I thought back to how my parents wouldn't want me putting my life in danger for something that was in the past, and something that is true to history. I know they wouldn't want me to go down like this, and I even thought about my grandparents and the hit on my head by the guy who was after me.
I wanted my character to reflect on his past, and remember what his parents would want him to do, and what he has done to his family, he didn't want to go down that road anymore.
My grandparents cared about me, but did not like what I was doing, but they kept me in that household until I was able to a ford an apartment, and support living by myself. By the time I was able to a ford living by myself was when I was twenty three.
I wanted my character to overcome things that he didn't think would happen to him.
My grandparents did not even know I joined this Holocaust Denial group because I would just say I am going to hang out with some friends from school when I got home, but in reality I was going to meetings and to Miami to express what I believe in.
I wanted to create some sort of representation that my character would do things on his own, and not listen to other people.
At that point I wanted to take a stand and join a Holocaust Denial group, and make new friends their in which I did and I made some friends that supported ideas such as mine
Since he didn't have friends and shared different opinions with the people at his school I wanted my character to go through adversity and make new friends that had the same opinion as him.
one tragic day when I was thirteen years old they went out for their anniversary and were hit a killed by a drunk driver.
I wanted to create some sort of tragedy for my character to deal with.
Yes, it isn't easy to think of only positive feelings when losing someone close, but it's better then being trapped in a depressed pit that can take forever to crawl out of.
Are you able to connect this to your personal life, yes you could connect it to the people that have passed away, but is their something else?
They were both standing over one grave and it started to hit me, that person buried there meant something to them, that person had a impact in there live, it could be anyone but most importantly that person meant a lot to them. We kept driving and i saw another family, but this on was bigger, they where all surrounded one tombstone giving me the same feeling.
I like how you are able to relate this to how you feel like your 7th grade teacher is not gone, but is still with you in some way. And how you can connect with these people and how they are feeling.
regional tournaments.
You repeated this a couple of times now, where are these held, and maybe explain a little more about these regional tournaments.
At first we didn't live in this house we use to live in a small 2 bedroom condo. Honestly living in a condo is one of the worst things in the world. I chose this picture because it represents my life outside of work and school. I love being at home, and I love being with my girlfriend.
Maybe you could go more in depth about why living in a condo was bad.
I live with my girlfriend of 4 years, and her mother. I have been living with them for 3 years now
Why did you guys start living together, and what happened to your parents, did they not like you, or was this a personal decision?
how to improve
what were some of the things he told you to improve on?
except when I messed up.
I feel like you keep repeating this maybe you could go in depth about the things you messed up on at work and why he would not be nice to you if you messed up.
I went through this last year as well and I did not expect to see that and it really was scary. Because I didn't know we had to walk so once we got off I was on edge already and going through this I didn't expect to see anyone because no one was in front of me. But once we passed the hole everyone got freaked out when the actor screamed and we ran to the curse if the bayou.
I kind of feel like you are repeating things here and before these sentences.
She instructs the zombies in the mud pile to rise up and the zombies then start to get up from the mud pile and chase the hayride.
I am confused is this before or after the hayride leaves the closed off area because to me it seems like the queen zombie is supposed to say her lines then the zombies start digging up from the mud, if that is the answer then this should go at the start.
For example, the freak shows have to be behind this tall white structure that was painted to look like the entrance to a circus event. The only other sports that have props, that were made, for show are the zombies in the graveyard and the burning witch.
You could put a picture of each of these things you described here that would be more helpful instead of the reader trying to visualize it.
We also go here to play Improv games, like last week we came here and we got into 4 big circles and we played improv games. Also our costumes and masks, and props are in the backroom of the stage. So we come here to get our costumes and we get dressed and ready for our show.
how does this connect to you though, I feel like you are not talking about yourself as often and how this connects to you, but instead how it connects to a group of people. and you could put a little more detail in here if possible.
I joined the curse of the bayou I was really looking for adventure and when I took those pictures it was a lot easier because I felt a sense of adventure.
I really like how you connected Barthes quote with your own personal take on it, and how you use adventure to take photographs.
They still felt pretty happy but then they have thought about our future and realized that they wanted what was best for the two of us.
I feel like you should add a little background here just to give us a sense of why they were pretty happy, and not really happy.
Her parents had told her that they didn't want her to go to college, and instead start working right away. She would tell me that she was pissed about that decision and always wanted to go into nursing right away.
could you put in a quote her, or something of a background as to why her parents wouldn't let her go into college right away.
Then a couple days later my mom told me she noticed strange cars following her to the park and other places she went. They then all packed up, and headed over here, America.
I really like how you started off this paragraph it was very interesting to read it had me willing to read more, and not lose focus, or turn my attention to something else.
Her overall positive attitude about helping others in need is what makes me want to choose my mom as a hero, and she is my hero.
I feel like both of these traits fit your mom very well as of the career she choose, but it also fits you very well with how positive you are all the time.
Helping people always seemed to be my mom's calling, and as she grew up and went to college she noticed how good she was at this profession and with some motivation from teachers and others in her life she decided to pursue this career. This career that she has chosen makes my mom "feel good, and it truly does make me feel like I have made a difference."
I feel like you repeated the same thing here, but I can see where you are getting at.
She always had a lot that she had to handle but that’s one of my moms best abilities, she can move on with her life and try to do her best even when her environment around her is crazy or hostile.
She was destined to change the way things went on around her with the career she choose.