that is always in the back of people’s minds
dont think you need this part
that is always in the back of people’s minds
dont think you need this part
has evolved, but not in a positive way
I tihnk just saying "has evolved in a negative way" will suffice
A study published in the American Journal of Public Health, showed that black males are 2.8 times as likely to die in interaction with law enforcement than their white counterparts, and 96% of these deaths are a result of shooting (Buehler, 2017).
These statistics really help this portion of your paper
as well as the overuse of blacks as a perpetrator in crime television shows (Dixon & Maddox, 2005)
Do you have any statistics for this part of the sentence on blacks in shows? It can add credibility if you can find one
a nice suburb
Split this sentence up.
The civil rights movement was started to secure equal rights for African Americans across America, by drawing the nation’s attention to major issues through non-violent protests (Staff, 2009). This movement brought the unconscionable level of police violence against blacks, and their complacency with the general violence towards blacks by whites to the attention of the nation. In many places protests were met with extreme examples of police brutality against African Americans, which highlighted the issue and generated national sympathy for their cause (McAdam & Tarrow, 2000). One example of this is The Birmingham Campaign, where peaceful protesters had police dogs set on them, and high-pressure fire hoses sprayed at them on the orders of the Public Safety Commissioner (PBS, n.d.). This shows not only the levels of police brutality, but that elected officials not only did not stop the brutality, they encouraged it. Hoses and dogs were not the only acts of violence set on non-violent protesters, the police also used tear gas, beat protestors with their batons, and other methods of brutality to try to quell the movement (Kindig, n.d.). However, these actions had the opposite of their intended effect, by continuing their non-violent ideologies even when met with violence from the police, Civil Rights activists managed to win public sympathy which put pressure on the government to draft a civil rights bill (McAdam & Tarrow, 2000). When John F. Kennedy was assassinated many feared that the support of the movement from national government would die with him, however his vice president LBJ used the out pouring of emotion from the nation after his death, to get the Civil rights bill passed in Kennedys honor (JFKlibrary, n.d.). The civil rights act and the following bills passed during this time did help to achieve ‘equal rights’ for blacks and end discrimination, one goal they failed to achieve was the ending of police violence against blacks (Siff, 2016). While violence from groups such as the KKK became more isolated after the condemnation of them and other white supremacist groups by LBJ (Staff, Ku Klux Klan, 2009), violence by law enforcement remained high. Racial bias has increased since the time of the civil rights movement due to the over representation of blacks as criminals in the news 37% compared to 21% in actual arrest reports, as well as the overuse of blacks as a perpetrator in crime television shows (Dixon & Maddox, 2005). This has led to a general implicit bias which strongly associates African Americans and crime, which in turn could cause officers to reach untrue conclusions about a person due to this bias and prompt them to use excessive force (Dixon & Maddox, 2005). A study published in the American Journal of Public Health, showed that black males are 2.8 times as likely to die in interaction with law enforcement than their white counterparts, and 96% of these deaths are a result of shooting (Buehler, 2017). Although blacks are more likely to be shot by the police than whites, a study in 2015 found that of the people who are shot by police, blacks are twice as likely to be unarmed as whites (Nix, Campbell, Byers, & Alpert, 2017). This disparity in the use of unnecessary force against blacks, and the lack of action being taken to end it, suggests that white supremacy and institutional racism permeate not only law enforcement system, but our current government as well (Alang, McAlpine, McCreedy, & Hardeman, 2017).
This is a very strong paragraph
when eventually when people st
phrasing? try to rephrase... doesn't flow
showing
displaying
However, this issue is far from recent, government enforced violence against blacks has a long history in America (Nodjimbadem, 2017), through lynching’s in the past, to these modern-day killings, this problem is far from new, and even farther from being solved.
I think this should be two sentences
"a serious issue"
Jordan Ross was a 15-year old freshman at Mesquite High School, in Balch Springs, Texas. He had two parents, lived in a nice suburb, was a straight A student, and an athlete. He was someone you would never expect to be shot by a police officer (Criss, 2017). On a Saturday night, the high school teen was at a house party with his friends when the police arrived, the party guests all left. Jordan, his two brothers, and two friends got into a car driven by the oldest brother, who was only 16. The car was driving away from the party when a police officer fired a shot from his rifle into the car, hitting Jordan Ross in the head and killing him. All of the teens were unarmed high school students without criminal records, attending a house party as teenagers across America do every weekend. It is clear that the level of police brutality against blacks is serious issue, when they decide a 15-year old is dangerous enough to be shot. This story can’t be excused as many are because the victim was violent, or had a criminal record, or had provoked the officer (Criss, 2017). Jordan was unarmed and innocent, and he was killed. This is just one story of hundreds in recent years of unarmed black teens and adults, men and women, being victims of police brutality. Particularly, the shooting by police of unarmed African Americans has put police brutality back into the spotlight through movements such as Black Lives Matter. However, this issue is far from recent, government enforced violence against blacks has a long history in America (Nodjimbadem, 2017), through lynching’s in the past, to these modern-day killings, this problem is far from new, and even farther from being solved.
Is this all an intro paragraph? Try to set up what you are talking about in the intro and then perhaps get into Jordan Ross
only
omit "only"
the high school teen
I think using his name here would sound better/.. "Jordan was at a house party"
nice
casual... try another word
of off.
off of*
,
not needed
on r
the^
guilt
"offense" saying "guilt" makes punishment seem self-imposed.
americans
Americans
americans
Americans
hispanics
Hispanics
hispanic
Hispanic
The temporary incarceration
Explain this more
non-black minorities
"other minorities"
non-black minorities to be in jail and denied bail while they await trial
I understand the significance, but what does this do for your argument. Minorities v. Whites or Blacks v. Everyone else
black people
Take out
americans
Americans*
oftentimes
often*
americans
Americans*
,
not needed
drug related
"drug-related"
At no other point in U.S. history have so many people, disproportionately people of color, been deprived of their freedom
Try to stay away from bold opinionated statements like this, unless you can back it up.
both implicit and explicit
What is the significance of this? You could add more to your paper discuss the implicit and explicit examples if you want.
charges 10 times
"ten times"
particular
Use a different word like "distinct"
In order to have a more equal society, public schools must aim to create an environment in which all students, regardless of race or class, have the same opportunity to succeed.
Great ending/conclusion
Despite the negative effects of tracking, there are many proponents of tracking who believe the practice is beneficial to public schools. Advocates of tracking, including many teachers, argue that it creates more effective teaching environments because teachers can hone in on certain skill levels and allow students to learn at an appropriate pace (Kohli). Additionally, tracking helps keep wealthy families in public schools (Kohli). Many well off families in the public school system would likely opt for private education were it not for the advanced classes offered at public schools. The system seems ideal on paper: students receive individualized attention, teachers focus on one skill level, and test scores go up (for advanced students at least). However, the implications of using a tracking system go far beyond academic skill level. Race and class play a paramount role in determining a student’s opportunities. The tracking system works great for students who can afford it, but it leaves countless underprivileged students stuck at the bottom.
I really like how you introduce it from an advocates perspective, but bring us back at the end of the paragraph. Great.
in his study
omit this
The tracking system is designed in a way that favors privileged students who can afford to get ahead of their peers. On the contrary, the system hinders unprivileged students who do not have these same opportunities.
Good way to conclude paragraph
In this context, privileged refers to wealthy and white, while unprivileged refers to poor and non-white
Condense this explanation and put it in parenthesis
The tracking system reveals a vast disparity in public schools between privileged and unprivileged students (Godsey).
i dont think you meant to split this up since its the same sentence
achieving any
"potentially achieving"
This may be partially explained through the high cost of AP exams, which cost $91 per exam (Godsey).
Seems like you kind of just threw this sentence in... and then a kind of awkwardly concluded your paragraph. Either expand a bit or get rid of it.
However
however too often? maybe? just a thought...
and the statistics prove it.
You don't need this, just prove it to us with the statistics
Overall, tracking creates inequality by favoring and valuing the privileged over the unprivileged.
This is a nice way to conclude your paragraph
The system has advantages and disadvantages,
If the gist of the sentence is how you are going to focus on how recently it has been criticized for being a modern day form of segregation, I dont think you need this part of the sentence.
There is no doubt, however, that disparity exists all throughout public schools.
However, disparity still exists all throughout public schools.
This paper
I'd refrain from saying this... just get into your point