8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Feb 2020
    1. societies common u

      society's

    2. Her use of figurative language such as metaphors

      do you want to break this long paragraph up for your reader's sake?

    3. he audience that Anzaldua is seemingly targeting is inclusive of anyone who may have been faced with some sort of tribulation due to their differences. Her purpose of writing this autobiography is clearly to empower those who

      May I ask you to slow your analysis down? you move too quickly

    4. To continue, the literary work of Gloria Anzaldua, “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” is another prime example of communicative excellence which can be classified by the genre, autobiography.

      I appreciate the attempt at transition but might you tweak just a bit for precision?

    5. In the second paragraph of King’s fifth page, he writes, “I must honestly reiterate that I have been disappointed with the church. I do not say that as one of those negative critics who can always find something wrong with the church. I say it as a minister of the gospel who loves the church, who was nurtured in its bosom, who has been sustained by its Spiritual blessings, and who will remain true to it as long as the cord of life shall lengthen.”

      good use of text, although you might want to set off long quotations as a block

    6. This is a discerning choice of genre due to the fact that letters are quite interpersonal, having a direct effect on the target reader or audience. T

      good point

    7. After reading Martin Luther King Jr.’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail”, it quickly became evident that he was able to convey his message in a clear, concise, thoughtful manner that happened to make an impact and reflect his purpose of writing in the first place; that purpose being to make a change and bring forth peace.

      May I ask you to tweak this topic sentence to focus your analysis using the three terms?

    8. it is clear that these communicative works all share a common excellency when it comes to conveying a specified message to their audience, and hint at a theory of writing/communication that can be applied universally.

      This is a solid, helpful, opening paragraph

    9. Harvard Graduate School of Education, director. Facebook Watch. Facebook Watch, Harvard Graduate School of Education, 26 May 2016, www.facebook.com/HarvardEducation/videos/10153893399331387. 2/09/20

      forgot the author?

    1. Collins purpose in his address is to get the graduating class focused on the present rather than the future

      try to distinguish between purpose and message, okay?

    2. Collins, being a poet, has a more casual (albeit still effective) style of writing when trying to reach his audience in his Colorado College Commencement Address.

      I appreciate the attempt at transition

    3. Latin American brothers and sisters,

      Be precise: Anzaldua is an American

    4. the purpose of this work is to create

      note how you've changed the order of your terms: why? could that confuse your reader?

    5. his purpose, his reasons for why his movement

      can you be more precise about purpose? it isn't the same thing as a message, right?

    6. Amas

      spelling?

    7. the bible

      the Bible

    8. “I had hoped that the white moderate would see this

      he is addressing the eight clergymen, note

    9. King is writing back to the eight clergymen who published an open letter to king in the Birmingham newspaper urging him to wait on trying to rally the Birmingham civil rights community.

      correct--good Btu can you say something about the letter genre does? Why write a letter instead of an essay or sermon?

    10. During the course of this paper we will look over the works of Collins’, King, and Anzaldua and how they handle these concepts.

      good, helpful, opening paragraph

    11. What genre to use is heavily influenced by your audience,

      good point--glad to see you start to make connection But why the shift to "you"?

    12. Collins, Billy. “Collins Commencement Address.” Poet Laureate Billy Collins Gives Brilliand and Witty Commencement Address at Colorado College, 2008, 2013, www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm. King, Martin Luther. “Letter from Birmingham Jail.” Aug. 1963. https://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/documents/Letter_Birmingham_Jail.pdf 7 February 2020   Anzaldúa, Gloria “How to Tame a Wild Tongue.” Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza 1987, www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf. 7 February 2020

      Works Cited Close to MLA--remember to alphabetize by author's last name

    1. their is

      there

    2. Billy Collins commencement speech , it  is a very touching speech  and makes you  sit their and think

      revise topic sentence so that it helps you stay focused?

    3. the audience is civil rights activists

      please be more patient and more precise

    4. Martiin Luther kings

      again, please edit for typos, punctuation: Martin Luther King's

    5. you the

      why shift to "you"?

    6. genre is a category

      capitalize at the beginning of sentences, please

    7. their is three terms

      please edit for spelling and grammar : there are

    8. In conclusion i believe these article stuck out to me more then most the articles i have read in the past. 

      I don't see a a list of Works Cited or a Postwrite

    1. between the three, however once

      edit for punctuation?

    2. Similar to Collin’s, Donavan Livingstons commencement address was written as a speech but unlike Collins, his entire speech was a poem. Livingston addresses his audience at the beginning of his speech.

      good transition

    3. Unlike Anzaldua my next source Billy Collins Commencement Address has a different rhetorical situation. C

      good attempt at transition, but you might have to tweak it to make it more precise?

    4. Another reason for her writing in different dialects of Spanish was to put the reader in her shoes, to show them how it feels to be treated like an outsider

      good point

    5. Anzaldua’s writing,

      I sense the need for transition, don't you?

    6. Her audience can also be the oppressor, the cause of her uncomfortability. Anzaldua says, “I will no longer be made to feel ashamed of existing, I will have my voice: Indian, Spanish, White.” …I will have my Serpent’s tongue – my woman’s voice, my sexual voice, my poets voice. …I will overcome the tradition of silence.” (24)

      good: you may want to comment after the passage to bring it inline with your analysis

    7. People who have been oppressed or made to feel ashamed of their particular dialect.

      note fragment

    8. is of variety.

      rephrase? varied?

    9. Anzaldua’s genre is a memoir, an autobiography of her memories of events that took place in her life

      yes: but can you say more? doesn't she also include poetry, folk stories, and such? Why mix genres?

    10. her experience as a Spanish American woman whose language was oppressed throughout her life and the different language barriers between her culture and others alike

      Would you consider revising this topic sentence so that it focuses on your task: to analyze the memoir in terms of genre, audience, and purpose?

    11. Gloria Anzaldua’s How to Tame a Wild Togue, she

      rephrase for reference: In her memoir "How to Tame a Wild Tongue," Gloria Anzaldua . . .

    12. I will develop a theory on what makes successful writing.

      this opening paragraph is very helpful

    13. Commencement speech, and Donavan Livingstons’ commencement speech.

      I believe that Livingston's speech has a title, "Lift Off" Try to be consistent with capitalization, okay?

    14. you are writing

      why the shift to "you"?

    15. Maybe your

      Maybe you are

    16. Work Cited   Livingston, Donavan. “Lift Off” Harvard Graduate of Education. May 25,2017     https:/www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xGupKiTeJM accessed Feb 8,2020   Collins, Billy. “Commencement Address Colorado College 2008  Coloradocollege.edu/other/commencement/resources/2008/collinsaddress.html Assessed Feb 8,2020   

      close to MLA form--please alphabetize by author's last name

    17. My question for the reader about this piece would be could you understand my writing and what I was trying to say?

      The post write is helpful. But can you try to ask more pointed or precise questions about the draft?

    1. “The commencement address is also an open invitation to pretend to know more than you do”. Poking fun at himself as the speaker. I also enjoyed his joke early on “Another motto I hold dear is if at first you don’t succeed hide all the evidence that you ever tried.” He later goes on to say “One consolation every commencement speaker can rely on is the universal truth that no one ever remembers their commencement address.

      You do get Colins' comic tone but you don't stay on task: to analyze the speech in terms of genre, audience, and purpose

    2. In the Commencement speech from Billy Collins, he opens with “I am only going to speak for 13 minutes”.

      Can you revise this sentence so that it transitions from the previous paragraph and introduces your topic sentence?

    3. Rev. King was great at nonviolent protests

      Can you revise this topic sentence so that it lets your reader know what the focus of the paragraph will be in relation to genre, audience or purpose? The paragraph seems to be off topic; not sure how it furthers your analysis

    4. I like this passage because its brief and to the point. Rev. King is basically saying that he doesn’t normally take time out of his day to answer criticisms.

      remember to keep your focus on purpose here

    5. A genre is any stylistic category in literature that follows specific conventions. Examples of genre in literature include historical fiction, satire, zombie romantic comedies (zom-rom-com), and so on. … From this early classification, more genresarose, such as the split between comedy and tragedy. Into the audience of Martin Luther King jr in his famous piece of writing “Letters from Birmingham. As well as a commencement address from “Billy Collins”. We will also be discussing the purpose of the writing. The purpose is the author or speakers point of speaking. The final piece we will be looking at will be “How to tame a wild tongue” by Gloria Anzalidea

      This is a helpful introduction with a good definition of "genre." But I am not seeing a definition of the other two terms. And the writing seems very rough: note errors in punctuation and capitalization

      That said, you are introducing the terms and the works.

      Could you also skip a line between paragraphs for more separation?

    6. Citations: https://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/documents/Letter_Birmingham_Jail.pdf MLK Letters to Birmingham Accessed 2/10/2020 https://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm Billy Collins Commencement Address. Accessed 2/10/2020 https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf “How to Tame a wild tongue” by Gloria Anzaldua Accessed -2/15/2020

      You will need to follow MLA format when listing works cited. I'd be glad to help.

    7. . I hope you enjoy my writing on this matter.

      I don't see any questions that you have for your reader.

    1. you cant

      why the shift to "you"?

      can't

    2. Gloria Anzaldua wants for her culture and language to be respected, for it to be considered separate from the English and Spanish language

      so her purpose is . . . .?

    3. to focus on the present and what to avoid spending your time on. Collins says, “When your time is done, you will not be remembered for what clothes you wore or what kind of car you drove. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote a letter to his daughter as she was beginning college. The letter is full of fatherly advice about such things as the importance of studying and the dangers of boys. Finally, at the end of the letter, he adds ““Don’t spend a lot of time on your hair.”””

      you seem to be losing focus and talking about message, no?

    4. Collins is trying to inspire.

      good, although one could make the argument that King wishes to inspire action but clearly Collins' work is more positive

    5. o instill action

      good, direct and accurate

    6. King writes to a specific Reverend, “I commend you, Reverend Stallings, for your Christian stand this past Sunday in welcoming Negroes to your Baptist Church worship service on a nonsegregated basis

      okay--this is evidence. Can you see other signs in the writing that suggests that King is thinking about his audience (references to Jesus Christ and the apostles, for example?)

    7. Monastery officials

      see my earlier comment

    8. Collins knowing that, lets the audience in on how long he will be speaking, ““…when it is over, so you can look forward to experiencing that pleasure 13 minutes from now. All the pre-law students just looked at their watches.” (Collins) Being aware of the audience’s expectations and flipping them around gives the audience a refreshing feeling instead of dread that comes with a commencement address.

      good--and you use the quotation well

    9. aggress

      typo

    10. This quote is directed towards the groups of people telling the Chicanos to speak “properly

      good, important point

    11. Gloria Anzaldua addresses the two parties that antagonize the Chicana language and way of living, the English and Spanish speakers

      Can you transition from genre to audience?

    12. n informative piece that is included in a book (Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza). Anzaldua wished to inform her audience a

      focus? You seem to have forgotten genre and move don to purpose and audience?

    13. Collins says, “…when it is over, so you can look forward to experiencing that pleasure 13 minutes from now. All the pre-law students just looked at their watches.” (Collins) The humor and the interaction he has with the audience is meant to be experienced live.

      Are you still talking about genre? You seem to have moved to voice and tone. Try to stay focused on genre and full explain the features of each genre. For example, what does a commencement address usually contain? How do we know that Collins understand the genre?

    14. Gloria Anzaldua “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” Aunt Luke Books. 1987 https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Doma in/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf  Access 10 Feb.2020.  

      Format seems off and a bit hard to read. Remember to begin with author's last name, alphabetized

    15. I would like to know how to word my transitions better when switching between authors and the three aspects of the rhetorical situations.  

      Thanks: I'll look for them.

    16. Commencement address is a speech meant to be heard in front of a crowd

      Bill Collins'. . . .

      May I suggest some kind of transition from King to Collins?

    17. Martin Luther King Jr’s (MLK) “Letter from Birmingham Jail” as its name suggests is a letter

      okay--good and direct.

    18. It is the first sentence in his letter that indicates this is meant to be delivered or read by the eight monastery officials.

      yes--agreed. Before moving on to Collins, can you say something about the significance of writing a letter? How is writing a letter different from writing an essay, for example?

    19. WHILE

      your caps? typo?

    20. monastery

      do you mean clergymen? Try to be precise and accurate, okay?

    21. I’ll be dividing this paper based on those three aspects starting with Genre.

      Your introductory paragraph is helpful--thanks.

    22. to who the author is writing for

      to whom the author is writing

    23. Genre (the style

      try to be more precise: is it "style" or "category"? See textbook for difference?

    24. Letter From Birmingham Jail

      please punctuate as a formal title of the work

    25. writers’

      should be singular, no?

    26. Timburg

      Tinberg

  2. Dec 2019
    1. believe that it integral to any research of the Globe Theatre to include the socioeconomic diversity of the attendees so that we can gain a better understanding of exactly was going on in Elizabethan England. In addition it is rather telling the way the actors were viewed or portrayed as living a vagrant lifestyle as stated above. It is also important to remember that everyone from rich, poor, educated, uneducated, and royalty found the plays entertaining. Often times we have grandiose self perceptions of what the theatre and everything involved were like. Unfortunately the more we delve into the history, the more we discover that it was more of an all inclusive event or spectacle that anyone that could afford to buy admission would attend. Not what most high-schoolers “forced” to read Shakespeare in their English classes would imagine. I find extremely important that the perception of the actors as vagrant in the eyes of the law enforcement of the time is worth pointing out considering many of the plays were performed for Queen Elizabeth and James I. As a matter of fact the “Lord Chamberlains Men” (Shakespeare’s acting company) was renamed the “Kings Men”  by James I. A rather interesting twist of fate for people of a “vagrant lifestyle” to be elevated from pretty much the doldrums of society to royal performers. https://www.brighthubeducation.com/high-school-lessons-the-arts/94715-the-globe-theater-history

      font size and color not easy to read

    2. a misfired canon ball

      some special effect!

    3. This article will not deal with his work, however

      more annotated bibliography? It seems that what we have here is your weekly refection about your sources?

    4. I really want to focus on the stage limitations and advantages of the time and how it impacted the writing and acting out of the many plays that were performed there. It would also be great to know what it was like to be a patron of the theatre and the benefits and drawbacks of the different seating

      yes: this would make for interesting research

    5. Shakespeare’s Globe by Amy Allison Posted on October 23, 2019 by dotratview

      Is this part of an annotated bibliography? Not sure I understand why it is placed here, alone

    6. The theatre was equally visited by people of all social statuses–poor people, rich people, those who were educated and others. During Shakespeare’s era, acting was a treacherous way of life; many stage players were the subject of possible arrest, due to their vagrant lifestyle. The records show that there were 26 actors considered among the Shakespeare’s company “Principal Actors.” One of the actors was Richard Burbage, a brother of Cuthbert Burbage. Richard Burbage was also an owner of Blackfriars Theatre, another venue but smaller than the Globe Theater. Further, he was the main initiator of performances of Hamlet, Othello and many other famous Shakespearean characters.”

      helpful but please cite your source

    7. . I find this remarkable to “see” it even if this is a version built almost 400 years after the original. The intimacy of the Theatre and the ambience shine through with this video tour.

      I agree: this film is quite useful. What a lovely recreation of The Globe!

  3. Nov 2019
    1. he goes over the dangers and the effects of global warming

      don't you want to move this section earlier?

    2. Greta

      use last name only (first name is too informal, right?)

    3. “But no. And no one talks about it. There are no emergency meetings, no headlines, no breaking news. No one is acting as if we were in a crisis. Even most climate scientists or green politicians keep on flying around the world, eating meat and dairy

      cite author Please use signal phrase to introduce and integrate this quotation

    4. Greta Thunberg Ted Talk

      edit for apostrophe use: Thunberg's TED

    5. CNN made a short video about Donal Trump opinion about global warming. https://www.cnn.com/2017/08/08/politics/trump-global-warming/index.html. In 0:19 Donal Trump says “I’m not a believer in global warming Im not a believer in manmade global warming. What Trump is saying is that scientific and manmade is not real and is a hoax. “ We may have a global warming problem but it would be of the nuclear variety”. Donal Trump refers to the “nuclear variety” to be North Korea, and how they are infesting into nuclear warfare and how this should be our problem to focus on. Donal Trump also stops funding to U.N global programs like The United Nation Environment Programme and the Paris Agreement. Many Americans believe this because their tax dollars have been going into helping prevent global warming but, Trump states that “billions” of tax dollars is being wasted to prevent global warming and there are other problems that are higher priority to worry about.

      I'm confused: most of this paragraph has to do with Trump and climate denial: is that your topic in this paragraph? Try to focus your paragraph with a pointed and accurate topic sentence, okay?

    6. how they are infesting

      I don't understand

    7. “I’m not a believer in global warming Im not a believer in manmade global warming. W

      edit for mechanics: spelling, punctuation, bold

    8. Donal Trump o

      typo

    9. Most Americans don’t believe in global warming because of politics.

      cite source?

    10. There are many factors of global warming such as, what causes global warming, how to prevent it, is it a hoax, and so on. But the main reason for global warming is us.

      I'm a bit confused: will you be focusing on effects (affecting us) or causes (we are responsible)? both?

    11. Global Warming

      note inconsistent capitalization in this draft

    12. Global warming

      why capitalize "Global"?

    13. Works cited: “Documentation,” Writing in the Works.” 423-481 http://www.easybib.com/guides/students/topics-pages/global-warming/               Accessed October 16,2019 https://www.cnn.com/2017/08/08/politics/trump-global-warming/index.htm                Accessed October 16,2019 lhttps://www.ted.com/talks/greta_thunberg_the_disarming_case_to_act_right_now_on_climate#t-67645                                                                Accessed October 16,2019 https://www.nature.com/articles/nclimate2067 (peer reviewed)

      This list is not in MLA format, nor is it complete. I don't see three peer reviewed sources obtained via. a database, nor do I see a personal interview

    1. Low the cost of Room & Board

      Lowering?

    2. Tim Cabral who is

      transition would be helpful Tim Cabral,

    3. ADA compliance, indoor air quality, sprinkler fitters, design-bid-build, and 24/7 is now relatively common in the student housing vernacular. Students have high expectations for up-to-date service delivery and facili- ties that provide value. Individuals responsible for student housing pro- grams must offer students safe and fully functioning facilities with modern amenities and programs, all at reasonable cost.” (Ryan, p. 59)

      see my earlier comments about responding to long quotations

    4. “The cost of room and board has doubled between 1980 and 2014 at public and private four-year colleges, when adjusted for inflation, and is up by more than 40 percent at community colleges. Public four-year colleges and universities now charge an average $9,798 a year for room and board.

      cite source? Is this a quotation? Please change formatting and paragraphing if needed

    5. “Federal and state funding for higher education has steadily decreased since 2008, which has resulted in rising tuition costs. As colleges attempt to financially survive without the additional government subsidies, they are left with no choice but to raise tuition.” (Hunter, par. 5)

      be careful not to over quote--don't forget to respond to the quotations (probably a good idea to avoid starting and ending a paragraph with a quotation)

    6. “Average tuition and fees at four-year not-for-profit private colleges and universities rose from $10,901 for the 1982-83 academic year to $29,056 for 2012-13 (in 2012 dollars) and from $2,423 to $8,65

      good compelling statistics

    7. The Tuition

      delete "The"

    8. personal habits, it is hard to

      edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere

    9. expenditures which

      expenditures, which are

    10. why colleges are so expensive

      why are colleges so expensive?

    11. Sajay, Samuel

      last name sufficient here

    12. Why colleges are so expensive?

      This is given as a statement rather than a question. If you wish to ask a question, you should phrase it thus: "Why are colleges so expensive?"

    13. Works Cited Hunter, Brittany.” Why is the cost of college tuition becoming so pricey.” n.d. 14 April 2018. <https://centerforindividualism.org/why-is-the-cost-of-college-tuition-so-pricey/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwr-_tBRCMARIsAN413WTpX91MhEC51naRa2H4_kV5623yuh-_pwXcfEtkkc9OtTMzPax0Nv4aAr9dEALw_wcB>. Costello, Eamon, et al. “Determining Textbook Cost, Formats, and Licensing with Google Books API: A Case Study from an Open Textbook Project.” Information Technology & Libraries, vol. 38, no. 1, Mar. 2019, pp. 91–99. EBSCOhost, doi:10.6017/ital.v38i1.10738. Powell, Farran & Kerr, Emma. n.d. 5 August 2019. “11 Ways to Cut Your Textook Costs.”<https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/slideshows/10-ways-to-cut-your-textbook-costs?slide=9>.

      pretty close to MLA: please alphabetize by author's last name Include dates of access Include personal interview

    14. In this draft, I need to know how to search information from library database or online, distinguish the reliable or unreliable resources, and set up the frame for the essay. I also need to have a clear mind that who will be my audience in this essay  and what they want to know about my topic, my genre is research paper which is based on reliable resources, my purpose is to explain

      good, helpful reflection

    1. One between India and Pakistan forced starving bears to attack villagers” (Whitty). 

      I see you have a habit of ending paragraphs with quotations and citations. See if you can end with your response to the quotation.

    2. zoo’s.

      zoos

    3. There is much speculation

      try to make this active: Scholars speculate considerably . . . .

    4. According to National Geographic, “extinction happens when environmental factors or evolutionary problems cause a species to die out. The disappearance of species from Earth is ongoing, and rates have varied over time. A quarter of mammals are at risk of extinction” (Sartore). 

      did you want this to be its own paragraph or shouldn't you rather integrative within hour own paragraph and topic sentence?

    5. “100-10,000- fold increase in the ‘natural’ or ‘background’ extinction rate that normally occurs as a consequence of gradual environmental changes” (

      not quite integrated--provide a transition?

    6. Animals and their species all play a crucial role in our environment. When asked the question, what happens in an environment when a species of animal goes extinct, many other questions may arise. How does a species go extinct? Are their ways to save a species? Should humans get involved?

      this opening is engaging and informative -good

    7. Works Cited

      I don't see a personal interview

    8. scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&amp;as_sdt=0%2C7&amp;as_vis=1&amp;q=animal+extinction+global+warming&amp;oq=animal+extinction+glo#d=gs_qabs&amp;u=%23p%3DhYNPkDS_CgAJ

      please use databases

    9. http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/detail/detail?vid=8&sid=1d4886a2-99ee-4c09-b36b-ed04b6b2565e%40pdc-v-sessmgr03&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#AN=20827269&db=cmedm    http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/detail/detail?vid=12&sid=1d4886a2-99ee-4c09-b36b-ed04b6b2565e%40pdc-v-sessmgr03&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#AN=29408868&db=cmedm

      not in MLA stule

    10. as this can greatly impact our environment and can be very detrimental. 

      I don't see a post write

    1. A popular comparison to draw comes from the Nordic countries,

      see my earlier comment

    2. The final source of discussion for this inquiry is a personally-conducted interview,

      perhaps you could provide a more meaningful transition?

    3. Don

      first name only seems a bit too informal, right?

    4. production capability, however he

      edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere

    5. prosperous

      point of logic: define "prosperous." Why is that the same as employed? Recall that one may be employed but also poor, right?

    6. This was further supported with data regarding “Right-to-Work” states: states with this program experienced a roughly 51% job growth rate between 1900 and 2016, whereas states that did not adopt this program grew only 24%

      cite source

    7. History, Art & Archives).

      cite author

    8. time however,

      time, however,

    9. mid-2008 and the end of 2016

      point of accuracy: recession ended well before 2016

    10. p 123, 138)

      cite author again

    11. s are negative, however they’re

      edit for comma splice and comma use

    12. the article “Direct and Individual Effects of Government Spending on State Economic Growth” published in Growth & Chang

      this should go into your Works Cited list. Here cite author's last name only

    13. also not be a topic of discussion for this essay.

      why not? Please explain

    14. The hypothesis is that socialism does promote workforce easement and a reduction in willingness to participate.

      might you put this earlier?

    15. from this however,

      this, however,

    16. rampant and ridiculous racism

      I'm not sure what you mean but the tone is a bit troubling and not consistent with your purpose, right?

    17. These would make for an interesting model aside

      I'm confused: shouldn't you give the example/comparison before critiquing it? And remember your purpose: not to critique but to inquire and explore, right?

    18. sedentary will be defined as progress-based stagnation,

      okay: I will accept the more precise term "stagnation," whose connotation is quite different

    19. As such, does socialism promote a sedentary society?

      the language of the question seems to convey a bias, I believe

    20. warbles

      diction?

    21. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Labor Force Statistics from the Current Population Survey, Oct2019

      web source? please use MLA format

    22. “Direct and Individual Effects of Government Spending on State Economic Growth” Growth & Change. Mar2018, Vol. 49 Issue 1, p122-141. 20p. History, Art & Archives, U.S. House of Representatives, “Presidents, Vice Presidents, & Coinciding Sessions of Congress,” https://history.house.gov/Institution/Presidents-Coinciding/Presidents- Coinciding/ (October 2019) “Labor Market Freedom and Geographic Differentials in Percentage Unemployment Rate in the U.S.” Journal of Economics & Finance. Oct2019, Vol. 43 Issue 4, p828-840. 13p. 5 Charts. Schweickart, David. (2010). Is Sustainable Capitalism Possible?. Procedia – Social and Behavioral Sciences. 2. 6739-6752. 10.1016/j.sbspro.2010.05.020.

      not in MLA format Please include names of database used and doi #

    1. The addicts however,

      The addicts, however,

    2. Many things can lead an addict to the desire to get clean.

      transition?

    3. My interviewee

      cite last name?

    4. it  “Gave

      it "[g]ave me. . . .

    5. In order to get a better idea of how addiction affects a person, I went to my interviewee.

      is there a smoother way to integrate data from the interview?

    6. here are many effects of addiction

      I wonder if this section should have come sooner?

    7. Depending on the amount of drugs the addict uses, it can change their brain structure

      please use signal phrases to remind us what you are borrowing in this long paragraph (and cite source)

    8. Serial killers are classified as psychopaths. Psychopathic brain structures is different because when they were in the womb, their brains were bathed in too much serotonin. They have a chemical imbalance.

      you seem to losing the threat of your topic

    9. As defined by Psychology Today,

      cite author?

    10. Novelty seeking is another characteristic.

      characteristic of . . .

      start a new paragraph?

    11. by sciencedirect.com, “is broadly defined as “actions without foresight” that are “poorly conceived, prematurely expressed, unduly risky, or inappropriate to the situation, and that often result in undesirable outcomes”.

      cite author?

    12. step nine, made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others; step ten, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it; step eleven, sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out; and step twelve is having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps

      is all this a paragraphs or quotation? Please make that explicit and transparent

    13. This is meant to help maintain sobriety. During recovery, addicts have what they call a sponsor.

      is this common knowledge or should you be citing your source?

    14. community based

      community-based

    15. there are 10 classes of drugs

      this paragraph seems to lack a clear focus and topic

    16. is very rare, however, it

      edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere

    17. s stated in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition

      doesn't seem to be in your list of Works Cited

    18. Dopamine is a chemical release in the brain that acts as a scientific explanation for addiction. 

      cite source?

    19. etc.

      try to be precise, okay?

    20. Addiction and Recovery

      quotation marks around title? Cite author and put title of article in Works Cited list?

    21. Addiction is defined as “the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity”

      please reference or cite this source

    22. understand more.    

      perhaps rephrase? understand the subject more deeply or thoroughly?

    23. Even though drug addiction is more known, that is not the only addiction out there

      not sure what this means

    24. Causes, Effect

      Effects? no capital for "The'

    25. Work Cited

      good, varied sourcrs

    26. Izquierdo, Alicia, and J. Jentsch. “Reversal Learning as a Measure of Impulsive and Compulsive Behavior in Addictions.” Psychopharmacology, vol. 219, no. 2, Jan. 2012, pp. 607–620. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s00213-011-2579-7. 

      pretty good form--date of access, too?

    1. Deborah Tanner proposed in her best-selling book that “women and men have difficulty communicating with one another, in part because they interpret messages in fundamentally different ways” (Edwards and Hamilton, 491)

      another quotation? why not go to Tannen (check spelling) directly?

    2. dle/working class families. Research found that mothers who were paired with their daughters spoke more about their emotions, while mothers paired with their sons did not use as much emotional talk (Tenebaum, Ford, and Alkhedairy 709).

      interesting

    3. Boys also talked in a more rough, aggressive way in comparison to girls (qtd. in Tenebaum 710)

      I don't see a quotation

    4. “both girls and boys modified their language based on their partner’s gender” (qtd. in Tenebaum 711)

      actually quoted in source?

    5. Researchers also believe that children learn a lot about said gender roles and norms by communicating with their peers of the opposite sex

      cite source

    6. Researchers, while studying communication differences between the sexes, tend to shift their focal point to children and ponder if whether or not the differences in communication stem from certain things that are learned by children when they’re growing. Researchers also consider primitive roles of human beings, and how people of the opposite sex perceive each other in general; whether it be a mother-child relationship, or a same-sex dyad friendship.

      shouldn't you be citing these researchers?

    7. communicate.

      communicates

    8. One of the most crucial aspects of being a human is how we communicate with each other

      good, helpful opening but would you care to break up this long paragraph? Might it be trying to say and do too much at once?

    9. Works Cited

      good form (with dates of access) I don't see a personal interview listed, however

    10. Gray, John. “Mars Brain, Venus Brain.” YouTube, uploaded by TEDx Talks, 20 June 2014,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuM7ZS7nodk

      pretty good form but include date of access?

    1. According to Lev Vygotsky, children learn by internalizing habits, activities, vocabulary and ideas of society that they are brought up in.

      A concern: you are quoting much of. your source without using quotation marks. That would be plagiarism even with the citation you give here.

    2. achievable and in line with their future aspirations. (Vosniadou, 2003)

      I would suggest not ending a paragraph with a citation since I can't tell what material that came before is yours and what belongs to the source

    3. the child with hands-on activities such as: observations, experiments and projects.

      good, specific, detail

    4. Research shows that the traditional method of learning was not meeting the goals set for learners

      where as new approaches can meet those goals

    5. Comes up among; curriculum builders, teachers and parents so that the best can be provided to children.

      here, too: not quite a sentence

    6. For the achievement of the best learning method on children a question on how best children learn best?

      doesn't seem quite a sentence

    7. Learning requires children to pay attention, observe, memorize, comprehend, set some goals and take responsibility for their learning. (Vosniadou, 2003)

      I appreciate the in-text--MLA doesn't require year in text

    8. The world is experiencing a lot of changes in the present day

      seems very general, no?

    9. How Do Children Learn Best

      want to make this into a statement? How Children Learn Best or a question: How Do Children Learn Best?

    10. Vosniadou, S. (2003). How children learn. Successful schooling.

      web source? incomplete

      you will need to include a personal interview, too, right?

    11. Charteris, J. D. (2017). “Innovative learning environments and new materialism: A conjunctural analysis of pedagogic spaces. Educational Philosophy and Theory, 808-821.

      please use MLA (I think these are din APA style) please include the name of the database used as well and date of access

    12. for themselves and the society at large.

      no post write?

    1. Addiction

      addiction

    2. This transition involves some neurological factors. In order to become addicted, the drug user must have certain neurological characteristics

      good transition

    3. predominant reason

      reasons?

    4. It is important to note that many of these characteristics are normal and common.

      good point

    5. These factors alone did not cause Nic and Thomas to become drug addicts. Many people go through things that are similar to this, but they do not become addicts.

      I appreciate the qualification--an awareness how complex addiction really is

    6. Many scientists believe there are certain risk factors that can make someone more susceptible to addiction.

      sharp topic sentence

    7. addiction, however, there are many theories.

      edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere