- Apr 2020
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rpaiva1997.edublogs.org rpaiva1997.edublogs.org
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Humans are very caring beings
you may want to qualify this statement?
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With new legislation being introduced in both the United States and the United Kingdom,
cite source?
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The health benefits from the human-pet relationship have been debated
thank you for bringing this up
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the chemical Oxytocin is released into our brains causing a sense of bliss and comfort.
fascinating: do you have scholarly sources to confirm?
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they review
reporters review?
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When I asked Nicholas if he kept animals to fulfill a social obligation
note my comment above about Q and A
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I asked
try to avoid providing Q and A but rather select key parts of the interview for integrating within your paragraph
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I sat down to interview marine biologist, Nicholas Paiva who has had twenty-three years of experience in pet ownership.
glad to hear it but can. you provide a more meaningful topic sentence here that follows from what just came before?
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Moore later stated during his speech that “kids are more likely to live with a pet than with their biological father or sibling.”
good use of source but you might consider starting paragraphs with your own topic sentence before drawing from a source
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In a published article entitled, Pet-keeping in early life reduces the risk of allergy in a dose-dependent fashion,
put in Works Cited list rather than here Here you should cite the author, right?
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A human-pet relationship can effect hormones and stress level, promote weight loss and have many other major health problems (Moore).
very interesting
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Every interaction between ourselves and our pets grows and strengthens this bond.
source? still the TED Talk? are there other sources to confirm? If so, please cite
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Zooeyia is a term used by Dr. Rustin Moore during a Ted X Talk to describe the countless positive benefits associated with keeping pets.
Interesting but i sense the need for a transition? "Zooeyia" is a term
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What sets aside an animal from a pet is the emotional bond built over time with the animal.
on both sides or just the human? Please clarify?
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Rebekah Fox, an established author published an article focusing on the everyday relationship between humans and their animal counterparts. The article entitled “Animal behaviors, post-human lives: everyday negotiations of the animal–human divide in pet-keeping” focuses
glad to see this useful source but you can put the title of the article in the Works Cited list rather than here and perhaps you can compress this intro: Rbekah Fox, a published experts on the everyday relationship. . . . observes that. . . .
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the two of you.
why the shift to "you"?
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of my entire life ever since I was born
part of my life. . . .
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rational
rationale
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do we get anything from our relationships with our pets.
edit for punctuation?
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Fox, Rebekah. “Animal Behaviors, Post-Human Lives: Everyday Negotiations of the Animal–Human Divide in Pet-Keeping.” Social & Cultural Geography, vol. 7, no. 4, Aug. 2006, pp. 525–537., doi:10.1080/14649360600825679. Fox, Rebekah & Gee, Nancy R. (2019) “Great expectations: changing social, spatial and emotional understandings of the companion animal–human relationship, Social & Cultural Geography”, 20:1, 43-63, doi: 10.1080/14649365.2017.1347954 Hesselmar, Bill, et al. “Pet-Keeping in Early Life Reduces the Risk of Allergy in a Dose-Dependent Fashion.” Plos One, vol. 13, no. 12, 2018, pp. 1–13., doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0208472.
good MLA format and I am pleased to see the required number of peer reviewed articles, clearly listed
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Moore, Rustin. “The Power of a Pet.” Youtube 6. April 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-t4m6mo0bMY Morelli, Jim. “Health benefits of pets” Youtube, Commentary by Jim Morelli. , 28. Feb. 2014. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuAes1Q-6Bs
dates of access (last visit(?
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Post Write
You do a fine job in this postwrite, by the way: detailed and reflective
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This paper makes us take a step back and not focus on convincing our audience one way or the other. Instead we are focusing on providing all the information we discovered during our research process and allow the reader to make the final judgment based on the facts we provide.
exactly--well stated
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For example, right now I am also working on a research assignment for my Sociology class. Both these assignments require us to use peer-reviewed information. My other assignment focuses more o applying different theories into my own research topic and want me to draw connections into my essay between my theory, research and knowledge of sociology together.
interesting--I appreciate the detail
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nlacerda12.edublogs.org nlacerda12.edublogs.org
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now they
who are "they"?
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Now where is the future of gaming heading toward?
Perhaps you can get to answering this question sooner?
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A free for all third person shooter where the last man standing is determined the victor.
edit for fragment
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Meaning that at all times while playing you are seeing other players playing in the same game as you doing various quests, or you can be facing off against them.
edit for fragment
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Marathon however Bungie’s success was far
edit for punctuation
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This leads into current games in the industry.
You seem to have forgotten your questipn?
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Now World of Warcraft offers a fifteen dollar a month subscription service allowing you to access all of the DLC content that they have created as long as you pay each month to play on it.
this is helpful summary of the past but doesn't quite get you to look at the future, righ?
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And we just weren’t prepared. On a lot of fronts”
edit for punctuation
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Until they escaped or failed to escape leading to game over.
fragment
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Dungeons and Dragons.
italicize title?
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he game was played through the programming language of C++ which is still used as a coding software today.
cite source?
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releasing in 1978.
released
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It leads people to wonder though, what is the future of online gaming?
What prompts the question, exactly?
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Twitch streamer
who is your audience here? should I know what "Twitch" is?
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make you
why the shift to "you"?
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how they
how games look
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Releasing in 1958
Released in
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pong.
please capitalize and italicize titles?
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Dexerto. “Shroud Argues Battle Royale Esports Won’t Succeed without a Major Change.” Dexerto.com, Dexerto.com, 12 May 2019, www.dexerto.com/entertainment/shroud-explains-whats-wrong-with-competitive-battle-royales-620142.
author's last name? date of access?
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Sources:
Works Cited please alphabetize, without numbers or subheadings I should be able to tell which are scholarly and which not, following MLA format
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Garner, Rashaud March 10th, 2020
Personal Interview? Please indicate
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How involved/ how much did you know about gaming before reading this?
good question--of course as the writer you have the power to identify an intended audience with or without such knowledge
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mpires45.edublogs.org mpires45.edublogs.org
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“Student athletes manifest stronger peer relationships, better attachment with adults, higher self-esteem, a closer sense of family, and participate more in volunteerism.”
cite source and comment?
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High school is a really good way kids can start their way to developing good career skills
Can you tie this idea with your topic of team sports?
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Sports offer more than just entertainment, it offers competition without violence while having the exceptions for hockey and football.
This is a really interesting point: can you spend time with it and use your research to unpack this idea?
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he responsibility of just being on a basketball court, taking that role in the position you play to lead your team or help your team and to work as as a team comes a lot of responsibility.
not quite a sentence, I believe
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just being attractive.
okay--good transition. Can you provide a topic sentence that helps shape this paragraph's main idea?
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In the article, “5 benefits of team sports”, one of the benefits was teamwork.
okay--good to see a source used here. Can you cite the author's last name?
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Team sports in my opinion goes farther
go farther
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they have to work
players have to work
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you need
why the shift to "you"?
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Work Cited https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/bering-in-mind/if-darwin-were-a-sports-psychologist-evolution-and-athletics/ https://www.atyourownrisk.org/benefits-of-sports/ https://www.hdnews.net/d379245b-8ea9-559a-ae30-3a5ce7360a89.html https://sqord.com/5-benefits-of-team-sports/ https://archives.cjr.org/full_court_press/science_sportswriting.php
not in MLA format I simply cannot tell what these sources are I'd be glad to help. Remember you need: three peer reviewed sources from databases one personal interview 2 additional, credible sources
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supporting your home team
no postwrite?
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r3dh4tluke.edublogs.org r3dh4tluke.edublogs.org
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We should be able to cope with them, talk about them, because if we experience it, it just means that we’re human.
well said
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and it was fear that made the shooters at Columbine kill thirteen fellow students
do we have evidence for this? Please cite?
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Jackman, Washington Post)
last name sufficient here--rest goes to Works Cited list
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In the article Did lead poisoning, and outrage over police violence, set the stage for Korryn Gaines’s death, i
please punctuate and capitalize title and put title in Works Cited list?
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The second reason could also be lead poisoning, which would have heightened this need to fight back, and could’ve been an effect of her environment.
is there evidence of this? And might there be another reason: evidence of police bias/abuse?
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An example of this could be the murder of a twenty three year old mother, Korryn Gaines, who was shot to death on August 1st, 2016 after refusing to go to court for a crime that she committed. When the police received a warrant and came to her house, she armed herself with a shotgun, and again, refused to let the police take her.
cite source?
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But development is not the only factor in violent tendencies.
good transition
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Colbert emphasized that, “those who have been hurt, have the need to hurt others.”
I like the quotation but note what I say above about starting a paragraph with your own comments rather than a quotation.
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But we need to take note of what violence was instinctively used for. It could be used for hunting, but also for prevention of being hunted.
not sure if this fits here
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Identity Vs. Role
number 5?
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However, I will only cover the first five as they are the most relevant for this paper.
please cite source at point of borrowing
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There were five stages in our past that can manifest these emotions Colbert told me about
I sense the need for a transition?
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Evidence supporting the hypothesis that family conflict causes increased hostility, antisocial behavior, and aggression, in children is quite persuasive.” (Barber, 443)
good, compelling evidence but try not to begin or end a paragraph with someone else'w words: I want to see your commentary play a prominent role
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Barber, 2000b; Lykken, 1995; Patterson et al., 1989
I appreciate the in text citations but these are in APA rather than MLA format
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During my research, I found an article titled Why is Violent Crime so Common in the Americas, and in that article, it stated “Children who are raised in conflict-ridden,
you might put the title in the Works Cited list and tweak this topic sentence to announce the topic of the paragraph
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abused either physically or mentally.
this is a critical element, I imagine, one about which I assume your sources have much to say
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This does not only mean it only takes
rephrase: This does not mean that it only . . . .
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Although, contrary to what you might think, we aren’t taught how to approach these parts of the world by our parents.
an awkward start to the sentence--a fragment rather than a sentence
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what you
why the shift to "you"?
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And through this learning process, it shapes
rephrase? This learning process shapes . . .
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interviewed Evan Colbert
include source in Works Cited?
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a couple
a couple of
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hypothesize that people do this because of developmental and psychological factors, social or environmental influences, and a sense of fear which triggers a fight or flight response to a possible threat.
I appreciate the clear hypothesis and transparent organization (including subheadings)--very reader-friendly
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If we have this kind of knowledge, we can avoid incidents similar to mine, and discuss them in a healthier way.
a very clear and cogent statement of purpose
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And that no one would understand how it felt to keep all those emotions in for so long
here, too--lapse in punctuation
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Like my reaction meant that I deserved to be locked up.
edit for fragment
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During the Fall of 2019, I threatened someone with a knife – my brother. For most of my childhood, he would manipulate my emotions and try to take control over me as though he was a third parent.
this is a compelling opening
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Auchter, Bernie. “Men Who Murder Their Families: What the Research Tells Us.” NIJ Journal, May 2010. https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/230412.pdf?fbclid=IwAR0DXqECxaR0bA9u0thGJEB-ybnm8VhhwZStXGn_r62IgDGAdSRjTtwP5Rc Barber, Nigel. “Why is Violent Crime so Common in the Americas?” Aggressive Behavior, John Wiley & Sons Inc, 2006, 442-450 Colbert, Evan, LICSW Jackman, Tom. “Did lead poisoning, and outrage over police violence, set the stage for Korryn Gaines’s death?” Washington Post Newspaper, 3 August 2016. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/true-crime/wp/2016/08/03/did-lead-poisoning-and-outrage-over-police-violence-set-the-stage-for-korryn-gainess-death/ Shackelford, Buss & Weekes-Shackelford. “Wife Killings Committed in the Context of a Lovers Triangle.” BASIC AND APPLIED SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc. 2003, 25(2), 137–143 “Japan Schoolgirl Killer ‘sorry.” BCC News, 3 June 2004. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3772737.stm
You may want to put a space between sources for easier reading. Hard to be sure, but it seems you have at least two schoarly sources, but I can't be sure: please name the database used and provide "doi"? Not sure I see a personal interview listed
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the writer has to BE the audience at one point in time in order to understand them completely.
This is a critical point: and a real challenge for all writers--to inhabit the space/minds of their readers
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still more than what I’m used to. Not that it’s a bad thing.
I would hope that it is a good thing!
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krapozawrites.edublogs.org krapozawrites.edublogs.org
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Enteric fermentation is the digestive process in ruminant animals where microbes of the digestive tract decompose and ferment the food.
Thanks for this
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hile the beef industry easily takes the cake for producing the most eutrophying pollutants and being a large factor in deforestation and freshwater overuse, what about greenhouse gas emissions?
again, thoughtful transition but why phrase this as a sentence? make into statement?
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Not only does the industry of agriculture overuse land, but it also overuses freshwater
good transition
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NASA’s article titled “Biomass Burning” shows
I wonder if you might a more seamless way to introduce the quotations/paraphrase (for example, A study conducted by . . . shows that. . . ."
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While this shows us that agriculture is clearly the leading cause of the eutrophication crisis, what part of the agricultural industry is truly to blame?
new paragraph?
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Fred Pearce, and Fred Pearce. “Can the World Find Solutions to the Nitrogen Pollution Crisis?” Yale E360, Yale School of Forestry & Environmental Studies, e360.yale.edu/features/can-the-world-find-solutions-to-the-nitrogen-pollution- crisis.
scholarly source, I assume: did you obtain via a database? If so, please name darabase last name first per MLA format
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According to Professor of Ecology Mary Rapien
include in Works Cited?
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ouch on what we as individuals can do to lessen agriculture’s impact on the environment.
okay but keeping in mind your central purpose to inquire and explore, right?
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eutrophication, which is the excess of nutrients in a body of water.
thanks for the explanation/definition
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(GHG)
is there an author? a partial title?
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Works Cited
not sure I'm seeing an interview listed
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Psihoyos, Louie, et al. Netflix,
is there a title?
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Denton, Carolyn. “How Are Food and the Environment Related?” Edited by Karen Lawson and Linda Armstrong, Taking Charge of Your Health & Wellbeing, University of Minnesota , www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/explore-healing- practices/food-medicine/how-are-food-and-environment-related.
date of publication and access?
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Did I adequately explain the scientific terms, or were you left with many questions?
good question Clearly you are aware of your audience's needs
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jkeene13.edublogs.org jkeene13.edublogs.org
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I know this to works from personal experience but never realized I was wresting control from my amygdala.
this is a key finding: the disconnect between rational action and the fear-inducing action of the amygdala
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Station Nightclub Fire 2003
Thanks for this lovely and informative graphic--remember to cite source that originally produced it
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“‘You don’t want to wait for a firefight to figure out how to clear a jammed weapon”.
exactly
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Practice helps explain Sully’s performance – he had many hours of extensive simulator training. The concept of training to enhance performance, especially while under mental duress, requires anticipating what could go wrong and incorporating this into training plans. Intuitively, the more you train events the less reliance one places on Working Memory to determine what to do while under fire
How interesting. Late in our course we will engage directy with the idea of knowledge transfer--taking what one has learned in one setting (here, training) and applying it to another setting (real emergency). Check out the Wiki entry on transfer in our readings, if you're interested
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in “Introduction to Psychology”,
properly belongs in your list of Works Cited rather than in-text?
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Many sources acknowledge the phenomenon exists (Frey, Martin, Meany, Moyer, etc.), but they don’t explain why.
I really like the way you have synthesized sources--I rarely see this in paper for 101, even though this is a required skill when writing with research
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The thalamus routes the perceived sensory data to both the amygdala (see red line) and the cortex (see blue lines).
not sure I would consider this common knowledge: cite source at point of borrowing?
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hypothalamus to regulate “hormones, the pituitary gland, body temperature, the adrenal glands, and many other vital activities
did you intend to create hyperlinks? at least one doesn't work
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The Brain (Wikipedia Image)
a very helpful graphic and explanation--thanks. When citing, try to go to original setting for graphic (unless Wikipedia produced it intially)
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he highest densities occurred at decision points (like which way to turn at a tee in the corridor),
I can see where you are going with this: the impact of design structure and panicked behavior
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Missed Approach (MA)
thank you for writing out the term before using it in its abbreviated form--a good sign of reader-awareness
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studies show people are more likely to become victims of fire by failing to immediately heed warning signals than by over-reacting (Drury 1)
nicely done--textbook example of paraphrasing and citation of source
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Nonetheless, we need to be open to the possibility the degree of impaired decision-making might be directly proportional to the intensity of fear experienced and not just during the extreme case of panic.
well stated and certainly logical
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The logical order of analysis is: Discuss panic from a behavioral perspective. Discuss the physiology of panic – what happens in our body and our brains during sudden emergencies. Derive strategies to execute clear thinking during sudden emergencies.
I really appreciate the clearly presented and reader-friendly organization
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Works Cited
an impressively thorough list of varied sources No need for numbers since the list is alphabetized
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Wikipedia Image, https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/ad/EQbrain_optical_stim_en.jpg/300px-EQbrain_optical_stim_en.jpg, Accessed 20 Mar 2020.
in its original setting did this graphic have a creator and/or a title?
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Cambridge Dictionary, https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/panic, Accessed 3/26/2020.
usually dictionaries don't require more than an in-text citation but I appreciate your consistency
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I did decide to remove discussion of the startle reflex physiology that I found very interesting because it was tangential to the essay purpose.
Interesting to see you making such choices
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jay2323.edublogs.org jay2323.edublogs.org
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Men who have been wrongfully convicted have th
new paragraph?
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stood home
stayed home
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The problem for wrongful convictions for victims is that if the wrong person is put away the real perpetrator
new paragraph?
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where your
where you are
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didn’t commit, she states
comma splice/capitalization
-
are places
typo
-
lectures a thorough ex
reveals?
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Which only illustrate the flaws in the criminal justice system which is a big reason why prosecutors should be more thorough and careful with their cases, in which these suggested steps can help.
fragment
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fterward, the witness revealed that she had harbored doubts about her identification. “but then I was told there was a confession “she said. “And that’s how they convinced me that there was more to it than just me”
the quotations in this paragraph seem to overwhelm your own writing--try not to overquote and to spend time commenting when you quote?
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this is i
capital
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In which can help benefit the parties.
fragment
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In which 2 new structures should be considered.
note for fragment
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Crime victims and prosecutors two important constituencies
I think you need a verb in here, no?
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I interviewed a student at Bristol Community College who would like to remain anonymous and this individual had an uncle who had been wrongfully convicted of a crime that he did not commit,
can you provide a transition for your reader's sake? And do you want to stay inside this long paragraph?
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the effect of being incarcerated effected not only the individual but the loved ones around them creating distance and separation in their lives
clearly, as you have shown.
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in which created
which created
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after a conviction, many wrongful
edit for punctuation--comma splice
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In Jeffreys lecture
In Deskovic's
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only shows a glimpse
shows only a
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effrey
use last name--first name alone is too informal, no?
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for years these men
edit for punctuation, capitalization
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In comparison the features of PTSD are an outcome of horrific events and this trauma may lead to the alterations of personality.
I recommend breaking up this long paragraph for your reader's sake
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were Enduring personality
edit for typos (capital)
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of four of the Birmingham and one of the Guildford men.
I don't follow: who are they?
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Research of assessments of 18 cases seen over the last 12 years.
edit for fragment
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that has been triggered
that have
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Simon (1994)
use MLA citation format (no date in text)
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Wrongful convictions create psychological problems after being falsely convicted and imprisoned
shouldn't you spend time showing the facts? how many wrongful convictions occur? over what time?
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Not only is wrongful convictions damage themselves
rephrase: not only does. . .
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the guilty is running free creating more crime and causing more issues in society.
"guilty are . . . Why begin with an opinion? Remember your purpose: to inquire and to explore, not to take sides, okay?
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effects
Capitalize
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Works Citied
Works Cited Remember to list personal interview
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Bishop, J., Osler, M (2016). Prosecutors and victims: why wrongful convictions matter. The Journal Of Criminal Law & Criminology, 105, 1031-1047. Cole, Simon A. Ph.D. (2009). Cultural consequences of miscarriages of justice. Behavioral Sciences And The Law, 27, 431-449. DOI: 10.1002/bsl.874
Good--I see at least three required pee reviewed articles==remember to name the database and follow MLA format (you have used APA.
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ethanrezendes.edublogs.org ethanrezendes.edublogs.org
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it seems that fear and phobias stem from a bad childhood or through stories.
I don't see a postwrite And this conclusion seems rushed to me
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into Bruce’s
I would suggest using the author's last name only--first name is too informal, right?
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In a fourth article Fear and Learning by Bruce Perry,
do you see how you've structured this piece, organizing by source. I hope that you will organize your draft around topics instead
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Fox News, 2013).
cite author's last name or title of story only
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he thalamus, the hypothalamus is
edit for punctuation (comma splice)
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They
The authors. . . . Please cite authors
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In another article The Chemistry of Fear by Fox News, they seem to be going for a more scientific approach.
I might suggest starting paragraphs with a topic sentence that introduces your paragraphs key idea rather than simply introducing a source.
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What is commonly known as the fight or flight reaction essentially means that when a human is put into a situation they find scary they either try to defend themselves or they run and
start a new paragraph?
-
Nadia Kounang, 2015)
thanks for citation but MLA requires last name only and no date here
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danger” he goes o
edit for fused sentence (forgetting a period)
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during an
typo
-
you will grow pungophobia
cite source?
-
if your parents
why the shift to "your"?
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is developed at a young age by our environment or culture
you mean "shaped" by environment and culture?
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CNN claims humans are born with two innate fears, that we have as a means for survival, the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds
please cite author or reporter's name
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he article The Science of Fear,
put in list of Works Cited rather than here?
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An average healthy person does not want to stab their own hands, so does that classify as fear?
I don't understand--please rephrase?
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Interviewee Kristen Souza L.I.C.S.W Interviewed on February 29th, 2020
not in MLA format
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Sources
should be titled "Works Cited" Please follow MLA format consistently
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Nadia Kounang, CNN, (featuring Seth D Norrham) The Science of Fear https://www.cnn.com/2015/10/29/health/science-of-fear/index.html Accessed on February 27th, 2020 The Chemistry of Fear, Fox News. https://www.foxnews.com/science/the-chemistry-of-fear-explained Accessed on February 27th, 2020
date of publication
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Stewart David and Thomson Kristen, the FACE YOUR FEAR club http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=10&sid=eca48872-8ae0-4e52-82f5-83703b872ba6%40pdc-v-sessmgr01 Accessed on February 28th, 2020 Bruce D Perry, Fear, and Learning http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=15&sid=eca48872-8ae0-4e52-82f5-83703b872ba6%40pdc-v-sessmgr01 Accessed on February 28th, 2020 Andreas Muhlberger, Fear of flying in the wake of 9/11 http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=13&sid=7371f90e-1069-4bb2-b19b-d6384033630a%40pdc-v-sessmgr06 Accessed on February 28th, 2020
I think I see three peer reviewed articles from databases but the format is off so it is hard to tell: last name first and all should be alphabetized
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ekingcc17.edublogs.org ekingcc17.edublogs.org
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he conduction of my interview with A couple of sports analysts and expertise has told me that the failures of these non-American basketball players and the reason they don’t get these big contracts are because of the non-exposure and or the minute restrictions they get from coach’s during game time.
The interview that I conducted Please cite interview subject by name
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he NBA is a predominantly black league with 74% of players in the NBA
cite source
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And with every year since 2010 to 2019 players that are predominantly black coming in after are Caucasian than in last are other races such as European’s and Asian’s.
I'm not following--please rephrase for clarity
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as well as on many reports using databases to conduct my research I find out that every year contracts are always getting a lot more money for the players.
edit for punctuation
-
players money wise
rephrase to be more precise?
-
they comment
the authors Cite author by last name
-
bleacher report
capitalize title and italcisze?
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]. This of many examples shows that not even fans can be the only one’s racist towards other players as this does occur a lot with fans, news anchors, and even other players.
good point
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Until the current day where it’s a whole bunch of races that are getting treated disrespectfully by other races just because of what religion and color they are
edit for fragment
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racism disputes
racism is a noun. you'll need an adjective: racist?
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Switching to a different league that is primarily based in North America the NBA
Keep working on this transition, okay?
-
And a famous 1988 photo depicts Liverpool and England player John Barnes, a black man, kicking a banana peel, which had been thrown at him, off the pitch.”[GQ, 7].
these anecdotes are quite effective but try to avoid ending a paragraph with the quotation. End with your commentary on the quotation, okay?
-
as that state “in the 1970s
edit for punctuation, typo
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mock A player
typo
-
they state t
the authors state--remember to cite the author's by last name, too
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A major problem with racism in the current day is soccer as it is no doubt the biggest sport in the world there is no surprise that it does indeed has its own fair share of problems.
edit for punctuation
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Although leagues try to prevent any racism from occurring in these sports, as they use different tactics like big ad campaigns when they partner with companies like Nike, for example, to send a message to fans and players to treat each other equally and that no one is better or worse at a type of sport based on their race or the color of their skin.
edit for fragment and clarity you might want to break this up as well--you say a lot in a single space!
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Starting with the beginning there have been tons of diversity
can you be more precise--what do you mean by "tons" and what support do you have for the claim?
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s Fifa, Nba, Nfl,
all caps and you might have to elaborate on some of these
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This is what drove me to my question of how it is holding up now and if it is still happening, and probably the most important question “Will it ever stop?”.
I wonder if you could be more precise here, when stating your question(s): what is "holding up"? and What will stop?
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way they spoke, they would be constantly
edit for comma splice (using commas like periods)
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There is also is modern-day problems
There are also. . . .
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Lindemer, Adam. “Is There Racism in Sports?” Bleacher Report. Bleacher Report, 1 Oct. 2017. Web. 2 Mar. 2020.
remember to list your personal interview
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WEN, R. Does Racial Discrimination Exist Within the NBA? An Analysis Based on Salary‐per‐Contribution. Social Science Quarterly (Wiley-Blackwell), [s. l.], v. 99, n. 3, p. 933–944, 2018. DOI 10.1111/ssqu.12485. Disponível em: http://www.bristolcc.edu:2053/login.aspx?direct=true&db=buh&AN=131052931&site=ehost-live. Acesso em: 4 abr. 2020.
I'm glad to see a peer reviewed article, obtained through a database, and properly listed. You will need two more peer reviewed articles, right? Please alphabetize list by author's last name
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firstyearstudent.edublogs.org firstyearstudent.edublogs.org
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Composers have successfully manipulated musical components such as melodic intervals, harmonic progressions, modes, timbre, texture, rhythm, and tempo to evoke such feelings. In general, musical pieces that listeners rate as sad are often in minor mode and are typically expressed by soft dynamics, legato articulation, and slow tempos, whereas fear-causing music has relatively faster tempi and irregular rhythm”(97)
cite author
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“The soothing powers of music were intuitively recognized by mothers who used humming to console their crying babies and later by medicine women and shamans in their incantations and maneuvers to treat ailing clan members.” (50)
cite author's last name?
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This next section of an article I would like to talk abou
perhaps you can tweak this transition?
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