Overall, this is really great work! You clearly have a strong understanding of the song, and it’s evident in how you analyze and interpret its themes. One of the things I really like about your writing is the consistency of your voice and writing style throughout the project. You’re able to convey your points effectively while maintaining a unique tone that makes the piece engaging. I also noticed that you utilize writing strategies often found in creative writing, which helps make your argument stand out. Your line of reasoning and thesis are really clear, and it’s easy to follow the argument you're presenting. Each section builds on the previous one in a logical way, and I never found myself confused about the direction of your analysis. The clarity of your writing really helps strengthen your overall argument. However, there are a couple of areas that could use some refinement. One thing to keep in mind is your word choice—there are moments when you repeat certain words, and while they work, you could opt for stronger, more specific alternatives to make your points even more impactful. I also noticed a few instances where you go off on tangents, which detract from the main focus of your argument. Staying more focused on the core points would help make your analysis even more concise and effective. Also, from a grammatical standpoint, I would suggest reading your writing out loud. Hearing your writing can help you catch smaller errors and improve the flow of your sentences. Some of your sentences are a bit choppy, but reading them out loud to yourself will help smooth them out. You also shift tenses throughout your writing, going from past to present, or are inconsistent with pluralization. Just watch for those inconsistencies throughout. This is a really good place to be in, and your writing is really great so far!

I like that this ties back to your point in the introduction

I’m having trouble fully understanding this point. Are you suggesting that because the conflict in Poland was less visibly violent, the Polish group adopted a less extreme approach to the song? I think this idea could use further clarification, especially considering the violent nature of the Holocaust. To strengthen this argument, I think it would be helpful to explore the emotional atmosphere surrounding the Holocaust and how it might align with the more subdued, perhaps even hopeless, mood in Poland during that period. This could provide a clearer contrast to the intense violence in Ireland at the time. Also, I would recommend reconsidering the use of 'wistful' when referencing Nazi-occupied Poland, as it might not fully capture the gravity of the situation.

Restructure this sentence to improve clarity and flow.

in

Cut however

word choice

contributes to the covers similar...... (This is more concise)

This is a strong point, but it feels incomplete. How does the song do this? To strengthen your argument, expand on this idea. Consider making this the main focus of the paragraph.

style

because

Consider adding one more example to strengthen your argument and demonstrate that the point was intentional, rather than just a coincidence.

to

Consider rewording the messages to make them clearer and more impactful. Currently, they feel somewhat broad and wordy. If you choose to use multiple words, ensure that each one adds strength and clarity to your message, rather than repeating or over-explaining the idea.

Clarify if you're referring to your writing or something separate. What exactly do you mean by "this post"?

"artists other than"

This sentence feels a bit abrupt. It would be helpful to include a transition that connects the discussion of the song to the playlist. You can definitely keep the sentence, but try to provide some context or a linking idea to make the shift smoother for the reader.

I noticed you hint at the conflict earlier, but it wasn't clear what the exact conflict was. It might help to explicitly state it for better clarity, if you didn't already.

for

I think you mean "front lines"

Your voice throughout is very clear, and you have a distinct writing style that really complements the message of your song.

Your sentence is a bit unclear, possibly due to word choice. It might also benefit from being more concise to improve clarity.

You mentioned "people" twice in the sentence, so it might help to rephrase it to avoid repetition.

Both "likewise" and "no new phenomenon either" convey the same idea. I would recommend using just one of them for clarity and to avoid repetition.

LOVE THIS

This is a great concept! I think it could be even stronger if you expanded on the topic of censorship in the context of Zombie. I think it would add an interesting layer to your discussion.

Consider switching the order of the last two sentences. Placing the more transitional line second could improve the flow, as this line follows your previous point more naturally.

I really like the point you are making here. It explains the songs universal appeal despite niche inspiration.

word choice

Be consistent when referring to the event—decide whether to describe it as "bombings" or "bombing" to avoid confusion

Love the descriptions here!

You could simplify this by using 'recognizable' on its own, as 'easily' may not be necessary to convey your point.

no need for the -

What kind of event, give examples here.

This is a really strong point!

This transition isn't grammatically correct, look this over and potentially restructure the sentence.

Consider introducing the genre of rock earlier in your discussion to establish it as the foundation for your analysis. This will provide clearer context when connecting the song to your source later.

This sentence is quite long, and breaking it into shorter, more focused sentences could improve readability and flow.

For this reference to avoid potential confusion between the author's name and the song title, I suggest consistently referring to the song as Zombie. This will make it clearer when you're referencing the song versus the author.

Consider expanding on this idea to provide more explanation. I can see the connection you're aiming for, and it has the potential to be very strong, but without further clarification, it might feel jarring or confusing for the reader.

Consider using a synonym for "sounds" or "sound" to avoid repetition and enhance variety in your writing.

Consider making this sentence more concise and reducing the repetition of "and" to improve clarity and flow.

I feel like this needs an adjective before powerful.

Consider rephrasing to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. For example, instead of "fought through stereotypes that women cannot be rock singers," you might say something like "challenged stereotypes about women in rock music" to streamline the sentence and keep the focus on her impact.

I would recommend starting the sentence with a stronger opening. The phrase 'to begin' feels a bit awkward and could be more impactful.

Since this point is already mentioned in the quote, you might consider finding a different way to introduce it here to avoid repetition.

Make sure to be consistent with your use of tenses. I noticed you shifted from 'is' to 'was,' so it might help to double-check for any inconsistencies.

Your introduction presents a clear and strong thesis, which is great! To improve, I suggest refining the wording for better flow. The sentence structure feels a bit choppy, and it could benefit from smoother transitions. Nics’s suggestion to avoid using "to be" verbs is a good one, as it can help with clarity and flow. In general, I recommend reading your writing out loud; this is a helpful way to identify areas where the phrasing might sound awkward or disconnected.

What does "touching form" mean in this context?

The idea behind this sentence is strong, but there is a shift in tenses that can make it a bit hard to follow. Try to keep the tense consistent throughout for clarity.

I love the word choice here.

Overall, this is really great work! Your analysis of The Parting Glass and its purpose is thoughtful and well-developed. You’ve done an excellent job showing how its meaning has evolved over time, and the connections you’ve made between the song’s lyrics, themes, and its cultural background are really strong. The information in your intro about its Irish origins is great; just be careful when using "us" or "we." Decide who the reader is or who you are including in that "we." You’ve also clearly put a lot of thought into how the song fits into a larger narrative, especially with how it ties into Traditions and Players. That being said, there are a few areas where I think you could improve to make your writing even more polished. I’d suggest focusing on flow and grammar. There are some issues with comma placement and sentence structure that can make the writing feel a bit choppy at times. I would recommend reading your work aloud a few times to catch small errors that might disrupt the smooth flow of your ideas. You have strong ideas, but sometimes the sentence transitions could be more fluid to help your analysis come across more clearly. Additionally, your final project is fantastic. It successfully ties together all the ideas you’ve discussed throughout the project while also introducing a unique and personal perspective to frame the analysis. Your ability to connect the themes of the song to these personal experiences gives your project a distinctive voice. I loved the interview style, and all of their answers reflected the same themes you had been discussing throughout. It is the perfect way to cap off the project. With a bit of refinement in your writing style, I think your work will be even stronger and more compelling. Great job!

no comma

no comma

"such" not "so"

no comma

,

This part of the sentence may not be necessary.

This is a really interesting connection, and I appreciate how you tie it to modern performances.

To improve the flow, I recommend moving the sentence listing the popular artists before this line. This will create a smoother transition and make the structure more cohesive.

It may be beneficial to give context as to who this person is and why they are considered a credible source.

I love this concept! Emphasizing tradition with experience is a really cool idea!

The overall structure of the paragraph is clear and easy to follow. However, you might want to expand on this line a bit more to provide further clarification. Could you explain what this means in more detail?

Repeating 'night' twice in this sentence can sound a bit repetitive. Consider rephrasing to improve the flow.

Building on what Nic mentioned, be mindful when using words like 'our' or 'we.' While these can be impactful, it's probably best to avoid them when referring to specific communities. In this context, the reader may not be Irish.

This is such a strong ending!

Again I love that these are aspects of the song you have mentioned throughout!

The interviews are a great idea, and it's cool that the answers tie into the themes of the song you've been discussing.

I love this connection it is so personal and adds emotional depth to the song.

Can't Be

no -

no comma

no comma

,

Did you go here?

There's a slight issue with the tenses that I'm having trouble pinpointing, but it feels a bit inconsistent. I really enjoy the humor in the parentheses, though. It might help to rephrase it.

I noticed that you reference these covers throughout your project. It might be helpful to include links to them. (You may have already done this, but I didn’t review the entire project yet.)

I like the inclusion of the (), but just be mindful to ensure the surrounding sentence flows smoothly and to keep an eye on grammar.

Obsessed with this word, will be using it daily.

I love these descriptions, they’re really vivid and engaging! To improve the flow, consider making small adjustments so that each one builds toward a cohesive idea. This could help prevent the thesis from getting lost and ensure the whole piece feels connected and purposeful.

cut this -

no comma

,

You're doing a great job at having your sources speak to each other, which is a strong approach. I wonder how the paragraph might read if you expanded on it a bit more with your own insights and analysis. Right now, it leans heavily on quotes, so adding some of your interpretation could further strengthen your argument and give readers more context.

I think this piece would benefit from a stronger opening that really hooks the reader right from the start.

Love this as the last line.

I really like the subtle theme running through this, it does a great job of tying the songs together. To strengthen it even more, try mentioning or hinting at this theme in each description so it becomes a clear thread for the audience.

I notice that you've included a lyric from each song, which could definitely enhance your narrative. To make it even more effective, consider adding a bit more explanation for each lyric, discussing why you chose it and how it contributes to the story you're telling.

I love that you’re continuing the narrative of the night’s 'timeline' throughout!

formatting wise don't forget the space between these paragraphs

How does this song do this? Elaborate a little more.

Consider rephrasing to avoid using 'alliteration' twice in a row; it might help improve the flow and clarity of your point.

I really like the narrative direction you’re taking here. To make it even stronger, consider developing it a bit further. Adding some buildup toward the climax could help the story flow more naturally, making the final moment, especially as it leads into 'The Parting Glass,' feel even more impactful.

This does a fantastic job of capturing the nostalgic vibe of an early 2000s movie bedroom 'getting ready' scene, reminiscent of Legally Blonde or a classic Hilary Duff moment. Love!

the transitional filler words can be cut and it would improve the flow of this sentence.

The wording here is slightly awkward, maybe rephrase "raises many questions"

This is interesting. Is this why you chose to put the lyrics first in your pages organization?

something is off tense wise here

no comma

no need for the "-"

no comma

This paragraph feels slightly disjointed. The reader might struggle to follow the shifts between analyzing the song’s lyrics, historical context, and performance. Strengthen the connections between these elements. For example, start with an analysis of the lyrics, then discuss the historical context, and finish by linking it to the song’s cultural significance. There is really good information throughout it just needs to be organized.

in and of itself

This quote seems a bit disconnected from the surrounding content, as it isn’t clearly linked or referenced in the following paragraph. It would be helpful to explain its relevance so the reader can understand its purpose. I realize now that it might be the title of something, so perhaps clarifying that in the first line of the next paragraph would make its inclusion clearer.

I like the use of rhetorical questions to engage the reader early on. The introduction touches on some intriguing concepts, but the thesis could be clearer. The central argument about how night songs evolve and their emotional impact could be stated more explicitly at the beginning.

I really like the Lyrics of the song being the first page, that way the reader can see the song before you discuss it.