t's almost like we're all siblings. So there are times where if I feel like I'm struggling, I just put it in the group chat. 9:52 Retry Cancel I'm struggling. Let's face time today, and a lot of times more times than not, it's it's very helpful. 10:01 Retry Cancel It's very supportive. It's very just good.

But just to give you the experience of having stood for yourself and said this, in fact, is who I am. 41:56 Retry Cancel I am a lesbian and hear those words and feel what it feels like in your body when you say them. 42:07 Retry Cancel And feel what it feels like to have him react to those words, and then maybe also at the same. 42:19 Retry Cancel Meeting that you have with him, either at your place or wherever you choose, 42:31 Retry Cancel you would broach the subject with him about the anxiety that you're having in talking 42:36 Retry Cancel to your mom and get some feedback from him as someone who is very close to her, 42:43 Retry Cancel who also cares very much for her as to what. 42:50 Retry Cancel Insight he has for you as far as. You know, maybe there are ways that he can soothe some of your worries, 42:56 Retry Cancel or he might have advice as far as a way that he thinks she would take the information in better. 43:09 Retry Cancel Right? Yeah. So I'm going to challenge you this week to do that and how does that feel to you?

Yeah. So I'm noticing that our time is winding down, and so in the last few minutes of our session, 38:36 Retry Cancel I wanted to see if you would be open to some homework for this coming week. 38:46 Retry Cancel That will kind of keep you in the therapy mindset. 38:59 Retry Cancel Before we meet again next week, if you're open to it, I'd love to give you some things to work on. 39:06 Retry Cancel And if at any point. 39:17 Retry Cancel You are struggling with the homework you can reach out to me, either by email or by text. 39:24 Retry Cancel And you know, I'd be happy to spend a few minutes to go through it with you. 39:33 Retry Cancel So I'm really thinking that this week it would be. 39:39 Retry Cancel It would be a challenge for you. That could be a first step towards your more major goal of coming out to your mom. 39:52 Retry Cancel I'm wondering if this week as your homework assignment, you could call Elijah and ask if the two of you could get together for brunch or for dinner. 40:05 Retry Cancel I don't know what has felt helpful to you or what your you traditionally do when when you get together with your uncle. 40:25 Retry Cancel But it maybe ask if there would be a time in the next week before we meet again. 40:39 Retry Cancel Where are you and your uncle could get together? 40:46 Retry Cancel And I am going to challenge you to come out to your uncle officially, because what I heard you say is that unofficially, he knows, right?

'm wondering if Elijah could be with you when you came out your mom, since this is somebody that is very close to both of you and who has shown you. 36:30 Retry Cancel A very important amount of unconditional acceptance. 36:50 Retry Cancel I'm wondering. It's his presence. 36:56 Retry Cancel At the time that you decide to approach, your mom would feel. 37:03 Retry Cancel Supportive to you, or if you think you would be willing to be present at that point.

One thing that other clients of mine who have also struggled with coming out to their families, they have gone on meet up on the app, meet up. 27:59 Retry Cancel And in Pittsburgh, there is a group of black lesbian women that meet. 28:18 Retry Cancel And so that is something that seems like it could be helpful. 28:27 Retry Cancel I would encourage you to look them up. 28:35 Retry Cancel I don't know if due to COVID that they're meeting in person right now, but I believe that they have Zoom support group meetings. 28:40 Retry Cancel And I would just be interested in seeing how you could get other people's perspectives who have 28:51 Retry Cancel already done this and how it has gone for them and maybe some of the ways that they were able to. 29:00 Retry Cancel Deal with either having a parent who surprisingly, despite religious beliefs to the contrary, 29:14 Retry Cancel was able to embrace them or if it was the worst case scenario and the parent did not, 29:25 Retry Cancel you know, in those scenarios how that was able to kind of work itself out for them.

'm wondering if by having your close family members with you that have been supportive, if it would give your mom the sense that. 15:47 Retry Cancel Regardless of her religious beliefs that you are a very close knit family and 16:03 Retry Cancel that these are people who she also has a relationship with and that she values, 16:12 Retry Cancel I'm assuming, and that if these people have surrounded you and embraced you and your authenticity, 16:21 Retry Cancel then maybe that it sends a message to your mom indirectly that this is a family thing and we stick together as a family even when things are hard, 16:33 Retry Cancel even when we all don't agree. How does that sound to you?

nd I'm wondering what it would be like. 13:29 Retry Cancel If. You were to have. 13:35 Retry Cancel A meeting of sorts. The attacks or face time with the people. 13:43 Retry Cancel In your life, who are most supportive in your family and if. 13:52 Retry Cancel You would be open to having them with you when you have the conversation with your mom. 13:59 Retry Cancel Not necessarily for them to intervene, but. 14:11 Retry Cancel Just so that you have the moral support there. 14:16 Retry Cancel Especially because you're already feeling the pressure of knowing some of the feelings that your mom has expressed in the past about. 14:28 Retry Cancel Homosexuality and her belief system, and I'm just wondering what that would feel like to you.

Yes. What about you? Exactly. Because? 12:04 Retry Cancel Your experience is just as important, and in this instance, it's the most important thing, right? 12:09 Retry Cancel I read a quote recently by a lesbian author. 12:19 Retry Cancel Who told her children if you do nothing else? 12:25 Retry Cancel Don't disappoint yourself. 12:30 Retry Cancel Disappoint everyone else in your life so that you don't disappoint yourself because it yourself that you have to live with forever. 12:34 Retry Cancel Yeah. And yeah, you are absolutely right in saying, you know, what about me? 12:42 Retry Cancel So is it possible to have, say, a group chat without your youngest brother?

'm wondering if there are other people in your life who you can also turn to in times where you're struggling due to, you know, very normal. 9:06 Retry Cancel Things we all go through as far as relationship problems or even in the stress was coming out to your family, 9:24 Retry Cancel I'm wondering if you have other people in your life who you feel are people you can turn to. 9:34

Yeah, that must've really been big because especially after the initial reaction when you came out and. 8:36 Retry Cancel It's just wonderful that you were able to find support from your sister. 8:49 Retry Cancel That must have felt like such a relief for you, even though I know the person you really wanted to to be open with was your mom.

o can I ask what your experience was with your sister? 6:29 Retry Cancel Because when you and I talked last week, 6:34 Retry Cancel one of the things that you spoke about was having come out to your siblings and how it wasn't all positive that some of them were very defensive. 6:37 Retry Cancel As far as being worried about your mom and what your identity was going to do to your mom's well-being and her emotions. 6:55 Retry Cancel And so I'm wondering, when you called your sister, did you feel like she was able to support you authentically and really? 7:08 Retry Cancel Just validate the things that you were saying. 7:24

So, Laura, why don't you tell me a little bit about. 4:23 Retry Cancel Anything that's happened in the last week since we met where we left off.

I know that racially. There's a difference as far as my experience is as a white lesbian and as a black lesbian person. 2:32 Retry Cancel Your experience within the LGBTQ community and also culturally with your family may be different than mine, 2:46 Retry Cancel and I want you to also know that I'm going to hold space for that and. 2:58 Retry Cancel Just that, I'm aware that. There could be differences between the way we experience the world as lesbians and. 3:07 Retry Cancel Yeah, I just wanted you to be aware of that, and if you ever want to broach that subject with me, as far as being a black lesbian, 3:21 Retry Cancel it's something that I'm certainly open to talking about and hearing from you from your point of view.

efore we get started, I wanted to do a little disclosure on my part based on what we talked about last week, generally in my therapy practice. 0:27 Retry Cancel I usually keep all of the information. Coming from you, except that every once in a while, I feel like there truths about myself that may help. 0:42 Retry Cancel You navigate your way as a client, just knowing some of my background, so I wanted to just briefly tell you that I am a lesbian and I also. 1:02 Retry Cancel Struggled with coming out. I also had a mom who was the central parent figure in my life, who I was very close to, 1:21 Retry Cancel but who was extremely conservative and her religious views and who wanted nothing to do with gay and lesbian civil rights. 1:36 Retry Cancel And so I just wanted to really validate again that I understand where you're coming from 1:48 Retry Cancel as far as your coming out story and and really wanting to live your life authentically, 1:57 Retry Cancel especially with this central figure in your life, your mom and how scary that is. 2:04 Retry Cancel And just really. Praise you for the courage that you've had thus far and. 2:11 Retry Cancel Want you to know that as I'm listening, I'm also really understanding where you're coming from.