This page was quite challenging to leave annotations since it was mostly flawless in my opinion. I noticed that your arguments and transitions are very clear. Reading through was a smooth process and I could clearly identify the essence, which is that Metallica paved the new pathway with their song "Master of Puppets" that critiqued addiction. At the time of the song's release, most songs did not contain profound messages tackling societal issues, which made Metallica stand out. In terms of the structure, though, I think one minor change that can be implemented is having more connected paragraphs instead of spacing them all out. At times, even with the smooth transitions, it felt like some of the paragraphs were disconnected from each other. Merging these paragraphs under similar categories will help the flow to be more unified. In terms of the content, I think there could be some adjustments. For example, some metal-specific words such as the wah pedal should be defined since it is critical to understand the musical descriptions of the text yet not everyone knows what it is exactly. In addition, I felt that there was a bit of a repetition of the same point about Metallica tackling societal issues and how it was unique at the time of release. This, as I mentioned, is an essential point. However, I think repeating it too many times (intro paragraph through concluding paragraph) increases redundancy and decreases the emphasis. Aside from this, I mostly saw positive things in the contents and I especially liked the use of multimedia such as in the Listening Guide where you had the YouTube videos hyperlinked. While I suggested doing a whole layout of the table of contents in the Introduction page, I think this is not necessary as navigating through the website was already swift and convenient.

I like that this topic sentence appears early in the essay and is direct. It just clearly demonstrates what the song is arguing for.

This is great! I think it captures the essence of what you want to say about Metallica. I think there could be structural benefit of putting this sentence at the end of this passage, though, since it sums up the main idea of what you want to argue for.

Is there a quote to back this up perhaps? It appears to be a generalization on the audience that would be more substantiated with a specific quote.

The point that you are trying to make goes through, but I am not sure if this is the best way. I think a verb like pave or extend is better.

I notice that you have added on this detail and point that the song inspired a new generation of artists. However, I think this could be seen as a fluff. I suggest condensing the sentence by cutting this part off.

This answers the so what elements and discusses the significance of the song. Good job.

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I sense a bit of redundancy here. I think it is best to keep sentences and points brief and to the point. I would say, "It was a call to action that inspired listeners to express their angers"

Although you have mentioned this point multiple times throughout this page, I think it is good that you brought it up again. This point is essential in establishing why Metallica's song with deeper societal meanings is special.

The structure of this assignment is flawless that there isn't much to change.

Wow, ending with more imagery that connects from the introduction. Splendid. This was well done.

Aha! You intentionally placed the main song at fourth position. Nicely done.

Profound connection! I can see what you mean by this and it highlights the specialness of the song you are working on; it had deeper meaning with intention.

I suggest changing the order of the phrase to "The song, which is from the album 'Kill 'Em All', shows.."

I noticed you are using these casual guideline pictures throughout this listening guide. However, I don't think these sentences are necessary for the comprehension of the playlist except adding on a more casual atmosphere. I think it's safe to remove these phrases.

This might be true, but I don't know if it is relevant. The focus is more on the musical aspects or the message of the songs. The difficulty of the song may exist there and be true, but it does not seem like a significant point.

Great definition and connection to the song! This is a unique fact about this song and it just came out in the right time.

Ooh, this is great imagery. It not only evokes that image of people wildly moving and dancing, but it implies the rebellious and free-spirited essence of the crowd as well.

I am not sure if you need this sentence. I think it is better to just keep the introduction descriptive and I think the profound message part is pretty self-explanatory. Instead, this can be talked about in the latter parts of the listening guide.

Overall, your balance between explaining the instrumentals behind the song and bringing the member's experiences and combining your opinions is great. I think the layout of this page is nice as well since you have relevant videos spaced out.

I like the use of quotation throughout the text. This gives a more interactive text where we can see the thoughts of the members and hear their discussion on the instruments played.

I am still unsure of what the wah pedal is. An explanation or definition of this is necessary.

It's good that you are providing examples of what you like and examples of harmonies that exist in this song. However, I feel that there is a lack of elaboration on this and that it would not hurt to exclude this part altogether. If you do want to include it, you should discuss the specific parts where there is harmony as well as the similarities and differences.

I suggest to change this to "he became known,"

The phrasing is somewhat odd here. How about, "The lead guitarist Is also skilled" or something more simple?

I like that you are really dissecting the style and the sound here. However, I wonder whether you can tweak the structure so that these elements flow together more naturally. Right now, it feels like you are listing out the characteristics of the playing style. However, it would be better if you were more telling a story by going through the song and explaining the techniques used in each of the song's stages (intro, climax, ending, etc.)

You mention tight multiple times in this section, yet I'm not sure how that would sound like necessarily. I think aggressive is sufficient on its own.

I think this should definitely be explained as people who don't follow the metal genre are not going to know.

I like the stylistic approach of summing things up and following the chronological order of the song to talk about the ending of the song. However, I feel like a renewed discussion of the main points and the arguments would be better for the audience. How about emphasizing the societal discussions of Metallica in this paragraph here?

The phrase 'hanging on' creates the ambience and relationship between master and servant. I think this was a well-thought placement.

This works, but I am not sure whether a colon would be the best to be used here. I think a word like 'while' placed here could be better.

Great that you hyperlinked the full lyrics even though you reference to the specific parts in the paragraph later. Having access to the full lyrics helps to explore the 'evil' atmosphere you discuss earlier in the passage.

This is similar to what I did with my song -- describing the musical elements and instrumental sounds. I think this is great. It's essential since it allows for the readers to visualize the song before listening to it themselves.

I am able to understand this sentence, but I feel like the appearance of it was a bit abrupt. Maybe adding like an 'In fact,' in the front of the sentence could make the flow of the paragraph to be smoother.

I noticed that you are spacing out your paragraphs. However, I think it would be structurally better if this small paragraph was conjoined with the next one since they are both under the similar topic of introducing the song.

Simple, yet very descriptive use of imagery. I can already get a sense of what the rest of the text is going to be like while not really having the full idea. Well done.

This is right, but I feel like the connection is relatively weaker. There are many societal challenges and facing one does not mean that the person will not be racist. Therefore, while it is a valid argument, I wonder whether you can add further explanations on the social groups/class of the typical Metallica fan to add more context.

Strong, solid opener to this paragraph. Reading the rest of the paragraph, this sentence makes even more sense and it is a good way to explain the boldness of the song.

This is a very good connection and logical argument. It's instantly comprehendible and makes sense.

I understand what you mean, but I feel like there could be a better-fitting word such as 'shrill', 'coarse', or even 'loud'.

I love the structure of this introduction. It is divided into paragraphs of your assignments in a clear manner. And you manage to transition smoothly between these paragraphs.

Perhaps you did not get into detail into these experiences because this is the introduction, but I think it would be nice if you were to provide a brief example of one of these 'experiences' because it seems interesting.

I like the transition from the introducing paragraph to the start of this paragraph. It has the classic chronological setup that just makes sense. Nice!

This transition to your first assignment works. However, I feel that the structure would be better if you were able to list out all the pages and have them presented at the end of the introduction here so that the audience can navigate to any part of the project immediately and also get a table of contents.

Leanna, I really enjoyed going through your website! I think the overall structure of your pages are great. You cover opinions and stories of your song itself, the singer, the application (in Wizard of Oz), the cover, and your personal connections. Among these pages, it is clear that the song is about giving hope and light and the audience can really see how you are inspired by it as well. In terms of the website structure, one small thing I would point out is to have all your pages accessible from the introduction page. This way, the audience can navigate through the page in whatever order they want to and also start looking at the project with a rough idea of the table of contents. In terms of the content of the ‘assignments’ (individual pages), I noticed many overlapping themes and ideas, which was that the song is timeless and is capable of inspiring a large group of people. This is great as it bolsters the point that you want to make with the song. However, some parts of the text were unclear as it attributed the song’s appeal to ‘many things’ instead of specifically listing these aspects out. Also, I feel like some of the details can be edited out since you try to bring up a wide variety of evidence that could confuse the readers. I do recognize the effort to diversify and strengthen your argument by having multiple sources of evidence, though. One unique and positive part of your project is that you continuously build connections to yourself by mentioning your experience at Cornell as well as your family’s background. I think the claims you make of how Cornell is a dream come true really aids the image and the intention of the song – plus, it is a point of view that can only come from you. Overall, I think minor additions and tweaks to the structure and a more focused text will benefit this project. Great work!

I feel like this sentence is a bit redundant. You've mentioned this several times in this passage and it is self-explanatory for readers since they know that your cover represents your aspirations (without you having to verbally explain this).

I see that this is another point of personal connection that could be meaningful, but I feel that it came all too suddenly. I think it is more beneficial to focus more on your other connections to Cornell (the family one, for instance).

This is great! I think your envisions will be perfect for what you are trying to explain.

Wait, I think you can definitely make it if you consistently put the work in. Anyways, the connection is strong between the song and your hopes, so well done on this part.

Really? I did not know that. I think it is very cool that you mention this and although it might be too casual for the essay assignments from earlier, since this is the final project with looser boundaries, it works well.

This is a very good connection to yourself. I can see the similarity as well as the personal connection to you.

It's good that you brought in sources. However, I think this type of source argues for you; it generates the core idea of what you want to say about the song. Instead, I feel that it would be better if you did that in your own words and had parts of your argument backed by sources (e.x. music was influenced by movie -- source that talks about the impact of the movie on the song)

I noticed that you are presenting multiple arguments and reasons for why the song is great. However, the argument is unclear and the ideas move way too quickly. I think it would be beneficial to space them out structurally and talk about each of your points in more depth.

I see that this is a point of similarity. However, I think this can detract from the focus on music and go on a tangent about non-essential information. Is there a way to make the connection of the death of the artists to the music or find another similarity that is more closely-related to the music?

You bring up a good point about the observation of the artists. However, I wonder whether you can move this up to be in the middle of the music review instead of at the end. It would be nice if you were summarizing your points in the review.

This is a good quote that backs up the appeal/popularity of the song. However, I feel that the music review would benefit more by having a higher percentage of your voice and opinion. I think it would be fine to even not include this quote and have more of what you think.

I am kind of confused by the emergence of this section. I think it could be better to rearrange this section so that the flow is smoother.

I think this overlaps with my other comments in the previous sections. I think there is need for specificity where you explain what the 'much' part is. I think it is better to directly say what you are talking about.

I really like the use of your structure for the music review. It's quite different from mine since I went with the more traditional essay style, but I think your style has a lot of benefits - it's catchy and it is easier for readers to get the main ideas from.

I agree with this. This unexpected combination enriches the argument for the song and is a reason why readers might look back a second time at the arguments. Finding connection between these two songs itself is a large element that can be analyzed.

I just laughed at this for some reason, but it is a good argument. The soulfulness in songs are not just added for no reason, it adds a new layer of ambience and mood.

Yes, it is true that there is a big connection behind the creation of the song "Greatest Love of All". However, is it possible to talk about the more direct connections there are musically? The current argument is that the producer just realized 'a connection', which is not the strongest connection to show.

Great explanation of the context and the atmosphere of the song. This was a good reminder of the movie and how the song's meaning is exposed by the main character as the movie progresses.

I agree with this. I have felt the connection before and I agree that the songs are related and that 'What a Wonderful World' is sort of an evolution from the mental stages of 'Over the Rainbow'. I think this argument adds a lot of depth to your analyzation.

Wow! Amazing connection. I think this is the exact kind of connection you want to make and it is very clear why the song is linked to the original version as well as the movie that the song is a part of.

This is a very unique take from your end since you are hypothesizing a situation where Dorothy listens to this other song. While it is fun, I'm not sure if you should include this part since it can be confounding and is not a completely true argument.

Reading through your playlist as well as the introduction from the previous pages, I wonder if there is a necessity for this paragraph. The point you make here is largely diffused around the website and I don't think it's necessary that you say this directly since readers can tell.

Great imagery. This immediately sets the scene in my head and sets me to be immersed into your playlist.

I like that you included a mashup/remix as well. It is very unique and takes on a modern approach, which is beneficial for the audience since the original song is not modern.

Love this song.

I like the structure that you take with this part. It clearly points to the part of the chapter that you are covering and sets the outline of the argument by placing the dot on where you are in terms of covering your source.

It's a great strategy to give credibility to your arguments when you use multiple people/sources. However, I feel that there is a lot of different people in the text here and I get lost at who said what and even who is who. Maybe focusing on fewer voices would be better.

This is great. Everything is summed up in clear and brief words and the 'so what' part of the essay can be seen through this sentence.

I like that your point is terse and clear. However, I feel that 'excellent' is too broad and vague to capture the linkage between the song and the gay community. Even the text that follows in this paragraph is not giving a clear image of the 'excellent' aspect. Perhaps you should be more specific as to what is great.

I think these two paragraphs can be merged together since they are both discussing the observations of the song. In fact, it would be more organized and convenient for readers to see these information grouped in one location.

I think it is self-explanatory that the text is a secondary source. Therefore, I don't think it is necessary to mention the text being a secondary source.

The argument and discussion topic of this essay is clear with this one. This is helpful for the readers and is part of a good writing structure.

I feel that there are too many names in this section without clear explanation. I am confused as to who Arlen&Harburg is and how Walter Frisch comes out directly in the next sentence.

Do you want readers to follow a certain sequence? What if you give the readers an array of options for all sections so that they can explore your project in the order they want to?

This is amazing. You are truly connecting yourself to the song and the project and the content we will see in this section will definitely be unique.

I recognized that you used the same phrasing as the first paragraph. This does help with putting emphasis on the 'many meaning' part, but I am not sure if this is necessary. Also, the 'many meanings' part is still ambiguous and tends to add unwanted mystery. Recapping the introduction is good, but maybe this could be done with something like, "'Over the Rainbow' is not just about its beautiful melody; behind it, there are connections to the gay community and the phenomenon of rainbows"

I noticed that you use 'I ___' statements multiple times in this introduction. While this relates the arguments to you, I feel like it could be repetitive at times. The introduction is written by you, so it is implied that these are your opinions. It could be beneficial to directly state your sentence without the 'I believe', 'I think', etc.

Wow! This is really cool that you are giving scientific background on one of the elements described in the song. In fact, you are connecting a realistic, scientific fact (that everyone indeed sees a unique rainbow) to the song that is based on hope and emotions.

It is great that you add a personal element to the introduction! This gives a personal connection between you and the song, which is something that I have not done for my project. I think this makes it more unique since your connection can only come from you.

I like that you mentioned the covers in addition to the original singer/song. Multiple covers already imply that the song is popular and classic. It is also an interesting point that adds depth to the review of the song: one song interpreted by multiple singers.

I see that you are starting off with reasons for why the song is considered great, which is a convincing style of argument. However, I feel that it could be better if you were more direct with these 'meanings' from the start. You explain these meanings in the latter part of the essay, but you could briefly hint the meanings in the first paragraph so that there is less ambiguity.

I see that you are trying to show the importance and significance of the song through the acknowledgments it has received. However, I think there might be some overlaps in the first paragraph here and readers can likely understand the status of the song even with some of the quotes deleted. Perhaps you might want to add other details of the song instead?