Bennett, as a fan of the Harriet novel and movie, this was such a creative and enjoyable project to read through.

In "Our Story," the way you vividly depict the emotions running through the runaway slave's head and connect each song to a different emotion (from fear to confidence to elation) really helps the story jump out of the page. I also liked how you wove in Harriet Tubman's role as a conductor on the Underground Railroad, integrating some factual history into a made-up story.

I think, overall, you integrated multimedia to the benefit of your project, especially in the "Connections" section, where hearing and seeing the films helped me understand your points about the connection between music and emotion. I think you could embed a Spotify playlist into "Our Story" so that the listener is truly immersed in the runaway slave's journey, and you could (not sure how feasible this is in Scalar) include pictures of Harriet Tubman directing real-life slaves to freedom so the reader has the visuals to match the pictures you paint with your words.

The only issue I have with the structure of this project is that sometimes, there aren't transitions between different pages, which makes the jump into different topics feel abrupt and disconnected. For example, I would suggest adding a transition sentence or two to the beginning of your last page, "Connections," so that the transition from the runaway slave story to the utilization of music in film to elicit certain emotions doesn't feel so sudden.

Most of my comments were minor, mainly about adding context about people you cite as sources, editing overly wordy sentences that could confuse readers, and fixing grammatical errors (such as capitalization).

One last nitpicky thing is that I noticed you use the word "delve" a lot in your writing. Maybe you could use some synonyms like "explore," "dive into," or "investigate," just to avoid redundancies and repetition.

Otherwise, you struck a great balance between visual elements and text on your site, and your prose is incredibly vivid and detailed. For example, I could imagine the Civil Rights Protestors marching right next to me and envision Harriet Tubman helping slaves escape to freedom.

Again, this project was so informative, and I loved how you weaved in so many different disciplines from history to film to music--and made it work well!

In formal writing, I usually try to avoid using /. You could simply insert a word here and say "associative and contradicting."

I don't think stating page two here is necessary since you already provide us with the title of the page and a hyperlink to directly navigate there :)

Nice way to tie it back to Harriet Tubman! The wording here does feel a little clunky; perhaps rephrasing this sentence could increase clarity. I'm excited to see the rest of your project and how you discuss the connections between our emotions and music :)

The unclarified "this" here is confusing since you use "this" earlier in the sentence. It's unclear what you're referring to; you could say "this principle" since I think that's what you mean?

The connection you made between the modern BLM movement and a song featured in a movie about Harriet Tubman adds so much depth to your introduction here.

I know you probably copied and pasted this from another document and that Scalar removes original formatting, but make sure to re-italicize this movie title.

I don't think you need to have "self-identifies" here; it seems redundant. You could just put "identifies as..."

As someone who read the book and saw the movie (amazing), I know that the song is in the end credits, but people who don't have this context might be confused, as it seems to be a bit of an erroneous detail.

Maybe adding context would make this sentence clearer? You could phrase it like: An exploration of the Cynthia Erivo song "Stand Up" offers insights into the emotional world behind a song. First introduced to audiences at the conclusion of the 2019 movie Harriet, it draws you in and hooks you. While it plays during the end credits, its impact extends far beyond this placement. "Stand Up" is not merely a song associated with a film's closing moments, but a powerful anthem with an impactful message that resonates long after the movie ends.

This introduction hooked me in--the sentence length variation from short, snappy sentences to longer sentences is a good rhetorical device to employ here. However, I do wonder if discussing "Stand Up" closer to the beginning of this paragraph might be better, since that is the main focus of your project.

I love how you hyperlinked this page so that readers can easily access this page and gain more context/background information if they wish before jumping back into the introduction.

Since this parenthetical is contained within the same sentence, the "o" should be lowercase.

Again, I like how you ordered the pages--it feels very intentional. Last page, you ended on how music was key to preserving the history of African Americans, and here you begin by going over Erivo's interweaving of historical context into "Stand Up," which is very interconnected.

Glad you added some more information about Erivo here and her motivations for composing "Stand Up;" effective way to end this page and tie up some loose ends.

You could tie it back to "Stand Up" earlier here by adding an em dash (--) and "Stand Up" after created.

I like how you hone in on her vocal techniques and connect Tubman's plight to ours. The way you describe each repetition gaining volume and shifting to higher keys effectively illustrates the emotional crescendo of the piece.

Your lines are vivid and evocative, effectively setting the scene for the listener. The imagery of walking through a vast field under the harsh heat, with others working in unison, immediately immerses readers in the atmosphere you’re trying to convey. I particularly like how you highlight the significance of voices as a source of hope and spirit amidst the labor.

I actually think it might be more effective to cut this sentence and continue straight to "And that..." since "And" functions well as a transition word here.

Your explanation of how “Stand Up” became a significant anthem within the Black Lives Matter movement is so interesting and well-said. I appreciate how you contextualize the song's rise to prominence following the tragic events surrounding George Floyd's death, illustrating its role in igniting nationwide protests against police brutality. The examples you provide, such as Shelter Island high school students concluding their local BLM protest with Erivo's song and musical groups like Harmonix creating covers to express their support, add depth to your argument and demonstrate the song's widespread impact. This not only highlights the song's emotional resonance but also its power as a unifying force during a critical moment in social justice movements.

The phrase "get after it" is confusing. Without context, listeners might not fully understand what "it" refers to, leading to ambiguity in the intended message.

Nice way to connect this page to the previous one (the Critical Reading Assignment). It's fascinating that "Stand Up" was a song created in the 2010s, yet it used enslaved people's spirituals.

I think the structure works well since you transition from discussing Harriet Tubman's story to an overview of the history of slavery in America here.

I appreciate how you highlight the complexity of her perspective when discussing the beliefs of slave owners. The quote you integrated shows the contrasting views on salvation between enslaved individuals and their masters, which adds depth to your argument.

However, I think it would enhance your critique to clarify your point about the term "Whites." Instead of suggesting it lacks truthfulness, you might consider discussing how using more specific terms could provide a clearer understanding of the different roles within the white community during that time. This would help readers grasp the nuances in Lawrence-McIntyre's writing without implying an oversimplification.

Your discussion about bias is also compelling, and I appreciate your acknowledgment that every argument carries some level of bias. It might be beneficial to expand on how this bias influences the reader's interpretation of the text, as it could provide a more rounded perspective on Lawrence-McIntyre's intentions.

Including lyrics from Douglass’s song adds depth to your analysis and illustrates the double meanings behind spirituals in a hands-on manner. This not only enriches your argument but also invites readers to engage more deeply with the music.

I really like how you highlighted the author's ability to inspire readers to research the "beautiful stories hidden in history." Beautifully expressed and captures the essence of what makes historical exploration so valuable. It encourages a deeper engagement with the past, inviting us to uncover our country's past.

I think that this phrasing is redundant since you indicate that this is a personal belief; you don't need "for my sake" and "I believe." Maybe you could combine this sentence and the next with a semicolon since it explains your reasoning?

I think the term "biased" is unnecessary here, as you've already indicated that she's writing from a distinct viewpoint. Instead, it might be more effective to focus on how this perspective highlights the contrasting desires for freedom between the enslaved and their masters.

The observation that "the author does not write with many opinions" is an interesting point, but it could benefit from further clarification, since I'm kind of confused here. Instead of framing this as a lack of opinion, consider discussing how her balanced approach allows for a more nuanced exploration of slave songs.

I think it would be more direct and impactful to state, "People explore history to learn and grow from past experiences." This phrasing clearly communicates a purpose of studying history and sets a strong foundation for the discussion that follows. By simplifying the statement, you can make this sentence more effective.

While the author's credentials certainly lend authority to her statements, the assertion that every one of her sentences "forces" readers to accept their accuracy feels like a sweeping generalization. It may be more accurate to acknowledge that while her arguments are persuasive to most, some readers might still question or critique certain points based on their own perspectives and experiences.

Wonderful conclusion. It really brings Erivo's vision of honoring Harriet Tubman in the Harriet movie through impactful, powerful music (like "Stand Up") full circle.

Lowercase b here since it's within the same sentence.

Great use of a secondary source here! I like how you embedded another YouTube video, as it's more engaging and helped me better understand the importance that music has in conveying emotion in film, even when no words are said aloud.

Since I think this is the first time you've mentioned her, maybe add some context about who Haley Williamson is and how she's relevant in this context? E.g. is she a music journalist or a film director?

The transition from your last page to this page feels abrupt. I wonder if adding a single sentence here about the power of music in Harriet could help connect the two pages better, bridging the gap between the runaway slave story and music in film.

I appreciate that you added a clip here showing the same short film with and without music so that readers can see for themselves the effects of music in film.

I'm a little confused as to what "it" refers to; if you could clarify this, that would make this sentence much clearer.

Just make sure to properly capitalize these song titles: "Let It Go" and "Thank You."

Change "held" to "hold" since the rest of this sentence is in present tense.

The way you analyze each song individually is very detailed and solid. I think it would also be beneficial to show how each song builds on the last. By illustrating the progression of emotions through the playlist, you can create a more cohesive narrative that reflects the slave's journey to freedom. This approach would enhance the listener's understanding of how each song contributes to the overall theme and emotional journey, making the playlist even more impactful.

The way you juxtapose "Skin" and "Stand Up" is a good transition and effectively highlights the contrasting emotions/tones of the two songs. By illustrating how "Skin" embodies themes of vulnerability and longing, while "Stand Up" serves as a powerful anthem of empowerment and hope, you create an immersive narrative that guides the listener through the complexities of grief and resilience.

I think phrasing this sentence as "looking over their..." would be clearer here.

The phrasing "there are a lot of things to have hope for" is a bit confusing, especially when followed by the statement about irony (and preceded by "unfortunately"). It seems to imply that hope is only meaningful in the context of problems, which could be interpreted as suggesting that hope itself is a negative concept(?). Clarifying your intent here would strengthen your argument and help readers better understand your perspective on the relationship between hope and adversity.

I think that it would be a good idea to embed a Spotify playlist or YouTube videos of each song here, so that readers are fully immersed in the journey.

I think that this was such a cool way to frame your playlist--taking us through the journey of a runaway slave. It makes the themes in "Stand Up" hit so much harder and really highlights the importance of Tubman's work.

Perfect introduction. I like how you incorporated the tips we got in class to "show not tell." Your prose is so descriptive and clear that I can really imagine the march in my head; it's as if I am there.

This plan sounds like a good way to wrap everything up and tie each writing piece together thematically!

Obi, as someone who has listened to Drake on and off since middle school, this was such an entertaining project!

I really liked your "End of Summer Playlist" centered around "Summer's Over Interlude" as a thoughtful and engaging exploration of grief through music. The concept of using the end of summer as a metaphor for loss (and connecting it to the Five Stages of Grief) is creative, allowing readers to connect with the emotional journey you've crafted. The song-by-song analysis is particularly effective, offering insightful interpretations of how each track represents a different stage of grief. Your writing style is engaging and personal, especially when you share your own interpretations of what "summer" represents.

The structure of your site is well-organized, guiding readers through the project in a logical manner. Starting with an introduction that provides a strong foundation for understanding how all the pieces tie together, then transitioning into Drake's career trajectory, and concluding with your playlist and original remix of the song creates a cohesive narrative.

However, the site could benefit from some visual enhancements to improve reader comprehension. For example, in your "End of Summer Playlist," consider adding embedded audio clips or links to the songs you're discussing. This would allow readers to listen to key moments as they read the listening guide.

Visually, the site feels a bit text-heavy. Adding more visual elements such as album artwork (this would add important context when you analyze the cover art for View during "Interlude Digest"), interview clips on "Drake's Rise" (if possible), or even infographics/cartoons illustrating the stages of grief to the listening guide could make the content more digestible and visually appealing.

One place where I feel you had great context was in "Interlude Digest" where you reflected on broader trends in R&B and soul and how Drake's music fit into those/blended those genres and explained his typical production process and how the song's basic internal characteristics reflected the overarching theme of mourning "summer." In your "Introduction," it would be beneficial to add some context about Majid, since you repeatedly discuss him throughout your project, and those who are unfamiliar with his work and collaborations with Drake could be confused.

Generally, most of my comments were minor and focused on word choice/grammar, rather than major issues. Overall, this was a cool project, and I learned so much about Drake and your song.

The inclusion of the "Winter Break" remix as a concluding page is an interesting bookend to the emotional journey you've crafted, potentially symbolizing a new beginning after processing the loss of summer.

I find it cool how your vocal techniques (i.e. your shifts in tone and volume) convey deep emotion beyond the lyrics, allowing listeners to truly feel the intensity behind the lyrics of the song.

I like how the melancholic piano in the background sets the tone for the song, creating an atmosphere that perfectly encapsulates the feeling of loss and nostalgia. This instrumental choice enhances the emotional weight of the lyrics, allowing listeners to connect more deeply with the themes being explored. The simplicity of the piano complements the overall minimalist production, drawing attention to the poignant message of the track and the lyrics, rather than the instrumentals.

This is just my curiosity speaking, but I think it might be interesting to put a paragraph here about how (and why) you made this song to add some more context :)

"How do I adjust to the season when I've never stepped foot inside of a cold state." Where do I begin? This lyric really captures the feeling of being unprepared for a major life change. The metaphor of adjusting to a cold season when you've never experienced one could be interpreted on so many different levels. It could represent the transition from a carefree time (like childhood or a happy relationship) to a harsher reality, with the speaker unsure how to navigate this new, colder world or adjusting to living in an unfamiliar area, where you feel out of place.

The symbolism in your lyrics at about 0:47 is so smart, particularly how a snowstorm represents the challenges one faces. I also admire your vulnerability in expressing uncertainty about whether you have what it takes, much like the original Drake song. This honesty adds depth to your winter-themed interpretation of "Summer's Over Interlude."

I think that it would be useful to include the lyrics to the song here; the audio quality on my laptop isn't great, and I couldn't hear the lyrics clearly at times. Also, it would make this project more accessible to hard of hearing folks.

Before I comment on the song itself, I just want to say that it's an interesting structural choice (in a good way!) that you placed your own song after your Playlist and Listening Guide; it almost feels as if this song is a continuation of your playlist and gives it a satisfying epilogue.

The song-by-song analysis is incredibly detailed. Each track's connection to a stage of grief is well-explained, particularly the way you draw parallels between romantic loss and the loss of a season/time in life.

I really appreciate how you connected your own feelings about the end of summer to your analysis. This personal touch adds a strong emotional depth to your commentary, which helped me understand the themes of loss and nostalgia throughout the playlist more fully.

Your explanation of how "Summer's Over Interlude" sets the tone for the playlist is compelling. It effectively establishes the context for the listener, making it clear why this song is pivotal in understanding the subsequent tracks.

I think the transition from "Pain 1993" to "I Want You Around" is well-explained, highlighting the shift from anger to bargaining. This progression mirrors real emotional experiences and makes your playlist feel relatable.

Again, I like how you ordered the pages on your site; it's a smooth transition from "Interlude Digest" to your listening guide since they build off this idea of grieving the end of summer, which symbolizes a desire to return to simpler times.

Quick grammar fix--there should be a comma after "song" and after "Interlude."

This is so incredibly thoughtful and creative! Excellent use of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief as a framework for organizing the playlist. Your introduction effectively sets up the metaphorical journey of processing loss through music. I love how you’ve chosen each song to represent a different stage of grief.

This is just a suggestion, but consider adding a visual element or graphic that might help readers understand the progression through the five stages of grief. This would make the listening guide more engaging and help us keep the stages in mind as we read about and listen to the songs on this playlist.

I understand that this site is still a work in progress, but it might be helpful to consider embedding YouTube videos or a Spotify playlist so that readers can easily listen to the songs while exploring the listening guide.

I think that putting "Interlude Digest" after "Drake's Rise" makes sense structurally since they both discuss this underlying theme of how fame can change celebrities' lives (for better and for worse).

The comparison to Taylor Swift in the conclusion is interesting but feels a bit abrupt. Consider introducing this idea earlier in the essay or expanding on it to make a stronger connection to your main argument about Drake's "Summer's Over Interlude." You could put it in the same section as the Meek Mill feud and album art analysis, since it hits on the same themes of loss of privacy and drawbacks of stardom.

This passage feels a little dense and wordy to me, and I had to read it a few times to understand what was going on. I might break it up into more digestible parts like: Majid’s lyrics directly support this theme of change, especially when he sings about needing to “find some fun” to cope with the pain, and his inability to ever feel the same again. The change described in the song feels almost ominous, and like the earlier concept of loss, it can be tied to the unexpected challenges of fame—such as the complete overhaul of one’s schedule and the struggle to adapt to a new lifestyle in unfamiliar environments.

Great introduction that effectively summarizes the main themes of the song and its significance within Drake's discography and life. You could consider adding a brief explanation of why you chose to analyze this particular song, but this is a great way to set the stage for the rest of this essay.

I'm not sure if lust is the right word here? Maybe desire would fit better. Otherwise, I like this sentence and how you connect the two separate themes of missing summer and simpler times.

The connection between the Meek Mill feud and the song is interesting. However, the sentence could benefit from clearer structure and more concise phrasing. The connection between Drake’s feud with Meek Mill and the song’s introspective themes isn’t immediately obvious, so making that link more explicit would improve clarity. The transition from the feud to the song's themes feels abrupt, and the sentence could better explain how the personal challenges Drake faced influenced the creation of the song. For example, changing "These sorts of events" to 'These events" would add some specificity and make the connection between events in Drake's personal life and the song more explicit.

Good connection between the song's themes and Drake's rise to fame. The reference to the album cover art is a nice touch that adds visual context to your analysis about celebrities losing their privacy and feeling like they are under a microscope 24/7.

I like what you're saying here, but your message gets a little muddled due to the run-on sentence. Consider breaking it into two (or three) separate sentences for clarity and decreasing the length of each sentence. For example, you might say: However, by omitting those elements and opting for a more stripped-down composition, the song aligns more closely with its title and the feeling of loss he's exploring through the song. Whatever summer represents to him, he feels as if there's barely any of it left. And, whatever he does have only serves as an almost painful reminder of what was.

Formatting thing--I know this is probably because you copied/pasted from Google Docs/Word, but just make sure to unbold these in the future since Scalar seems to automatically bold copied/pasted text.

There's an opportunity to make the site more multimedia-rich. You could include short audio clips or embed a video of an interview with Drake when he starred in Degrassi or when he first began making music.

The observation about Drake's marketing knowledge stemming from media exposure is insightful. This is a really nice way to sum up your analysis about how Drake's early career as an actor propelled him to success as a musician. I like how you provided a specific example of how his writing for Degrassi helped him develop his lyricism early on.

The final paragraph connecting the text to current events (Drake's feud with Kendrick Lamar) is interesting, and something that I want to incorporate into my own writing! However, it feels a bit disconnected from the rest of the analysis. Maybe consider integrating this perspective throughout the essay or framing it more clearly as a conclusion? Otherwise, this is a great way to wrap up this page.

Nice observation about Higgins' use of quotes from people close to Drake. This lends credibility to the narrative. You could perhaps provide a specific example of an impactful quote to illustrate this point.

Here,"Hardwork" should be separated into two different words--"hard" and work."

This verb is confusing and vague...maybe switch "make it" to "write it?"

You've mentioned that Higgins doesn't dominate the narrative, instead relying on the voices of those close to Drake. This is an interesting point. It would be useful (if word count permits) to explore whether this narrative style impacts the way readers perceive Drake's rise. Does it make him seem more relatable or distant?

Also, quick grammar note, "on" should be changed to "in" at the end of this sentence.

Great job providing context about the source you chose to analyze. The background information on the memoir and its publication date helps frame your analysis.

This sentence is slightly wordy/confusing to me. I think that if you changed ex. to e.g., "whatever has been said" to "what has been said," and "from time" to "at the time," this sentence would flow better.

Also (totally up to you), but it could be interesting to explore whether Higgins’ reliance on external voices offers a more objective portrayal, or if it creates a certain bias by focusing on what others say rather than Drake’s own reflections.

This button is a bit confusing, as it leads back to the home page, which then redirects to this same page. It might be clearer to either remove the button or change its function to direct users to a specific section of the project (i.e. the End of Summer Playlist) since it is referenced a lot here, offering more value or context.

This is a thoughtful connection that I never would've made! Tying the song’s themes to Kubler-Ross’s On Death and Dying adds depth to your analysis, as it frames the song within a broader psychological context. It also helps readers understand the emotional progression in "Summer's Over Interlude" as more than just seasonal change, but as part of a universal process of coping with loss.

Bringing up how Majid "leans into the less hyper-masculine side of R&B" earlier on would work well here, especially since it relates directly to the tone and vulnerability he expresses with lines like “Good for the pain” and “don’t feel the same.” Moving it up would also set up your later analysis with more cohesion and highlight the softness in his voice as an essential part of conveying the song's themes of loss and change.

Quick grammar fix here--the period should go outside the citation parentheses, and 'which it' can be removed since it’s unnecessary.

Clever phrasing! I do wonder if maybe you could expand on what “responding likewise” means here—are you suggesting that music itself is the best way to express these emotions? A bit more clarification could make this ending even stronger.

Nice details here! I like how you connect the instrumentals and vocal choices to a specific season and atmosphere, adding sensory depth that helps the listener really feel the mood of the song.

I really like how you connected "Summer's Over Interlude" to the broader theme of change and our ways of coping with it. It adds depth to the song's meaning, and I'm excited to read the rest of your project!

This wording is a bit confusing—I understand your point, but it might be clearer to simply state that the interlude appears near the end of the album.

It might be helpful to add a hyperlink here, allowing readers to easily access more information about Drake's rise and gain context before diving into the rest of the introduction, especially if they're unfamiliar with his story.