Because this piece of writing was based on the podcast on mapping, i thought it was important to at least mention the idea of mapping somewhere. I chose to talk about mapping here in the conclusion rather than in the introduction like I had in my previous version because I think ending on mapping really emphasizes the different lens that it allows us to see the world through. Again, I tried to link it to this idea of connection that I developed throughout the essay by describing how mapping not only can help us find certain objects in a community but also find connections between myself and those objects

This is probably what I'd say is the main point of this piece of writing. Most of this writing piece revolves around this idea that everything in our community, regardless of how small or large it may be, has an impact on something else. Using this idea, I tried to structure the rest of my essay to support and to come back to this idea. Likewise, I thought it was important to put this sentence here, at the end of this second paragraph, to emphasize how something as seemingly insignificant as a sweater can connect us

This was a part I added in my newly revised piece in order to better explain what I meant about the connections in our community. although the previous paragraph mentions mapping people and analyzing their similarities and differences, it doesn't quite capture the importance of these connections. Therefore, in these sentences I tried to make clear the impact on the individuals of the community by everything being linked It's important that I make this clear because the point of my essay is to comment on how connected everything really is and it doesn't have the same impact if the reader doesn't understand that these connections liven our lives and bring our communities together

This piece was originally from canvas and it was i response to the podcast "Mapping." I chose to continue this piece because out of all the other short writing I did this semester, this felt the most well set up. Now I know that it is also good to have more freedom to write with and so I considered expanding on some free writing but in the end I felt like having this basis to write from would be beneficial. I also think that I decided to expand this because I liked the idea of writing about my community as a machine. It's a concept I tried to play around with in my meditation on place which ultimately did not work and so I was excited to try and make it work here.

I spent a lot of time writing this conclusion and figuring out how exactly I wanted to write it because in the end, I wanted to make clear that I've moved on from swimming. When I first wrote this essay, I concluded by saying that I'll have to realize that failure is bound to happen at one point or another. However, that ending just didn't feel fitting. Although failure is mentioned a couple of times throughout the essay, it's less of a focus than my unwillingness to let go of and move on from swimming. Therefore, I chose here to not only change the concluding sentences from talking about failure to dreams, but also to directly address my audience. I thought that there would be no conclusion more powerful and impactful on my audience than one that actually spoke to them. That's why instead of concluding by accepting failure, I chose to conclude by acknowledge the times that I shared with the audience. I wanted to make clear that going our separate ways is not necessarily a bad thing and that I've come to appreciate where I am. I believe this is a more powerful and relevant closing message

Like I previously mentioned, one of the larger problems with my essay was that it seemed like I switched my standing on quitting swimming far too quickly. Thus, here I tried to make clear that Jason and Delyse were not the only factors to help me, but that they were major factors. Here I explain that time has pushed my mind away from swimming and in turn it has become easier for me to think about my experiences with swimming. Also, I talk about my return to swimming here at BC, something that I think is funny but also revealing. In these couple of sentences I once again find myself fantasizing about becoming a swimmer again but my body quickly stops me. Here I show that I am nowhere near the swimmer I once was and that my opportunity has passed, giving further reason as to why I should stop thinking about coming back. What's most important though is that it combines other factors that contributed to my acceptance with what I talked about with my conversation partners. My conversations partners are meant to be a major focus of the essay and this paragraph takes what they said and uses it, without relying on it too heavily as it did in earlier drafts

This part was particularly important to me because this is one of the couple of times that I directly address the audience. Initially I hadn't included this part but I thought that if there was any place to speak to the audience it would be here. My audience here being someone from my old swim team, I thought it was important to explicitly tell them how difficult it really has been to cope with my problem because its something that they too might go through one day. I tried to be as honest as I could here with how alone I felt in order to make sure that my audience would be able to sympathize and understand with what I went through.

One of the biggest problems that I found with my drafts were that many of the big changes in my narrative were very sudden. It seemed like my decision to step away from swimming and my final coming to terms with no longer swimming were not explained too well. Thus, in this addition I tried to make more clear what had pushed me towards the decision of stepping away from swimming. I do mention early that stress about school and performance were big factors but here I think that I really make clear why I stepped away. By explaining that I'd become burned out and spent a lot of time thinking about this decision, weighing my options, and questioning myself, I explain much better how monumental this decision was for me. It provides a more open and honest account of what I went through making this decision and I think making the relation between myself and the audience more intimate strengthens the essay.

This sentence is important to me because it shows that even though I enjoyed the success and the interactions with teammates, there were still doubts growing within my mind. I added this to demonstrate that, despite all the time I'd put into swimming, maybe I wasn't quite mentally ready to take it any further. I'd previously talked about validation as being a reminder that there was still hope in fulfilling my dreams but I felt this wasn't quite accurate to how I felt. Instead success wasn't really a reminder but an indication that maybe my dreams were in fact achievable, something that I think is conveyed better here. Also, I just think it's important to mention that I'd been having doubts for a while to explain why I eventually came to the decision of quitting.

This is a part that wasn't initially in my essay and actually, in my first draft, the third and fourth paragraphs merged here. I chose to add this part because I thought it was important to develop my connection to swimming. The last sentence of the previous paragraph describes a strange feeling that I got about swimming and yet I neglected to demonstrate that and so I felt that this part would do that. By talking about slowly improving and finding a greater desire within myself to continue getting better, I made clear why swimming was different for me. Karate and soccer I had given up quickly and been unwilling to dedicate much time to but her I was, wanting more from myself and from swimming. I think showing how special swimming is to me here sets up and explains why I am so devastated to step away from swimming later on.

The authors chooses here to use the source of a doctor, a professional in the field that she is writing about. With this source, she seems to be taking her prior examples and trying to explain them. She uses her example of the “BC Look-away” and then using her source, is able to explain the phenomenon and try to further understand her question which I believe here is “ Why do people react differently when confronted with conversation?” She uses her source to try and answer it and say that based on a person’s expectations of the conversation, they’ll react and interact with that person differently.