Having no access to politicalbargaining or the making of decisions, they find their original conception that the world of power issinister and malicious fully confirmed. T
disempowerment contributes to conspiracy belief
Having no access to politicalbargaining or the making of decisions, they find their original conception that the world of power issinister and malicious fully confirmed. T
disempowerment contributes to conspiracy belief
in fact the paranoid mind is far morecoherent than the real world
it makes connections between EVERYTHING, even if they are forced
Paranoid writing begins with certain broad defensible judgments.
This is one reason why people get led into these beliefs
Catholics and Mormons—later, Negroes and Jews—have lent themselves to a preoccupation with illicitsex.
Sorry for the racism and anti-Semitism here - not uncommon for the 60s, unfortunately
The enemy is clearly delineated: he is a perfect model of malice, a kind of amoral superman—sinister,ubiquitous, powerful, cruel, sensual, luxury-loving. Unlike the rest of us, the enemy is not caught in thetoils of the vast mechanism of history, himself a victim of his past, his desires, his limitations. He wills,indeed he manufactures, the mechanism of history, or tries to deflect the normal course of history in anevil way. He makes crises, starts runs on banks, causes depressions, manufactures disasters, and thenenjoys and profits from the misery he has produced
black and white, or "Manichean" thinking
The paranoid spokesman sees the fate of conspiracy in apocalyptic terms—he traffics in the birth anddeath of whole worlds, whole political orders, whole systems of human values.
the other articles also highlight this issue: conspiracy belief is grounded in overly simplistic, black-and-white narratives with no grey area
The basic elements of contemporary right-wing thought can be reduced to three: First, there has been thenow-familiar sustained conspiracy, running over more than a generation, and reaching its climax inRoosevelt’s New Deal, to undermine free capitalism, to bring the economy under the direction of thefederal government, and to pave the way for socialism or communism. A great many right-wingers wouldagree with Frank Chodorov, the author of The Income Tax: The Root of All Evil, that this campaign beganwith the passage of the income-tax amendment to the Constitution in 1913.The second contention is that top government officialdom has been so infiltrated by Communists thatAmerican policy, at least since the days leading up to Pearl Harbor, has been dominated by men whowere shrewdly and consistently selling out American national interests.Finally, the country is infused with a network of Communist agents, just as in the old days it wasinfiltrated by Jesuit agents, so that the whole apparatus of education, religion, the press, and the massmedia is engaged in a common effort to paralyze the resistance of loyal Americans
Here, Hofstadr analyzes right-wing conspiracism of the 60s. The features he outlines aren't as accurate for today, but it gives a snapshot of an earlier time. Anti-communism rhetoric isn't as powerful today as it used to be.
Any historian of warfare knows it is ingood part a comedy of errors and a museum of incompetence; but if for every error and every act ofincompetence one can substitute an act of treason, many points of fascinating interpretation are open tothe paranoid imagination.
It is easier to imagine that someone is control of these events rather than acknowledging that they are a combination of chance, incompetence, selfishness, bureacracy, etc.
t the modern right wing, as Daniel Bell has put it, feels dispossessed: America has been largelytaken away from them and their kind, though they are determined to try to repossess it and to prevent thefinal destructive act of subversion.
This is a way to understand the paranoid style. It doesn't mean that we need to accept that they are right, and that no changes to society should be made, but it does illuminate the psychological pressures at play
Why They Feel Dispossessed
This is key: Hofstadr, after demonstrating all the different forms of this desperate paranoid style and fear, discusses how feeling disempowered and out of control can lead to such beliefs
The author,who purported to have escaped from the Hotel Dieu nunnery in Montreal after five years there as noviceand nun, reported her convent life in elaborate and circumstantial detail. She reported having been told bythe Mother Superior that she must “obey the priests in all things”; to her “utter astonishment and horror,”she soon found what the nature of such obedience was. Infants born of convent liaisons were baptized andthen killed, she said, so that they might ascend at once to heaven.
The anti-Catholic paranoia (and to be clear, there most certainly has been abuse in the Catholic church - but that's not what is under discussion here) is similar to the "Satanic Panic" of the 1980s and Qanon paranoia now (children being eaten etc)
Anti-Catholicism has always been the pornography of the Puritan. Whereas the anti-Masons hadenvisaged drinking bouts and had entertained themselves with sado-masochistic fantasies about the actualenforcement of grisly Masonic oaths,[1] the anti-Catholics invented an immense lore about libertinepriests, the confessional as an opportunity for seduction, licentious convents and monasteries.
in both these cases, there's a pleasure people take in imagining the awful things an "outsider" group does - and being able to condemn them for it
“It is an ascertained fact,” wrote another Protestant militant, “that Jesuits are prowling about all parts ofthe United States in every possible disguise,
A feature of conspiracy belief is the desire for certainty. We see this echoed in statements using the paranoid style - like this one. "It is an ascertained fact" -- says who? Where does he get this fact?
Moreover, we need not dismiss out of hand as totally parochial ormean-spirited the desire of Yankee Americans to maintain an ethnically and religiously homogeneoussociety nor the particular Protestant commitments to individualism and freedom that were brought intoplay. But the movement had a large paranoid infusion, and the most influential anti-Catholic militantscertainly had a strong affinity for the paranoid style
another careful distinction: we can accept that certain groups endorse certain values and should be free to do so, but the "paranoid infusion" damages the societal health overall
Fear of a Masonic plot had hardly been quieted when the rumors arose of a Catholic plot againstAmerican values. One meets here again the same frame of mind, but a different villain.
the next target of the paranoid style: Catholicism
Anti-Masons were not content simply to say that secret societies were rather a badidea.1 The author of the standard exposition of anti-Masonry declared that Freemasonry was “not only themost abominable but also the most dangerous institution that ever was imposed on man. . . . It may trulybe said to be Hell’s master piece
note the difference between a reasonable critique and the paranoid style (characteristic of conspiracy theories)
Certain elements of truth and reality there may have been in these views of Masonry. What must beemphasized here, however, is the apocalyptic and absolutistic framework in which this hostility wascommonly expressed
There WERE elements of truth in the concern about Masons undercutting the regular processes of law and order in order to help out one another. However, the paranoid style of expression heightened and exaggerated these concerns to a ridiculous degree
Since Masons were pledged to come to each other’s aid under circumstances of distress, and to extendfraternal indulgence at all times, it was held that the order nullified the enforcement of regular law
paranoid extension of the basic feature of the Masonic organizations
At first, this movement may seem to be no more than an extension or repetition of the anti-Masonic theme sounded in the outcry against the Bavarian Illuminati.
this section distinguishes between anti-masonic sentiment and anti-illuminati sentiment
The association, he thought, was formed “for theexpress purpose of rooting out all religious establishments, and overturning all the existing governmentsof Europe.” It had become “one great and wicked project fermenting and working all over Europe.” Andto it he attributed a central role in bringing about the French Revolution. He saw it as a libertine, anti-Christian movement, given to the corruption of women, the cultivation of sensual pleasures, and theviolation of property rights.
the paranoid conspiracizing about Illuminism takes a basic principle of the movement (rationalism) and extends it in an unreasonable way (from rationalism to persecution of anyone who's religious etc)
s teachings today seem to be no more than another version ofEnlightenment rationalism, spiced with the anticlerical atmosphere of eighteenth-century Bavaria. It wasa somewhat naïve and utopian movement which aspired ultimately to bring the human race under therules of reason. Its humanitarian rationalism appears to have acquired a fairly wide influence inMasonic lodges.
defining the early form of Illuminism
begin with a particularly revealing episode
note how he often begins sections with an example (a low level) rather than an abstract concept. This is because a speech requires this kind of attention-grabbing moment in order to keep the audience on track and engaged.
In the history of the United States one find it, for example,in the anti-Masonic movement, the nativist and anti-Catholic movement, in certain spokesmen ofabolitionism who regarded the United States as being in the grip of a slaveholders’ conspiracy, in manyalarmists about the Mormons, in some Greenback and Populist writers who constructed a great conspiracyof international bankers, in the exposure of a munitions makers’ conspiracy of World War I, in thepopular left-wing press, in the contemporary American right wing, and on both sides of the racecontroversy today, among White Citizens’ Councils and Black Muslims. I
low-level examples of groups that employ the paranoid style
Here
Below he gives several specific examples of paranoid style. Review these quotations and see if you can pick out vocabulary that illustrates this style
. But nothing really prevents a sound program or demand from being advocated in theparanoid style
style is different from content - the paranoid style is a mode of communication that can be used for any cause
Butbehind this I believe there is a style of mind that is far from new and that is not necessarily right-wing. Icall it the paranoid style simply because no other word adequately evokes the sense of heatedexaggeration, suspiciousness, and conspiratorial fantasy that I have in mind. In using the expression“paranoid style” I am not speaking in a clinical sense, but borrowing a clinical term for other purposes. Ihave neither the competence nor the desire to classify any figures of the past or present as certifiablelunatics. In fact, the idea of the paranoid style as a force in politics would have little contemporaryrelevance or historical value if it were applied only to men with profoundly disturbed minds. It is the useof paranoid modes of expression by more or less normal people that makes the phenomenon significant.
Key point here - and it is right at the beginning (this is a speech, so typical essay organization doesn't always apply)
Goldwater movement
Not sure what something like this means? Make sure you look it up!
November 1964
Cultural and historical context is important here - McCarthyism and "witch hunts" (red scare)
Kathryn Olmsted, a historian of conspiracy theories, takes a differ-ent approach to the problem. She suggests that the best way to reducethe surge in conspiracy theories impacting modern societies, particularlythe United States, is for the government to be more transparent.
possible way to mitigate extreme beliefs
The strange ideas of junk knowledge are largely a product of modern-ism and mass society.
mass communication in modern society has enabled the rapid growth and spread of weird beliefs
The attractions of believing in conspiracy theories come down tothree basic desires.
connect to the Douglas article in the textbook
ow is it that many people apparently feel so free to dismiss expertknowledge along with the facts and science that underpin such know-ledge?
Rhetorical questions like these are often very effective in public-facing writing, and sometimes even in academic writing. However, when you're building your academic, analytical skills, you should avoid relying on (or even using) rhetorical questions. They tend to allow the writer to avoid making an argument. Once your argumentative skills are strong, you can break this rule and use rhetorical questions judiciously.
Dunning-Kruger effect
recall from "The Death of Expertise"
Festinger concluded thatmany people experiencing cognitive dissonance will do whatever it takesto reduce the stress, even if it means ignoring the conflicts between real-ity and their beliefs and behaviour
our desire to avoid pain and increase pleasure is powerful
When people become adherents of a dubious belief, they frequentlyrun into a problem. Events in the world of reality do not continually con-firm their belief system and they suffer from cognitive dissonance.
what happens when even with confirmation bias, we cannot match up observable reality with what we believe? Cognitive dissonance!
Michael Shermer describes a wide variety of subsets of confirmationbias.
provides greater detail regarding different forms of confirmation bias
Certainly, strange ideas have always been present in human societies;our innate behaviours of patternicity and agenticity ensure that connectingthe dots of perception and experience will continue unabated. These alsomean that sometimes those dots will be connected incorrectly and falselyincorporated into some people’s belief-dependent realities. When thattype of connection occurs, another aspect of human cognition appears –confirmation bias.
Here, the author connects the points he's made so far and adds a new one - confirmation bias
All of these information outlets also served as gatekeepers in termsof the nature and type of information that was presented to the public
Remember Nichols discussing this in "The Death of Expertise"? Gatekeeping can have an important function, although it can also marginalize perspectives that are valid and important.
To a very great extent, the information cultures of these societieswere fairly homogeneous. It was that homogeneity that helped to createand sustain a consensus reality. This situation remained stable until theadvent of cable television and the Internet made hundreds of televisionchannels and billions of websites available
Changes in the range and quality of news sources available changes the perception of reality - changes what we find truth consensus in
All of us have our own belief-dependent reality, which is based on ourpersonal experiences, our cultural environment and our access to infor-mation.
Perspective, background, and personal situation all contribute to belief
good example of connecting dotsin an ultimately meaningless way is ley lines. New Age believers claimthat the Earth is sprinkled with places that possess a mystical energy,such as the Great Pyramid of Giza, Stonehenge and Uluru, along witha host of similar places. These sites are not randomly distributed. Theyactually form a pattern or grid that reflects some unexplained or other-wise undetectable supernatural phenomenon, or some sort of ancient alienmapping or energy-generating system that connected flying saucer landin
Low level
Human brains strive to connect the dots. Shermer calls this process‘patternicity’. Furthermore, humans try to invest these patterns with asignificance, a purpose and an agency. He calls this process ‘agenticity’
High level
An example that Shermer uses is the scenario in which an earlyhuman is on the ground foraging for food. The human notices sounds,sights and smells coming from a nearby clump of vegetation, indicatingthat a large predator may be lying in wait to pounce on an unsuspectingvictim. So, the cautious human prey climbs into the safety of the closesttree. If there really is a lion hiding in the bush, it was a life-saving decision.If the rustling of the bushes was caused by a breeze, the interruption offoraging causes no real harm. The brain is programmed to look for thesetypes of sensory patterns as a survival mechanism. Some of the patterns aremeaningful and lead to accurate and useful assessments. Often, however,the brain discerns a pattern that is not really there and is not meaning-ful. A common example from everyday life is when people see images inthe cloud
Low levels to illustrate the high level concepts
None of this,however, explains why people stubbornly persist in error when they areconfronted with indisputable facts that are manifestly to the contrary ofwhat they believe. Many people find this phenomenon of stubborn persist-ence in error to be perplexing and even quite troubling. We ask, how canthey continue to do that? The answer apparently is that there is a complexcombination of causes for such behaviour that involves evolutionary biology,cognitive psychology, social psychology, socialization, culture and religion.
Identifying the research question and the answer this article will provide. However, as you can see from the lack of citations and the very broad thesis here, this is NOT an academic argument. This is an article for a public audience, and it's intended to explain a confusing phenomenon to us.
Some might say that people believe strange things because theyare stupid. While that might be true in some cases, it is obviousthat many intelligent people believe in some rather quirky and irrationalideas
This idea, that people who have "irrational" beliefs are stupid, is one of the main concepts that research into conspiracy belief has been forced to combat. Low intelligence is not the primary cause of irrational belief systems. Think about the way information around us is now mediated and organized, and how this affects our perception of truth and our ability to process information in general.
They should simply be allowed to compete.
free market capitalism is the premise under which these recommendations operate
at Is To Be Done
suggested specific actions
In the process, we should drive AI into our economy and society as fast and hard as we possibly can, inorder to maximize its gains for economic productivity and human potential.This is the best way both to offset the real AI risks and to ensure that our way of life is not displaced bythe much darker Chinese vision
a pretty powerful final point, if you want to get your reader's emotional investment
, it is also being developed by theCommunist Party of the People’s Republic of China.
This is meant to make us feel afraid
And so, second, let’s mount major efforts to use AI for good, legitimate, defensive purposes. Let’s put AIto work in cyberdefense, in biological defense, in hunting terrorists, and in everything else that we do tokeep ourselves, our communities, and our nation safe.
Good point -- but I do think low level examples of how this could be put in practice (and surely it must require some sort of AI regulation) needs to be here
Well, there’s another way to preventsuch actions, and that’s by using AI as a defensive tool.
I think his point here is a valid one (although I'm reminded of the inaccurate cliche "The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun")
Technology is a tool. Tools, starting with fire and rocks, can be used todo good things – cook food and build houses – and bad things – burn people and bludgeon people. Anytechnology can be used for good or bad. Fair enough. And AI will make it easier for criminals, terrorists,and hostile governments to do bad things, no question.
the argument he is making here is similar to arguments made in favour of gun ownership (and against gun control)
Marx was wrong then, and he’s wrong now
I'm not saying that Marx was right about everything, but I think more economic sources are needed to corroborate Andresseen's response
l everyone on the planet can afford them
BUT THEY CAN'T
Won’t that result inmassive and crippling wealth inequality, as the owners of AI reap all the economic rewards and regularpeople get nothing?
a good question
These are such mindblowing ideas for people who have not been exposed to them that it may take yousome time to wrap your head around them. But I swear I’m not making them up – in fact you can read allabout them in standard economics textbooks. I recommend the chapter The Curse of Machinery63 inHenry Hazlitt’s Economics In One Lesson, and Frederic Bastiat’s satirical Candlemaker’s Petition to blotout the sun due to its unfair competition with the lighting industry, here modernized for our times
Note that we don't have contemporary research here, just these books written well before the hellscape of late stage capitalism, where the vast majority of workers have had wages that barely keep up with inflation while CEO's wages from 1978 until now have increased by 1200% (according to the Economic Policy Institute)
technology empowers people to be more productive. This causes the prices for existinggoods and services to fall, and for wages to rise
there has been clear evidence that when prices fall, wages do not necessarily rise. Lack of corporate regulation means that shareholders are looking for those profits. Are his sources in this section adequate for the big claims he is making?
The core mistake the automation-kills-jobs doomers keep making is called the Lump Of Labor Fallacy.59This fallacy is the incorrect notion that there is a fixed amount of labor to be done in the economy at anygiven time, and either machines do it or people do it – and if machines do it, there will be no work forpeople to do.
he identifies a fallacy at work here, which is an effective move
We’ve been through two such technology-driven unemployment panic cycles in our recent past –the outsourcing54 panic of the 2000’s, and the automation55 panic of the 2010’s. Notwithstanding manytalking heads, pundits, and even tech industry executives56 pounding the table throughout both decadesthat mass unemployment was near, by late 2019 – right before the onset of COVID – the world had morejobs at higher wages than ever in history
More historical precedent to support his point that the fear is for nothing
Alignment withwhat?39 Human values. Whose human values?40 Ah, that’s where things get tricky
This is a good point. Defining a high level concept like "human values" is fraught with difficulty
The AI risk cult has all the hallmarks of a millenarian apocalypse cult.From Wikipedia, with additions by me:“Millenarianism is the belief by a group or movement [AI risk doomers] in a coming fundamentaltransformation of society [the arrival of AI], after which all things will be changed [AI utopia, dystopia,and/or end of the world]. Only dramatic events [AI bans, airstrikes on datacenters, nuclear strikes onunregulated AI] are seen as able to change the world [prevent AI] and the change is anticipated to bebrought about, or survived, by a group of the devout and dedicated. In most millenarian scenarios, thedisaster or battle to come [AI apocalypse, or its prevention] will be followed by a new, purified world [AIbans] in which the believers will be rewarded [or at least acknowledged to have been correct all along].”This apocalypse cult pattern is so obvious that I am surprised more people don’t see it.
This use of an edited Wikipedia entry is fascinating to me. What do you think of it? What about his final statement? This verges on circular reasoning
generates apocalypse cults
this is true -- does this analogy work for you?
And the reality, which is obvious to everyone in the Bay Area but probably not outside of it, is that “AIrisk” has developed30 into31 a cult,32 which has suddenly emerged into the daylight of global pressattention and the public conversation.
Is this a claim that is specific, realistic, and narrow?
My response is that their position is non-scientific – What is the testable hypothesis? What would falsifythe hypothesis? How do we know when we are getting into a danger zone?26 These questions go mainlyunanswered apart from “You can’t prove it won’t happen!” In fact, these Baptists’ position is so non-scientific and so extreme
He accuses the other side of being non-scientific. Does his argument demonstrate a better grounding in scientific thinking?
Some ofthese true believers are even actual20 innovators21 of the technology
this makes their voices more credible, but how is Andreeseen discrediting them here?
My view is that the idea that AI will decide to literally kill humanity is a profound category error.
what is Piper's response to this kind of statement?
deeply coded into our culture
historical precedent for fear of tech
First, a short description of what AI is
Definition of AI. Piper's article does this as well. Which definition do you think is most effective for a general reading audience?
Bootleggers” are the self-interested opportunists who stand to financially profit by theimposition of new restrictions,
The Bootleggers are those corporations who support regulating AI only in order to secure some sort of monopoly on the market.
We should considerthe arguments of both the Baptists and the Bootleggers on their merits
He's addressing the opposing sides, which is a good thing to do when you're making an argument
So in practice, even when the Baptists are genuine – and even when the Baptists are right – they are usedas cover by manipulative and venal Bootleggers to benefit themselves
Note that this argument basically leaves no room for successfully and ethically restricting AI. Is this a false dilemma?
stunning example of this
he gives a low-level example to illustrate this general trend
Baptists” are the true believer social reformers who legitimately feel – deeply andemotionally, if not rationally – that new restrictions, regulations, and laws are required toprevent societal disaste
the "Baptists" are against AI for what they see as ethical reasons that protect society
The Baptists And Bootleggers Of A
In this section he uses an analogy. Do you think this analogy is fitting for the situation?
Historically, every new technology that matters, from electric lighting to automobiles to radio to theInternet, has sparked a moral pani
He provides historical precedent here for fear of new technology - a very effective argumentative move
claims that AI will variously kill us all, ruin our society, take all our jobs, cause cripplinginequality, and enable bad people to do awful things
Hmm, this sounds like crazy people talking - but who is claiming this? Does he tell us?
a5
review his sources, as you did with Piper's
infinitel
the word "infinite" is used A LOT here. Why? What is the power of this word?
n our new era of AI:
He provides a Utopian vision of a world with AI everywhere. Does this vision make you excited for the possibilities of AI? Is he relying on logos, pathos, or ethos here? Or a combination?
What AI offers us is the opportunity to profoundly augment human intelligence to make all of theseoutcomes of intelligenc
First establishes the value of human intelligence and then frames AI as a supplement to human intelligence - not something that will take it over
Why AI Can Make Everything We Care About Better
making a confident and reassuring statement - no question mark here. Pathos?
A shorter description of what AI isn’t:
this question pairs with the previous - the contrast draws attention between perceptions of AI and the reality of AI.
Do you think Andresseen is "straw manning" anti-AI folks here?
boy are people freaking out.
Notice we start with a pretty informal tone - almost like he's having a conversation with us
by Marc Andreessen
Look up the author. Job, education, personal biases? If you don't know what a venture capital firm is, look up that as well
So, yes, AI can share our values — and transform our world for the good. We just need to solve a veryhard engineering problem first
She provides a glimmer of hope
But the AI’s values will be built around whatever goal system it was initiallybuilt around, which means it won’t suddenly become aligned with human values if it wasn’t designedthat way to start with
She's making a claim here but not citing support for it - however, since this idea is introduced earlier, check to see if she cites support for it back then
?
Current actions being taken
?
Historical precedent is provided in this section. This is one kind of evidence that is often appropriate to use.
For example, we tried to teach AI organisms in a simulation tojump, but we did it by teaching them to measure how far their “feet” rose above the ground. Instead ofjumping, they learned to grow into tall vertical poles and do flips36 — they excelled at what we weremeasuring, but they didn’t do what we wanted them to do
Good low level example of how AI will pursue its goal even if the method doesn't reflect what the human wanted it to do
top AI researcher and OpenAI cofounder Ilya Sutskeve
Pay attention to the kinds of sources Piper uses
And deep learning, unlike previous approaches to AI, is highly suited to developing generalcapabilities.
Note that in non-academic articles like this one, it is common to have single sentences function as paragraphs in this way - often to make a strong point. In an academic piece, this wouldn't be appropriate. Academic articles require fully developed paragraphs throughout
— AIsystems that learned how to play strategy games,19 generate fake photos of celebrities,20 foldproteins,21 and compete in massive multiplayer online strategy games22 —
Low-level examples to illustrate the point of this paragraph about the rapidity of technological development
n?
Each section is a question. What do you think of this strategy when it comes to presenting an argument? Piper is anticipating and answer questions that the reader will likely have - does this make her argument more effective?
Our AI progress so far has enabled enormous advances — and has also raised urgent ethical questions.
Good example of a high-level topic sentence that identifies one of the main tensions/cruxes at the heart of this issue
The conversation about AI is full of confusion, misinformation, and people talking past each other —in large part because we use the word “AI” to refer to so many things.
We need to have common, agreed-upon definitions before we can have a fruitful conversation about this issue
What is AI?
After her introduction, she defines AI. Do you find this an effective way to begin her argument?
ttps://www.bbc.com/news/technology-30290540
Look up the footnotes. Some are peer-reviewed articles, some are not. However, just because an article is from a media organization doesn't mean it's useless here. Take a look at what the article says and the sources it uses
Stephen Hawking has said,1 “The development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of thehuman race.” Elon Musk claims that AI is humanity’s “biggest existential threat.”2
Opens with quotations from two very famous scientists and advocates of technological advancement. These people both see AI as a threat. Why are these quotations effective?
Kelsey Piper
Look up the author - what is her background? her education? her credentials? She is a writer - what kind of writing has she published before this article?
and regal and
testing note
While
test
und that 85% of people liked tightness in the legs and 65% of people like tightness above that.
explain the evidence - what does this mean?
People enjoy wearing tight pants and are trying to figure out how they can still wear them without the risk to their health.
another transition?
tests
claims
through test
cut
On the other hand, tight pants have shown many negative outcomes to people's bodie
great transition
centage has many people around the world changing their thoughts on pants and wearing them around their partners as loose pants are the number one reason to relationships are ending. The trend isalso growing for baseball players. People were curious as to why the trend has grown and if it had anything to do with pla
what source? Connection is lost - return to reporting
studied,
incorrect reporting verb - studies are done or objects/phenomena are studied.
gain attraction
vague phrase - "attract sexual attention" "attract attention"
however, it should be taken into consideration that participating in this activity can be dangerous and should be done in moderation.
this could be a rephrasing of the thesis ("should" - moral auxiliary verbs - review thesis handout)
Furthermore
i think "for example" is the appropriate transition phrase here
However
good transition - I'm assuming that we'll get some negative effects of mermaid cosplay
hese benefits include a rewarding career path, higher levels of happiness and creativity, and positively impacting the environment
these are high level concepts - i anticipate that the next bits of summary will show what sources provide these conclusions
Source Orchestrations: Section 104Dressing one’s pet up in human clothing is an enticing thought for amusement and provides for great memorable photos, but it could be posing major risks to society’s animal friends, many studies have found. In a social setting, pets dressed in clothing are more inhibited in socializing and less likely to interact with other dogs. Dr. Lucian Jordan reported Dr. Christina Lopez’s study findings that dogs in dog parks dressed in clothing tended not to play or socialize with the other dogs in the park. Dr. Jordan also mentioned Dr. Nicholas Winter’s findings that many animals tend to stop using their specific communicative abilities when dressed in clothing, thus leading to feels of isolationand segregation. But it goes beyond hindering communication abilities; Anthony DeLuca argues that dressing pets in human clothes can have detrimental effects on the animal’s mental and physical wellbeing. DeLuca reported Hall & Oates’ study finding 75% ofanimals studied showed the beginning stages of post traumatic stress disorder and depression when having been dressed in clothing. DeLuca reports that this can lead to rapid weight loss and eating disorders. Beyond affecting emotional wellbeing, there canbe physical risks as well. DeLuca provides shocking research conducted by Dr. Tom Petty that found that 20% of all pet injuries from a series of veterinarian hospitals were due to pets being forced to wear human clothing. Up to 10% of animals harmed even had to have surgery for the injuries. It is clear that while dressing pets in human clothing may seem like a cute idea and can be tempting, it is a wholly unwise choice to make for human’s best friend.Mermaid cosplay has been gaining the attention of many, however, there are debates on whether it is more beneficial or dangerous for one to partake in this activit
good topic sentence, but we need a semi colon
wholly unwise choice to make for human’s best friend
close to a cliche - avoid in academic writing (common in magazine/ newspaper writing)
Beyond affecting emotional wellbeing, there canbe physical risks as well.
good transition, but it seems that the previous sentence has an idea that belongs after this transition
But it goes beyond hindering communication abilities;
good transition, but "it " is vague
r. Lucian Jordan reported Dr. Christina Lopez’s study
reporting reporting
Dressing one’s pet up in human clothing is an enticing thought for amusement and provides for great memorable photos, but it could be posing major risks to society’s animal friends, many studies have found
topic sentence
Farrahand Qaswasmeh investigated how a flipped classroom affected the learning of English major students. They did so by interviewing the studentsand teachers and by also providing questionnairesfor them to answer. Their results found that after going through a flipped classroom module the student’sself-direction improved and it broughtaboutnewlearner autonomy(Farrah and Qaswasmeh 2018).
F & Q discovered that the flipped classroom technique helped students' self-direction and learning autonomy improve.
his trend of teaching is called a flipped classroom and it has gained recent popularity since the students of todayare tending to move away from traditional ways of learning, onto more modern online methods
good core concept expression here
A current trend is being used where lectures and course content are being uploaded online before class for students to study, andlaterin-class work on higher-level thinking todemonstrate andapply what they learnedfrom their studying at home.
could be shortened, but it's good to have this definition here
Flipped classrooms are better for teaching new post-secondary students.
first topic setnence of first body paragraph - too broad - it's trying to prove the whole thesis at once
however,there isa lack of study intohow a flipped classroomaffectsbehaviours in students.Primarily howthe flipped
reiterating the knowledge gap and the thesis, but there needs to be some sharpening/clarity (because they seem to have already shown sources that discuss student behaviours -- so this knowledge gap now sounds unclear)
effects and influences
doubling
In a like manner
transition
hey did so by interviewing the studentsand teachers and by also providing questionnairesfor them to answer. Their results found that after going through a flipped classroom module the student’sself-direction improved and it broughtaboutnewlearner autonomy(Farrah and Qaswasmeh 2018)
for a source orchestration, things like this are going into too much detail
experts have noted how courses using a flipped classroom teach students to adapt their learning to be more self-taught
transition/summary of another idea/area of map
Along with the general publics’attention,many scholars have been drawn to flipped classrooms in attempts to study their nature and the effects that come with it.
expansion of the TS
Flipped classrooms started to gaina lot of attention somewhere around 2010and ever sincethenits popularity has skyrocketed.
begin the source orchestration
to flipped classrooms shows that they are better to aid in teaching first-year university students to help build positive attitudes and behaviors towards the subject they are enrolled in, ratherthan compared to o
thesis
Although most critics and scholars who have researchedflipped classrooms have identified thatit does help improve overall student performance based on their grades, a closer examination
another version of the knowledge gap
Approaches to education are changing bringing about new teaching trends
Very general intro to the topic
it is prudent to revise negative opinions of the hairstyle so that all might benefit
this sounds like a restatement / rephrasing of a thesis
emonstrated a clear causal link between mullets and increased cognitive success. In this study, mulleted participants universally performed 80% better than non-mulleted peers (Wolfe. 2020)
nice movement from high to low levels
Whereas their studies on zombies were limited and require more research
sentence fragment (same with sentences beginning with "which")
the study took place before the “2019...reboot of mullets occurred” (Billing. 2020
confusing - because I'm not sure which study it's referring to. Reporting phrases would help - using them more often
hile evidence does exist to contradict these results, with only 1% of women studied confirming an attraction to mullets (Simon. 2018), it demonstrates a clear positive correlation between mullet exposure and positive mullet perception
acknowledging opposing views
e reliably replicated
careful of "replicated" -- because this usually means that the original study was imitated by a new one -- rather than that they just both found results
Both studies indicated that self confidence was an important variable to be considered in the resul
nice connection between the sources
by the University of Michigan f
preferable in academic writing practices to refer to the name of the scholar and not the university (referring to the university is more common in newspaper/magazine writing)
While the mullet has long been one of the most contentious hairstyles in human history, it has clear social and cognitive benefits that merit consideration
nice academic topic sentence
The conclusion of these studies leaned towards vampires being the superior creature, but further research on zombies could affect these results.
great conclusion - also indicates a knowledge deficit, could lead to a thesis
he research conducted by Dr. Nostrand, Dr. Lee, Dr. Potter and Dr. Shields is limited on zombies
no need to repeat all names - this is also repeating the idea from above, so add something
While studies conducted by Dr. Potter and Dr. Shields found vampires rely more on their strength to overtake people
sentence fragment
they
vague pronouns
dies conducted by Dr. Severus Potter, Dr. Van Nostrand, Dr. Eleanor Shields and Dr. Casper Le
nice high level intro to the scholars but this could be a group citation instead ("Many researchers...")
The infamous debate on who is the superior creature, vampires or zombies, has become a popular subject for researchers.The research being conducted examines the intellectual and behavioural aspects of these two creatures.The current belief is vampires are the superior creature to zombies due to their intellect.
introduction to topic and high level summary of research consensus
However, despite the study performed by Ken Adams,which suggests that 90% of people observe an increase in the ability to swim, this lifestyle seems to be causing more harm than benefits.
nice transition and incorporation of a smaller part of the state of knowledge
only is it a rapidly growing cosplay genre, but Dr. Ralphie Pastore’s recent article believes mermaid costume contents are the source of 45% of ocean pollution
good effort at a transition, but we need to see the connection between these two parts of the sentence
many individuals report a decrease in circulation in their legs as a result of the mermaid tails. Along with the various physical side effects, most people who participate in this cosplay adapt the mentality of a mermaid, convincing themselves they have become the sea creature. The majority of people begin to believe they are mermaids and don’t consider how they are harmful to the environmen
good summary but not clear who the source is
In addition
nice transition
In fact, a recent evaluation presents “the risk of turning into a mermaid for the rest of [your] life” (Tecson 2019) and a staggering 77% of people who wore the costume developed real tails, according to another study done in 2018 by Prabhjeet Kaur and Janine Parale
good low level examples, but separate out the sources and report using active phrases (Tecson reports that.... Kaur and Parale argue that...)
aken the world by storm
common in magazine/newspaper writing, but no cliches in academic writing
Source Orchestration Examples –Section 103The mermaid cosplay world is growing as quick as the negative effects of this lifestyle, and the disadvantages such as global pollution and healthissues seem to outweigh the only benefit of enhanced swimming abilities within this culture.
topic sentence highlights the topic itself and the state of knowledge
recommendedthatpetownersrefrainfromdressingtheirpets,
sounds like a reiteration of the thesis, which is good in a source orchestration
obberstein’s research finding that 100 people cosplaying as Aquaman showed a 12 percent increase in lean muscle mass, trying to change their bodies to match the muscular physique of the character
clarify that this is a negative thing
n relation
incomplete transition
Moreover, Gillette reports Kevin Riley’s findin
transition and reporting reporting
Similarly,
needs clarity because it's not clear yet that the preceding sentence was about something negative
articipate in mermaid cosplay are often interested in mermaids during their childhood. Furthermore, they use cosplay as a way of holding on to their childhood, and the memories that accompany
relation to topic sentence?
man Jules reports Dr. Smiles
reporting reporting
Participation in mermaid cosplay can be detrimental to society’s mental health, as true identities begin to get lost within their character.
good high level statement, but rephrase "society's mental health" - society doesn't have its own mental, individuals do
Petsthatworehumanclothingforextendedperiodsoftimebegantoexhibithuman-likecharacteristics
this belongs in the first paragraph -- one paragraph should be about pet effects and one about human effects
ealthdeclined
due to wearing clothes?
Inadditiontothedeeppsychologicalaffectsexperiencedbypetswearinghumanclothing,humanstoohavebeennegativelyaffectedbytheconfusingattire
major transition - which is why there's a new paragraph
J.Singh
but it's citing Kane?
oundthesametobetrueandfurtherdiscovered
comparison and transition
Petersonfoundthatpetslosttheir“senseofidentity”andinessence,feltasthoughtheydidnothavea“purposeintheworld”
good example of quotation integration
Whilemanyownerstakeprideindressingtheirpetsastheywouldtheirchildren,theyfailtoseethenegativeeffectsonpetmentalhealth
this is framing the source orchestration more clearly as a support of an argument (I could imagine the thesis in the paragraph before this)
Thegrowingfascinationofdressingpetsinhumanclotheshascreatedanunhealthyimbalanceofidentitycrisisandmentalhealthissuesamongpets.
succinct intro to topic and to controversy
people should consider
this sounds like it could be close to a restatement of a thesis (the word "should" is a moral auxiliary verb)
hatpeoplewhowearmulletshave:“the mullet morphs masculine and feminine characteristic in a rebellion against conventional standards”
good quote but not correctly integrated. Colons must be preceded by a complete sentence, and usually the quotation itself is a complete sentence too
naccuracyoftheirstatement
so what is Mulligan's ultimate position?
However
transition
Incontrasttotheseauthors
transition
professionalduringtheday(workplace)andcasualduringthenight(parties).Theyalsoagreethatthepopularityofthis‘trendy’hairstyleisbecausemanycelebritieswearitthisway.Thisisthereasonwhypeoplewhowearthisstyleseemtobemoreconfidentandgiveareliableimpressiontoothers.
fairly high level summary of one section of the state of knowledge (knowledge map)
Mulletsarethekindofhairstylesthatarelonginthebackandshortinthefront.Overtheyears,thistypeofhairstylehasbeenveryfamousindifferentsocialcircles,suchasactors,athletes,professors,amongothers.Nevertheless,nowadayssociety’sopinionaboutthemaremixed
brief definition and explanation - perhaps could be made a bit more concise. Refer to research/scholars rather than society.
re highlighted unrelated to how one is perceived with a mullet
needs clarity
Both sides highlight the importance of the influence from celebrities and the media to promote the mullet but differ on whether it contributes positively or negatively to our society.
nice succinct reiteration of the range of positions
such as being perceived as more likeable, charming, and approachable
low level example
positive attributes
high level
Chen, Holme and Lim
group citation (referring to multiple articles/scholars -- not to one article authored by multiple ppl)
This is stark contrast
transition
Mulligan shares sociologist Lena Goldberg’s description
reporting reporting
Experts agree the mullet is back. The ‘business up front, party in the back’ hairstyle from the 80s is turning heads, but the reason why is contentiou
intro to topic and indication of a range of views
The common thread in many of these stories is YouTube and its recommendation algorithm, the software that determines which videos appear on users’ home pages and inside the “Up Next” sidebar next to a video that is playing. The algorithm is responsible for more than 70 percent of all time spent on the site.The radicalization of young men is driven by a complex stew of emotional, economic and political elements, many having nothing to do with social media. But critics and independent researchers say YouTube has inadvertently created a dangerous on-ramp to extremism by combining two things: a business model that rewards provocative videos with exposure and advertising dollars, and an algorithm that guides users down personalized paths meant to kee
thesis?
stol from his waistband, took out the magazine and casually tossed both onto the kitchen counter
"in medias res" -- in the middle of things. Common tool in journalistic and literary writing, but not academic writing
In line with our main argu-ment, we stress that the most fruitful policy respons
intro their thesis
pistemicdeficiencie
problems with logic etc
In other words,while epistemic criteria might show that certain conspiracy theories are unwar-ranted, they do not show that state intervention is justified.
"in other words" - pay attention, they are repeating and emphasizing a key idea. And here the knowledge deficit is highlighted more clearly
The rest of the article follows the research questions specified in the previousparagraph.
we are given a map of the article here, forecasting what will be presented. This is not always done in academic work (and certainly not in shorter pieces) but is sometimes helpful when one is working with a complex range of questions and definitions (synthesizing information)
the main challenge of this article is to provide thegrounds for possible public policy responses to the spread of problematic conspir-acy theories while respecting the pluralist nature of liberal society.
This is the research question this article purports to respond to - note that this is not yet a thesis because the question hasn't been answered. They will first show how they plan to go about doing it. The knowledge deficit is more clearly expressed below
By far the most common approach in the literature so far is to analyse badconspiracy theories as an epistemic problem that can be traced to common psy-chological traits and cognitive errors (Brotherton, 2015). The possible causes ofproblematic conspiratorial thinking include the fundamental attribution error(Clarke, 2002), susceptibility to the conjunction fallacy (Brotherton and French,2014), anthropomorphism, intentionality seeking and other cognitive biases(Brotherton and French, 2015; Douglas et al., 2016). However, knowing theorigin of conspiracy theories will not help us to recognize them. What we needis a set of criteria to help us distinguish ‘bad’ conspiracy theories from the rest.
Here we see a clearer identification of the knowledge deficit (which connects the new argument to the existing state of knowledge - review the Powerpoint)
effective policy to halt the spread of this kind of conspiracytheorizing might be necessary in order for contemporary liberal-democraticregimes to survive.
how do we judge when this is appropriate though? The essay seems to be leading us to this question
They fall outside the scope of public reason, with govern-ments having a right – or even a duty – to combat their spread
consider the recent banning of Qanon posts on various social media platforms
reasonable pluralism
this is an important term
This glimpse across a long span of time emboldens me to make the conjecture—it is no more than that—that a mentality disposed to see the world in this way may be a persistent psychic phenomenon, more or less constantly affecting a modest minority of the population
conspiracizing is not restricted to a particular time, place, or culture (although it is true that in times of unrest and uncertainty, paranoid conspiracies will flourish)
The enemy is clearly delineated
Here is what an enemy looks like in paranoid conspiracy discourses - there is very little nuance or understanding of complexity. It is very black and white and it irredeemably demonizes whoever the enemy is.