175 Matching Annotations
  1. Sep 2017
    1. Adam waved enthusiastically as Klaus and Annette got off the bus. Overarching behind him, Bella, and Chris was the balloon-covered sign to a newly opened amusement park.

      cue the amusement park episode where they save money and ideas by using a recycled trope which also came out of no where in the story which indicates filler episode

    2. No… That’s not the main issue right now. That man…was the man I saved in the river a couple of weeks ago. The man that shot himself… Did I…save a monster?

      uhhhh, im sure if he woke up from a dream from suicide he would be like "wow its the perfect day to suicide" GOD

    3. Alphonse McCain, CEO of McCain Industries… The man selling horrible weapons overseas… The target of the Soaker and the hidden terrorist group…is Bella’s father… He shook his head, causing sweat to crawl down his neck. No… That’s not the main issue right now. That man…was the man I saved in the river a couple of weeks ago. The man that shot himself… Did I…save a monster?

      ughhhhh

    4. “What?” “We’ve been friends for almost our entire lives. And a majority of the time, she’s…been through hell.” Bella started shuddering at her recollections. “Her parents divorced when she was five. Her mother died when she was seven. Soon after her father took her in, he physically abused and almost raped her…” She fell into a squat, clutching her head. “She lived with her aunt before getting kicked out to live on her own during all of high school. I tried to bring food as often as I could, but she usually wouldn’t accept it. And her part-time jobs gave pocket change for ridiculous amounts of disgusting work…” “Bella…” “She finally stopped getting picked on at school when rumours of her killing her parents started to spread. Just because she lived alone and paid for everything herself, people made THAT kind of conclusion?! Could they not see how gentle she was?! How much strength was in her smile?! She…had to grin and bear it all…” Bella felt a hand drop on her head. Klaus gently stroked her bleached locks of blonde hair. “…That’s enough. You’re being too hard on yourself when you’re probably the only reason Maya lasted this long.” “What are you–” “During her rampage, she didn’t want to think about you. She knew that what she was doing would mean forsaking all the kindness you’ve given her over the years.” Bella covered her face with her hands as Klaus squatted down as well. “She wouldn’t want you to feel this burdened by her.”

      ITS SO BAD

    5. “Y-your stab wound,” Bella stammered out. “The one that put you in a coma for like a week.” Klaus paused with a raised eyebrow before crossing his arms. “Right, I forgot about that…”

      im very forgetful but even then never that forgetful wtf

    1. “They finished treating her wounds. She’ll be fine in about a week. Although she claims it’ll be shorter since she got those wounds from doing THAT…”

      ugh

    2. The main connection between this terrorist group and our city is the industrial

      why don't they shut it down if they have so much info about this McCain industries? i mean at this point if they had that much info to warrant a search they would've been shut down a long time ago. This would've probably been public info already

    3. “Anyways, the Soaker’s habit of leaving the victim’s clothes drenched in blood was a reference to one of the combat uniforms developed by McCain Industries. Via remote control, the uniform can suddenly expand blades to stab the wearer, making it good for silencing troops before they’re tortured for info.”

      reference w h y

    4. “31 people including the Soaker died tonight, huh…?”

      lol i couldn't even tell how dire the situation was supposed to be i just thought like only one or two

    5. “I…could only barely undo your death tonight…while you saved dozens, maybe hundreds of people by stopping the Soaker tonight…”

      wow really putting herself down there

    6. killed in this exact parking lot.

      does this mean that natalia brought him back to life? or was it some other guy? must not be natalia since she doesnt recall it.

    7. Klaus sighed. “You should know. I woke up a few hours ago to a dream where I was killed in this exact parking lot. I knew that if I died, you two would probably end up killed as well. So I had to come, even if meant risking death again.”

      i dont get it... why would he be in the parking lot if he was just in the hospital before? this doesn't answer the question of why he went there in the first place.

    8. Under the light of a stunned Michael’s flashlight was Natalia collapsed on the parking lot floor, covered in deep, bleeding cuts throughout her body. Her blood dripped from her fingertips to the concrete as the red stains on her dress slowly grew from the open wounds on her thighs and torso.

      wait how??? like did the soaker literally escape his sight and he didnt even notice? what?

    9. “Conveniently, you didn’t leave your fingerprints on the knife. I’ll report that you struggled with him briefly, got knocked out, and he killed his final victim over there before killing himself.”

      wtf this is CLEARLY NOT PART OF POLICE PROTOCOL. ALSO THIS WOULD BE CONSIDERED SELF DEFENSE WTF

    10. God-defying powers

      what exactly is the god? what if they dont believe in god, then they would just be people who stop death. do they ever stop deaths of animals too? just wanna know about that lol

    11. “Outside of a soul, you Renegades are nothing more than ordinary humans. Powerless, easy victims for a serial killer. What made you think you could do anything alone?”

      yea like why is she so dumb

    12. “I’m under direct orders from the higher-ups. I have no time to search for a lost child right now.”

      what how did he come to that conclusion? i totally dont get that

    13. “Huh? Yeah, it’s like a claw with a chain attached. It shoots out and clamps onto whatever it hits, and can be pulled back automatically with a high-powered motor.”

      they know this because of witnesses right? i can assume thats so but it would be good to have more detail on the witness account

    1. “This…is the Soaker, isn’t it? So…this is how I die? As…just another random victim?”

      i thought natalia was talking for a sec you should make this more clear

    2. Her glowing rapier grew to twice its size, resembling the shape of a longsword. I’ll fight to achieve my own desires.

      i thought the size was relative to sins??? so its just determination now????

    3. The Afterdeath backed away from her growing radiance. Natalia shook her head and curled her lips up as her armour and sword turned completely white.

      her determination pushed her through, thinking about all her friends!!!! DETERMINATION

    4. “…don’t want Annette to be sad…”

      she wont be sad if she died here cause that means all the memories of you would be erased and then you wouldn't even know you existed bruh

    5. “The armour’s size is relative to the weight of the Renegade’s sins, while the sword’s size represents their resolve to atone for them…” I don’t know what sins I could atone for.

      i mean if you have dinky armor that gets better as you get more sins, then wouldn't the best way would do more sins and get better armor, its a little counter intuitive when it comes to protection

    6. She grazed her left hand along her right forearm where her old injury used to be.

      this has been played up for so long its just a graze i mean like any other thing could've grazed her, like a branch and she would still be talking about it dayum

    7. Adam says as long as you stay in a bright area and not approach anywhere dark, you should be fine.

      yea but what if the soaker decides hey i wanna go into the light and grab some grill amirite

    8. “It’s just as Chris says. I’m a member of the police’s covert investigation unit. I’ve been attending this school for the last six months to investigate student and staff connections to criminal organizations.

      hashtag plot convenience amirite bro

    9. “…But what if that was the point? What if his research into the secrets of this city was in fact his occupation? What if he shared his knowledge KNOWING people would share what they know?”

      yea no shit boy

    10. “Fine, fine,” Adam suddenly exhaled. “No need to continue beating around the bush.” …Adam?

      tone shiftt???? i couldn't even tell what his character really was before so it a bit hard to determine this tone shift if not for the italics yo

    11. “Because I know…that the Annette in any timeline would be devastated if she lost either of you…”

      that infers that the renegades are fooling themselves that they are saving the person, they are just allowing themselves to go to a different timeline where they never died which means they are only helping themselves at that point because they just abandoned the timeline that the person did die and were like "hey lets leave this timeline since i can't face my problems of people dying but hey look at that timeline there they are alive and kicking so now i can live there and not have to deal with my dead friend problems that are happening in the other one."

    12. “…I’ve been scared for so long. He’s always in so much pain… I never know what he’s thinking… He’s just like my…” Images flashed in Annette’s head. Her mother in hysterics on the phone. The officers inspecting the roof of the townhouse. The white tape and large blood splatter on the pavement below. “Daddy’s in heaven now, dear…”

      DADDY ISSUES BOI BOYS LIKE THOSE DADDY ISSUES ;)

    13. now with a pink handprint.

      you can describe this better, maybe something like " her arm flushed red from her grip" but even then that sounds a bit dumb to me loll

    14. “You’re putting Klaus in danger without fully understanding what you’re doing?!”

      boi he could choose to revive them if he wanted i mean she asked if he wanted to plus he is a fully grown adult who can make decisions

    15. “No, of course not! I just…don’t know that much about the Renegades. Aside from what I learned in books and…personal experience.”

      plot hole contradicts chapter one , "can't find info in books"

    16. “If he’s not in critical condition, he’ll recover quickly. Injuries sustained in the Inner Purgatory heal much faster than ordinary ones, for some reason.”

      FOR SOME REASON. I think it would work better if the injuries they sustain there wouldn't travel with them to the new timeline, idk if they are travelling around timelines in their physical body or not but if they are travelling into another personas soul, it just be their own soul getting injured in a fight because how will you travel into a technically non existent space with physical body??

    1. “It’ll be okay. Klaus can survive anything. Even death since you’re around, remember?”

      yea he has a shit ton of plot armor i dont see why she has to worry lol

    2. “That’s a shame…” she giggled. “I kinda wanted to pin this on the Soaker… But I suppose I can always get away with it by killing myself right after.”

      dayum is this cute girl gone bad yo

    3. “Wait, you actually believe that lame story?!”

      but it is pretty true, i mean that was the initial plan right? i mean they could technically do their own detective work since they're like some mystery solving club yea?

    4. “…This kid is cuter than me, isn’t he…?”

      tbh didnt get that vibe even though the story keeps telling us that since chapter 1, i think by actually describing events where he is "cute" rather than saying it, show dont tell, it would cement the character trait better

    5. Annette gave him a bright smile. “Hey, you just said Klaus seemed more dependable earlier, right? There’s a good reason for that.” “And that is…?”

      well if they are in some club thing about solving mysteries i think that is reason enough yea?

    6. “We’ll do an investigation around the areas you specified. If you want protection, seek out a bodyguard service. Your dreams are not within the police’s jurisdiction.”

      loll yea

    7. “That’s where you’re wrong!” Chris shouted, standing up again. “I told you, I got messages telling me to go to those exact locations! The sushi restaurant and the jewelry store!”

      lol ok it makes sense for him to call if he felt unsafe or that something suspicious were to happen

    8. Chris scratched the back of his head. “…See, that’s the thing. They kinda happened…simultaneously.”

      lol i doubt the police would come to a guy who said he had a dream that would be unbelievable

    9. With Annette still cowering behind him, Klaus stepped aside as the man in the overcoat stepped out the door, holding up a police badge.

      lol idk if i would trust a guy in a fedora, what if the badge is fake? if he was a police guy there would probably be an announcement for everyone to stay in their dorms because of police activity.

    10. “It’s the only explanation for why he was killed twice and no one else was.”

      an explanation would be that he didn't take the advice of his dream and just said fuck it, just a dream amirite.

    1. In the middle of the alley before them, wearing clothes soaked in blood, was once again the corpse of Chris.

      this is pretty interesting but a little predictable, since there was too much detail buildup at this point i could tell it was supposed to be important. especially when they tie chris to the reason why the soaker was stronger at this point

    2. A loud metal clang suddenly rang between the alley walls. Klaus hunched over to grab his abdomen, directly inhaling the odor of rotten fish.

      this is a bit confusing as well, the metal clang makes it seem like just a noise, and then when he grabs his abdomen i was very confused until i read later in the passage that it was a garbage can. Also how would he not notice it even in a dark alley the reflection of a metal can you should be able to see in dim light.

    3. “Is that boy okay?” “Ah, young love~ Never underestimate women, kid.”

      this needs more clarification, I couldn't tell new people were passing by until i read it twice

    4. “No, I think…this time around, the Soaker had a greater intent to kill. Much more than he usually does…” “But why?” “I’m not sure… Does Chris have some connection to the Soaker?”

      hmm I wouldn't have thought he would have had a connection at first, maybe that as the soaker went along he just got more vicious, but everyone has their own conclusions so i can give this a pass

    5. “If you believe that I’m a good person…you’ll let me do this.”

      what but then she already thinks of him as a good person this wouldn't change anything

    6. “How could I ask her to do even more for me? How could I ask her to commit herself to someone like me? It– …It pains me that I can’t even let her go right now.”

      UGH THIS BOI SO OBLIVIOUSSSSS SHE WANTS TO FUK

    1. “…I knew it. You’re a coward, aren’t you? After all, you took the easy way out of your problems by killing yourself.”

      This would cause a lot of controversy especially cause depression isn't a choice. If someone with depression were to read this they would probably not like the protag at this point.

    2. But…didn’t I initially agree to be a Renegade so I can eventually die?

      wait what wouldn't he eventually die anyway? he wouldn't need to take on this job if he didnt want to

    3. “Is it possible to undo the death of someone who’s been dead and buried for years?”

      if they were to save everyone just so no one would get their feeling hurt then we would have overpopulation. what if i wanted to revive shakespear i mean you could if you really wanted to if you could at this point. WHY ARE THEY BRINGING PEOPLE BACK TO LIFE BOIIIII

    1. Is she an ACTUAL airhead? This whole Renegade thing was already difficult enough to believe without this moe bit…

      LOL moe. I don't consider this airheaded-ness unless she was like " fuck should've worn warm pants i totally didnt see the weather"

    2. “Ah, but I like this dress in particular since it has pockets! It’s more convenient than holding my belongings in my hands everywhere!”

      loll relatable i never carry a purse

    3. “You’re good-looking too. If you were only a bit more sociable, you’d be so popular with the girls. Who knows, maybe I would have fallen for you.”

      LMAO

    4. “Love! You know, Chris X Maya?”

      I feel like at this point, I dont really care about these characters since we don't have that much background on them that makes me want to care about them. They just don't have that much relevance to the main plot.

    5. “But I’m surprised Bella is so okay with the way things are,” Annette continued. “Actually, doesn’t she have feelings for Chris too?”

      wtfff i thought they were siblings >:0000000000000

    6. Since he’s not here, everyone’s thinking the police must have kept him overnight for questioning.”

      would've thought the school would send an email or something

    7. “What is this class even for?”

      lol plot setting for a group of people to conveniently get together to do stuff 😂 The whole reason why most anime take place in school

    1. “I inhaled its last gas bomb and passed out long after the fight was over. If it weren’t for you and that doctor, I probably would have suffocated to death on the street. It would have been a pathetic way to go after vowing to save the city and all.”

      i was right

    2. …Heimlich?! But he wasn’t eating anything!”

      yea he wasn't why would he be choking? unless the afterdeath had some sort of temp allergy attack it did right before he left ? though he should've noticed this right before leaving and the thing was dead already so?

    3. “Is that…a flying PEANUT?!”

      if it was a peanut allergy i doubt he would die right away, he would probably get hives and his throat would swell up. you would think an old man would be smart enough to order non peanut foods.

    4. Don’t you get what’s going on?! The old guy took a bite of his muffin, and immediately fell to the floor dead! This is a classic poisoning case! Someone, perhaps his wife or lover must have wanted him dead, and after spiking his food, used the resulting chaos in the café as a cover to get away! Time is of the essence! We have to track her down and get her to face the music!”

      what if he just died for being old?

    5. “Looks like the Liberation was a success. Have you explained things to Annette yet?”

      they literally just got there he would not have time. maybe if this was placed a little later in time

    1. “And when a soul is destroyed, any memories of that person are erased from everyone in the world. It becomes as if they had never existed. …It’s essentially a fate worse than death…”

      if they become erased from the memories of the world, how would they know people were erased in the first place? :00000

    2. The cold words that forsake his own humanity. The blank expression that knows nothing of salvation. The dull, lifeless eyes that fail to reflect any light.

      this is a lot of angst that came out of no where. I think this would be better left out

    3. “Klaus, you have to move on! It’s been over ten years! Why are you still trying so hard to punish yourself?! Are you planning to…?”

      tbh i didnt get the "im a dead guyed guy who has a tragic backstory" in the first chapter, he just sounded like a regular dude. In what way would you be able to show how his experiences would affect his decisions better in the first chapter to tell more of his background?

    4. Normally, he would have called the fire department and tried to calm the bystanders

      why would he try to calm the bystanders? as a citizen himself with no power to stop a giant fire he would not be in a position to calm others.

    5. …When a Renegade enters a soul, their own soul is temporarily merged with their physical body.

      Do you mean with the persons body they are trying to save or their own body?

    6. We were named ‘Renegades’ because our power effectively allowed us to defy the will of God. You see, simply put, Renegades have the power to undo death.”

      how would she know this if she is pretending that klaus is the only renegade she has ever met?

    7. You won’t learn anything about the Renegades in today’s history books since we really only existed in ancient times

      this contradicts chapter 3's "“I… I did a lot of digging around. Libraries, churches, archaeological reports… As well as my own personal experience, of course.”

    1. “Why are you crying? I let a little girl fall to her death purely out of fear for my own life. That’s not something to sympathize with.”

      loll what if she aint crying for you but for the girl? Donut assume boi.

    2. right hand

      I feel this is too descriptive or on purpose descriptive cause its leading up to something as to importance of the right hand besides liberation. or something??

    3. “Klaus, don’t devalue your life like that! That girl wouldn’t want you to die out of remorse; she would have wanted you to live the life she died for!”

      I feel like this would have been something annette would've said already

    4. Was she always such a crybaby?!

      whattt always he only knew her for not very long? I would think that if she was used to seeing dead bodies if he died it wouldn't mean that much.

    5. CPR… Wait, I’m…still alive?!

      wait.. Im kinda confused, if they are inside a soul they can't really die right? whattttttttt or did i completely miss that part idk. first chapter said something about the renegade dying or something in a soul?

    6. “The armour’s size is relative to the weight of the Renegade’s sins, while the sword’s size represents their resolve to atone for them…”

      ohhh I get what you're after now for size stuff. Though this seems a bit out of place in context. Like you're just shoving down this context to make it sound cool. Its a bit jarring.

    7. She fell and drowned to her death… No one was around to save her… She was abandoned… Left to die… “DON’T LET GO!!”

      wait how was she abandoned if she fell in and no one could see her if the water is super murky? that isn't necessarily abandoned.

    8. She looked around to find Klaus and used him as a beacon to swim them both back to shore.

      I think this is unnecessary unless its actually a very large river, though from thinking of an anime I just think of those rivers where they have grassy slopes on the side, which arent that big. You should put some more description on the setting for better context. edit: noticed it said "large river" though definitely still think it could use more setting description.

    9. Liberation

      Isnt a death in itself already liberating? Aren't we already confined by out mortal bodies? I'm not sure if renegades are like some secret society group at this point but if so, then i would understand the use of jargon, otherwise it should be like the walking dead whereby each group has a name for them depending on their background. It would be more appropriate for Natalie to say she thought up of the word herself, this way it would back up that she didn't know any other renegade at this point. unless she is very sloppy with her work.

    10. “Sorry for the wait, Klaus. Are you ready to go?” Klaus kept a stern face. Annette’s eyes darted between Natalia and Klaus. “Go? Go wher— …Oh.”

      I think this is a bit sudden, it caught me off guard as to why she was there randomly

    11. A short silence was soon followed by several whispers and giggles.

      don't think this is very relatable nowdays since everyone gets their hair dyed, unless this is back then when it wasn't so prominent or they're a bunch of school kids i dont think it's viable