144 Matching Annotations
  1. Oct 2017
  2. Jul 2017
  3. Aug 2016
    1. Examples of Authentic Assessments

      Does this include research? Where does this fit in? Still, I believe personal anecdotes from people who live in particular places on earth, living particular contexts.

  4. Oct 2015
    1. Apparently they were funded by Obama administration according to

      Is this important to your argument? Don't forget the US will be represented at the Summit.

    2. This is only made worse with the sanctions placed by the U.S and other countries. The Syrian delegation believe that the Global Goal sixteen, which advocates for peaceful communities, should be pursued. By getting rid of these oppositionist and terrorist groups, Syria can reconstruct the country for its people.

      Strong, clear thesis with relevant historical background.

    1. North causing Nigeria to lose money and it severely reduced cross-border trades with Cameroon, Chad, and Niger.

      Where is the evidence here? More analysis needed.

    1. If a large population of children are not educated, the future business, marketing, government leaders for many generations of the country will be affected. Uneducated children are more susceptible for victimization and therefore decreases life expectancy.

      This paragraph wanders and needs to remain focused on the political implications.

    2. The more people gets educated, boys and girls, the more brains will have various ideas to get rid of terrorists in an nation.

      Very casual in tone and incorrect grammatically.

    3. f 57%, and those ages 15–24 had a literacy rate of 72% it usually depended on which the sex was. As of 2009 the male education rate it %69 percent and the woman education rate was %45 percent, and this is just ages 10 and up.

      This seems like too much data for the first paragraph. The introduction should be short and sweet.

    4. usually depended on which the sex was

      Awkwardly stated. How can literacy depend on gender? Are you saying that there is a great disparity between literacy rates of males vs. females?

    1. srael’s policies are trying to make peace with Iran. They have not successfully done that, but they are working on it.

      Evidence? I'm not aware of this complete 180. Please explain.

    2. That war cost money leads to more debt, and more debt leads to an effect on the economy, which isn’t good, because money makes the world go round.

      Data on this, please.

    1. The government believes that if people were given a loan then it will increase our GDP and let the economy grow. Also gain the trust of other countries back and lift the sanctions and also start trading with them again by gaining their trust one way or another.

      A loan of? Several fragments here.

    2. That economic crisis has ended but now, a new decline is starting, with the sanctions against Russia that make it harder to trade with foreign nations.

      Solid logic, but revise so it's a bit easier to follow.

    1. This causes more illegal immigration into foreign countries. Many people resort to selling illegal items to provide for themselves and their families.

      Don't forget cited evidence throughout your paper.

    2. In the past years, the country of Mexico has been plagued with the issue of poverty leaving it in need of food, shelter, water, clothing, and medical attention.

      When you say "leaving it" are you referring to the country? or poverty? Revise, please.

    1. Then it affects the rate of inequality to make it increase so it makes Israel look bad.

      Vague language here. Please be more specific. "Look bad"? And?

    2. This is also making the hunger rate higher and lowering the GDP by almost 4% since 2014. There has been 20,093 soldiers dead and 75,00 wounded.

      Make sure your history isn't too meandering. Continue to connect it back to your goal.

    1. Not only is there a power struggle between Syria and the FSA, but also between Syria and ISIS who is trying to gain control.

      More here if you want other countries to understand that it's the rebels not the government who is responsible for the chaos in Syria.

    1. Russia believes that every person sustain or increase the average capita per person because that will boost the overall GDP level of the country.

      What does this mean? Please revise.

    2. men and women will obtain proper work with equal pay for equal work.

      Is there a vast disparity between gender earnings? You haven;t proven this necessary.

    1. recent years the government has been making new jobs for the people of pakistan so they can get out of poverty

      How has the government made new jobs? More analysis needed here.

    2. “Education is the key to success. Part of what Dr. Seuss said was” THE MORE YOU LEARN, THE  MORE PLACES YOU’LL GO”

      You would't see Dr. Seuss quoted in a position paper. Is there other research you could use?

    1. 40% of the population in Mexico is living in poverty and more than 10% is living in extreme poverty.

      It would be powerful to add the number here. What is 40% of 122.3 million? That would sound larger. Make sense?

    1. One of the many reasons we have hunger is because these resources are not available to the people

      Why? What about Iran's history? Could you give us some historical perspective that would explain this?

    1.  The social status of Mexico has been very biased towards the politicians, and according to The Economist, ways to change this could be by lowering the income tax for middle class people. As Mexico continues to improve the situations in need, the support of other countries through financial aid and momentary funding will boost the country to move on to further improvements.

      Nice actions for both Mexico and other countries.

    2. As Mexico’s ambassadors, we are advocating and will illustrate the dire need for establishment of strong institutions and enforcement of current legal parameters to convict criminal activity.

      Can you name the specific goal by number as well?

    1. Corruption is a problem in all forms of government and is also found in most all governments in the world.  The political differences between the leaders of India causes over half a billion people loss of access to quality water.

      Evidence on this?

    2. This affects other people because the filters in the water system are not at the highest quality

      You connect poor water sanitation to disease, but perhaps, more connection to why we must do more about these diseases? What's the data here?

    1. 500,000 children have died just because of food shortages.

      More evidence would increase the logos AND hit the pathos since we are talking children here.

    1. Nigeria’s new president Muhammadu Buhari says that they need to start deploying more troops and will need help from other countries to do so.

      More on this, and evidence, please. What are they doing?

    2. Nigeria has the potential to be an outstanding nation, with everything a country would need. But because of the high violence levels in this developing country, this cannot be achieved.

      Strong intro. It communicates hope and realism.

    1. This goal could also lead to less poverty for men, women, and families because they now have the opportunity of being employed.

      Evidence throughout? How could you include more to increase your logos?

    1. conomically for several different reasons

      Ok. Which is it? Does is or does it not impact your country economically? You state one thing in your thesis and your next sentence says something completely different.

    1. Following Goal 5 could be a change in the way Pakistan is, and allow the two genders to be equal.  

      This gives very little information on what you want from the other delegates or what you want to achieve from this summit.

    2. have been failing to keep up with men.

      What about some history on this? Is this something cultural? It might help us to understand the barriers that exist.

  5. Sep 2015
    1. President Obama has indicated that he will increase that number to 10,000 starting this October, but some human rights organizations, such as Human Rights First, claim this is just a drop in the bucket of what is really needed to offset the impact of the refugee crisis worldwide.

      I wonder what this means to our immediate community? I hear the rumblings from learners asking, "What if members of a sleeper cell enter?" My response "What if an Einstein or a Picasso or a Gandhi entered?"