8 Matching Annotations
  1. Mar 2022
    1. When the older policeman saw the swelling, the black and blue, and the toes like little sausage links, his expression turned to dismay. “That’s bad. That looks broken,” he said. “Ma’am, does your husband have a phone number we can reach him at? We need him to come back.” They waited outside, and I called Caleb. “I’m sorry,” I said. “They are going to arrest you.” He said he already knew. He left his phone on while they arrested him so I could listen. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Did she hit you?” one of the officers asked. “Because we can arrest her, too.” Caleb answered honestly. He said no.

      This passage demonstrates the regret that Caleb felt after his rage would settle. He ultimately knew that the authorities would blame him for the abuse, even though he projected the blame onto Kelly. Caleb was also honest with the police saying she never hit him, showing that in his current state he had no aggression towards her. Without this passage, we would lose all of that.

  2. Dec 2021
    1. In the words of Bill Simmons, those Phoenix Suns teams were “critically acclaimed,” which is the next best thing behind winning a ring. The value of being “critically acclaimed” shouldn’t be overlooked. Young basketball players were fascinated by the Suns and the Rockets.

      I got a lot of complaints that my conclusion didn't reflect what the rest of my essay was about, as well as it not being clear what my final thoughts were. I tweaked a lot part of it, but this selection is what i felt was the biggest addition. I feel as though it helps contextualize my closing thoughts in a way that most readers can understand.

    2. He gave D’Antoni full control over how the team will play and a new revolution started with a shocking mathematical discovery: 3 > 2. While it’s harder to make shots the farther the player is from the basket, the value gained by the extra point makes it worth the try. In the 2020-2021 NBA season, the league average three-point percentage was 36.7% while the two-point percentage was 53%, which is a massive spike in efficiency (Basketball Reference). However, by multiplying these percentages by the number of points gained for making the shot, which results in the points per attempt, three-point attempts are statistically the better shot.

      After getting feedback from the class during the workshop period, I realized one of the biggest struggles I would have with writing a paper on statistics, non-fans have no idea what they mean. While I have been learning about stats for years, this was many of the readers' first encounter with them. Because of this I had to try and find a balance between explaining what these numbers mean and why their relevant, while also making sure that it feels natural with the flow of the paper.

    3. It wasn’t until Billy Beane took over as the head General Manager of the A’s that advanced analytics took over the organization. He promoted Paul DePodesta, a Harvard graduate with a degree in economics that never played baseball, to his assistant manager position.

      I removed a lot of insignificant details from the end of this paragraph because they took away from my main point. While the inclusion of the origins of Moneyball were important to my overall argument, it originally ran on for too long.

    1. Cars occasionally drive past, likely parents leaving after saying their goodbyes to their kids that live in the Lower campus dorms. As they drive, the soothing sound of their tires rolling along the roads gives me something else to hear other than those A/C units.

      Originally these two sentences were very short and bare of much detail at all. I was unsure of whether to change these or not because I thought it could possibly take away from the freewrite aspect of it. In the end, I thought including some additional details added more than they took away.

    2. a long narrow set of stone stairs that link the Lower and Upper campuses of Boston College

      I added this portion of the stair because after rereading my original writing, I noticed a lack in concrete, specific details, so I added this description to help better visualize the scene.

    3. Meditative Journaling

      This piece came from the journal entry we wrote after listening to the podcasts on mapping. We were to write for 20 minutes on the details that we were able to take in through all of our senses. I originally approached this entry with a meditative exercise, similar to a freewrite. I chose to return to this piece because it was assigned during a time when I really needed an excuse to relax and center myself, and wanted to apply new topics we learned to it.

  3. Sep 2021
    1. the consensus that children’s lives are not their own but must be closely regulated by adults.

      While this statement is true and does have some merit in an argument against our current education system, it is flawed in application. If you let the decision of whether to go to school or not to a 10 year old, obviously they'd choose to stay home. No kid enjoys going to school, its a necessary evil to prepare us for life in the real world.