who is he?

typo

This connection between hallucinations and identity is interesting but undeveloped. What is at issue here?

Include a more detailed example from the Sacks' chapter

I'm not sure what you're getting at in this paragraph. Rework it so that the first sentence indicate the topic and purpose in a straightforward way. You might also include a vivid example (quotation, summary, paraphrase) from the chapter to demonstrate what you're getting at here.

this is interesting! But you need evidence from the case study to show Franco's feelings of CD.

^feels

what does this refer to? Include a noun.

page just returns to the last page--give an option to return to the table of contents or to go a new path.

include textual detail. What about Franco's case supports this diagnosis? Include some evidence

use page numbers with all in -text citations. You might also use lead ins for smoother presentation.

Use parapgraph breaks, images, subheadings. If you can take out the double space, that would be good--if not it's ok.

make this long block of a paragraph into two or three and guide your reader through it -- you seem to want to focus on memory so make that clear

which produces? or which can produce?

put this page on the first one along with the contents of this chapter--otherwise readers have no guide for how to navigate those chapters

You might also eplain how readers can navigate the chapters that follow and what they'll find

gjgjgjghfgfhg

This introduction is great!

Hey Professors! Write a better introduction, please.

You seem to missing a collaboratively written intro with a statement of argument and summary of the chapter.

post bios in about the authors page. You can hyperlink each of your names to take you to that page

Too much text and not enough white space or images. Try to use the features of the platform to organize and present your ideas.

Perhaps break this page up into a sub path --dividing it up in to discrete topics/sections At the end of the path you can have it return to the main path of the chapter.

(Tags also work like paths although they're not numbered)

This would be a great place to add a digression about connections between spiritual enlightenment and brain disorders or alternatively about the temple where Greg worshiped. (Maybe a hyperlink to another scalar page?)

snappier title?

include your names under the intro

interesting claim!

It could be effectively more integrated with the into above.

note that Mary Sheldon (an analysis of her book is included in our Scalar book) specifically details how during her travels, she was able to get to know women and children in East Africa

actually, they were placed on a pedestal and looked up to.

where does all this information come from? I don't see any in-text citations! You need these in addition to citing the whole source.

who is Ann Coulter?

interesting. here then you need one more sentence in which you state what civilizing actually means in this case

when was it published?

interesting distinction!

is this better Denna?

I'm not so convinced by this claim. Many people who are being abused seek to retaliate regardless of their race.

thesis?

Phrasing sounds very awkward. Perhaps encountered peoples living in these lands? It might even be more effective to leave out these general sentences at the beginning and instead begin specifically with your text.

Interesting play you set up here between reshaping Guyanese culture by changing the physical structure of their dwellings and their routines.

which one? Indicate title and author.

evidence? Be careful of generalizations

interesting comparisons. I'm not sure I completely agree. Kingsley, it could be argued, approached her interactions with a certain humbleness belied by her bold, manly language.

contradiction in terms!

The final versions of your projects will be due by Saturday afternoon (3/25)

this page is provisional and will be omitted or placed elsewhere

see note on General overview page

what does this mean?

from?

what is this (and where?)--

Give a title that offers insight.

This path seems to need one more page to be in line with the other main paths

block and indent-- use the " button in the text editing box.

Why does Fox Bourne make this claim? You might develop the moral appeal that he seems to be making.

You might also consider further the conflicted stance of his appeal (as both complicit in critiquing Africans and critical in advocating social justice)

include a sentence or 2 in which you consider this section in light of the argument set up in the General overview page.

Reiterate and develop that argument.

you might need to explain who these people are.

Fox Bourne illustrate the process of taking over land . .. .

del.

write a title that gives insight into this page's relationship to other pages in this subsection.

include a full citation. author (if available), title, date, database, accessed on

Use visual tools to make this point. indent each quotation using the " button in the text editing box and give each a separate lead in.

then perhaps add a sentence or two explaining the difference and developing your thesis.

shared [knowledge of] {a denunciation of] . . .

italics include date

provide a sentence or 2 of explanatory introduction.

I like that you have the annotations! use them like quotations in which each annotation serves a particular purpose in your argument.

End with a sentence of two reiterating and further developing the thesis of the general overview page

new paragraph here?

or at another logical place--this block of text is dense --break into parts and give your reader a moment to breathe as you shift ideas.

Slavery in the British Empire was abolished in 1833. Where does the 1854 date come from?

also who are black colonists? Do you mean Africans native to the Transvaal or slaves (neither of whom were colonists)?

and what was the conflict over.

when?

include an image and be rigorous about including parenthetical citations

I'm interested by the conflict you're outlining in this path.

I think it might be worth a few sentences to consider how his critique of Africans feeds into his sense of moral obligation

I don't see this comparison in the quoted passage. You might provide an even more precise analysis of the language of the qutn.

new paragraph.

You might break up this long passage at other places as well

note that all images need to be cited. Include a caption with the citation.

it would be useful here to provide a clearer sense of what Fox Bourne was criticizing. How were Africans being treated in this time (according to the reading?) and who (and why) was committing inhumane acts?

I get the idea that he is arguing for a moral responsibility for fair treatment. It might be effective for you to comment on that attitude as one that gives insight into empire.

in Europe? In the colonies?

Parenthetical citations need to be included for every sentence summarized or paraphrased.

include an image on every page.

end with a sentence reiterating and further developing your thesis

what do these entail?

begin a new paragraph.

Perhaps begin with: Fox Bourne then details the . . . .

Nicely written.

I would title this page Introduction. Include a brief paragraph or a few sentences that indicate the plan and purpose of your chapter.

Also, I think the about the author (re titled) should follow this page.--it makes more sense.

begin new paragraph here

end of sentence is unclear.

Also probably a good idea to describe the geographical place of the Transvaal (as well as link to the map)

Give your chapter an individually designed title. You might follow that title with a colon and then Fox Bourne's " Blacks . . .

Works cited needs to be completed and linked to the page it follows (or be available on every page)

It would be useful to introduce the work in more detail. You should also set forth the topic and approach of your chapter. How should the reader proceed? What is your argument in this chapter (that is, what holds the parts together

add a link to the about the authors page for the whole class

Add a citation to the image.

include some explanatory commentary to frame the video. It would also be useful to annotate the video so that it cues to the points most relevant to your argument--even through it's short, you are more likely to make your point.

interesting connection. Draw your analysis through a few more sentences.

cite the image.

too casual

It might be useful to follow this paragraph with some analysis of this claim, especially perhaps in light of the unethical aspects of this practice.

use past tense.

which one? needs definition

unclear point

how do you know this? You need to cite the source of this information.

complete sentence?

Good lead.

Make the rest of the detail follow more clearly by using topic sentences that announce the link between these claims and the following detail.

A relevant quotation or two in the passages below would help to establish a better sense of Fry's voice.

to?

a description of this media file is needed. You can add it in the media file and it will chow up here. The description should include a citation (title, author, place of access)

use specific language. Do you mean caused addiction?

cite here and throughout this page (and all)

Perhaps a revised version of summary 2 should precede summary 1

Make these titles do more work!

include captions for all images

define--a link might be appropriate here (check empire online)

tense is awkward.

what kind of harm did the Chinese see opium and poppy production as causing? Were they actually worrying about addiction at this time? Use evidence from the text

cite source. Use parenthetical citations for all information learned from other sources. the lead in/tag format is most useful. [X explains that . . . . (21).

use simple past tense [was]

I'm a little confused by what you are summarizing here--I kind of get it by the end but the page would be stronger if:

1. you begin with leading sentences that introduce the conflict over the Opium trade.
2. Build on a stronger Introduction page that explains what this book is about, who Fry is , who the audience is, when it was written and why.
3. Assume your reader doesn't know about this work at all

throughout the section, lead ins would help to clarify: Fry argues that . . . .

what does this mean? Clarify.

Also you need to use parenthetical citations for every summarized or paraphrased sentence. Be sure that you have use your own words.

block and indent Use the " button in the text editing box

use a more specific word.

use last name.

give this section a more leading title

what does this link to? Check format for citing images on OWL Purdue.

what is this? complete the citation.

I like this story line--it seems like at least another frame or 2 would be needed to tell a story or at least to answer the question posed here.

this set up and analysis needs more depth. what do coulter and Ramos say exactly (cuing to the appropriate place would be helpful here) and show a parallel from the "Few Simple facts"

what does this mean?

include a citation!

Annotate the video so that it cues to the point most relevant to your claims of this page.

It's unlikely that your readers will watch the whole 31 minutes so you lose your point by not limiting the video.

Christianity

Here also your analysis needs more context and depth. Note that there is also a leveling--all who follow Christianity are apparently on the same path--so then where does the distinction occur or the training for servitude that you begin the chapter with?

Think perhaps of using these "relevant quotations" to tell a story about the narrative that demonstrates the validity and the complexity of your thesis.

title and I'm not quite sure how the visualization supports your claims

title?

I think this section of analysis needs to set up some context from the passage, chapter from which the quotation is excerpted.

I'd also like to see some more nuanced analysis. Consider that this land being set aside offers a space for schooling and religious education--having a place with buildings and borders makes for an official presence. How might such a presence follow from your statement of thesis? The image also shows such a stark set of contrasts--it's really quite stunning--make more of it!

use the " tab on the text box to indent.

Use the description space in the media file to include a citation (full citation author, title, date, database, url)

as suggested on the summary page, I think this statement could go on the intro page.

new paragraph here

Are the missionaries working with native peoples of Jamaica or slaves who were brought from Africa and other places? Clear up this terminology.

fragment.

should be a comma here--the first phrase is an introductory clause (fragment)

powerful claims.

Perhaps you should call this section "introduction" and have a subsection of summary and then of argument. These claims are not summary.

You might also include your map image here on this page.

emphasizes

a good image to annotate and set up the geographical space of the text you're discussing.

add a description in the media file ( it will show up here) so that what you're demonstrating is clearer.

If you made this image, note image by [author's name]

cite

excellent claim.

Start a new paragraph here

introduce this quotations with a colon

which?

take out this part of the title.

Include your names under the title.

Include some contexutal information about the text--year, place of publication, what kind of book is it ( a pamplet? a long work?)

ok --I like this kind of direction. Make the two paths visible of this page (select relationships/ paths/ and then add another page).

Also make these sections follow more associatively from Fawcett's book and this introduction.

while valid, this claim is much too general--focus in on what your actually focus on in this chapter--women's suffrage and global comparisons among women.

why does she look outside of England? What is the effect?

Lead up to your statement of argument

syntax?

blogs can be ok sources but as your only source, this one is insufficient.

You might look look to Empire Online and the introductory essays to find more reliable information or contemporary texts.

I think you can leave out the URL here. Simply include the database name (Empire Online) and the accessed date

Works cited should be in alphabetical order.

ok--good. now bring this back to your main argument about Fawcett's book (it can be a counterpoint, a response to Fawcett's claim--however you see it but you need to write in a connection)

use the "" indent button in the text box window

use the descriptions to cite the source (artist or author, title of image. date, database or website retrieved URL) You should do this for all images.

Those in the comics can be cited at the bottom the pages or in the works cited list

Strong claim--this kind of claim should go up front in your intro and your statement of argument.

it would help to frame the sections on male perspectives (especially the newspaper where it looks at literary representations of male travelers and depictions of English women.)

This looks really cool! It does need to be edited --you've got several of the names wrong.

Cite sources.

be careful of being too sweeping. This is a fairly focused project on just one text on Empire Online.

The comic looks good although the claims are very general--it needs some proofreading and also you need to cite your sources.

I would like to see a few changes on this page:

1. every summary from a secondary source needs to be cited using the lead-in/tag format or the tag only format.

2. I also think this information is too general and a little misleading. What does Fawcett write about women's roles? How does she set the stage in the work you read? Use quoations, summaries and evidence-based presentation.

Make a title that sets up your section and your argument. Use a colon to follow it with the title of the work and the book author's name.

Your names should go on the introduction page.

Looks good. Include some additional contextual information. When was this published? where? why? for what audience? is it a brief pamphlet or a book?

The video needs to be integrated --set up a few sentences that explain its purpose on this page and annotate it so that your reader is cued to a particular point -- see the Past Webinar for Scalar 2 Introduction and cue to about minute 52 to see annotating images and then video.

I think also you might call this page "introduction" and also include a statement of thesis that sets up the connection between all the subsequent pages.

Include your names on this page--you need to put them right into the text box and link to the About the Authors page

Newton was himself a slave? Clarify.

good. you might also compare this powerful image of Kurtz's mistress with the image of the slave woman above.

explain.

rephrase.

build your argument. How doe he use his rhetoric, his way of writing, to draw connections between his readers and the slaves/ slave trade he describes. This image is horrible, --make your argument explore how Newton uses or represents this horror to make his point.

include the source of this image. (Either in your works cited or better placed, here in the description

alphabetical order with correctly formatted citations. See OWL purdue

is this the author? if so, put the name first.

Give this page a title that sets it up and introduce the video--how does it fit in?

Finally annotate the video so that it cues to one or two clips you want to focus on. Watch the webinar Scalar 2 introduction--start at minute 52 for annotating images and then videos.

Also give this page a path.

image needs full citation--even images in the public domain need to documented.

the connection is interesting. write out the link. For instance, how do you see the CMS Juvenile Instructor as responding to the Slave trade (in relation to what I've commented in other pages, are literacy and peacemaking skills a counter to the slavery or an support for revolt/revolution?) Add another paragraph making this link.

use simple past tense.

Begin your section with a splash page image (go to layout and choose splash, then go to styling and choose a key image. --this will promote consistency among the chapters.

Also give your chapter a title that includes the title of the work you're studying. Your names should be written in the text box of the introduction page.

The introduction needs to be more substantial. You could include part of your summary on this page (who, what? when, why, to whom? where?) and also include a statement of thesis. What claim or issue ties all your pages together--use your thesis to make a guiding thread. As I read on , the most substantial ideas seem to be in the "analysis of the General view" page: literacy and peacemaking. Build these ideas into your thesis and use them to write more sugstantial analyses of the anecdotes.

Paths seem nicely laid out. The about the authors information should be added to the whole class authors' page (and an image of yourself or your favorite [thing] would be a good touch.

this title isn't so clear

offer an introductory statement for these 3 anecdotes. Why are they here and how will they fit into your argument.

Also, after reading further on, I think perhaps the summary of the anecdote should be on the same page as the analysis or hyperlinked to the analysis.

a map image would be effective here.

What do you mean by British ideologies?

which passage? Is this a pamplet? a book? Who wrote it and who was the intended audience? What year was this written?--give some contextual information.

the Guianians? Guyanese?

don't miss the opportunity to unpack this general claim. what kinds of ideologies to you find based on your reading?

be more specific--what kind of tech? (for instance, are houses an example of tech?)

write out 1-10

This analysis is just too brief. You need to give the inclusion of this anecdote more purpose.

See the overview note for some suggestions.

I'm not sure what you're getting at here.

it would help to include your summary of the anecdote here and then when refer to passages to give more detailed summary (even a quotation) perhaps. Finally, what is the conneciton between alcoholism and the anecdote. Unusual associations are fine but your work needs to be make the meaning of connection clear.

Use parenthetical citations (tags) following the summary. The page numbers, as is, are interruptions.

Make this sentence do some work! What positive will you present in this present discussion?

why?

The analysis is too brief at just one sentence. Most of this page repeats the summary.

Why do you include this anecdote? What purpose does it serve in your paper. What to think the missionary hoped to teach his followers?

Make these sentences do real work. Something like: {The missionaries attempted to develop an interest in British culture and a desire for European objects or practices.} or more specific based on the examples that follow. You don't really write about "wonders" at all--instead you point out literacy and negotiation and peacemaking. Set that up!

so would you argue that literacy is something desired or valued by the Guyanese peoples? This example is interesting --do more with it in terms of analysis.

the missionaries?

make this title more specific --what it General view?

this page should be your introduction and needs to include your names. Blend the about the author with an intro to the chapter. Include your thesis/ statement of argument in this intro. You could also start with your intro and them include a hyperlink or link to this page.

Include a citation for the bio and for the image.

create a title for your own section. The about the author page should also serve as your introduction and landing page for the paths in your chapter

Overall, the chapter needs some reorganization and a bit more substance, especially with regard to your analysis of Sultan to Sultan. I would suggest that you include more examples in detail from the book itself--not necessarily on the argument/ analysis page but on additional pages that explore your argument from several angles.

The images need to be cited here if you don't cite them in the description to each media file.

This page needs images! Lots of possibilites for images to support and supplement your examples

make a new page for this associative link.

The relation between Sultan to Sultan needs to be more extensive and detailed. Select a passage from the book that relates to female work in Africa. Discuss that passage and consider how this associative connection to a contemporary issue illuminates or adds an other angle to your reading of Sultan to Sultan

Begin a new paragraph.

I would suggest a bit more caution in making generalizations--You have enough of a background to be more specific.

use a colon here and then indent the quotation Use this format for all subsequent block quotations

good --make the phrasing more specific. What is her worldview according to your reading and then what is the effect or the relevance of her questioning other explorers?

This map looks good. I think some framing explanation would be great and also help to build your argument. Give your map/image a purpose in relation to your chapter's purpose

italics for book titles.

Also provide some information about the year of Sheldon's travels, the year of publication of the book. Did she travel alone? why did she go to East Africa?

The long quotation in the middle should be blocked and indented. Use the " button in the formatting block.

Include an image.

be sure to include a complete citation (including title of image and source. Include the URL too )

Include a page number and a lead in that tells who's speaking and sets a context.

The guide is an interesting figure in adventure travel. You might also consider Kingsley's tone and her self-placing as a female traveler at the end of the 19th century.

Select a chapter you'd like to begin and add your name to the title or just send all an email staking your claim