61 Matching Annotations
  1. Oct 2017
    1. ARHU faculty member Bud Noble, together with Assistant Director of E-Learning Dennis Fotia, is in the process of converting his course,

      Consider opening the paragraph with the quotation from the bottom, perhaps as a call-out or epigram.

      "'For me, it's the best of both worlds.'

      ARHU faculty member Bud Noble...."

    2. Although most of the work in structuring this course is already complete, Bud mentioned “I have a couple of things I want to adjust.” That’s where the Office of E-Learning comes in. Any faculty

      This is another logical spot to discuss Dennis's contributions to helping Noble convert his course.

    3. to seeing strict in-class guidelines, such as not permitting late arrivals, Mr. Noble’s direct communication with his students has

      Can you clarify? Who is seeing strict guidelines, and where are they seeing them? Are you saying Noble gives strict guidelines in class, since he is talking about talking with them here, or is he posting the guidelines in Blackboard? Perhaps revisit main idea of this paragraph and organize info accordingly.

    4. ARHU faculty member Bud Noble, together with Assistant Director of E-Learning Dennis Fotia, is in the process of converting his course, Music as Property, from a traditional face-to-face lecture to a par ally online format. This type of course is more commonly referred to as a “hybrid” course.

      Consider condensing as follows: Stockton Arts and Humanities faculty member Bud Noble has begun converting his course, Music as Property, from a traditional face-to-face lecture to a partially online or "hybrid" format. In consultation with Assistant Director of E-Learning Dennis Fotia, Noble's conversion will allow students to complete...etc." Also: continue moving the part about Dennis's help lower in the article (see notes below)

    5. one thing that Bud always does has ensured that his students are not left hanging

      I'm not really sure what you mean here. This might be a good place to move the part about how he's been assisted by Dennis Fotia, which is a little out of place in the first paragraph.

    6. Converting his traditional course to a hybrid has le Mr. Noble feeling more or- ganized, well p

      Begin new paragraph and remove weird formatting residue like extra hyphen 0r-ganized etc.

    7. Some examples of work that will be conducted remotely by students include some online readings, accessing online re- sources for information, completing quizzes using Blackboard’s quiz tool, and submitting papers

      Omit needless words/PV: "Examples of work that students will complete remotely include online readings, accessing online resources for information, completing quizzes using Blackboard's quiz tool, and submitting papers."

    8. college’s two head T.A.L.O.N.S. Brandon and Bailey fou

      "the college's" - should we say instead "the university's"? Also: comma between "two head T.A.L.O.N.S." and "Brandon and Bailey"

    9. The training was administered via modules in Blackboard. Those modules were completed by student leaders prior to their arrival for formal training in August.

      More concise and eliminates excessive passive voice: "The training was administered via Blackboard modules, which student leaders completed prior to their on-campus training in August." Also, why distinguish onsite training as "formal" - online training is not?

    10. The official cutover date for New Digication is projected for sometime in 2018. Stockton’s New Digication Community can be accessed here. There are links on Stockton’s E-Learning support page with useful tutorials on creating and using e-portfolios. Users can log in using their Stockton University email login credentials. To request a sandbox account, email The E-Learning team at elearning@stockton.edu

      This paragraph has a ragbag of info mixed all together.

      1. Cutover date - put that sentence in previous paragraph which discusses the transition to New Digication.
      2. What can users log into? It appears that we are asking them to log into something to access the support page - please clarify.
      3. Clearer: "To request a Digication sandbox account, email...etc."
    11. They mentor incoming students and lead them on a special trip called S.O.A.R., which stands for the Stockton Outdoor Adventure Retreat. S.O.A.R. is a three-day, two-night retreat for incoming freshmen to bond and become acclimated prior to Welcome Week.

      To avoid some slight redundancies: "They mentor incoming students and lead them on the Stockton Outdoor Adventure Retreat, or S.O.A.R., a three-day trip that allows incoming freshmen to bond and become acclimated prior to Welcome Week."

    12. “New” Digication has already resolved several bugs. For example, pages and images now load faster. Additionally, pages that had previously been hidden are no longer showing in error, and pages that had been deleted are truly deleted. (For a full timeline of changes, bug fixes and updates, click here).

      Make this sentence part of the first paragraph, which discusses changes that have already been implemented

    13. throughout the year.

      What year? Academic year? 2017? Over the last year? Also- before diving into list of specific changes, in this first sentence give the reader a brief overview of them. For example: "Throughout 2017/over the last 18 months, the e-Portfolio provider Digication has been steadily releasing an array of changes that enhance performance and allow greater customization [or flexibility or whatever]."

    14. Dr. Kathy Klein, who began teaching at Stockton as an adjunct in 2000

      Since title is "Get to Know" we should have more info about her other than that she began as an adjunct a long time ago. Is she currently an adjunct? Department? What does she teach? Anything else interesting about her? Also, restructure paragraph so her background info be given its own sentence(s) and moved a bit later in the paragraph. Dr. Kathy Klein will work closely....Dr. Klein has been meeting over the summer with Dr. Linda Feeney, Director of E-learning, in preparation...Dr. Klein began teaching in Stockton's Interesting Department in 2000 and has done Other Interesting Thing, and so on. Her "commitment to support our culture of teaching excellence at Stockton" is what led her to apply..etc.

    15. As of September 1, Stockton University will have a new faculty fellow

      Since the newsletter is coming out well after Sept. 1, wouldn't it be better to say "On September 1, Stockton University welcomed a new faculty fellow." The tense of the rest of the paragraph - "will work" and so on - is fine.

    16. “I am excited to define and fulfill the responsibilities that accompany the role of the E-Learning faculty fellow…” Dr. Klein added.

      No back-to-back quotations! Instead: Dr. Klein added, "I am excited..." etc.

    17. Dr. Klein noted that faculty, no matter their level of experience in the classroom, might not be aware of the res

      Dr. Klein noted that, no matter their level of experience in the classroom, faculty might not be aware of...

      [More readable when subjects are close to verbs]