This section was originally not in my first draft. The introduction for my first draft did not have any imagery or background about my chemistry class. That intro was cliché and it also did not include any concrete images. The intro consisted of a brief reflection about my first semester at college. It did not really add anything to the story because the intro consisted of sentences that were very vague and unnecessary. So because of that, I decided to rework the intro so that it cuts straight to the point and where my problem originated, which was in my chemistry class. This new intro I wrote connects to the narrative more clearly. This intro captivated my emotions better and gave more details to the audience.

This was not in my first draft originally. The ending was very rushed. It quickly summarized the resolutions of the problems that I encountered that week. It ended with a very vague statement about how I use basketball as a stress reliever. Overall it wasn't very satisfactory and in my writer's meeting, I decided to expand on the ending. I wanted the story to come full circle while ending it on little voice. This description of me coming back to the court to help me cope with my recent stressors helps show my growth to the reader. As a writer, it felt good to include these moments in my final draft. To me, it makes the story more cathartic as everything comes full circle.

I want to keep this description of me playing basketball because I feel this is the highlight of my essay. It is packed with concrete details that I enjoyed writing about. I picked good details to mention because a lot happened in that hour I was playing. One thing I did add was what I was listening to as I was playing. That was originally not included but I liked adding that small detail because it adds more personality to my work. I am a bit self-conscious about my music taste which is why I did not include it at first. However, now that it's there it gives more insight into my character.

I removed a sentence from my original draft that mentioned something about my stubbornness and how I wanted to fix this emotional outburst problem on my own. I never expanded on this detail in the first draft so it felt somewhat pointless to include it. I wanted that statement about my stubbornness to be in my essay because that is part of personality. In the end, I couldn't find a place to include that detail so it ended up being a loose end I never tied up which is why I got rid of it entirely in the final draft.

I expanded on this issue in this final draft. I only mentioned that my parents were putting pressure on me and that was it. I decided to include this detail about what they were actually saying to me so that there is more context surrounding the conflict with my parents. By including this little bit of information it gives more insight into my parents as people and why I was feeling frustrated with them. I omitted this detail originally because a part of me felt bad about including it. I thought by including this it would make my parents look like bad people and that I would be talking bad about them. However, I know that my parents aren't horrible people and that providing details about this one incident won't make the reader despise my parents.

I added these concluding sentences so the piece has some closure. In the original free-write, I ended it off with the idea of having home food for lunch. I wanted to add this sentiment because I had those concerns at the time of this free-write and I most likely ran out of time so I did not add it in. Since I still have these concerns today I think it would be appropriate to end the piece like this since it should have been included in the first place. Though the issue of food and work is better now, it felt odd to me that these problems hadn't been resolved yet even at the end of the semester. The addition of these sentences connects the past to the present and potentially the future. It feels fitting to end my final piece of work for the semester with these sentences.

In the original free-write, I spent a bit of time just writing down my current thoughts at the time. I had this brief monologue about how freewriting got easier and that if I ran out of things to say I could use a strategy I learned from the tips on freewriting piece we read earlier that week which was to repeat one word over and over again until I found something to write. However, I scrapped that because it drifted the focus away from the main idea which was my initial response to the first week of college. What I did originally wasn't bad when freewriting but for this revised piece I didn't want a random part of this essay to include a large chunk of text that was completely unrelated to the main idea. This discussion that talks about my issues with food were in my original free-write but it followed that portion where it was just me writing down my thoughts. In this version it transitions from my first concern to the next, making a more focused piece.

I shortened this part of the free-write because I was being very repetitive. I included four sentences that all basically said the same thing which is that I became more laid back since Covid. Throughout the original piece I also mentioned how I wanted to hang out with my friends a lot and one of those times was in this section. I made sure to only include both those comments once in this revised version to keep it concise.

This piece is from a freewriting assignment we did on September 3rd which marked the end of our first real week at college. The prompt was to talk about our feelings and reactions after this first week of going to classes. I chose this piece because while rereading it I could vividly remember my emotions while writing. I decided to pick this freewriting assignment because I got nostalgic while reading it. It felt like I was back in the classroom and wanted to rewrite it being as I am now at the end of the semester. My goal was to keep the content of the freewriting the same which also includes the tone so it matches how I naturally talk.

This is an alright trade for the nets. Considering we lost Jeff Green this is about as good as it is going to get for new off season acquisitions