A collaboratively written introduction page that includes all your names and that introduces the theme, approach, and the insights offered by your collectively curated exhibit.Indicates the titles, authors/designers and dates of the works in the exhibit.Tells the reader how to navigate through the book.Sets forth a table of contents (or list of tags)
This should be edited out of the final copy.
Video Games of the Oppressed
essay titles go in quotation marks
I think also that to make this concept of audience/story separation work. you need to explain more carefully what that means in Frasca's essay and it "CG"
No description available.
you need a caption!
You should also limit your video clips to a manageable time (30 seconds to 2 minutes absolute maximum)
Also, sorry for everything being bolded. Scalar wouldn't let me change it after I copied and pasted from my Google Doc.
Sometimes Scalar imports source code from other programs in weird ways. You can go into the source code on the editing box of each page and delete unwanted attributes from the code.<br> I did this on the conclusion page.
.
good explanation of this work's mechanic. It would be effective to include some specific textual examples either through images or quoting a particular generation.
spewn
strewn (or do you mean vomited?)
computers inability to have it’s
pay attention to apotrophes
Early generational A.I. attempting to generate poetry
needs a citation (whose work? whose screencast?)
How does this video support your summary?
real world differently.
I like how you make the works into a sequence to look at different facets of the term idealism.
The page needs your names, an image, some attention to design (e.g. paragraph breaks) and an indication of how one navigates the book.
Evolution
All the works should be in quotation marks (for short works) or italicized (for longer works)
The subtle layers in this illustration show the unrealistic body expectations society holds for women, and how anorexia can force people to starve themselves in an effort to try and reach these standards.
see page note
I don't know that you need to repeat the information contained in the annotations of the image --the annotation do a lot of work. It would be more useful here to consider how the design works either to convey meaning or perhaps how anorexia /eating disorders are often portrayed
, "a player's available choices can express a particular understanding of the world, such as the extent to which fate either is in the hands of individuals or societies" (1).
interesting connection!
Some additional explanation of the quotation itself (context and purpose) would be effective here.
This use of combined visual and media elements in the “Loss Undersea” also serves as an example of how a work of electronic literature fits the genre definition constructed by Electronic Literature Organization, or the ELO.
what's this definition?
The work shows how electronic literature is essentially a “hopeful monster” in terms of its construction, since this image alone, and the entirety of “ Lost Undersea” for that matter, is an amalgamation of a multitude of technological backgrounds, expertisis, and forms (Hayles).
interesting connection!
you might have made this page into 2 pages --one for the changing backdrop and one for the silhouette (with additional images showing the changes.
http://groups.csail.mit.edu/icelab/content/loss-undersea
the link should be hyperlinked.
Use paragraph breaks to add some space and pacing into this large block of text.
All in all, the work depicts the loss of humanity, or the loss of oneself, that takes place as a result of the experiences faced in everyday society. It portrays the ongoing struggle for happiness faced on a daily basis, and in turn, the constraints that modern society puts on an individual.
some specifics would be helpful here--what experieinces or constraints does this work specifically deal with?
to convey their story.
is it idea to convey mental illness?
Public Secret Video 2Source: YouTube
should there be sound?
It’s a wholesome conversation that has no judgment.
?
Their stories begin to become unheard and when they are not heard, they are no longer relevant.
unpack this claim as part of the effect or the argument of Daniel's work.
After a while, another quote will appear, however, soon the same thing happens where it disappears.
is this paragraph referring to the video? That's not clear
In prison, the guards can strip search you whenever they want because they have the power. Inmates have no power over anything, let alone what they want to be when they get out.
Good discussion or the image. Interesting that we see both inside and outside stories simultaneously in the image.
is an interactive literature c
you might be interested to know that PS was built in Scalar.
ScreencastScalar URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/elucidate-e-literature-/how-motions-works (version 1)Source URLhttps://youtu.be/3KTJBmV9iuI (video/YouTube)dcterms:titleHow Motions Worksdcterms:descriptionScreencastView asRDF-XML, RDF-JSON, or HTML
you need a citation here and also a caption. The video frame should probably also be bigger so that the detail you speak of is visible
Good points on this page.
In this way this piece is almost the direct revers of the effect in Robert Covers "Heart Suit" in which the power play that occurs lies in the fact that the story remains the same no matter how the reader moves the pages around rather than the in the story changing despite the illusion of structured choice. I
I don't understand. You need to slow down and spell out the comparison you're making.
Use paragraph breaks to avoid giant blocks of text and to guide your reader through the parts of this intro
"The Mind's Eye", by Oliver Sacks, taking on the perspective of a blind man, https://www.amazon.com/Minds-Eye-Oliver-Sacks/dp/0307473023 (access to the entire novel from Amazon).
here it would be most useful to quote or paraphrase a passage and to integrate that into your own discussion of this particular moment in "My hands"
This image immediately alerts the reader that something bad is going to happen to the narrator.
how so? I don't see the image as independently portentous.
he is
historical past uses past tense
Whether it’s LGBTQ+ rights, citizenship, income inequality, or even the basic human dignities of life and self-ownership, social justice is the broad term for what it is to bring light and right into these societal wrongs.
it would be effective here to set up the injustices that your selected works address.
Theme looks good. I'd like more specificity on how the selected works promote social justice or display injustice.
You also need all your names on the page.
At Play", that games and other works of New Media can and should contain values and expose the reader to said values in an attempt to cause them to focus and question their own values and morals. Reverte does this by creating a narrative built around mental illness and self-image, causing the reader to question their own sense of self-image and anxieties.
nice point!
The words at the top of the screen saying "It wasn't good enough". Floating around her are the self-deprecating words that her anxiety whispers into her ears letting her know she wasn't good enough.
it would be good to include images to illustrate this description
Interesting that the figure in this image has no head.
these images are necessary as they truly emphasize the feeling that Reverte is trying to convey.
What is the story that this work tells? Is it a documentary or a narrative? Where is it placed and for whom?
ANAD
what doed ANAD stand for?
”,
needs a tag (p#).<br> The quotation needs more integration to show how "industry norms" fit in with the complex layers you're pointing to in "Dawn"
Dawn,
a link to the work would be useful here.
How does one navigate this work?
feel.
cite
These experiments such as stem cell research and human genetic engineering will harm test subjects, but will result in saving millions of more lives.
interesting--such experiments are a form of "play" with human genetics. Would you consider "The Lobotomy" a kind of game?
.
for you, is this breaking the rules of sentence mechanics liberating or is it a kind of memorial?
which
what does this pronoun refer to?
then, if you ever try to click again, nothing happens. you are locked into the storyline, a mere passenger with no way to do anything against the switching slides of the story pop-up
nicely put
sub-genres of social justice and community. it
what genre is this work? Is it a documentary? Social justice and community are topics or issues--not really genres
Works cited should be ordered alphabetically. You seem also to be missing all the primary works.
“Walks
author?
. Referring to how J.R. Carpenter approached this narrative simplifies the work and gives the narrative a memorable rhythm when reading through it.
interesting aspects of the work!
In other words, exploring can be limiting to what the author like J.R. Carpenter includes in the list of unknown places that she destines important for the reader to be exposed to.
This sentence's meaning is unclear.
DescriptionAnnotationsDetailsCitationsSource fileWalking pace options in J.R. Carpenter's work "Walks from City Bus Routes"
looks like your images got mixed up?
EarthPorm lists that are not prevalent enough to be known but should be visited (Earth Porm). This website gives a list of places t
I have to admit that I got immersed in this linked list.
and the interactive visual and tactile features.
It would be useful to note the mechanic of the book seems to continually renew the text on the screen--that is the walks seem they might actually be walks.
know-able."
who are you quoting in this paragraph? Is it Carpenter? From where?
virtual representation of physically
are to understand from this work that the physical has virtual and psychological impacts?
Good discussion--the idea that our bodies carry our history is a compelling one.
The video is too small to read the text without linking out to the image.
« Back to “"an ocean of static"”
a link back to the Overall intro and also one back to the section intro would be useful for navigation.
visual image
I know you said visual in a previous page --I wonder though if the sound might give a physical, palpable idea of ocean space?
When we combine all these details together, we can begin to develop of physical landscape.
Excellent point and detail.
Looks good!
I kind of like the sideways image!
This concept of physical exploration
physical / virtual ?
Effectively, each time the red arrow is clicked, the "brain draws the bullet" again meaning that the murder is replayed in the narrator's head with different details surrounding the situation that make the narrator seem innocent and wrongly viewed by society.
interesting!
The unreliability of the narrator overshadows the actual context of the murder, and turned a situation in which the narrator is the guilty party into one in which he is the victim.
an example or set of quotations showing this shift would be great here
The narrative is a hypertext story that changes every time the reader interacts with it, to create the sense of an unreliable narrator and stand as an allegory for the process of memory.
you are closely summarizing the editor's and author's introductions to the work on the ELC3. You even use many of the same words.
Without a citation, this is plagiarism. Please revise to include citations either with the lead in format or all in the tag (cite)
She changed her life course just so he could be satisfied. Flanagan and Nissenbaum describe values as "properties of things and states of affairs that we care about and strive to obtain." (5)
note that F and N are speaking about values in VGs. How does Facade as a game put values (like Grace's) into question?
You're forced to take sides, respond to questions, and really be the reason why the night ends as horrifically as it does. There is no simple observation of the plot. You are part of the plot.
this paragraph also sounds very close to the ideas expressed in the editor's introduction on ELC2
To interact, players simply type at any time to speak dialog, use the arrow keys to navigate, and use the mouse to pick up and use objects.
this also is plagiarized without any citation at all!
Please correct by putting into your own words.
You, the player, using your own name and gender, play the character of a longtime friend of Trip and Grace, an attractive and materially successful couple in their early thirties. During an evening get-together at their apartment that quickly turns ugly, you become entangled in the high-conflict dissolution of Grace and Trip's marriage. No one is safe as the accusations fly, sides are taken and irreversible decisions are forced to be made. (Mateas and Stern)
This is an exact quotation from the author's description on the ELC.
Without quotation marks, it's plagiarism. Please correct this right away.
Part of the challenge of the summary is to explain the plot and the process in your own words in your own document.
he Couple Featured in Façade
images need citations. Is this your screenshot or is it from another's site?
The screen then begins projecting a film that plays old footage of the Wendy's actual abduction story. Because the readers were given the opportunity to physically interact with the documentary, the audience already has a personal connection to the people and the situation, making the film have a very powerful effect and a more meaningful message.
nice point.
your environment... click HERE
This link takes me to a Facade page. I'm not sure why.
SBS
?
Missing -
your title should probably incorporate the title of the work so it doesn't seem like you created it.
Summary:
summary is a little too brief--Who is the child? Who kidnapped her and why? Who are the Pitjanjara and how do they figure into this story? When did this happen? What does the author of the work hope to show? Is the interactive documentary meant to be an accurate representation of the event?
This scene represents the aftermath of Hobo Lobo being wronged by the mayor and the soundscape helps justify Hobo Lobo's act of retaliation as one that is necessary to teach the mayor a lesson.
interesting how in retaliating against the mayor, HL wrongs the children who are innocents. He certainly seems to be the greater villain and makes me rethink the relevance of the passive aggressivity claim on the previous page.
However the off screen surrounding the image is again a blood red which becomes a motif in that it foreshadows the ultimate betrayal of the mayor.
it's not clear why red symbolizes unjust treatment or betrayal.
good points and careful reading.
I think you might have made a sub path here with each of the subtitled sections going on a new page.
This allows readers to sympathize with Hobo Lobo's situation.
I'm not sure I see how passive aggressive behavior elicits sympathy. Perhaps you could argue the HL's language is subtle or that it underplays his affront. Or rethink the idea of sympathy
moment
tell who's speaking in this image and who the image represents.
good overview--how does this work add to or follow from the theme of this book?
order works cited alphabetically by authors' last names or first words of the entry
An image on this page and on the about the author's page would help to build vibrancy and a sense of enthusiasm for the reader.
They promote a lifestyle around protecting your environment, living with nature, and being sustainable
This claim works as a thesis--I'd like to see you develop it more thoroughly
nice description and account of your experience
he museum was designed to have a unique layout to fit the contemporary art feel that it holds.
It would have been great to have included some discussion of the architect and the architecture of MOCA--the building itself is a work of contemporary art!
Great--the specific detail here is really compelling!
The annotations on this image make it work really well to demonstrate your claims!
it
Anderson discusses . . .
HealthSpace Cleveland (HSC) set up a program to share the information that they were using with other institutions as a way to facilitate distance learning. In order to do so they used “interactive videoconferencing (IVDL),” which at first was most easily accessible to Ohio sc
what is interactive videoconferencing?
or some kind of enjoyment
good description of this stairwell/exhibit.
What kind of "enjoyment" or aesthetic experience does it offer?
the only staircase in that entire building.
there is the staircase in the middle of the building too.
.
how does this aspect of design reflect MOCA's identity and the ways it selects and organizes its exhibits? That is, make more of this quotation.
discussion of empty, open spaces is interesting and shows nice integration of secondary sources.
Note that images should have titles as well as credits
he founders or the creators thought about the architecture and where they could place this museum in order to pick up new visitors.
This information should have a part of your research. You might for instance have read about the architect of this building and her statement on the design.
e.
remember to use page number citations
Theses strategies speak about the various means of ensuring cultural authenticity when creating displays for museums, they must analysis items that are found in the cultures past and use the skills of professionals to recreate them accurately to be sold as momentos, as nostalgia for visitors to remember these far off places.
this is a long sentence and a bit confusing. Break it up into 2 or 3
s
typo
Deepak Chhabra, it analysis
Deepak Chabra analyzes. . .
You need to make this page a path leading to your table of contents/introduction.
this is a great cover
Roberson, Susan L, editor. Defining Travel: Diverse Visions. Univ Pr Of Mississippi, 2007.
is this the Cohen essay? He should be listed as author and then the title of the essay. After you put the info for the collection that contains the essay.
isitors are able to see the world through a broader lens; a lens which brings all aspects of the past and present into the light, so that all connections are in perspective for the viewer.
nicely put
Lucy's real skeleton,
it is actually a cast--the real bones are elsewhere
I like the way you're book offers a progression in terms of thinking about time and the specific exhibit examples are nicely done!
nicely done use of the image--it also takes the viewer from past to present and implicates them in that time line.
My favorite one was always the dinosaur bone that they have embedded into one of the plaques in order to be able to feel the fossil and see the size of it.
an image of this exhibit would be great here
Loree Resnick of Suburban Temple discusses her relationship to Lake View Cemetery.
the audio clip is good. It would have been great had you added one of your own audio files.
I've been interested in thinking about the city bus as a social venue--a place where particular kinds of interactions occur.
Making a good impression on visitors helps lead them to forget Cleveland’s past industrial mistakes and poor economic past while providing them with a satisfactory visit.
Is the idea of the renovations to forget the past? That's a powerful claim especially as cities often try to integrate a unique history as they redevlop.
Balloonfest, t
more history for this event please.
You also need in-text parenthetical citations for this information
Cleveland was in a horrid state, w
oh my.
Nicely done!
With every botanical garden comes patrons who seek an escape from their everyday life to the natural life or people interested in horticulture.
I think you might make more of this idea in terms of thinking about travel--what are people escaping from when they go to an urban BG?
It's also potentially fascinating that the BG blecds art exhibition with hoticultural exhibits--it's worth exploring how that's meaningful.
s
Id like to know what some of these features are and how they promote eco-friendly behaviors.
Nicely done!
ven when I went to the West Side Market a couple weeks ago, and I visited Pinzone's Meats stand which opened in 1976, they wrapped my mom's Italian sausage up in the same white butcher paper and tied it with string.
nice detail.
.
The study from the previous page and your follow up here suggest that market shoppers have a belief in the authenticity of the food sold at the market --this idea is is interesting especially as it gives some insight into what authenticity means and also how we understand food.
Nice line of discussion.
. They traveled only to their market, and were only exposed to what they could see in front of them.
Nice detail on this page. The idea of the market as a site where travelers' paths intersect is interesting and offers insight into this market's identity.
Lastly, industrial aesthetics provide important symbolism about the city's strength and work ethic, providing locals and tourists alike with nostalgic escapism.
This claim is very strong.
ll of these luxuries and entertainment options are contained within an industrial facade which creates the illusion of a genuine experience in a city that is often perceived as the collapsed after image of an Industrial powerhouse.
very nicely put
.
Great description in this paragraph. An image or two from your walk would really help to show what you saw
The first aspect is the environment.
I'd like to see more attention to page design here. Even with this text and the 3 aspects, it seems like you could divide up the page and highlight the movement from one text to another.
I think this page is necessary. I'd like to see you incorporate the thread about the industrial aesthetic--draw a thematic connection between this thriving nightlife and the design or reclaiming of this space.
Also note that all images should be cited with bibliographic information in the description.
Thus, the Flats became dormant, with only the environmental scarring as a result of pollution and the old abandoned factory buildings left to remember the industrial center it once was.
In some ways. this is an opportunity to define some of the parameters of an "industrial aesthetic"--indeed this description filled with nostalgia for industry and also a legacy of environmental disregard is really interesting and even a little grating
Be careful to include citations--where did you learn about this history of the Flats?
Daniel's intention for the piece was to be an abolitionist project in pursuit of a more human world (
are these your own words--if any of the phrasing is from Vectors, you need quotation marks
Use full names of the authors and give some info (date, country, platform).
It seems like all three works (to some extent Entre Ville demonstrate pain--interesting.
Intro looks good!
is
are
r
^of our Scalar book
The reader experiences the feeling of work and connects the story at hand.
missing words
the mechanism of digital media
what does this mean? Which specific mechanisms are you referring to?
You might need to be creative with images in order to make you pages more vibrant
Include some images
Add both of your names to the front--go to the file page, click book users, click edit by each user and make sure authors have a 1 in the index.
r (Annotation enclosed)
what does this mean?
As in the Australia page, it would be good here to include a thesis or statement of argument. It seems that this effort to make a market of land and the Tasmanian effort to institute a wage labor force and a market economy among aborigines make a nice connection and offer insight into the process of cultural contact and empire--write in those connections
Colonel Wakefield
start a new paragraph here
requiring that all settlers must purchase land directly from the Maori people (native New Zealanders). (36
and also from the New Zealand colonial government?
The United States is also accused of mistreating its native inhabitants
in making this accusal here and in the case of Canada, what does the APS wish to achieve? Do they have any authority or rhetorical appeal?
Trail of Tears Video and Article by History.com
you should be abe to insert the video and annotate it (use the annotation tool in the media file to cue the video to a particularly relevant and brief passage)
authorship?
Good detail! This page also needs a thesis and an angle of analysis. In pointing out this contrast between effort at negotiation or compromise and abusive, destructive practices, what do you wish to show about colonization in Canada--Clarify that angle, story in a statement of thesis and some integrated analysis
is
typo. and then clarify the pronoun refernt
policy
was it policy or practice (or both)?
So far this page seems like a collection of notes about tht APS in Africa. You need an argument --a way of seeing or and angle--with which to frame this detail. What story does it tell about empire, colonization, or contact?
the establishments
to establish
Some good is the fact that there were two other societies, the "British and Foreign Anti-Slavery Society" and the "Society for the Extinction of the Slave Trade and the Civilization of Africa", in addition to the Aborigine Protection Society working on the same problems in Africa. The main focus of the "British and Foreign Anti-Slavery Society" was to teach and defend British emancipated slaves and other victims of slavery. The main focus of the "Society for the Extinction of the Slave Trade and the Civilization of Africa" was to promote the civilization of Africa and suppress the slave trade.
perhaps a list would be better here. You could, thus, experiment a bit with the layout of the text to make it more visually appealing and accessible
both good and evil, at the time of the report, has
not sure about the relationship between the subject and verb here. rephrase.
Thoughtful discussion. Set forth a clear thesis that points out your sense of the conflict or disharmony between Robinson's positive behaviors in social manangement and the ensuing exploitation and devaluing.
the circulating medium
unclear wording--is this your phrasing?
I use this term because the word used throughout the document is "civilizing," which is immensely condescending to any non-western culture and carries with it the implication that it is the duty of whites to indoctrinate any foreign culture they encounter. It also removes the humanity of the people being written about, which I suspect made it a great deal easier for these abuses of the natives to take place. Previously when the notion of "civilizing" appeared in this class I assumed it was the slightly racist leanings of the author becoming overt, but in the context of the Aborigines' Protection Society I see that even the most well-intentioned westerners believed they were doing other cultures a favor by erasing their heritage.
I really appreciate this thoughtful consideration of word choice. I think that you might make use of the affordances of this digital platform and make another linked page to showcase these deliberations--link it by hyperlink (in program hyperlink). and perhaps even add a quoted example or two from other sources to show your claims. That way also, the note doesn't interrupt the flow of this page.
Australia
try to make your title give more insight into the argument/topic of this page.
I will delve into the Society's third annual report to examine some widely-held sentiments of the era
Here is an opportunity to be more specific. What are these sentiments are and why do they matter?
Table of Contents
include your names on this page
Use in-text citations for all summaries and paraphrases
One example of a lasting impact is the modern day existence of racism.
Is this a point Alston makes?
Colonizing so much of the world allowed Europe to essentially decide the fate of the rest of the world, and everyone needed to be aware of it.
this sentence offers a potential thesis for this section. Give this page more purpose in terms of your analysis. What is your thesis, way of seeing, or argument? Is it that Alston in pondering globalism and interdependence?
ho had yet to discover something as taken for granted as electricity.
year of Alston's work? Is electricity widespread?
the potential affect on the future th
effect and which ones?
ntroductory I
write a more insightful title
Page dead ends--link it back to the landing page and/or to another path
You seem to have 3 different topics here: education (and assimilation), relocation, and Alston's attitude toward colonial subjects. What is the "story" you want to tell based on these areas of concern? Set up an argument and a statement of thesis that builds connections between these parts.<br> Also consider revising the design of this big blog of text. Paragraph breaks would be a start and you can use some of the affordances of digital space to make the text more visually engaging.
The views were pretty much divided into two main ideas: assimilate or separate.
are you working witth Alston here? If so, use lead ins and tags and include citations
title --works cited
Urls are not sufficient for citations--you need to include author/creator. title of work/image. date of publication. retrieved/accessed from. Images can be cited in text only in the description tab of the media file upload page.
also, by the way, this page seems rather appropriate for a google map layout.
thorough summary --and interesting. The introductory paragraph might do more to pull out the issues that arise in your place summaries--especially regarding terms of colonial contact between settlers and indigenous people.
re is a group of "feral" natives living outside the law who Mr. Robinson hopes to capture with the aid of the government.
here and elsewhere, include page number citations for all summaries and paraphrases.
The Society identifies ongoing cruelties taking place in British Guiana, including kidnapping of the natives, and appoints
because this is a historical document detailing historical moments, it's better to use past tense
and promoting the advancements of uncivilized tribes.
repeats quotation above. add to this phrasing by putting in your own words and integrating the specific language of your own analysis
2
include title of work or author as it's not in the lead in
here too build in a framework of analysis. You might ask what it is the basis of Morel's advocacy (is he advocating)?
Good summary and overview. Include a clear indication of your argument in exploring this topic. What do you want to show about Morel's work and about the European appropriation of Africa. What is the purpose of this section to your chapter? (write out the responses to such questions in a deliberate thesis)
(9).
it would be good to use lead ins as well (Morel explains, Morel describes . . .) Then you mark your connection to the original text and give a voice to this story.
Berlin Conference
include citation information for this image in the description tab of the media file (title, source, date, url source)
e th
^,
page needs an argument--write a thesis that indicates your angle in discussing this topic and the purpose of this page to your chapter. See note (annotation) below.
He treated Rabinek as he did the natives, a
fascinating. Use this claim to develop an argument about the insight this work gives into cultural contact and the spread of empire. For instance, it seems you're pointing out that racial difference is less relevant than economic interests and power--that's a major claim.
Although Rabinek had to be sacrified,
Rabinek's sacrifice allowed . . .
to imperialist attitudes
use more specific words here. What particular attitude(s) is demonstrated by this story?
the surface level of the atrocities o
I'm not clear what this means.
they accused of selling guns
missing words
Rabinek is
is this a true story or a made up fable of sorts? If the former, use past tense
law.
paragraph needs citations
de, h
comma splice
to
in
natives
Africans
did you make this?
here as in the previous page, your discussion seems too cursory--you need some additional specific details from the work and some analysis. Ask for instance, what is the basis of Morel's argument--how does he try to sway his readers' views? How do his claims make sense or not?
The author found that these countries imported a far greater value of goods than exported, representing the major difference in trade value that they were receiving (Morel 52)
some of the market board posters on empire online would show this point well
Trade in Africa continued to become worse and worse for the natives as time went on.
give a time frame here--place your reader and the work.
Development of Trade in the Congo continued...(Adam)
title is a little repetitve--use it to guide your readers travel through this path
clear start. I'd like to see a bit more detail--maybe a quotation or 2 and some pointed analysis of Morel's language. Following that precision you need also to make an argument--what angle do you take to reading this section of the work and what is the purpose of these pages?
most likely
phrasing matters here. You might suggest that this history of exploitation has contribute to problems today. A direct, isolated causal connection would need more research.
a tribal fashion.
what does this mean? explain
discussed th
use present tense
of this unjust treatment.
of unjust treatment and desire for resources (clarify the connection to the previous sentence)
path is a dead end.
http://time.com/4989574/modern-slavery-forced-labor-marriage/
The URL alone is off putting--make it a hyperlink integrated into your text in an interesting way and summarize it