I think I could apply this rule because the point I wanted to show was luckily well related to the characteristic of the scene and time. Because it was practice session, people cared about the time and the rules. But if I wanted to discuss about very little point but meaningful for me, I thought I couldn't describe well in my writing. For example, they hugged me ,which was very short and trivial part, and from there I tried to show their characteristics. I think I couldn't express well so by posing question I wanted to start going down the rabbit hole.

Rather than providing the specific detail as I wrote before, I chose to just summarize the big differences I made. It's because I changed the whole structure of my essay and provide details according to the goal I have. I want to focus on how I need considered about the readers when balancing between these two.

This essay is originated from the essay about applying the useful tip I learned from "The elements of style". I chose to work on further because I got the dilemma about balancing between these two when revising the profile essay. I once revised the essay applying this rule, but I felt that I ruined the overall scene little bit by providing too much detail focusing about certain scene. So when I was doing grammar revision I came up with question about the rule and need to think again about the writing skills I have.

These sentences show that I moved from the thoughts to a point where I started meditation. I wanted to connect my pieces of thoughts with the conclusion that I had found. To show the path of my meditation, I thought it would be more effective if I use the questions that I really had in my head than just saying 'I arrived to this point'. And the following sentences in same paragraph shows the process I made.

This description was added to make the scene of Plex more visible and vivid. At the previous draft, I didn't pay much efforts to describe the place. The readers couldn't understand the points where I got culturally confused. I tried to help the readers imagine the place more easily by explaining the equipments the place has and the describing people's behaviors.

These questions ends the essay by leaving spaces for readers to think about their own ways to live. I thought that worrying about the cultural confusion is not just my worry, but also most of the students have similar worries. So I wanted to make readers to start thinking about this issue and bring their own conclusion. Also because I couldn't find my answer even after meditating, by saying 'we' than 'you', I wanted to show that I will continue to think about. I made an open plaza that I can discuss about this issue with others.

This short and simple sound was edited to attract the readers' attention. I received an opinion from the feedback of workshop that this word felt like a sound effect that made the reader focus more on writing. To make this point more attractive and dramatic, I changed the use of word which was previously located in the sentence as just noun to a whole paragraph.

I wanted to add how my view had changed after looking at cultural differences. On the first draft I didn't mention about how my view has changed and just wondered about the reasons of the differences. By erasing those questions and adding these sentences, I clarified my thoughts that came from my meditation. These sentences made my meditation more concrete and clear. When I hadn't felt unfamiliar about gym, I had American's view, being adapted to American culture. Since I started to wonder about the differences, I was more inclined toward Korean's view. But because I had adapted to US culture, I wasn't sticking to any parts of view and had both views mixed.

I wanted to show the readers where I started to become unfamiliar with the Plex by adding this sentence. On first draft, I just started to pose questions about the differences of American and Korean gyms. So the readers couldn't understand why the meditation has started and they felt the meditation to be abrupt. To show the start point of my meditation, I added the situation where I start to wonder about familiar situation as unfamiliar. Because I couldn't take the yoga class, I started to recall the things that happened to me in several minutes and from there I found cultural differences.

Interesting