Through every crack and corner that has been observed through the eyes of a woman, a dream forms
I like that I use "crack and corner" as the feeling that I get from just simply hearing the word "crack" punches my heart a little bit and that is exactly how I want the readers to feel. I also used the word "forms" for dreams because this is the base of what the goal of my paper is, to show how important and valuable it is to form a dream.
Completely alone, this girl sits in a class where every other boy gets to receive teachings about the gift of their own religion.
This sentence and idea remains important in my paper. The goal of my paper is to bring up as many examples as I can that shows gender inequality towards education, and I believe religious studies is also an important part of education for those that believe in religion. Religion is very important to some and even if you do not believe in religion, you understand how valuable and important those lessons are to others. This is why I believe this example is integral and should not be deleted from my paper.
By developing medicine using only the knowledge of male physiological functionalities, females can not receive accurate treatment or even an accurate diagnosis in the first place.
This sentence brings up another conflict that may arise from gender disparity. It adds depth to how big of a role gender inequality plays on the whole entire world not just mentally, but physically dangerous too. I believe it adds more seriousness to and credibility towards how relevant my topic is.
The eeriness of the gender ratio in the classroom shines light on the idea that the early educational system had affected the ratio of females to males that decide to pursue higher education in the future. Gender inequality and gender norms between boys and girls are already being ingrained into the mind of children.
These two sentences fit into the entire paper quite nicely because it accomplishes the goal of tying everything together. It reveals one of my proposals as to why I believe that this event has come to be. By revealing what I believe is the root of this problem, I am giving my own point of view while using research to back up my point. These sentences reveal a strong point that came from my personal voice.
Where the less you know, the more you believed in the impossibilities of the world? When did the idea of having an abundance of dreams that seemed impossible come to an end? Have you thought about your own dreams lately?
These two sentences are meant to spark nostalgia in the hearts of the readers. I believe that I executed this quite well as it brings up memories or a feeling from the reader that is quite sad and strong at the same time. I believe that these two sentences can relate to all readers and because of that, these two sentences have the power to draw in the emotional sides of the readers.
I also have hope. I’m optimistic because I know compassionate and quality reproductive healthcare exists. I’m comforted knowing there are people out there like my doctor, my family, my friends, and my teachers, who supported me unconditionally and without shame. I’m reassured when I think about how many women live with endometriosis and with other incarnations of female pain. And I feel powerful when I think of the collective strength of them—of us—and our power to change the narrative, unseat gendered stigmas, and legitimize female pain.
Overall I believe that this article's style was very beautiful and catered positively towards me personally. The usages of "we" and "us" following the author's personal stories really makes it feel like I was listening to a close friend of mine instead of reading and article.
As women, we
By using this type of language, I can really feel like I am connected to this author and the article on a much more personal level. Because of this "personal" quality that the author provides, this article makes a deeper impact on myself.
Female pain exists in a crossroad of stigma, disbelief, and misogyny. The same world that tells us to be female is to be weak and fragile expects us to understand that to be female is also to grind our teeth through pain. We are expected to buck up and shut up about our discomfort so we don’t embarrass the same people who have the audacity to tell us our bodies are embarrassing.
I enjoy the type of writing style that this author gives to us in this article. The sentences paint a picture rather than just give us factual and straightforward information. Using many adjectives and metaphors makes this article more beautiful to read. Of course, this style is not favorable for all audiences but it is a style that I enjoy.
This systemic bias against seeing the pain of Black patients as just as real as white patients adds up to a widespread disparity in treatment that the medical industry absolutely must address.
The author is building up her argument between every paragraph that she introduces to the audience. I enjoy this slow build up upon such a huge conflict that the author is writing about. It helps ease the audience in and increases attention.
Race also plays a role in the misdiagnosis of health problems.
Initially I believed that this article was only about the mistreatment that women receive when it comes to medical attention but with this sentence, I can tell that the author wants to talk about the discrimination that exists in the medical world overall.
Months of worrying that my pain wasn’t real, months of worrying that I was just weak, that I was too fragile for life—it all fell away
Because the author is including such a personal story to introduce us into her article, her credibility towards the audience is built upon this story. The audience also feels a sense of empathy that would keep them engaged to read further on in the article.
I had a name for the horrible pinching feeling that came in the middle of my cycle. I had a name for why I was constantly being sent in for ultrasounds for mystery pain. I had a name for why I passed out in college from cramps. I had a name for why I bled and could barely sit for days after great, consensual sex. I had a name for why I peed constantly and why my stomach had been a mess my whole life. I had a name for why my cramps bore through extra strength Tylenol, even as I took it every four hours on the dot. I had a name for why I was passing blood clots the size of ping-pong balls every month. I had a name for why my period disappeared for three months at one point and continued on for three months at another point two years later.
I like that the author had included this paragraph that essentially teaches the audience about what endometriosis is about for the audience members that do not have prior knowledge on endometriosis. It is very helpful and would enable the audience to feel more engaged rather than exiting the article due to feeling not knowledgeable enough to read on.
As I was rolled out of surgery, I looked up at the blurry figure pushing my hospital bed into recovery, and slurred through my oxygen mask, “Did you find endometriosis?”
I immediately was drawn into this article as the author had written in a style as if I was reading a novel. Very story-like and novel-like where it feels like I was reading a fiction book rather than a real article.
While the recent eight-day all-female trial in Russia was promising, the questions these women faced indicates that attitudes towards women in space haven’t changed all that much since the 1960s.
This author likes to include a lot of factual information and does not include a lot of her own argument. Her own argument is the most prevalent at the very beginning of this article and the end of this article. This article is mainly just to present the conflict that is present for women today with a lot of background information to present the conflict with.
putting a chimp in space, Amy Foster, a space historian, explained in Makers. If a woman—or chimp—could make it in space, some thought, it really was not that great of a feat; for that to be the case, it had to be done by a man
By using the language of comparing women to chimps in this section, really enrages me as a woman. Since the audience is mainly targeted at woman, I believe that this is a very powerful decision to include this language as it would immensely keep the audience interested.
The experiments were grueling and sometimes bizarre.
Including in between the background information that the author provides, are some insights and opinions that the author has herself upon these background information that she has gathered for the article.
These days, women are still a minority at NASA. The team that engineered this summer’s spectacular flyby of Pluto was 25 percent women—very likely that’s the most women on any team in NASA history.
Just a note, I love how the citation is a direct link on to the text itself. This makes the article a lot more cleaner and makes it so easy for one to go to the citation right away to learn more.
Last month, an all-female Russian astronaut crew spent eight days together in a mock spaceship to determine how a group of women would interact during space travel as a test run for a 2029 mission to the moon. Sadly, at a press conference preceding the experiment, reporters opted to ask questions on how they would manage without men and makeup for eight days. “We are doing work. When you’re doing your work, you don’t think about men and women,” noted astronaut-in-training Anna Kussmaul. Unfortunately, this treatment of women astronauts is as old as the space program itself.
I love how this article starts off with a real life event that is able to draw the audience in because of the way the author tells the event in a story-like style.
we are left with the impression that women are not interesting enough for scientific endeavour but good enough for practice.
This is a sentence that serves as a great transition for another page of writing that talks all about it. I feel like this article just sets the background information or the base for upcoming arguments.
The study enrolled 8,341 men and no women
In these upcoming paragraphs, the author likes to include statistical facts that in my opinion really draws the audience in even more. By seeing these statistical facts, one's belief towards the credibility and importance of this article rises.
As Young has argued:
About half of this article are direct quotations from Dr Kate Young and other sources. A lot of this article is just the author introducing or transitioning the reader from many different direct quotations so far.
Still, medicine persisted with the belief that all other organs and functions would operate the same in men and women, so there was no need to study women.
I noticed that the author had repeated this idea but in different types of sentences many times prior to this point already. The author likes to enact repetition on these sentences in order to help ingrain this "main point" more deeply within the audience's minds.
Our reproductive organs were the greatest source of difference to men – and because they were different, they were mysterious and suspicious. But the fallout of this difference is that for a long time medicine assumed it was the only difference. Because women had reproductive organs, they should reproduce, and all else about them was deemed uninteresting.
This paragraph is the highlight of this article in my opinion. The big giveaway of this article that is the background or the base of the conflict that the author is trying to bring into light and create an argument for.
In her work, Young has shown how endometriosis patients are often viewed by their treating doctors as “reproductive bodies with hysterical tendencies”.
In this sentence, I believe that the author would like to assume that readers already have a brief idea of what endometriosis is before reading this article in order to understand the whole point of this and the following paragraph.
rom the earliest days of medicine, women have been considered inferior versions of men.
This is a great opening sentence that would truly draw the specific audience of women in, both intriguing and enraging at the same time.
It’s the child’s eyes that are visible, and they don’t look excited but weary, full of ugly knowledge. We lingered here for a time before we decided to move on.
This is a very beautiful ending to the article that leaves the reader's mind open, curious, and lingering to learn more. It also creates a very deep sentimental feeling that the reader will hold on to for a while after the reading of this article.
If he doesn’t like something, he’ll speak up about it, no matter which powerful figure he might risk alienating.This happened most recently last fall
I think that this transition is quite smooth and was able to capture a lot of interest and attention from a reader that would enable them to continue reading the article. The strong usage of the term "alienating" and the powerful/dramatic tone around this transition makes it seem like a great story is coming.
In the front row of that show, he sat numerous Black Lives Matter activists, including Emerald Garner, whose father, Eric, was filmed pleading “I can’t breathe” as a Staten Island police officer choked him to death for selling cigarettes on a street corner in 2014. This meant the usual power brokers were moved to the second or third row; some of them, upon discovering they’d been downgraded from their positions of prominence, sent word that they weren’t coming unless they sat up front. Jean-Raymond’s response, as he reiterated in a video interview at the time with Al Jazeera, was: “Well, [expletive] you then.”
This section includes a very explicit reference and a response from Jean-Raymond that I believe would capture every reader's attention and gain interest from.
Whether they stop him in the street or message him on social media or find him at a show or a talk, he tells them the same thing: Your personal story — your sadness and confusion and losses and victories — is your superpower, the one thing that can’t be taken from you. It’s your fingerprint, and nothing is worth smearing it.
In this section of the article, with the representation of his words towards others, the readers of the article is also being drawn into these words that Jean-Raymond had said to others. With the usage of "You" and "Your" being repeated, the reader can not help but to feel these sentences on a personal spectrum, being drawn in with their own values.
He thinks of his clothing as individual works that people collect, like pieces of art (they range from $175 for a T-shirt to about $5,850 for a pleated wedding gown), and of each collection as an installation that presents a thesis.
I believe that this is a beautifully crafted sentence by the author that really sets the tone for the rest of the article. The paragraph leading up to this sentence is also very relevant and transitions into this statement quite clearly.
receiving praise from critics and counting among his clients and collaborators people like Erykah Badu, Usher, Rihanna and Michelle Obama
This is a specific piece in the article where the author expects the reader to know and recognize these individuals. With the recognition, the author also wishes to spark interest in the readers using these individuals.
Jean-Raymond is the child of Haitian immigrants, and his designs — especially the way he presents them publicly — collectively offer a strikingly personal and singular narrative about his own life as a black designer in America.
This is a little bit of history that is given to us by the writer about Jean-Raymond that really emphasize what the potential thesis of this article and the meaning of his designs will be about.