The Ute bands interactions with the United States initiallystarted off peaceful during and following wars between the U.S., Mexico and Spain, with the government which allowed them to keep all of their native land as long as they did not leave it withoutpermission, allowed military posts in their country, obeyed the laws and remained peaceful
Sentence is a little long, good info in the sentence, could be explored more.
General Palmer’s dream was in motion but without a constant flux of people traveling intothe areahe would receive little reward and not make a profit
Break up into two sentences, insert a common, or reword.
He would blatantlylie to reporters and strangers about aspects in his life, which would eventually lead to him searching out a man to write a biography, with his help, that misinterpreted and mislead readers.
Like the idea, but could break it up into two sentences, or rearrange current sentence.
What Hoover failsto discuss however, is the negative effects that capitalism had on working people. He fails to discusshow western farmers attributed to the Dust Bowl through destructivefaming techniques. He also fails toaddressthe many poverty-strickencamps, known as Hooverville’snicknamed after him and his failed leadership
Failed on two spots. Could clean up the repeat ‘He’ at the start of the sentences but more of a style choice on that one.
Even though many states, especially in the North, were beginning to abolish slavery those of a different race were not seen as people.
Kind of passive voice, just rearrange, good idea.
comment
Common?
Throughout the 1820s, Georgia worked to remove the Cherokee Indians from land that was granted to them and by 1829, Jackson found himself faced against a serious threat that he had yet to facein his Presidential career.
Could be broken up into two good sentences.
There is no sign of government and law enforcement throughout any of that but instead the only time laws and government is shown is when they come in to end their open range lifestyle and they need to go up against Washington D.C. to practice their statehood and rights.
Good idea, but could make two good sentences from it.
thus
Capitalize
Ransom is literally the eastern lawyer who brings the East alongside him to the west throughhis practice of law, teaching literacy to the towns people, acting as a statehood advocate, and governance
Good conclusion to the paragraph, would just clean it up a bit, a bit clumsy.
Gunfightswere far less civilized and in the real West, Tom Doniphon would have been much closer to land the fatalshot and even if he had managed to shot Liberty Valance from his hiding spot, there would have been witnessesto the shooting.
I love your point about historical gunfighting. The only thing is that this sentence could be reworked to really drive the point home.
distraction
I like your argument, the West being used as a distraction, like slight of hand.
Though they had different methodologies, the two industries focused on using the western land for man gain, but could easily be taken advantage of and the future consequences not card about.
I like the thought behind the sentence, just worded awkwardly.
shows
Make it past tense.
things, governmenta
Put a colon after things, it’s the start of a list.
Milusnic 4Times have changed since these movies were created, there was still a major racial divide that was occurring all over the United States.
Sentence is passive, Could be a very good lead sentence.
Mexicans, Chinese, Russians and the Irish were only trying to survive and createtheir American ideal.
I like how you show that only one side of the equation was concerned with "inferiority of races".
This further worsened race relations as now whites could use this as another justification for their treatment of the Natives and claim that it was merely self-defensemasking the long-termracism and view of the Nativesassavages.
Good idea, sentence is a bit wordy.
Although it was not the primary goal in the West, racismwas systematicand systemic in its expansion
I like the sentence, I would flip the begin and end.
Individual
individual
These ultimately culminated in the Indian tribes losing the land and be relegated to reservations
You could use the the resource rushes, from earlier in the paragraph, more in the creation of the reservation system. This all based on top of racism.
The Mexicans in the West suffered from discrimination due to ideas of whitesuperiority that came from the eastern point of view
I like the direction of the sentence (if that makes sense), but could be rephrased to create a bigger impact.
Race was not somuch about the color of a person’sskin in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuriesin the Westrather race was more aboutthe people you share interests, habits, or characteristics with that defined a person in the West.
If you can, rework the sentence. It kind of wordy, but could be redone to make a good statement..
only thing
Try you rephrase and not use the word only. It’s a small thing but could limit you going forward while writing.
Specht 2019, 35).”2
Double citation, but all we need it the in text citation.
heard
Herd
west
West
west
West
order for the meatpackers to receive the cattle they needed the ranches needed to be successful in raising the cattle, they also had the possibility of the laborers owning their own herds and having yet another source for their product.
Awkward sentence. The info is good, just phrasing.
Reform would increase the price of cattle would help ranchers get more money per head; reform would ensure local butchers would be able to stay in business in competition with large slaughterhouses; reform would ensure the slaughterhouses would have to follow health and ethical regulations; but reform would eventually increase the price of beef for individuals.
Awkward sentence, can probably break it up a bit.
What settlers didn’t realize before heading to find fortune was that the Western frontier was much different than the East.
You could also bring in would the eastern rancher brought with them east as well to the West (politics, etc.) and the merging of the idea sets.
They did so by eliminating a large portion of the Native populations In
Missed punctuation
Bison
You could also mention how economic goods from the bison made fashionable at the time helped add pressure on the buffalo populations.
This is ironic in the modern age to think that ranchers once sought out more government interv
The topic of hypocrisy Is a good overall theme with ranchers and government, especially when beef contracts become highly sought after.
railroads
Railroads also got power from government land tracks. Leading to tension between theses towns and the very thing they need, transport of cattle.
Government intervention was needed, the government shut down large cattle towns to put them on quarantine to stop the spread of disease.
Sentence seems awkward.
Beef
Wanted to say, love the pun.
Expansion into western America has always been funded by the eastern side of America. This is still the case for Beef industry.
You can merge these two sentences together to make it sound better.
east
Capitalize East and West
They moved in to major cities and contracted or took over local butcher shops to ensure that their product would distributed.
Great place for a quote to show this point. Get a personal level on the growth/pains of the meat packing industry.
drovers
Drivers?
(page 2).
Is this a quote? I am confused by the citation.