10 Matching Annotations
  1. Dec 2018
  2. writingdotportfolio.wordpress.com writingdotportfolio.wordpress.com
    Final Portfolio
    5
    1. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018
      He believes that from God, all the joy and beauty of the world flows. He has witnessed how today’s society has strayed away from strong belief and the faith that defined many of the Greatest Generation. He is disapproving of the increasing number of young people who are straying away from religion in general.

      Sixth Paragraph: I changed the closing of this paragraph as it was confusing and made the paragraph seem split in two. I needed to connect the points to make the paragraph work better and be effective.

    2. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018
      When not working, the happiness of my grandfather would only increase as more and more family gather around him.

      Transitions: I edited or created transitions for the some of the paragraphs in order to try and build a strong flow for the paper. Before I had just jumped into the next paragraph and it didn’t seem smooth or help the flow. Paragraphs feel less fragmented after revisions.

    3. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018
      My grandfather continues to practice Christianity passionately and has experienced the power that God can have.

      Removing Paragraph: I removed the paragraph after this on how my grandfather values every possession as it became confusing and made my point unclear. I couldn’t find the wording that made sense with the thought in my head and it made the paragraph a mess.

    4. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018
      These values evident in my grandfather stand as a strong representations for the overall subculture.

      Removing Sentences: I removed a few sentences after this that were basically only expanded repetitions of this sentence. They made the same point in a clustered and over-explained way so I cut them out. This sentence was also moved to the end of the paragraph to fit better.

    5. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018
      Each time his hands felt almost worn down from the countless toils and accomplishments of his life. He is the type of man who could compel anyone to respect him and ignites the feeling that I must learn from his history in order to better myself.

      Introduction Paragraph: I edited these sentences to make the intro clearer and more to the point. Before the sentences felt out of place with the rest of the paragraph. New wording seems to fit better with the flow.

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    writingdotportfolio.wordpress.com/
  3. wordpress.com wordpress.com
    Edit Post ‹ Final Portfolio — WordPress.com
    5
    1. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018

      Sixth Paragraph: I changed the closing of this paragraph as it was confusing and made the paragraph seem split in two. I needed to connect the points to make the paragraph work better and be effective.

    2. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018

      Transitions: I edited or created transitions for the some of the paragraphs in order to try and build a strong flow for the paper. Before I had just jumped into the next paragraph and it didn’t seem smooth or help the flow. Paragraphs feel less fragmented after revisions.

    3. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018

      Removing Paragraph: I removed the paragraph on how my grandfather values every possession as it became confusing and made my point unclear. I couldn’t find the wording that made sense with the thought in my head and it made the paragraph a mess.

    4. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018

      Introduction Paragraph: I edited the first few sentences to make the intro clearer and more to the point. Before the sentences felt out of place with the rest of the paragraph. New wording seems to fit better with the flow.

    5. Mgaresche 08 Dec 2018

      Removing Sentences: I removed a few sentences in the second paragraph that were basically only expanded repetitions of second to last sentence. They made the same point in a clustered and over-explained way so I cut them out. The second to last sentence was also moved from the beginning to end of the paragraph to fit better.

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    wordpress.com/post/writingdotportfolio.wordpress.com/21