Read the edits Mariah made to make her third paragraph more specific and more concise. Keep in mind, she has already incorporated the changes she made during the revision stage to improve unity and coherence.
I like the emphasis on conciseness. I tend to talk outloud a lot and this definitely reflects in my writing as well. More often than not, less is more. It communicates more effectively due, as there are less chances for confusion.
• Repetition of the same phrases (“Smith states . . . , Jones states . . .”) to introduce quoted and paraphrased material (for a full list of strong verbs to use with in-text citations, see Chapter 21: Paraphrasing and Quoting)
This is something I tend to focus a lot on. I have my set words that I gravitate to but dislike how repetition sounds in writing, especially in the same or back to back sentences. I also think variety in word choice projects more intelligent writing.
Read your paper aloud. Sometimes your ears catch inconsistencies that your eyes miss.
I have used this technique in previous writing classes and find it incredibly helpful! Not only does it allow for awkwardness to become apparent, but it helps with catching physical writing mistakes such as missing the proper ending.
Editing involves re-examining the way you have expressed your ideas and improving word choice (or diction), conciseness, grammar, and tone. You might add, delete, or change words. You’ll fix problems in grammar and sentence structure. You might adjust the tone.
I wasn't originally sure what the big difference between revision and editing was. I like that revision focuses more on structure and unity whereas revision improves quality of writing. This makes sense to do second in my opinion.
Using Transitional Words to Create Coherence
This section is particularly helpful for me. I think transitional words can absolutely be the difference between cohesion or confusion. I really liked that they gave so many examples and where to use them; this will help add variety within my essay.
When a piece of writing has coherence, the ideas flow smoothly. The wording clearly indicates how one idea leads to another within a paragraph and from paragraph to paragraph.
Coherence is super important for effective writing. If a reader is confused by a lack of "flow" in ideas, it will lessen the impact of your overall message.
• Set aside your writing for at least a few hours, preferably a day or two, until you can look at it objectively.
It will be super helpful that there was a week in between when our first draft was due and now as we begin to edit. I tried not to look at my essay during last week and just focus on peer reviews. This time away will definitely give me a new perspective. I wonder how reading other's papers may help my own revision as well.
Revising allows you to examine important aspects of your writing separately so that you can give each task your undivided attention.
This is a really helpful note. Reflecting on my own essay, there were both stylistic and structural pieces I was not content with. Being able to attack them separately will be less overwhelming, and I believe, more effective.
She is given agency, a development not often explored in popular Indian film.
When thinking of the storyline, this is really interesting to me that Nisha decides to enter into an arranged marriage. I like that this breaks tradition of her gaining "agency"; it is not forced upon her.
My decision to give my attention to my women characters is a political statement, challenging the predominant culture that has caused them to only exist as personality-less plot devices instead of fully fleshed out entities for hundreds of years.
I still think this is still societally prevalent. Not a lot of examples come to mind when I think of strong female heroine or lead. Someone like Christopher Nolan is one of the best film producers of our time, and he has never produced a movie with a female protagonist.
But I’d damaged the book as much as I’d rescued it.
This is an important note when revising our "My Community" essays. While peer reviews can be very helpful, they should not strip our writing of our individual voice.
we could enjoy movie night almost every weekend
I wonder how going from only watching movies on special occasions to almost every weekend impacted Sindu. Did the increased family make them closer? Did she ever take it for granted or did she remember how things had once been?
Community is not, in and of itself, morally praiseworthy. It just is.
I find this comment really thought provoking. There are plenty of communities that are really positive but many that are not (thinking back to Lowe's previous mention of the Mafia). I think that because of this reality, community cannot be assigned "good" or "bad"; it just is.
And it must explain the in group/out group nature of this identity — why some people are part of a particular community, and others are not.
This is a super important component. As a society, we have become so obsessed with the idea of inclusiveness and acceptance that I believe lines can often get blurred in an attempt to protect people's feelings. Not everyone can fit into specific communities, and that's okay!!
it must be able to account for both a community of place, and something more dispersed
This broadens my perspective of community, as I tend to think more geographically. This initially challenged my writing piece about one of my communities, as I struggled to place myself into one. There are so many more kinds of communities that just physical places!
attach the word “community” to “policing” and it turns the legitimate monopoly power of the state over the use of force into something warm and cuddly.
This is a really interesting example of how pairing two words with different connotations can change the interpretation of a concept. As useful as this may be from a political standpoint, it stands as a good reminder to the public how easy it is to manipulate the meaning of something.
Power is the ability not just to tell the story of another person, but to make it the definitive story of that person.
This is such an insightful definition. As Adichie has proven in multiple ways so far, her view of Fide or Mexicans and her roommate's view of her, this is so true. Perception is everything; if one has the ability to create another's perception, they hold substantial power.
no possibility of feelings more complex than pity
This makes me think back to how Adichie viewed Fide's family: with pity and their only story being of poverty. I wonder if when she became the "victim" of this mindset, she thought back to how she saw Fide and his family... Did she feel regretful or bad?
Because all I had read were books in which characters were foreign, I had become convinced that books by their very nature had to have foreigners in them and had to be about things with which I could not personally identify.
I agree with Adichie's previous statement regarding the impressionability of children. Additionally, I believe that books can often feel like fantasy, so it would make sense that her writings did not emulate her daily live but, instead, things that are foreign that she could not identify with, hence fantastical.
caring about the stories of “others” must “proceed from the space of acknowledged not-knowing”
All people desire to be seen. Especially by authority figures, such as professors, this is incredibly important for effective teaching/learning.
Intellectual fears are particularly damaging, as “when emotions interfere with competence be-liefs, students might withdraw from classroom activities in order to avoid appearing incompetent”
I can see why this fear would be particularly damaging because withdrawing from classroom activities negatively affects learning. This likely continues to add to the initial fear until the consequences do become detrimental.
Chynna and Gabbie joked that they originally believed the college students would be using a vocabulary so complex that it would require a pronunciation guide on the side of their emails.
This kind of joke is what I would refer to as a "half-joke"; while over exaggerated, their fear of not being intelligent enough is highlighted regardless of the joking nature of the comment. This is a sad but understandable response, as humor is often used as a coping mechanism.
Jagger argues that outlaw emotions can “motivate new research” and serve as a critical starting point for gaining insight into situations or social phenomena (167)
This is good insight. If a situation is resulting in an outlaw emotion instead of the desired or expected emotion, this is a strong signal that the situation likely needs altering.
The field has continued to in-novate within Thomas Deans’s classic model of writing for, about, and withcommunities, by creating projects for nonprofits through local collabora-tions or digital partnerships (Bacon; Youngblood and Mackiewicz), aboutcommunities in reflective papers about volunteering or action research (Herzberg; Juergensmeyer), and with communities in collaborative youth writing programs and wikis (Flower et al.; Walsh)
I appreciated that the author immediately utilized the for, about, and with model mentioned at the beginning of the sentence. This example not only provides an example but appropriately addresses the article topic as well.
The students come from all grade levels and many social locations, including an undocumented high school valedictorian, a teen mother passionate about college access, a young slam poet, an aspiring veterinarian who owns sheep and peacocks, and a recent military recruit.
This highlights the diversity within the study by giving insight into individual's stories. I believe this allows readers to better empathize with the participants by humanizing them.
. When annotating a text, don’t be timid.
This is a good personal reminder. I often hesitate to annotate unless my thought feels very profound. Not every annotation has to be ground-breaking.
experientially
I like the use of "experientially" here. I've never heard of street smart being referred to as experientially gifted. I somewhat agree but also somewhat disagree. I don't believe you can truly understand and know something (book smart) without some use of practical application (street smart), which leads to me wonder if you can truly be book smart without being street smart or vice-versa.
It’s helpful, for example, to get a context for the reading:
I believe this step is the key to understanding style. Content is often objective, but it is the style of the writing that allows for variation in how the content is presented and, ultimately, received.
Active reading requires, first of all, that you commit time and effort. Second, try to take a positive interest in what you are reading
This is so important! More often than not, reading required texts (for a class usually) feels more like a check-box activity. Regardless of interest in content, truly understanding something requires intentional effort and commitment to engage.
Wri5ng for Change-Publicrhetoric, iden5fyingcommunityneeds, genreand audience-Wri5ng for Community
I am looking forward to this unit. Words can hold such power, and I'm intrigued to see what past or present pieces are covered. I'm also excited to improve my own power of speech/writing.
Assignment Submission FormaJng
I am glad that there is a consistent baseline established for formatting expectations. This will allow proper formatting to become habitual throughout the semester.
Analyze and write critically about the social dynamicsof differentcommunities
I'm excited and curious to dive deeper into this. I wonder which communities we will be looking into... I hope there are a lot of different perspectives!