Nyasha,’ I said as she walked past me, but she did not answer. I followed her to the servants’ quarters, where we sat, she smoking a cigarette held between shaking fingers and I feeling bad for her and thinking how dreadfully familiar that scene had been, with Babamukuru condemning Nyasha to whoredom, making her a victim of her femaleness, just as I had felt victimised at home in the days when Nhamo went to school and I grew my maize. The victimisation, I saw, was universal. It didn’t depend on poverty, on lack of education or on tradition. It didn’t depend on any of the
Comment: Tambu sees that every woman, rich or poor, educated or not, is a victim simply for being female. Even a "good" and respected man like Babamukuru still views women as inferior. After seeing him beat Nyasha and call her a whore, Tambu grasps that the cause is not poverty, education, or tradition alone. Men take this attitude with them wherever they go. The conflict always comes back to femaleness being seen as weaker and less valuable than maleness. This moment is powerful because it exposes the deep gender struggle in the society: even the family's supposed hero and provider still uses his power to control and punish the women around him. It makes Tambu question all she once believed about Babamukuru and about her own place as a girl.
Re write: "Yasha," I called as she passed by, but she gave no answer. I trailed her to the servants' quarters. We sat side by side in silence. With trembling fingers she smoked a cigarette while I watched, filled with deep sadness. The scene was achingly familiar. Babamukuru had just condemned Nyasha as a whore, making her a victim merely for being female just as I had felt victimised at home when Nhamo went to school and I was left to grow maize. In that moment I realised the victimisation of women was universal. It had nothing to do with poverty, education, or tradition. Men carried it with them wherever they went. Even a hero like Babamukuru did it. Nyasha may have been strong-willed and disrespectful, but the deeper problem was this: every conflict circled back to the same painful notion that femaleness was deemed weaker and inferior to maleness.
I would cut some of the long, repetitive sentences that make the original paragraph feel heavy. I also removed the parts that nearly excuse Babamukuru (“you had to admit Nyasha had no tact… she ought to have had lots of respect”) because they weaken Tambu’s realisation. I would add a clearer sense of Tambu’s emotion and make the final realisation stronger and more direct. This way the paragraph focuses more sharply on the gender struggle and feels more powerful.