Plenty of life beneath the surface but it was kept beaten down by the wheels. Sometimes she stuck out into the future, imagining her life different from what it was. But mostly she lived between her hat and her heels, with her emotional disturbances like shade patterns in the woods—come and gone with the sun. She got nothing from Jody except what money could buy, and she was giving away what she didn’t value. Now and again she thought of a country road at sun-up and considered flight
Dea janie,
Ah been imaginin’ quite a bit lately. Joe not turnin’ out to be de man Ah thought he’d be. When Ah closes mah eyes at night Ah gets dese visions of an old country road beamin’ from de risin’ sun. It peaceful dere, and Ah’m happy. Ah think tuh myself what my life could have been like if Ah had thought with my head and not my eager heart. Ah wishes Joe was different. Ah wishes Ah was different. Maybe if Ah had just thought things through when Ah first met Joe, things would have turned out differently.
Ah’m so tired. Ah’m still quite young, but so tired. Ah’m tired of fightin’. Ah’m tired of bein’ married tuh a man who gives me de bare minimum and still expects me tuh love him. Ah’m tired of only bein’ allowed to speak half my mind ‘cause Ah’m skeered of bein’ hit again.
Ah’m stuck and Ah don’t know what tuh do. It like Ah'm standin’ in de middle of an endless road with endless paths, but Ah can’t move. All Ah can do is stand dere and wait fo’ a truck tuh run me over. Or maybe the truck will stop fo’ me, and it will pick me up and take me far away.
Ah hope you are doin' well. Ah hope you are readin' dis letter in de near future with a better understandin' of yourself and de world around you. Promise me dat you won’t make de same mistakes and dat you will give it some thought before runnin' off to your next life.
With love, janie