Naya- I really enjoyed your project. I don’t know Lana’s music very well, but I am definitely very familiar with the song you chose. I was always confused by the purpose of the song, because it does have very patriotic lyrics, but I didn’t think Lana made that kind of music. So, you definitely helped me learn a lot. I really liked the way you framed your arguments surrounding the “American Dream” and how different groups of people experience that concept in different ways. Your argument of this was really strong, and it was especially apparent in the playlist and listening guide assignment. I think the way you framed this assignment made it really clear what you were trying to say. With that being said, I think I did not realize that that was the argument you were trying to make until I read that piece specifically. This very much could have been me not thinking on a deeper level, but I definitely think if I saw the playlist and listening guide first, I would understand the argument more throughout. Going back to the beginning after reading the listening guide, I definitely see the argument, so I do think it is incorporated very well (and it is not a problem with the strength of your argument), but maybe changing the structure/order of the pieces could help a reader. There were a few times that I addressed a few inconsistencies, in things like spelling/grammar, and then a few times in some of the parts of the playlist/listening guide. For example, in some points you put quotes around “American Dream” and other times you did not. These kinds of things accounted for the majority of feedback I gave because your project was ultimately very impressive and engaging to read. I especially liked the podcast piece!! It was so creative and professional, and really walked me through your own listening process. You were right when you talked about music being more than just the lyrics, but rather something to learn more about. I learned a lot 😊.

My comments from listening to the podcast:

1. I really like the part when you talked about her freshman album, but how it was really her sophomore album. I was confused about this when you first brought it up, which provided me clarity.

2. I liked when you told us to pause the video and listen to the song. I think it is very important to include actually hearing the song in the context of your project.

3. I think you could maybe have a little background, before you go right into asking questions. I feel like in podcasts, typically, there is often a bit of a story told first.

4. The questions you are asking are really in depth and analytical. This is very impressive, and makes me really think about the song, more so than I have before.

5. I don't know if this is something necessary considering the audience, but something I was thinking about... you discuss chord progressions and other complicated musical terms of that nature. It might be helpful to sort of define them when you're going in to the question, or maybe having your guest mention a brief explanation of what you are talking about.

6. The demo part is so cool! I think that is so interesting that the song had a different title. I honestly think you could include this in your actual writing. This somehow changes the argument a bit for me, like I see it in a different way, that builds upon what you have already said. It might be interesting to consider "I want it all" in your introduction/other pieces of writing. The whole discussion about gender here too is so fascinating, and I think it would truly enrich your writing.

7. Building off of the previous idea, a huge chunk of the podcast is spent discussing "I want it all." If you are talking about it this much (which I think is really cool), you might want to put some of this in writing. I think writing a little bit of an introduction on your podcast page about this other song might be very enriching. If not, all of the discussion of it in the podcast could seem out-of-place to some listeners.

8. The title of the album is really interesting. I think you could tie this in to your argument a little more. You bring it up in your podcast, and I thought it was really cool!

Side note: You have a great podcast voice. This sounded very professional, and I really felt like I was listening to a true podcast!!!

I don't think you need this title necessarily. I think you should focus on anchoring back to your introduction more (if you are going to include a title). Maybe something relating to like arrival/departure.

This could be a seperate sentence (with appropriate punctuation). I think it is an important idea that deserves to be stand alone.

fix the grammar here

I just noticed this- but in some cases you have put American dream in quotations, and in other cases you have not. I recommend putting them all in quotations, just because its a sort of conceptual thing.

insert comma before but

This is not a complete sentence, maybe connect it with the next sentence, or with the previous sentence by switching the comma with a period. I think it will flow better with the previous sentence.

Just have to say- I love the way you organized this playlist, and by grouping a song to a group. I think it is awesome and very effective.

I think you could actually ask the question in the sentence to make it more effective. Like, saying, Listeners of this playlist will be guided through how each song answers the question: What does it mean to be an American?

add comma between here

This sentence is a bit difficult to follow. Might want to consider changing its order, or putting the "however that image" part inside commas.

I think saying "are out here" is a little informal, in a paragraph when you have very formal writing. Maybe make it something like "are out living," by just getting rid of the here. I think it would make your writing sound stronger.

GREAT SONG!!

This seems to be sort of opposite to what you argument is saying. I think you are more so trying to say that it discriminates against who can't achieve that expectation? Maybe rework that last idea a little if you think its necessary.

I think this might have been a copy and paste error, but I don't think this appositive is supposed to just say "black man." Maybe the a from before the ASAP Rocky is supposed to be there?

I don't think you need the "through her lyrics" part. I think that is implied here.

Really good central idea!!

Specify what these feels are. Is it vintage and patriotic?

I like that you are including personal observations here. Maybe include some more in other places.

This sentence is overall very long. I think you could put a semicolon here. Like, the american dream in the 30's; the pairing is time appropriate.

For conciseness, you could change this to "a movie's opening. "

I see what you were trying to do in the arrangement of this sentence, but I think you are connecting two ideas that do not necessarily connect. The idea of cult worshipping and visual artistry don't necessarily connect. Maybe emphasize how the vintage aesthetic tells her visual artistry, if that is what you are attempting to say here?

I think the word bringing here is more what you are trying to say.

Instead of "it," consider saying "the song" to provide some clarity.

Make sure you fix this path

comma after this

I would not use this here. If you do want to refer to the idea of critical reading, instead say something about the article through a critical lens...

i would put this in quotations, as its sort of a "made-up" term. Not made up, but you know what I mean...

This sort of seems like you are using it as a direct response to the prompt. Maybe revise to flow more with what you are saying previously. "National Anthem" is special or has meaning because... I think referring to it as a song takes away a little of what makes it special.

I love using a question at the beginning of the paragraph. It might be interesting to carry it through the rest of the introduction.

Might want to say: the music video additionally provides a message of... I think the wording here is a bit confusing, and it could be tweaked for clarity.

American Dream is often capitalized, because it is the idea of something bigger.

This sentence has missing grammar- "woman also impacts how she interacts with the American dream," makes more sense.

This is a but wordy. Might want to say- the widespread idea of this time...

I think if you used the word "nation" here instead, it might anchor this sentence back to your song a little more, but this is just a stylistic suggestion.

Make sure to format this with proper italics around the name.

Annie- I really loved this. I personally love “Waitress,” and seeing “She Used to be Mine” come to life, especially in your music review and diary entries (it was so fun to read). The parts when you talked about how the music represented what was going on in the story were so well written and engaging. Specifically, when you talked about Jenna gripping onto the couch and singing in a more belty style was so effective, and really allowed me to see more into the story, even though I have seen the show before. I also really liked the order in which you presented the material. I think finishing with the diary was a really good choice. Though, I think you might benefit from adding some video context of the show. For example, after your introduction and before your critical read, you could insert a video of Sara Bareilles’ performance of the piece. I think this would make it more clear for those who do not know the song. I think the main thing I had trouble with when reading is this: when people choose a song, it is typically more stand alone. You don’t need a ton of a story/context. But, because your song is within a musical theater show, it is all about context (which you did discuss in your listening guide). I think you would benefit from just generally adding more context in every one of the main pieces. Whether that's including a video of the performance before you begin discussing it, or clarifying the story on a new page (like a brief synopsis of “Waitress”). Or, even just giving a brief description of the characters/places you bring up before you start talking about them. I think you have to go back in with the lens that you know nothing about “Waitress,” and see when you can provide clarity. Definitely in the parts about Earl. Also, at the end, it might be cool to add a picture of Jenna at the end of the show. Your whole story is about making a change, and I think that would be awesome to show! Overall, I loved reading your project, and it kept me engaged the entire time.

Reminder to fix this pathway.

"filled with pies that no one's ever tasted before." Add the that for better flow

I think if you add a closing to this one, it will make it almost comedic, in a good way. Like it helps to prove the point here.

"I'm pregnant" -Jenna.

I think this will punch more in two sentences. She was gone. Maybe she is still mine.

Because it is a diary, you can do that. I think breaking into two leaves more hope for the future, and not associating the whole thing with how Jenna lost herself.

just because you're saying kindness shortly after, might want to switch it to that "type" of kindness. Might help it flow a little.

This is PERFECT!!

I would italicize this. It helps it hit harder when reading it.

Maybe have a goodbye from the diary, saying from Jenna, or something cute and creative. I think it would add to the charm of the piece.

I know it's supposed to be a diary, so it is hard to like actually introduce the character, but the reader has no idea who that is. You could maybe say like My husband has been acting strange. Earl (something he does)... This might just contextualize it better.

This is honestly so well written, and there is not much feedback. I don't know how possible this is with Scalar, but adding some like doodles of pies or things like that in the margins would be super cool

(not official feedback) but I love this!! This is so creative and fits so well with the story.

Just make sure theres a period here when formatting.

Might just be a formatting thing, but make this its own paragraph. It is amazing (the last sentence is so so so good) and it deserves to be seperated from 7 years.

You might want to add a negative adjective before "weight." I think it will make more sense, because you are saying confronting, so like confronting the substantial weight or something along those lines.

"the song" not "it"

This was a perfect choice!!

You have not said Jenna in this paragraph yet, so I would consider saying her name as opposed to she. The reader will of course know it's Jenna, but I don't think it would hurt.

I see this more here, when you talk about how "Fix You" is a bit more powerless. I think it was hard to see that in the previous paragraph/my comment, so you might want to consider adding a little somethjng about the defeat and powerless.

This is a bigger idea comment, so I am not sure if it is too much to change. But, to me, "Fix You" has always had a bad connotation, and it is about being broken, and someone is trying to fix you (in an unhealthy way). And that just because you are broken... does not mean that you need to be fixed. I think this idea also aligns with Jenna's story, and reshaping your argument to the more negative connotation of the song might make it a bit stronger. To me, it is less about resolving your damage, it is about other people not allowing you to be broken.

Need quotations around the song.

This sentence is really long. I honestly don't think you need the part saying "the show it was written for," because by this point in your site, you have established it was written for Waitress.

Too late for what? Consider including something clarifying at the end of the sentence.

I really liked the way you ordered these songs, and I think putting your song first sets it up very well.

This idea of her daughter comes a bit out of nowhere for me. I feel like you haven't discussed her daughter much, and then it appears here. Might want to provide more context for that (generally in the project, doesn't just have to be here).

This might be nitpicky, but isn't a shadow from behind, and not who she has become. This might not be the right metaphor? I am not sure.

You said who was hopeful in the first part and then who feels broken. You might want to make this parallel, either saying who feels/who was the same time in both parts of the sentence.

"the performance" or "the portrayal"

Instead of "it."

As a stylistic choice, you could potentially italicize this? It helps to emphasize the idea even more than you already have.

These dashes are perfect. They emphasize the points perfectly.

This is a little redundant if things you have said previously. You could probably do without this sentence, because the next sentence already accomplishes the main ppint of the sentence.

Wordy- could change to in using instead of how to use

This whol section is genuinely amazing. Instead of it, you could say something like she sings "these powerful words," just to represent just how impactful these parts are, if that makes sense.

Clarify that the she is McDonald, because you have just been talking about Mueller.

I don't know if this is necessary, depending on the audience, but it might be relevant to define what head voice is?

This wording could be revised for better flow. It is good, but for the first sentence, it needs that bang which I think could be accomplished by rewording. ex.. holds a certain significance in not only waitress, but also in... I am not sure if that sounds better, but consider playing around there.

This is so interesting. I honestly think you could expand on this idea, and it would connect back with your larger idea very well.

Personally, I think this sentence sounds a little too reflective. I am not sure if it necessarily flows with the rest of what you are saying, as it is more of an observation, as opposed to facts and analysis like you have done previously. You honestly may not even need this, and would be okay eliminating it.

This seems to be misplaced

Add quotations here to seperate from the sentence.

what is the it? The chapter? The book? The specific section? Consider specifying here to provide clarity.

This is so fascinating

Make sure to add quotations on the end of this in final proofreading.

this might be a little colloquial. It might flow better if you say, and the opposite (as opposed to vice versa).

Just make sure you add a period after this in final proofreading.

Might want a different starting sentence, before entering right into the central idea. But, this could also be a stylistic choice.

This sentence might benefit from a semicolon. It is somewhat long, but I see how the ideas connect, and you need to maintain that- so a semicolon might be good here.

might want a comma in between show and but to emphasize the second half of the sentence

Beautiful!!!!

Change title here to the actual name of the music review you have assigned.

As a personal fan of this song/musical (good choice!!!), I know that Sara Bareilles played Jenna. But, up until this point, you have only referred to Bareilles as the writer, and not the actor. It might make sense to include that she also played Jenna.

Are you referring to the diary entries? Might make sense to restate it here

This is an amazing sentence. I think you can make it even more impactful if you split it up/eliminate some words. The end, after the comma, gets a bit wordy, and could "punch" a bit more if you said something like, reminding them of strength and value even in hardships. Something like that...

I may be totally wrong here, but I don't think you need the extra s on the end here. You may be able to just say, the power and vitality of this song come from its layered....

I may have missed it, but you have not yet introduced Sara Bareilles. For someone who does not know the song, it may be important to give a contextual statement of who she is (the writer).

There are a lot of times that you say "her" in the one sentence. Consider making it more concise, like saying- Through her journey, the audience witnesses Jenna grapple with her hopes and dreams.... or something along those lines to eliminate the extra "her."

I am not sure if you just haven't gotten to this yet, but make sure your introduction is also included in the table of contents, and the names under the table of contents reflect the creative titles that you have given your pieces.