The third component of the love triangle is commitment/decision (Sternberg, 1986, 1988). This component refers to the decision to love someone and the commitment to maintain that love. Because commitment is based on cognition and decision making, Sternberg referred to it as the “cool” or “cold” component. Of the three components of the love triangle, commitment is most stable over time with commitment typically building gradually and then stabilizing (Acker & Davis, 1992). Commitment is a stronger predictor of relationship satisfaction and longevity than either intimacy or passion (Acker & Davis, 1992; S. S. Hendrick, Hendrick, & Adler, 1988). In a study by Fehr (1988), college-aged students rated how closely various words or phrases, such as affection and missing each other when apart, relate to love. Of the 68 words and phrases Fehr listed, the word trust was rated as most central to love. Commitment ranked 8th overall, suggesting that it is also critical in people’s conceptualizations of love. The other two components of the triangular theory of love were also important, although less central, with intimacy ranking 19th and sexual passion rating 40th. Fehr (1988) also had college-aged students rate words and phrases describing the concept of commitment. Loyalty, responsibility, living up to one’s word, faithfulness, and trust were the top five descriptors of commitment, suggesting that commitment involves being there for someone over the long haul. Yet commitment alone is not enough to keep a relationship happy. Fatuous love is rooted in commitment and passion without intimacy. This type of love is relatively rare in modern times. Relationships that exemplify fatuous love are committed but are based on sex rather than intimacy. Historically these included mistress relationships where there was an arrangement for long-term support for sex without emotional intimacy. Some modern-day friends-with-benefits relationships also fit this description to some extent, especially when two people are long-term hookup buddies but do not have the type of emotional connection that romantic couples have (see Chapters 9 and 10 for more on friends-with-benefits relationships). Most hookup buddies, however, have little commitment. In general, these relationships are less satisfying than those characterized by consummate or romantic love. Fatuous love: A type of love characterized by commitment and passion without intimacy. The least satisfying relationships are characterized by empty love, which means they have commitment but relatively low levels of intimacy and passion. Some long-term relationships fall into this category. For instance, if partners no longer feel attached to each other but stay together for religious reasons or because of the children, their love might be characterized as empty. In other cases, empty love characterizes the beginning of a relationship. For example, spouses in arranged marriages may begin their relationships with empty love. Intimacy and passion may, or may not, emerge later.
This passage explains how commitment functions as the rational or “cool” part of Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, emphasizing decision making and long term stability. I found it interesting that commitment is described as a stronger predictor of relationship satisfaction than intimacy or passion. It shows that emotional or physical connection alone isn’t enough to sustain love. The mention of trust being rated as most central to love makes sense because trust reinforces reliability and loyalty which are essential for long term relationships. What stands out is that even though commitment is crucial, the passage reminds us that it can’t exist in isolation. Without intimacy, relationships can become mechanical or unfulfilling, like the “fatuous love” described. This makes me think about how modern relationships often emphasize passion early on but may struggle to build the consistent trust and loyalty that real commitment requires.