Hey Shamara! Really good work on this project. I can tell through your writing that you really care about this song and the personal meaning that it has for you. The song was definitely a nostalgic throwback for me. I think that your writing style is very unique and definitely shines through on this assignment. You did a very good job with “painting the picture” for the reader. All the questions, comments, and analysis were actively engaging with the reader and made me feel like a part of the process. Overall I noticed that while being engaged there were a few times where I felt “thrown” into an argument without context which broke the flow of your writing. I had to pause to figure out where I jumped too. I think that by implementing more introductory topic sentences and context across your writing will strengthen your ability to get the main point across to the reader. Run-on sentences also seemed to be something that I noticed a lot in your writing and I made notes of them when I came across them. When writing something down it's hard to “hear” when we have a run-on sentence. Something I do to fix this is to read it out loud to myself and it helps me catch them. Doing this for all the assignments would only take 30 mins and will dramatically help the flow of your prose. In addition, I made a few comments about the order of paragraphs in your work, however this is not a major concern. These are fixes that are easy to make. Overall, I think your project is heading in the right direction. I am looking forward to hearing your cover of the song when you finish that. I think that it would be interesting to have your cover of the song after the analysis cover review that you did. It is clear that your content was all curated in a way that builds off each other and shows your own personal engagement with the work. A small note about design on the first page, I noticed there are small inspirations pictures/quotes and I think it's better to avoid since they don't feel as relevant. Great work so far! I am excited to see what the final project looks like, especially with the song! Let me know if you have any more questions!

Great work Sophia! I think you did a great job with the draft of this project. The foundations are solid and I really enjoyed getting to read your clever analysis. I particularly enjoyed your final essay and think it was a unique idea. As I was saying, the structure is very good. I didn’t find any major structural changes that needed to be made. Most of my comments were about rearranging the order of sentences within a paragraph rather than the paragraphs as a whole. Topic and concluding sentences were also very strong and were clear about introducing the key points. The main thing that I found was a repeated struggle was sentence structure grammar. There were quite a few places where a subject or verb was missing and I noted it in my annotations whenever I could something like that. In addition, you tended to overly complicate sentences sometimes by adding in comma statements when they would be reworded without them. Whenever possible it is always best to avoid sentences with more than 2 commas. I offered a few rewording suggestions and if you want more let me know. Another small detail that I noticed was your use of words that indicated uncertainty. This is something I struggled with before, however your writing will transform when you remove words like “possible”, “perhaps”, and “maybe” before writing your analysis. I think that the order that you put the assignments in was the right order. The only comment I will make is that I think your playlist project might work better at the end right before the analysis of other taylor songs. In that case you go from the intro to another assignment that is more broadly about the song. As you progress further with the “Live vs Recorded” it becomes more specific and would fit the playlist better. The effort that you placed into working the “flow” of the structure is apparent. With your writing as a whole, you did well with writing pieces that all can connect to the other in some way. There was never a point where I felt lost by your content. I didn’t know much about the song beforehand (despite living in a family of hardcore swifties) and by the end I got to learn about multiple aspects of this. Once again great job and I look forward to seeing how this will improve! :)

Let me know if you want some peer review on the assignment when you get it done. I would be happy to help out :)

Is this what the song is trying to say or what you are trying to say to the reader. I wonder if clarifying the subject/the context helps the sentence fit a bit more with the rest of the paragraph.

The transition from the two songs is really great here!

I wonder what this sentence would sound like if it was moved after the quotes from the song.

I think you do a good job here with mentioning what needs to be said about the song and the summary

This sentence, similar to what I said about the sentence before, is a bit to "on the point"/ too literal. Making a more clean transition between the songs will improve the flow of writing as you go from one song to the next.

This feels a bit too upfront about what its trying to do. I think that you can introduce the idea and the connection without explicitly saying "This connects to the overall theme...". It will sound less like a script and more like a writing flow.

Another comma after "titanum" should be added. (So sorry about all the comma comments)

Overall a very strong topic sentence. Other topic sentences should look at this for a model of what to do.

There should be a comma after "Sia"

This last statement after the comma is a comma splice and should be its own sentence.

Is this also part of the introduction or another separate paragraph. I think that the two are both very similar and content and can be merged together to make one longer but more concise intro paragraph. This will get rid of any repeating words and help the reader get straight to the "playlist" part

Because you use the word hard twice think about changing one of them to another word. I already recommend thesaurus.com

I like how you use a question to start it off. It really paints the picture and is something that many people can relate too (I know I can!)

This can be removed like the other pages before

This paragraph doesn't talk about the cover at all. Because this is a piece of written about the cover I think that you should find some way to tie it into here, especially since its the conclusion. This should be where you wrap up your thoughts, including those about the cover and its comparison.

Great way to end the paragraph/essay

Word choice can be a bit different here. Recommendation: deeply.

This is the second time that you mention "season" and I was wondering if that is because of something the artist said directly or a coincidence. If its something the artist said than put it in quotes and keep it because that can be a cool little gem but if it is just coincidence than, I agree with Sophia, you should probably change.

I like this sentence and think that it should be move further up in the paragraph. All the other things that have been said should be "evidence" for that statement.

I was wondering where you got this informations from. Is it a popular cover with many views and thats how you know the audience engaged or is this something you are drawing from personal experience. Adding support for your evidence can help reinforce what you are saying.

Building off of what Sophia said I think that the comma is a bit confusing. Removing it to be one flowing statement would be best especially since you already use a comma two other times in this sentence. Ex: "...therefore throughout the whole song only the keys and guitar can be heard."

I wonder how this compares to Rachel Platten's version. Does she also use chest/voice for this part? I think that drawing more direct comparisons between the too versions is what will make your argument.

I think this is a great topic sentence and like where it is however is sounds very similar to some of the things that you were saying in the intro. Because I think that, structural, this sentence fits better here its best to revise the intro paragraph to remove some of the more hyper-specific pieces of info to make room for this topic sentence to stand out.

I really like this sentence and what it is trying to say

I like the content of this topic sentence and I think that its a great start to your ideas but noticed that the subject that you are referring to in the sentence is unclear. Are you talking about the metaphors, the article, or the song? Adding in all the key details will make this a strong topic sentence.

Include the authors actual name here. You haven't mentioned it in a while.

Is there and actual data chart? If so I think that it would be very cool if you can find a way to incorporate it into this piece. The visual aspect will not only be a creative twist but also give the reader something to help them understand what it is that you are trying to say.

This word makes your seem unsure about your statement and that takes away from the strength of your argument. I wonder if taking away this word makes it sound more sure and adds power to your prose

Word is in the wrong form. It should be either "lyric means" or "lyrics mean". Both can't be plural in that sense.

I agree with Sophia on this topic but I would take it even a step further by saying that you don't need the commas in the first place: EX "One learns through this research that literary..."

I noticed that you started the last paragraph the same way as this one. Changing the word choice will make the writing less choppy and give it some more "flavor". I wondering you can go straight to the point about what the author is trying to say.

I noticed that this part of the sentence is not necessary. You can make the sentence shorter by removing this part that doesn't add or take away from the meaning. Making the sentence shorts will make the prose more clear.

This sentences has many clauses at one. It make it more clear I wonder if you can reword it to be something more like "their data from Fight Song to go line by line, provide the literary device used, and analyze how it give added meanings to..."

I am honestly a bit lost as to the context of this paragraph. I am unsure where the topic of research came into play. There seems to be a lot of information here that I (as the reader) was not primed to understand. I think that you should look over the paragraph again and see how it flows from the first paragraph to really prep what it is that you want the reader to understand.

I actually disagree with Sophia on this one. I think that this sentence can stay the way it is however I do think that another sentence is needed to introduce how it is used specifically in your song.

I agree with Sophia about adding the article title and author at the start. I would go even further and say that you should write 2-3 sentence about the context of the article before you do the deep dive into your analysis. Context like this is important for people who have never read the article before.

Building off of what Nic said, I think that this source could be well integrated into the 6th paragraph very well.

I think that this source can be integrated somewhere in your 3rd paragraph. Its supporting evidence from another outside source.

I like how you reference a part of your writing here directly. Not only does it draw the reader but its a good way to intro the reader to your work. I think that you should model a similar style in your other "introduction paragraphs" for each piece.

I like how you use the "I" perspective through out this writting piece however I agree with Nic about this choice. I think that its better her to state explicitly what the cover is rather then your emotions/reflect

Who is Caitlin W? I am not super well verse in pop culture so maybe I am just missing a reference. Is W an initial or is there a full last name? Maybe tell us who Caitlin W is.

Starting off this sentence with just "she should not..." feels a bit too informal for this writing. I wonder if adding something at the start of this sentance to add a bit more could help. EX: "The song showed her that she should not give up..."

Like I said about the sentence above this idea is what made the topic sentence of this paragraph flow so well. I think that restating it here is redundant. Omitting it would be best for the flow of the writing.

This is a great topic sentence and transition into the next idea since you ended the last paragraph by saying "our pain has a purpose" and the showing an example here of that purpose.

I noticed that you referred to the song as my song but I think that a reader who is unfamiliar with the connection you have made with this project would interpret it literally as a song that your wrote. I wonder changing it to "Fight Song" would be more clear.

I agree with Nic and Sophia about the location of this paragraph. I think that it would be better open the project with information just about the song. This will be the first thing that someone reads about your project and because of that it should be more general of an intro to the project as a whole. I enjoy the writing of this paragraph.

I think that this is a really cool way to conclude the project since its connected to your themes about empowering other women. Maybe think about add just a small blurb at the begging about the context of this video.

Add verb

I wonder if its better to omit word. I think that this word is strongly neutral in the sense that it would be fine to leave it but slightly better to take it away. If feels a bit awkward to read more than anything else. As the writer its up to you and how you feel about it.

This statement feels thrown on the end over here. You already mention how she did this in fear of not rebounding so I think that this is a redundant statement and can be omitted for clarity.

I noticed that this dependent clause is missing a comma to close it off. You should add one here to make it grammatically correct.

Just want to say that I love this song and that I think it is an excellent fit for this theme

I wonder if this should be two sentances. It might be better to split it.

I noticed that you used a really long quote here. I wonder if citing it as a block quote would be better for the reader to understand that the whole thing is a quote and not get lost by thinking its your writing.

remove the uppercase, make lowercase

This is a design idea, but I think that it would be cool if you can find a way to link that part of the song to this part of the page. I am sure that scalar has a way to internally hyperlink it.

I noticed that it wasn't stated explicitly here who would have looked down upon her for finding her own happiness. For clarity, I would consider add a subject here for the reader's context.

I noticed the clause in commas and think that I would make your prose flow better if that was reworded. EX: "In this lyric Swift describes a..."

I don't think that the "run" at the end of the sentence is necessary. I think that it would be better to omit or expand upon it. As of now it feel a bit placed in there.

Better word choice sudgestion: career

I noticed that you used the word "would" here and was wondering if that is what you meant to put. Would implies that she was was not a subject to those attitudes but could have been. Is that what the lyrics are saying or are they saying something else.

I noticed that you have two and's back to back. I wonder if you could change that in to two sentances

Change the tense to past tense, was

This is a really cool idea. Definitely keep :)

I noticed that you used the wrong version of the word here. I wonder if you meant to say "viewed as ironic".

Forgot to omit? comma instead would be the correct thing to have

Incomplete sentence. Maybe change it to something like: "despite her partners perception of their control in the relationship, the previous line..."

I noticed that this sentence is incomplete. I wondering if it would make it more clear to look over it again and figure out what it is you are trying to say. You start off by saying "Also, the idea of ..." but never go on to explain what the idea was.

I noticed that you put this in parentheses. This is a strong statement that I think would work well as its own sentence. I wonder if you can also expand on this analysis because I have a feeling you are on to something really good :)

Great connection to the lyrics.

I noticed that the tense here is not grammatically correct. I believe that it should be "use" to match the verb "toy" before.

I noticed that the "it" here is unclear. The lyrical line? You definitely have room to make the statement more specific.

I agree with Annalisa, I think you did a great job a making a clear connection between the line of the lyric that you look at and the analysis that you have below. Creative "Genius.com" styled project idea!

I noticed that the comma placement here feels abrupt. I wonder how that would change if you changed the sentence slightly to eliminate the need for the comma. EX: "space to allow the audience to validate her feelings through the (add how they did that here)...."

I really like how you structured this essay. Having the two different versions of the song separate the paragraphs is a really smart idea that goes well visually as well as with the flow.

I noticed that wording her is a bit confusing. I wonder how the writing will flow is you changed the wording here a bit. Maybe find a word choice that is more formal than "poke fun".

I don't think that the "In conclusion" is a necessary addition to this paragraph. Leaving it the way it is might sound more clear.

This is such a good point that it makes me sad to see it at the end :( I think that it can be spilt into two parts. I would like to see you mention it at the beginning to introduce the idea and then maybe expand upon it later.

I noticed that this is also a run on sentence. It can be split into two parts at this point: "...themselves in Swift's lyrics. It allows Swift..."

I think I made a comment about something like this before but I noticed that sometimes you use words that indicate you are unsure in your writing. It would make your prose stronger if you eliminated those words. EX. "The lack of extravagance and theatrics is clearly and intentional decision on Swift's part..." Good ideas deserve strong words for them to be heard :)

I noticed that this sentence is very long. I wonder is there is a way to cut it down without losing all the important details. I think on place you can start is by removing the part in parentheses. It does give a supporting anecdote but you already mention the "big props, sparkling dresses, and a level of extravagance" which is enough to paint the picture for the reader.

What makes it that way? I know I experience the same thing with my writing where I wrote about something so many times that the ideas become obvious to me. Based on your other pieces I think you are talking about the idea that the fun tune takes away from the serious lyrics, however the reader would only be hearing about this for the 2nd time and I think that its better to restate that claim again for clarity.

I agree with Annalisa on this. You made a really clever connection. Its also a good hook that gets the reader engaged. I feel like I want to learn more.

I really like what you did with this argument. Because of that I think that it would be better to move it up in the writing piece as a whole. I think that putting it at the end is strong in its own why but to really engage the reader with this meaningful analysis, it would be better that have it closer to the start of the "2nd half" of the piece.

Building off my comment from before, I think that the last part of your last paragraph (what I highlighted and down) should be merged with this paragraph since they disscuse the same topic.

I noticed that this is an idea that feel a bit separate from the topic sentence. I wonder what it would sound like if this became its own paragraph/subsection.

I like how you use a question to start off this paragraph.

Change to comma

Which lyric? Are you talking about the one about Leo? If so I think it got also between the other piece of analysis that you put in there and should be restated. If not than I think its best that you cite the lyric. I wonder if adding the piece about Kobayashi's bias later on in the paragraph would make it flow better.

I think its really cool that you also included your own analysis of how Kobayashi's tone changed. Its not something usually picked up on, so its a really unique piece of insight.

I agree with Annalisa. Is she publicly endorsing political groups? Social movements? Ideologies?

I noticed that you use this word a lot (twice in this sentence) I would recommend looking at thesaurus.com for some alternate words.

A bit of a run on. Try to split it into two sentences. I think the best place to do this would be after "The Man" E.X. ..."The Man". The #MeToo movement also happens to be significant to Swift because in 2013...."

I really like this point but it feels somewhat incomplete. After reading this I feel inspired to read more however the paragraph ends here (its a good thing to have a good idea!). I wonder how moving the sentence up in the paragraph would change that. If you feel strongly about where it is right now, I would recommend that you write a bit more to expand on the idea.

This is a very strong sentence. Its a very good transition from one idea to another.

Word choice. The verb "forces" feels a bit too strong in this context. Do Walker and Kaufman actually "force" him? I think that it would make more sense to use a softer verb here.

I noticed the wording here is a bit confusing. I am a bit unclear about that it is that you are trying to say. I think that you should change the wording here to make the prose more clear.

I love love this sentence! Its a really good concluding thoughts and that includes imagery. Great job

Do you have a source for this that you can cite?

I think this should be put in quotes just make it more clear that its more of a thought than official writing.

Comma here for the pause

Subject missing. Right now it sounds like the artist is being the one included. If you can shift around the sentence than maybe it would reflect what you are trying to say better.

I don't remember you mentioning this before. As someone who is familiar with TS I know what who "swifties" are but the reader might not be. Consider adding a little note/sentence in your writing to help the reader understand what that means

Italics here to indicate album name

I think this sentence is really clever. I like the "personality" that it adds to your writing. Its a great way to engage the reader.

I see what you are trying to say here. Is it supposed to be one of the terms that perpetuate toxic masculinity? If so, then maybe put it in quote to match the other two. If not, than make it its own sentence.

Word choice could be clearer. Suggestions: through? by? with?

Missing a subject here. Did you mean to put a comma here instead of a period? If not make sure to add a subject so the reader knows what you are talking about and so that it is grammatically sound

Very strong topic sentence! You can make it stronger by making it active.

I noticed that the grammar w/ the commas in this sentence is a bit off, mainly with the part "that the storyline was incoherent, and lacks the overall ...". I don't know what grammatical term this is but I think you are missing a subject for the statement after the "and". You have Lover - "doing too much", storyline - incoherent, and then you just have lacks for the last part with out explicitly saying what it lacks. Try adding a subject there. (sorry for the long comment)

I agree with Annalisa about making the verb choice more clear. I wonder what it would look like if you started the sentence off by listing the songs and then saying that they were all released as a part of the album Lover. Ex. ""MAHP” “The Man,” and “YNTD” are all tracks on Lover, ...."

Remember what I said earlier about sounding unsure. I wonder if you could make a similar edit here. Ex "Swift rebellion against her management was..."

I noticed that you used a comma here. I wondering if using a period you be better. The two statements feel like they should stand alone. Small edit :)

I wonder if using a different verb here would work better with what you are trying to say in the sentence.

I noticed that you added "not necessarily" to this sentence which makes your prose wound unsure. Believe in your statement and stand by it! (Because its really good!!). You are the "professional" on this topic so removing words that make you sound unsure only makes you sound even more professional. Don't let small words like those take away from what you have to say.

I think that you meant that it isn't the first Taylor Swift song to deal with those topics. I wonder if adding that eliminate confusion around the details.

I like the location/place in the argument that you decided to incorporate this piece of evidence. I also agree with Nic that active voice would sound better here. In addition, mentioning the author when using the active voice would be more clear. Ex "(Name of Author) reveals in (his/her/their) article, 'A Satirical Approach to Feminism', that Swift...".

I really like what you are trying to say in this sentence. The argument that you are trying to make is clear. I noticed that it was a bit long and wonder if breaking it into two sentences could help it sound less like a run-on.

I noticed that if first read this I thought that you were talking about the year 1989 and not the album 1989. Because you are bringing in a lot of historical information I wonder if it would be better to mention "in her album 1989" or italicizes it.

The music video? It might be better to explicitly state what is "solidified" here.

You switch up the sentence "structure" here which disrupts the flow of prose. One part is "as those who want" and the "listeners who don't to". Its a bit complicated to explain what exactly is "wrong" about this sentence but by matching the two statements draws the comparison and also fixes the flow. I think the comma does not need to be there. Either find a way to spit the sentence or mend it together.

What kind of space? Why does it fit in the album? I wonder if more context here would strengthen your argument. Is the rest of the album of the same genre? Just a few more words could add a great deal to the tone of your writing by demonstrating expertise.

I noticed that this statement is repeated in a similar way at the end of the sentence. I think that it would be best to cut that statement here, because the point I believe you are trying to make it about Taylor's vocals.

I noticed that you mentioned 4th twice in the sentence. I wonder if there is something that I am missing? Is there a difference between "the fourth singled released from lover" and "fourth track overall"? If you could clarify what you mean (if there is a difference) or omit one it would help with the flow of your prose.

I think that this is definitely important how I think that giving a few examples of a few others artist who have done the same in the intro could help the reader get a better understanding of the context. As a reader, I would appreciate some comparison to base my understand on.

I noticed that this lead up into this answer to your question took away from the power of the statement. I would recommend starting off the sentence with "Taylor Swift's....". You could add that statement at a later point if you feel strongly about its context.

I agree with Nic. I also noticed that the second part of this question is a wordy and hard to follow however I think that it raises a really cool question for the reader. I really enjoy how you start off with a question and definitely think that this should stay. I wonder you could cut the second question done in a way that cuts straight to the point. Ex. "What does it mean for music to evolve pasts the realm of entertainment and into the field of ...."