Within this chapter, there will be a keen focus on the case of Franco Magnani, a man who is sometimes referred to as the “Memory Artist”, but also a man who is believed to be suffering from temporal lobe epilepsy.
You need a much more thorough summary of the chapter and a set up for what your group focuses on in your Scalar chapter
Intro: Psychic Seizures and The Memory Artist
put this page on the first one along with the contents of this chapter--otherwise readers have no guide for how to navigate those chapters
You might also eplain how readers can navigate the chapters that follow and what they'll find
B
number these so they're more distinct or use html to insert hanging indents on the second lines.
l).
You might valuably include another paragraph on meaningfulness-- how do we define this term? Are these artists' works meaningful for others? Do they give others a unique or novel way of seeing a place or a context? Build on this idea and make this good start do more work.
e.
do such people typically have a similar kind of artistic ability.
.
Start a new paragraph here after this introduction the mirrors the repetitiveness of Franco's life
ies.
why is this here? Tell your readers why this connection is relevant.
Jess Hill
who is s/he?
it's d
spelling error (sp)
I
start a new parapgrah.
re.
what are his current surroundings? What does he remember?
Also need an image and an option to path back to the intro.
Frank Jackson
who is he?
goes describing
typo
She found them repetitive in nature, which then focused later on her identity, and how that is perceived as the bigger picture.
This connection between hallucinations and identity is interesting but undeveloped. What is at issue here?
This follows in connection to Franco Magnani’s repetitive nature of painting Pontito and obsessing over Pontito, this elaborates on his true identity that the seizures brought out within him.
Include a more detailed example from the Sacks' chapter
.
I'm not sure what you're getting at in this paragraph. Rework it so that the first sentence indicate the topic and purpose in a straightforward way. You might also include a vivid example (quotation, summary, paraphrase) from the chapter to demonstrate what you're getting at here.
.
this is interesting! But you need evidence from the case study to show Franco's feelings of CD.
is in a clear state of
^feels
this
what does this refer to? Include a noun.
al Lobe and Plasticity
page just returns to the last page--give an option to return to the table of contents or to go a new path.
It would make sense if Magnani suffered from this type of epilepsy, for it fits with how was able to see three-dimensional models of Pontito when these areas of his brain became overactive.
include textual detail. What about Franco's case supports this diagnosis? Include some evidence
(Kuzniecky, et al).
use page numbers with all in -text citations. You might also use lead ins for smoother presentation.
Use parapgraph breaks, images, subheadings. If you can take out the double space, that would be good--if not it's ok.
ature of TLE allows for these connections to be continuously restrengthened due to the plasticity of the brain.
make this long block of a paragraph into two or three and guide your reader through it -- you seem to want to focus on memory so make that clear
and produce
which produces? or which can produce?
of herself video c
gjgjgjghfgfhg
This introduction is great!
The links below are placeholder for your chapters! You can edit them by changing the titles and turning them into splash pages!
Hey Professors! Write a better introduction, please.
You seem to missing a collaboratively written intro with a statement of argument and summary of the chapter.
nil Nayak, Dominic Barandica, and Jeanne Lee
post bios in about the authors page. You can hyperlink each of your names to take you to that page
Too much text and not enough white space or images. Try to use the features of the platform to organize and present your ideas.
Perhaps break this page up into a sub path --dividing it up in to discrete topics/sections At the end of the path you can have it return to the main path of the chapter.
(Tags also work like paths although they're not numbered)
His peers in the temple, however, believed that Greg had reached an astonishing degree of spiritual enlightenment, going so far as to aspire to achieve a similar attitude and detachment from the material world (44).
This would be a great place to add a digression about connections between spiritual enlightenment and brain disorders or alternatively about the temple where Greg worshiped. (Maybe a hyperlink to another scalar page?)
Curating E-Literature Related to Identity
snappier title?
Introduction
include your names under the intro
.
interesting claim!
It could be effectively more integrated with the into above.
.
note that Mary Sheldon (an analysis of her book is included in our Scalar book) specifically details how during her travels, she was able to get to know women and children in East Africa
looked down upon from a pedestal
actually, they were placed on a pedestal and looked up to.
.
where does all this information come from? I don't see any in-text citations! You need these in addition to citing the whole source.
Ann Coulter
who is Ann Coulter?
.
interesting. here then you need one more sentence in which you state what civilizing actually means in this case
.
when was it published?
Instead of working to educate the natives, provide them with resources, and free them from slavery, the missionaries work to ‘civilize’ the natives.
interesting distinction!
is this better Denna?
This lends some credence to the idea of natives as being "savage," as even their children's first reaction to a problem is violence. I
I'm not so convinced by this claim. Many people who are being abused seek to retaliate regardless of their race.
he introduction of Christianity to these native people was good, as it allowed them to move toward being a more civilized society.
thesis?
contained natives
Phrasing sounds very awkward. Perhaps encountered peoples living in these lands? It might even be more effective to leave out these general sentences at the beginning and instead begin specifically with your text.
Interesting play you set up here between reshaping Guyanese culture by changing the physical structure of their dwellings and their routines.
this article
which one? Indicate title and author.
This was uncharacteristic of white explorers who normally would hoard supplies to themselves.
evidence? Be careful of generalizations
interesting comparisons. I'm not sure I completely agree. Kingsley, it could be argued, approached her interactions with a certain humbleness belied by her bold, manly language.
in-depth overview
contradiction in terms!
The final versions of your projects will be due by Saturday afternoon (3/25)
Assignment Guidelines
this page is provisional and will be omitted or placed elsewhere
see note on General overview page
growing English qualities
what does this mean?
to
from?
Aborigines Protection Society in 1889
what is this (and where?)--
Quotation Analysis
Give a title that offers insight.
This path seems to need one more page to be in line with the other main paths
"if they are in the service of humane masters, mindful of their own interest and moral obligations, they may be properly lodged and fed, not overworked, and fairly recompensed; but from the cruelties of brutal masters, perpetrated in cold blood or a drunken fit, the natives practically have no redress." (79)
block and indent-- use the " button in the text editing box.
Why does Fox Bourne make this claim? You might develop the moral appeal that he seems to be making.
You might also consider further the conflicted stance of his appeal (as both complicit in critiquing Africans and critical in advocating social justice)
egion, and how they deal with the Boer Republic and Orange Free State's encroachment on their land.
include a sentence or 2 in which you consider this section in light of the argument set up in the General overview page.
Reiterate and develop that argument.
The Boers
you might need to explain who these people are.
could illustrate the whole take over
Fox Bourne illustrate the process of taking over land . .. .
The major quotes in
del.
Quotation Analysis
write a title that gives insight into this page's relationship to other pages in this subsection.
image source: wikimedia
include a full citation. author (if available), title, date, database, accessed on
onrad illustrates how all Marlowe sees are "strings of dusty niggers with splay feet [that] arrived and departed; a stream of manufactured goods, rubbishy cotton, beads, and brass-wire set into the depths of the darkness, and in return came a precious trickle of ivory" instead of "the aim of the colonial government since 1855 to establish and maintain peace, to diffuse civilization and Christianity and to establish society" (Conrad 1.44, Bourne 28).
Use visual tools to make this point. indent each quotation using the " button in the text editing box and give each a separate lead in.
then perhaps add a sentence or two explaining the difference and developing your thesis.
shared the unglamorous truths
shared [knowledge of] {a denunciation of] . . .
Heart of Darkness
italics include date
provide a sentence or 2 of explanatory introduction.
I like that you have the annotations! use them like quotations in which each annotation serves a particular purpose in your argument.
All of which culminated in an ever increasing European presence that pressured the natives and inevitably impacted them culturally and materially.
End with a sentence of two reiterating and further developing the thesis of the general overview page
Ac
new paragraph here?
or at another logical place--this block of text is dense --break into parts and give your reader a moment to breathe as you shift ideas.
In 1854, slavery was abolished which bolstered the ranks of the black colonists and brought them into more direct conflict with the white colonists
Slavery in the British Empire was abolished in 1833. Where does the 1854 date come from?
also who are black colonists? Do you mean Africans native to the Transvaal or slaves (neither of whom were colonists)?
and what was the conflict over.
In the beginning,
when?
include an image and be rigorous about including parenthetical citations
.
I'm interested by the conflict you're outlining in this path.
I think it might be worth a few sentences to consider how his critique of Africans feeds into his sense of moral obligation
are inferior to those of his civilized society
I don't see this comparison in the quoted passage. You might provide an even more precise analysis of the language of the qutn.
A
new paragraph.
You might break up this long passage at other places as well
After describing
note that all images need to be cited. Include a caption with the citation.
.
it would be useful here to provide a clearer sense of what Fox Bourne was criticizing. How were Africans being treated in this time (according to the reading?) and who (and why) was committing inhumane acts?
I get the idea that he is arguing for a moral responsibility for fair treatment. It might be effective for you to comment on that attitude as one that gives insight into empire.
public support
in Europe? In the colonies?
Parenthetical citations need to be included for every sentence summarized or paraphrased.
include an image on every page.
y.
end with a sentence reiterating and further developing your thesis
the promised ethical concerns
what do these entail?
It goes on to detail
begin a new paragraph.
Perhaps begin with: Fox Bourne then details the . . . .
Nicely written.
I would title this page Introduction. Include a brief paragraph or a few sentences that indicate the plan and purpose of your chapter.
Also, I think the about the author (re titled) should follow this page.--it makes more sense.
T
begin new paragraph here
implores them to hold their leadership accountable for the inhumane treatment of the natives of Transvaal justified by their passive consent.
end of sentence is unclear.
Also probably a good idea to describe the geographical place of the Transvaal (as well as link to the map)
Give your chapter an individually designed title. You might follow that title with a colon and then Fox Bourne's " Blacks . . .
Works cited needs to be completed and linked to the page it follows (or be available on every page)
Summary, analysis and argument derived from Edward Fry's "China, England and Opium"
It would be useful to introduce the work in more detail. You should also set forth the topic and approach of your chapter. How should the reader proceed? What is your argument in this chapter (that is, what holds the parts together
Add a citation to the image.
include some explanatory commentary to frame the video. It would also be useful to annotate the video so that it cues to the points most relevant to your argument--even through it's short, you are more likely to make your point.
interesting connection. Draw your analysis through a few more sentences.
cite the image.
Back in the 1800s
too casual
Clearly, the sole reason England forced opium on China was their greed and their want to increase their wealth and global power
It might be useful to follow this paragraph with some analysis of this claim, especially perhaps in light of the unethical aspects of this practice.
is
use past tense.
the opium war
which one? needs definition
o it may not necessarily be hypocritical for the British to force opium on the Chinese, but it certainly isn’t morally right.
unclear point
.
how do you know this? You need to cite the source of this information.
eems a bit hypocritical to force a substance you consider dangerous on somebody else,
complete sentence?
In China, England and Opium, Edward Fry criticizes England for forcing importation of Opium into China. Fry believes Opium has led to an unfair power balance between the two nations and ultimately caused an unhealthy international relationship. This potent drug has brought tension over two nations that represent the western and eastern world.
Good lead.
Make the rest of the detail follow more clearly by using topic sentences that announce the link between these claims and the following detail.
A relevant quotation or two in the passages below would help to establish a better sense of Fry's voice.
in
to?
escription av
a description of this media file is needed. You can add it in the media file and it will chow up here. The description should include a citation (title, author, place of access)
corrupted the minds of the Chinese
use specific language. Do you mean caused addiction?
rofit.
cite here and throughout this page (and all)
Perhaps a revised version of summary 2 should precede summary 1
Make these titles do more work!
include captions for all images
he Opum war
define--a link might be appropriate here (check empire online)
It has been
tense is awkward.
a.
what kind of harm did the Chinese see opium and poppy production as causing? Were they actually worrying about addiction at this time? Use evidence from the text
d.
cite source. Use parenthetical citations for all information learned from other sources. the lead in/tag format is most useful. [X explains that . . . . (21).
would be
use simple past tense [was]
I'm a little confused by what you are summarizing here--I kind of get it by the end but the page would be stronger if:
If
throughout the section, lead ins would help to clarify: Fry argues that . . . .
Opium to be the prejudice of their people.
what does this mean? Clarify.
Also you need to use parenthetical citations for every summarized or paraphrased sentence. Be sure that you have use your own words.
We (the English) must do our best to bring it (relation between China and England) to good account, and make it the means of putting our relations on a better footing in future."
block and indent Use the " button in the text editing box
maltreatment
use a more specific word.
Edward
use last name.
Summary1
give this section a more leading title
ttps://www.preceden.com/timelines/54992-african-slave-trade-1450-1750
what does this link to? Check format for citing images on OWL Purdue.
African Slave Trade." Preceden.
what is this? complete the citation.
I like this story line--it seems like at least another frame or 2 would be needed to tell a story or at least to answer the question posed here.
s.
this set up and analysis needs more depth. what do coulter and Ramos say exactly (cuing to the appropriate place would be helpful here) and show a parallel from the "Few Simple facts"
In this video, Ann Coulter and Jorge Ramos represent the white supremacists and the minorities accordingly.
what does this mean?
No description available
include a citation!
Annotate the video so that it cues to the point most relevant to your claims of this page.
It's unlikely that your readers will watch the whole 31 minutes so you lose your point by not limiting the video.
christianity.
Christianity
Here also your analysis needs more context and depth. Note that there is also a leveling--all who follow Christianity are apparently on the same path--so then where does the distinction occur or the training for servitude that you begin the chapter with?
Think perhaps of using these "relevant quotations" to tell a story about the narrative that demonstrates the validity and the complexity of your thesis.
Relevant Quotations 2
title and I'm not quite sure how the visualization supports your claims
Relevant Quotations 1
title?
s.
I think this section of analysis needs to set up some context from the passage, chapter from which the quotation is excerpted.
I'd also like to see some more nuanced analysis. Consider that this land being set aside offers a space for schooling and religious education--having a place with buildings and borders makes for an official presence. How might such a presence follow from your statement of thesis? The image also shows such a stark set of contrasts--it's really quite stunning--make more of it!
“
use the " tab on the text box to indent.
o description available.
Use the description space in the media file to include a citation (full citation author, title, date, database, url)
1 2017-03-09T09:37:15-08:00 Esmeralda Terrazas 1548b6bb839df9732ba75bea3b92392954f1f4e8 15683 6 Are the missionaries attempting to civilize the natives out of nobleness or for their own selfish desires? plain 2017-03-09T14:36:18-08:00 Sneha Iyer c4a1786c2135e77329dcf933cc4c2772e3ad250b The natives of Jamaica are not only being mistreated through slavery, but are also being forced to give up their own beliefs and convert to Christianity. They are “living in gross darkness” because they do not believe in or follow the teachings of Christianity (1). They are considered to be lower than the Europeans not only for their color, but also because they are not Christian. The Church Missionary and Ladies’ Society believe that they can improve the lives of the natives and bring them closer to civility by converting them to Christianity. This civility is not the equivalent to the European's civility and is only a means of training the natives.
as suggested on the summary page, I think this statement could go on the intro page.
The individuals that set out to convert all the non-Christian natives believe that the natives are not civilized and are leading ignorant lives.
new paragraph here
negro slave”
Are the missionaries working with native peoples of Jamaica or slaves who were brought from Africa and other places? Clear up this terminology.
Improving the lives of the “poor ignorant Africans and their offspring” and “remedying the existing evil” (2).
fragment.
.
should be a comma here--the first phrase is an introductory clause (fragment)
They do not do so with the intention of making the natives their equals, instead they do so with the intention of domesticating the natives, using the excuse of teaching as a cover for training them. Rather than working to improve their quality of life, the missionaries attempt to instill teachings that will have “practical benefits likely to result both to the Master and to the Slave” (2). Their goal is to make the natives better subjects/slaves and to make them adhere to a form of civility that is not equivalent to the Europeans.
powerful claims.
Perhaps you should call this section "introduction" and have a subsection of summary and then of argument. These claims are not summary.
You might also include your map image here on this page.
places emphasis
emphasizes
No description available.
a good image to annotate and set up the geographical space of the text you're discussing.
No description available.
add a description in the media file ( it will show up here) so that what you're demonstrating is clearer.
If you made this image, note image by [author's name]
Mary Kingsley who traveled always in full skirts in order to conserve her perceived femininity while carrying these heavy skirts through dense jungle, doing more than the men in light pants.
cite
This sort of power that the English women felt over foreign women, lead to the English women perceiving themselves as more powerful in their own society and more powerful that the women in these “subordinate” groups.
excellent claim.
Start a new paragraph here
worthy “She is to
introduce this quotations with a colon
uring this period in time
which?
& About the Author
take out this part of the title.
Include your names under the title.
Include some contexutal information about the text--year, place of publication, what kind of book is it ( a pamplet? a long work?)
fter this introduction, there are two options for continued paths: how men perceive women and an exploration of the treatment of women before imperialism.
ok --I like this kind of direction. Make the two paths visible of this page (select relationships/ paths/ and then add another page).
Also make these sections follow more associatively from Fawcett's book and this introduction.
Imperialism empowered women to make advances socio-economically and socially.
while valid, this claim is much too general--focus in on what your actually focus on in this chapter--women's suffrage and global comparisons among women.
In her request for more rights, she describes women's experiences in other countries and describes her perception of their treatment
why does she look outside of England? What is the effect?
Lead up to your statement of argument
as more progress and valuable to society than interpreted by men.
syntax?
7
blogs can be ok sources but as your only source, this one is insufficient.
You might look look to Empire Online and the introductory essays to find more reliable information or contemporary texts.
Available through: Adam Matthew, Marlborough, Empire Online, http://www.empire.amdigital.co.uk/Documents/Details/The Womens Suffrage Bill by Millicent Garrett Fawcett [Accessed March 09, 2017].
I think you can leave out the URL here. Simply include the database name (Empire Online) and the accessed date
Works cited should be in alphabetical order.
.
ok--good. now bring this back to your main argument about Fawcett's book (it can be a counterpoint, a response to Fawcett's claim--however you see it but you need to write in a connection)
“
use the "" indent button in the text box window
No description available
use the descriptions to cite the source (artist or author, title of image. date, database or website retrieved URL) You should do this for all images.
Those in the comics can be cited at the bottom the pages or in the works cited list
Women presented the argument in such a way that posed the advances for women as advances for England as an imperialistic nation that, by increasing liberties for women, would remain powerful over other subordinate nations that did not provide such rights to their citizens.
Strong claim--this kind of claim should go up front in your intro and your statement of argument.
it would help to frame the sections on male perspectives (especially the newspaper where it looks at literary representations of male travelers and depictions of English women.)
This looks really cool! It does need to be edited --you've got several of the names wrong.
Cite sources.
17th Century: Women in England before the expansion of the British Empire
be careful of being too sweeping. This is a fairly focused project on just one text on Empire Online.
The comic looks good although the claims are very general--it needs some proofreading and also you need to cite your sources.
I would like to see a few changes on this page:
every summary from a secondary source needs to be cited using the lead-in/tag format or the tag only format.
I also think this information is too general and a little misleading. What does Fawcett write about women's roles? How does she set the stage in the work you read? Use quoations, summaries and evidence-based presentation.
Make a title that sets up your section and your argument. Use a colon to follow it with the title of the work and the book author's name.
Your names should go on the introduction page.
Looks good. Include some additional contextual information. When was this published? where? why? for what audience? is it a brief pamphlet or a book?
The video needs to be integrated --set up a few sentences that explain its purpose on this page and annotate it so that your reader is cued to a particular point -- see the Past Webinar for Scalar 2 Introduction and cue to about minute 52 to see annotating images and then video.
I think also you might call this page "introduction" and also include a statement of thesis that sets up the connection between all the subsequent pages.
Include your names on this page--you need to put them right into the text box and link to the About the Authors page
his personal experience as a slave
Newton was himself a slave? Clarify.
s.
good. you might also compare this powerful image of Kurtz's mistress with the image of the slave woman above.
“full native”
explain.
This is reminiscent of the scene in
rephrase.
.
build your argument. How doe he use his rhetoric, his way of writing, to draw connections between his readers and the slaves/ slave trade he describes. This image is horrible, --make your argument explore how Newton uses or represents this horror to make his point.
"The inhumanity of dealers in human flesh exemplified in Captn. Kimber's treatment of a young Negro girl"
include the source of this image. (Either in your works cited or better placed, here in the description
alphabetical order with correctly formatted citations. See OWL purdue
L. & G. Seely;
is this the author? if so, put the name first.
Give this page a title that sets it up and introduce the video--how does it fit in?
Finally annotate the video so that it cues to one or two clips you want to focus on. Watch the webinar Scalar 2 introduction--start at minute 52 for annotating images and then videos.
Also give this page a path.
An illustration of the Triangle Trade. Public Domain
image needs full citation--even images in the public domain need to documented.
.
the connection is interesting. write out the link. For instance, how do you see the CMS Juvenile Instructor as responding to the Slave trade (in relation to what I've commented in other pages, are literacy and peacemaking skills a counter to the slavery or an support for revolt/revolution?) Add another paragraph making this link.
would be s
use simple past tense.
Begin your section with a splash page image (go to layout and choose splash, then go to styling and choose a key image. --this will promote consistency among the chapters.
Also give your chapter a title that includes the title of the work you're studying. Your names should be written in the text box of the introduction page.
The introduction needs to be more substantial. You could include part of your summary on this page (who, what? when, why, to whom? where?) and also include a statement of thesis. What claim or issue ties all your pages together--use your thesis to make a guiding thread. As I read on , the most substantial ideas seem to be in the "analysis of the General view" page: literacy and peacemaking. Build these ideas into your thesis and use them to write more sugstantial analyses of the anecdotes.
Paths seem nicely laid out. The about the authors information should be added to the whole class authors' page (and an image of yourself or your favorite [thing] would be a good touch.
General View [British Guiana]
this title isn't so clear
Happy Death of an Indian Girl at Bartica Grove [British Guiana]
offer an introductory statement for these 3 anecdotes. Why are they here and how will they fit into your argument.
Also, after reading further on, I think perhaps the summary of the anecdote should be on the same page as the analysis or hyperlinked to the analysis.
he Mission mainly occupied Bartica Grove which was “at the junction of the rivers Mazaroony and Essequibo” (L. & G. Seeley et al 75). There were 8 native tribes in the region and 5000 of the natives followed British ideologies while 20000 did no
a map image would be effective here.
What do you mean by British ideologies?
he passage
which passage? Is this a pamplet? a book? Who wrote it and who was the intended audience? What year was this written?--give some contextual information.
the natives
the Guianians? Guyanese?
hat British ideologies are spread through
don't miss the opportunity to unpack this general claim. what kinds of ideologies to you find based on your reading?
sed British advancements in technology to do so.
be more specific--what kind of tech? (for instance, are houses an example of tech?)
8
write out 1-10
This analysis is just too brief. You need to give the inclusion of this anecdote more purpose.
See the overview note for some suggestions.
I'm not sure what you're getting at here.
it would help to include your summary of the anecdote here and then when refer to passages to give more detailed summary (even a quotation) perhaps. Finally, what is the conneciton between alcoholism and the anecdote. Unusual associations are fine but your work needs to be make the meaning of connection clear.
by the passage on pages 135-138.
Use parenthetical citations (tags) following the summary. The page numbers, as is, are interruptions.
it seems that there was a positive side to Christianity.
Make this sentence do some work! What positive will you present in this present discussion?
as detrimental for the natives,
why?
The analysis is too brief at just one sentence. Most of this page repeats the summary.
Why do you include this anecdote? What purpose does it serve in your paper. What to think the missionary hoped to teach his followers?
The general view of the Mission in British Guiana provides an example of British expansionism that was helpful to the natives in the region. The Mission showed the natives the wonders of their culture in multiple ways.
Make these sentences do real work. Something like: {The missionaries attempted to develop an interest in British culture and a desire for European objects or practices.} or more specific based on the examples that follow. You don't really write about "wonders" at all--instead you point out literacy and negotiation and peacemaking. Set that up!
.
so would you argue that literacy is something desired or valued by the Guyanese peoples? This example is interesting --do more with it in terms of analysis.
he Mission
the missionaries?
Analysis of the General View
make this title more specific --what it General view?
this page should be your introduction and needs to include your names. Blend the about the author with an intro to the chapter. Include your thesis/ statement of argument in this intro. You could also start with your intro and them include a hyperlink or link to this page.
Include a citation for the bio and for the image.
create a title for your own section. The about the author page should also serve as your introduction and landing page for the paths in your chapter
Overall, the chapter needs some reorganization and a bit more substance, especially with regard to your analysis of Sultan to Sultan. I would suggest that you include more examples in detail from the book itself--not necessarily on the argument/ analysis page but on additional pages that explore your argument from several angles.
.
The images need to be cited here if you don't cite them in the description to each media file.
This page needs images! Lots of possibilites for images to support and supplement your examples
As part of International Women’s Day, this article writes about women in the African work force. It starts out with the fact that employment in Afric
make a new page for this associative link.
The relation between Sultan to Sultan needs to be more extensive and detailed. Select a passage from the book that relates to female work in Africa. Discuss that passage and consider how this associative connection to a contemporary issue illuminates or adds an other angle to your reading of Sultan to Sultan
An example of her
Begin a new paragraph.
he general consensus on African people was that they were basically animals that could only be subjugated and exploited.
I would suggest a bit more caution in making generalizations--You have enough of a background to be more specific.
.
use a colon here and then indent the quotation Use this format for all subsequent block quotations
shaped her world
good --make the phrasing more specific. What is her worldview according to your reading and then what is the effect or the relevance of her questioning other explorers?
This map looks good. I think some framing explanation would be great and also help to build your argument. Give your map/image a purpose in relation to your chapter's purpose
Sultan to Sultan
italics for book titles.
Also provide some information about the year of Sheldon's travels, the year of publication of the book. Did she travel alone? why did she go to East Africa?
The long quotation in the middle should be blocked and indented. Use the " button in the formatting block.
Include an image.