Christ to get us a way to get toschool.

Heasked me to go to a school dance the following Saturday. I said yes, breath-Iessly. I said yes, but there were obstacles to surmount at home

Ted. Oh, he was pretf: yellow hair that fell over his forehead, a smile to diefor-and he was a great dancer. I watched hirn at Teen Town, the youthcenter at the base where all the rnilitary brats gathered on Saturday nights.

My friends and I talked about this and practiced letting our straps falloff our shoulders, But it wasn't the same without breasts or hips

other girls who took their studies seriously. We did our hornework together'and talked nbout the Jackie

I was sornetimes czrlled by the principal to representmy class because I dressecl rieatly (I knew this from a progress report sent tomy mother, which I translated for her) and because all the "presentable"white girls htrd rnoved to the Ctrtholic schools

I r'emembergoing into a bodegaE for our groceries and being given candy by the pro-prietor as a reu'ard for being bonita, pretty

I Iiuttasizedaltout scoopirig 1n)/ enemies up bv their liair firini the playing fields ariddumping thertr on a barren trster<lid

"IIou. c:rl vou nrill<e ,1 l1;1rr grrlde{'or plaqing guttcsir" IIe did not unclerstilriil. Even if I ltad manilgerl t<l mrrl<ea hlt (it nerrer happened) or get the ball over th:rt riclicrrlorrsh.high net, Ialretrcly lrtrd n reputation as il "shrinrp," a hopeless nonathlete.

Still, I ivtrntecl to be u'arrted. I u'rlnted to be chosen fbr tlie tearn. Physi-czrl eclucation \\/rls conpulsorr',:r ciass u4rere votr u'ere ilctualh'gi\en agrnde.

No rn:rtter Iiow familiar thestory is, every child who is the last cltosen for tr team knou's the torment ofwaiting to be callecl up.

"Since you aretall, this dress will look good on you."

I could not understand how myskin looked hke dirt to the supermarket rnan

Don't corne in here unless you gonna buy something. YouPR kids put your dirt.v hands on stuff. You ahvays look dlrty

rnv parents had already told my brother anclme that since we were in Los Estrxloss now, we r'vould get our presents onDecernber 25 instead of Los Reyes, Three Kings Day,

On the way out I would glance at the younger brother who ran one o{the registers and he would often smile :rnd wink at me

I was also teaching myself to readEnglish bv sounding out the labels on packages

n America, I am a person of color, obviously a Latina. On the Island I havebeen called everything from a paloma blanca,3 after the song (by a blacksuitor), tolo gringa.

animal r,vorld it indicates danger, the rnost color{ul creatures areoften the most poisonous. Color is also a way to attrirct and seduce a mate.In the human world color triggers miiny more complex and often deadlyreacti<lns

I learned to be invisible.

in afit of panic at my appearance I scratched off my face, leaving perrnanentscars.

My Puerto Rican relatives called rne tall;at the American school, some of rny rougher classmates called me SkinnyBones, and the Shririrp because I was the smallest member of my classes zrllthrough grarnrnar school until high school

was born a white girl in Puerto Rico but became a brown girl when Icame to live in the United States.

The storyof her body becomes, to sonTe extent, the story <tf her lfe, and usouen into thatale are intriguing cornnwnts on gendor and on cross-anlturol perception

Jwlitl'r Orti; Cofer reflects on the dffirent roles her ounbody has assunrcd in different contexts and cultures -the ways that clffir-ent societies haoe "read" the meanings of her plrysical appearance.

ORTIZ COFER . THE STOIIY OF MY BODY 537The Story of My BodUjuorru Onrrz CornnAccapting the idea thnt gender roles are socictlly constn,tcted might notbe too dfficult, but it nray cotne as a shock to realize that euet"t the way uesee our bodies is Jilterecl throu,gh the lens of sctcial ualue,s and beliefs.