Kaylee, I really enjoyed reading your project! It is very obvious that you care deeply about Master of Puppets and put in a lot of work to find/write the information. The writings you chose, like the bibliography for each band member, are creative and interesting to read. Your style of writing is equally engaging as I felt intrigued the whole way through. There was a good balance of professionalism and informality to keep it personal. Each paragraph of yours was very purposeful in its organization and content. You knew what you wanted to say and how you wanted to say it. I wouldn't be surprised if you had outlines for each paragraph in each assignment you did. In addition to your thought-provoking writing, your formatting so far is also killer. It's clear you took your time and put care into making your scalar site work and look as clean as possible. The playlist and listening guide with the Spotify playlist and the videos under italicized bolded titles gave the project an official feel. The bibliography buttons were also really nice and professional. There were only some minor grammatical errors which can be adjusted easily. Overall, I do think that some of your writing would benefit from further elaboration so that the reader has a better grasp of the context needed to understand your proposed information. This can be just saying who a person is before introducing them, the definition of a term, or just further fleshing out a concept. You could also look into expanding your argument into other aspects in your final essay if you want to put more than just restatements. All in all, though, I definitely feel like I have a better understanding of Master of Puppets, Metallica, and the overall broader context from your project.

Also depending on your intended audience, you can define what a power chord is

Depending on your intended tone, this part is more informal but the tone is completely up to you

I feel like saying both the entire world and forever might be too far of a reach with the logical reasonings you have. I wonder if it'd strengthen your argument to specify where exactly Metallica's impacts are felt

Which new techniques are these? I remember palm muting and wah pedals but I don't remember distinctly new ones

Do you think specifying which big names would add or subtract from your argument? It might be more distracting than informative

This might have been left in from the editing phase, which I do all the time

I just noticed that earlier in your project, you say 80's, I'm not sure which one is correct but you can adjust accordingly

I noticed that the formatting and line spacing for this page is different than the previous, do you think it'd help to homogenize your page formatting?

I wonder if it'd help your argument to explicitly address the playlist in addition to Master of Puppets in your concluding paragraph

I can definitely see the inspiration from the Illenium article, I think you pulled the style off very well

I feel like you might've switched around from present tense to past tense here

The wordplay here is effective and kept me engaged

I thought at first that Metallica themselves intended all songs they released before Master of Puppets to be contextual, but I'm pretty sure you meant in your playlist. I think adding "in this playlist" here would help clarify

This part was a bit confusing to me. I initially thought that this song is more musically complicated yet still has simplistic lyrics. But then it's also about escapism and ignoring your problems? Is the "its" in its message referencing the song or the playlist? Maybe clarifying the pronouns or reordering the sentences could help

Nic might want us to not use "you" and instead use "the listener" or "one"

I love how descriptive and immersive your introduction is

The way you formatted this with the video underneath looks exactly like how an article would do it, kudos!

The addition of the spotify playlist is so clean and convenient

I think this paragraph really shows a clear connection between Burton and the band in general!

I wonder why you didn't write a biography for Trujillo, did you just want to stick with the originals? Do you think it'd help your argument to add information about Trujillo?

From who? Is it like general public or is it the rest of the band or

Do you know how and why they felt this way? I think it'd be helpful to add if you do have that information

I love the additions of the images of each band member, I think it helps those who are unfamiliar with Metallica

hardest as in hardest to play? Or as in slang hard?

Did this stuff happen because of his Christian Science background?

I feel like this sentence isn't grammatically connected well. You could say "From a young age, he was very musical. He started with piano lessons."

hell yeah

This formatting is actually so clean and cool

Successor in what way? I'm not too familiar with Metallica, did Trujillo have to replace Burton in the band for some reason?

Do you think this page would benefit from having a concluding paragraph? Totally up to you

I think adding "guitarist" before Jimi Hendrix would help readers who are unfamiliar with him

How come you switched to using the first name for Jimi Hendrix? Is he more well known by his first name, like Lebron James?

add a comma after

waaah

How so? I understand the syncopation and palm muting contributes to the unpredictability, but I don't know how to make that connection in my head

I love the embedded video showing what you are writing about

I'm not too familiar with what tight means in a musical context, I wonder if it'd help your argument to define it

Is the Big Four the giants of metal music? I feel like elaborating would help the reader understand further

This paragraph's (and others) point was really clear to me and I felt like you had good logical steps

You could replace the comma with an em dash or colon so it's not a run on sentence

It could be cool to add a hyperlink here too that leads to the timestamp where this riff happens

I enjoy how the ending leaves you with a sense of importance and doom

Who is Rich Burch? I think it'd help the reader's understanding if you added a little descriptor before or after

The hyperlink to genius is super cool! Depending on how much you want to emphasize it, you could underline or make the blue darker since I didn't realize the hyperlink was there at first

I love how engaging your hook is! I could definitely infer the connection but if you'd like to establish a clearer connection you can add a sentence at the end of the paragraph to mention the song in

If "(Remastered)" is part of the official title, then the quotations marks should be around it too

I understand that this point is probably further fleshed out in the rest of your writing, but it felt a little out of the blue to read it suddenly here? I wonder how a little more context can help the reader

I like the way you wrap everything up here and how you separated each point into distinct paragraphs, which makes the flow way smoother

The order of the paragraphs might have been switched which could've caused this, but probably also include "Andy" to first introduce him

It seems like Heritage is the author of the source you are looking into. I wonder if it'd be clearer to say "author Gareth Heritage" or something similar

Is this citation supposed to include the author name too? I'm honestly not sure

I know that you are referring to Metallica, but since you are starting a new paragraph it might be beneficial to reiterate that you're referring to Metallica

This should end with a period but I've always been unsure of citation punctuation if the cited information has punctuation already

I love the flow of this paragraph. With the short and impactful sentences, the way you structured the paragraph almost imitates the content (metal, intense, thrash).

I really enjoyed reading your project, Naya! I thought your points about the song and its message were intriguing and got me thinking. Your central theme of the American Dream throughout the project was very clear to me. The challenging of what that idea means to Del Rey and other people was something I had not thought of before but enjoyed exploring through your writing. Your style of writing is definitely more personal and informal which I enjoyed a lot and felt like I got to know more about the author while reading these pieces of writing. There were occasional grammar things though and I did not comment on them all. Sometimes, a grammar checker like Grammarly helps me catch little things and might help you out too. Your arguments sometimes also felt less supported/like a reach which I feel can be more strongly supported by further elaboration or tracing your logical steps. There were formatting issues as well, but those will be understandably sorted out as the scalar site develops. In terms of the structure of the project, I don't think it was clearly explained in the introduction why you chose this order. I am curious about that and how it can help the reader navigate your site better. I liked the music video that was embedded into one of your pages; it could be cool to incorporate that into your playlist and listening guide too. Content-wise, your focus on the American Dream and the different aspects of it was pretty clear and insightful. I do wonder how your writing would offer a more broad view if you branched out some more and looked at more themes. Overall, your project absolutely gave me a deeper insight into Del Rey's song, the message it intends to deliver, and how it undermines traditional ideas.

How do we do that? I wonder if you have any concrete suggestions for us

Just like how you included personal reactions to the song before, it could be cool to hear your own relationship as youth in this part

I assume this is a lyric from National Anthem, but you do have another Lana song on this playlist, so a more specific citation might be necessary here

It might be helpful to spell this out to possible readers that don't know what POC means

I like all the different facets that you are covering with these songs

amidst?

Is this the American Dream for girls of America? Or does this set of ideals overlap with the common American Dream? It might add to your argument to talk about this possible overlap.

Capitalize

This sentence seems rather long, I think it'd be easier to follow if you split it up a bit

I like this theme a lot!

Here, are you saying the people are bustling in an airport? I think a bit more clarity would help your already descriptive imagery!

devastating........

Hey I couldn't get access to the file so I sent you a request but I totally understand if you already went to bed or something that's my bad!

I love the inclusion of the music video for easy access! It might also be worth considering moving it to the part of your writing where you talk about it so that the reader remembers to open it when it is relevant.

I noticed that the font and spacing here is different from the introduction's, I wonder if you'd like to make them the same

This also seems to be two separate clauses. You can put a period here and start the new sentence to separate these two clauses

Nic might want citations at the end of the sentence rather than in the middle

I like how contractions are being used more when we are getting more personal

I'm not sure if this applies to our project, but it's often more acceptable to say "the listener" or something so that we're not pointing fingers with "you"

It seems like "updated" in this context means a more modern version of the snare drum. Maybe you could make this more clear or elaborate more?

For the sake of the project in scalar, I think we should remove the headings?

Since this is a username, it might have to be italicized or something?

I thought your introduction was really comprehensive and gave me a good idea of what to expect for the rest of your project!

Depending on your audience, you could explain what a sophomore album means

Same idea as my comment on the previous comment: I wonder what it would look like if you either elaborated more or said where you do elaborate more later in your project

I understand the format pasting was funky, I had the same issue, but there should be some indentation in the bibliography

I think it'd provide a sense of direction to the reader if there was a few sentences after this that were more general and wrapped the introduction up

I think Nic told us to rename our assignments to our own titles

It seems that you are elaborating on your previous sentence with this sentence, but I got slightly thrown off by this one. I totally did something similar in my own introduction since it feels like the reader should already know what I'm talking about with my previous writings, but it actually presents a novel idea in a jarring way. Maybe you could add a transition phrase before this to connect the two sentences? Or reevaluate how necessary the sentence is to your points.

I believe this should be something like an em dash or a period since they're two separate clauses (I think that's what a clause is)