277 Matching Annotations
  1. Nov 2017
    1. in which she was to be included

      I think you don't have to say this

    2. under Ford’s direction

      I think you need a comma after direction

    3. the initial

      the initial or an initial?

    4. hus, “Ford was to feel equally at home—and equally in exile—all over Europe and America” (Saunders 18).

      Good!

    5. The Modernist Era was distinguishable for its incestuous artistic circle of authors, painters, musicians, and the like, but few artists were born into the circle as Ford Madox Ford was in December of 1873—the son of Francis Hueffer, a German music critic, and Catherine Madox Brown, an English painter, pianist, and model; thus much of Ford’s literary success unarguably stemmed from his upbringing.

      Maybe break this sentence up, it's a little long

    1. Fraser’s work in poetry has received much recognition. Her honors and awards include the New School’s Frank O’Hara Poetry Prize (1964) and the American Academy’s Discovery Award (1964), as well as a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts (1971, 1978) and a Guggenheim Fellowship (1981). Working with primarily small press publications, Fraser has published more than fifteen books, including mixed-genre collections, a chapbook of collaged wall pieces, and an essay collection.   Her published works include twelve volumes of poems and two children’s books: What I Want (1974), New Shoes (1978), Magritte Series (1977), Each Next: narratives (1980), Something (even human voices) in the foreground, a lake (1984), Notes Preceding Trust (1987), when new time folds up (1993), WING (1995), il cuore : the heart—Selected Poems 1970–1995 (1997), Translating the Unspeakable (2000), and Discrete Categories Forced into Coupling (2004).   Fraser now splits her time between San Francisco and Rome where she lives with her husband, the philosopher/playwright Arthur Bierman. She lectures and gives readings at a number of Italian universities and has translated Lampi e acqua, a book-length serial poem by Maria Obino (excerpts published in AVEC), and a selection of poems by Toni Maraini, Daniela Attanasi, Sara Zanghi and Giovanna Sandri (published in Thirteenth Moon, “Italian Women Writers” issue).  

      Although I think this information is fascinating, I'd consider cutting this to meet the word count simply because this info would be more crucial if the project were about her and not Loy.

    2. on of

      extra on, maybe?

    3. Fraser is inspired by Mina Loy, as well as other modernist women writers, questioning why the poetics of female voices and experiences have been marginalized and excluded from academic research and public realms. In an effort to recover the voices of American-women writers, Fraser, from 1983-1991, published, edited, and contributed to magazines entitled, HOW(ever), and later, HOW2. These magazines focus on innovative writing by contemporary women poets and writers and those culturally-abandoned texts by Anglo/American modernist women writers. Now online, these recovered collections include pieces from many contemporary authors (Rachel Blau DuPlessis, Denise Levertov), who bring to the forefront the importance of these absent modernist women’s voices in contemporary literature and culture.

      Really well-phrased!

    1. y

      add ,

    2. But as Dodge shaped her life in New York with increasing independence, she formed an image of herself distinct from those of the artists who attended her salon. In 1913, she proposed the idea for and helped organize the Patterson Strike Pageant. That year Dodge also promoted the Armory Show, where Stein’s poem, “Portrait of Mabel Dodge at Villa Curonia,” first appeared. After the Armory show, Gertrude Stein finally won recognition in America, and everyone in New York asked who Mabel Dodge was. People looked at her, not just at her guests.[6] In 1915, Dodge and journalist John Reed, who she met while organizing the Patterson Strike Pageant, became engaged. When Reed traveled to cover the Great War, Dodge met and began an affair with Maurice Sterne and lived with him in Croton-on-Hudson, New York. When Reed returned, Dodge offered him a bedroom and a writing studio. The three lived together for a few days until Reed moved out, ending his relationship with Dodge. She married Sterne in August 1917, and as she entered her third marriage, she adjusted her feminism: “For the mature woman, there is no father,” she wrote. “There is no master. There is only herself, free and alone.”[7] Dodge and Sterne spent most of their marriage apart, traveling between New York City and Croton at different times until, briefly after their honeymoon, Dodge eventually sent Sterne to New Mexico for fear that he was looking at other women. In November of 1917, Sterne called Dodge to meet him out west: “Dearest girl—Do you want an object in life? Save the Indians, their art—their culture—reveal it to the world!”[8] When they divorced in 1922, Sterne returned to the east coast, leaving Dodge in Taos, New Mexico. In 1923, she married Antonio (Tony) Luhan, a Native American who courted her before her divorce from Sterne.

      I feel like these are all saying something about her character; when you shorten your bio, perhaps these could be included in one brief, single paragraph

    3. certain

      ???

    4. As social entanglements, her presence at the center of the artists’ lives, and her boredom with Edwin took a toll on Dodge, she had a string of affairs and attempted suicide twice.

      This is a lot of important information shoved into one sentence; maybe revise.

    5. Arcetri,

      specify country because not everyone will know that this is, I am assuming Italy, because Florence is in Italy.

    6. Dodge made her début in Buffalo and, after attending an Episcopal girls school in Buffalo, another in New York City, and a finishing school in Washington, D.C., she married Karl Evans at age 21.

      Take a second look at this sentence; you should revise this.

    7. début

      what kind of debut? social? authorial?

    8. Dodg

      Is her last name Dodge or Luhan? I'm confused.

    9. Victorian, emotionally reserved and socially elite parents,

      Okay. I would maybe revise this to: "Born in Buffalo, NY in 1879 to emotionally reserved and socially elite Victorian parents"...otherwise, it sounds like he was born in 1879 to Victorian era.

    10. Mabel Dodge hosted three modernist salons—in Florence, New York City, and Taos, New Mexico—presiding over her guests as a friend and an intellectual provocateur. After standing at the center of these three salons, Dodge turned to memoir, forming the life she curated into her own art.

      What is this? A bio? Places she met Loy? I was under the assumption each section was to first include the summary info-- place of birth, date of birth, place of death, etc.

    1. Their social and artistic values kept them circling around each other in so many historical pages that it’s difficult to believe their relationship didn’t go beyond a mere photograph.

      Revise

    2. would not have gone unnoticed by

      you use this phrase a few times; I would consider using a different phrase here

    3. Breton wrote to him so much exhorting him to move to Paris and join the fight there, that by the time Tzara arrived, he was treated like some sort of savior.

      Revise

    4. particular

      particularly

    5. All of these are people Loy would have known, or at the very least known of, and would have been in some form of contact with.

      consider using a semicolon prior to this sentence

    6. their

      I don't think you need this "their"

    7. ,

      Maybe place this after photograph.

    8. surrealist movement

      I'm guessing this is probably a personal decision, but I would capitalize these movements.

    9. avant garde movement

      Same as before, should this be capitalized?

    10. movement

      Should Movement be capitalized here since it's a proper noun?

  2. Oct 2017
    1. You biography looks great! You are about 250 words over word count, so I would suggest looking at some places which you can condense and remove some of the material. One example of this is some of the quotes you use. Another example is when you're taking about Nicholls' argument. I also think that you need to move Nicholls' argument to a paragraph or two earlier. I would suggest to not end on Nicholls' argument, but rather the ambiguous nature of their relationship. You really want to end on fact instead of another critic's opinion.

    2. interactions

      Use a new word here. You say interaction in the previous sentence, so if you want to say interactions here, change interaction to relationship

    3. are

      make sure to change to is to have subject-verb agreement

    4. Yet, the frequency, nature, and depth of Pound’s interaction with Mina Loy remains ambiguous.

      This is an additional reason why I would be hesitant to quote Nicholls' argument as fact. Their relationship remains ambiguous. So while you can describe Nicholls' perspective and hypothesis, it remains a hypothesis.

    5. Peters

      Say Nicholls instead of Peters. His first name is Peter. Also, here, you will want to say "Peter Nicholls," using his full name the first time you refer to him.

    6. Finally, and most surprisingly, Peters notes the marked similarities in word choice and vocabulary between Pound’s Hugh Selwyn Mauberley and Loy’s work as hints that Pound truly admired–and perhaps at times even strove to emulate–Loy’s abstract, emotionless writing style.

      Why I hesitate to take this as true is because Pound came before Loy. So you really need to qualify what you're saying because Nicholls has honestly a pretty controversial, and arguable, opinion.

    7. as hints that Pound truly admired–and perhaps at times even strove to emulate–Loy’s abstract, emotionless writing style.

      You need a citation or a quote here, something to actually prove what you're saying. Also, it's Nicholls' (not Peters'). Peter is the first name so you'll want to use his last name when referring to him. The first time you will want to use both his first and last name.

      The other thing, is that it's Nicholls' hypothesis. This isn't a proved fact, and you need to express it as Nicholls' opinion, his hypothesis, etc. not as a proved fact.

    8. erse?”

      You need one more sentence here to explain what point you're trying to make, to unpack these two examples of their interaction. What explicitly are you trying to say?

    9. points to the contrary

      I don't think this is what you want to be saying here. Pound admired and complimented Loy, but he still remains eminent in literary thought. Loy has a rise in appreciation currently, but their relationship does not actually point to the contrary. Pound was a critic of hers, not the other way around.

    10. Pound famously coined the term logopoiea–defined as “a dance of the intelligence among words and ideas and modification of ideas and characters”–to describe Loy’s writing.

      I would place the definition in a separate sentence. You already have a colon in this sentence so there are too many ideas in one sentence

    11. wherein the eminent Pound was a mentor or role model to the relatively obscure Loy

      good

    12. one-way one

      just say "one-way"

    13. Wilmer states that Pound is frequently misunderstood: “If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted” (Wimer).

      I'm actually not sure if you need to quote Wilmer here. You frame your entire biography through the eyes of Loy, so to quote other authors seems to be unnecessary. I would either have Pound's biography as separate from Loy's perception of Pound, or I would remove this quote.

    14. Pound remains a divisive figure today. His brilliance as a poet, translator, and thinker are countered by his anti-American rhetoric and association with fascism, resulting in his imprisonment and fall from grace. Loy recalled that Pound “was like a child, and an old professor at the same time” and that he “was a sensitive man who didn’t think other people were sensitive.” Wilmer states that Pound is frequently misunderstood: “If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted” (Wimer). Following his institutionalization,, Pound returned to Venice and stopped writing. He died in Venice on November 1, 1972. His legacy is vast; Pound is widely considered the father of imagism and recognized for his work in both the imagist and modernist sphere

      You say "Pound remains a divisive figure today" in this paragraph, looking generally at Pound's legacy, but then insert where he died following his institutionalization. I would move the two sentences on his move to Venice and subsequent death to earlier, before you begin to look at his legacy. That way the ideas will connect

    15. ,,

      extra comma

    16. If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted”

      I'm not sure if you actually need this entire quote here. You highlight Wilmer's expression of Pound as misunderstood, but the quote addresses a lot more than just that. So I would cut out the second sentence, if not more of the quote.

    17. “was like a child, and an old professor at the same time” and that he “was a sensitive man who didn’t think other people were sensitive.

      maybe remove "and that he 'was'" and instead add "..." so that the quote is one long quote. Up to you, but it's a little awkward the way it is.

    18. His brilliance as a poet, translator, and thinker are countered by his anti-American rhetoric and association with fascism, resulting in his imprisonment and fall from grace.

      perhaps change the end of this sentence to "countered by his anti-American rhetoric, association with fascism, and imprisonment." The sentence as you have it doesn't clearly express the point you're making, which is "his brilliance in... is countered by..."

    19. Deemed insane, he spent 1946 to 1958

      I would say "several years, between 1946-1958," or something like that. Right now this sentence is a little choppy.

    20. He became an anti-war advocate, making several hundred broadcasts airing his political stances, many of which were anti-semitic and pro-fascism, in addition to explicitly critical of the United States’ war effort.

      Run on sentence, too many ideas in one sentence

    21. began to become

      Just say "became"

    22. In Paris, Pound developed a relationship with the young Ernest Hemingway, wrote an opera (which Mina Loy attended), and collaborated with T.S. Eliot in the editing of the latter’s famous poem “The Waste Land.”

      You have a lot of information in this sentence. I suggest 1. Including the dates he was in Paris, 2. List out these in terms of accomplishments. I.e., "Pound accomplished..." or "While in Paris, Pound was in connection two three major poets of the century..." somehow to frame how these are presented. There's a connection between them, so why not pull that out and make it stronger?

    23. Paris, and the impact

      No comma. Impact of what? WWI or his move to Paris? Specify

    24. the landscape of England, and the course of Pound’s career.

      Suggested revision: "changed not only the landscape of England, but also the course of Pound's career"

    25. His poetry focused on concrete, succinct language.

      Good!

    26. His most famous work, “In a Station of the Metro,” was written in 1913. From 1912 to 1914, he also launched the Imagist movement, producing the first imagist manifesto.

      Good!

    27. arrived

      Perhaps a stronger verb

    28. and soon published numerous collections of poetry and became an influential contributor to the New Freewoman/Egoist, Poetry, Others, The Little Review, and numerous other literary magazines.

      A little wordy. Perhaps only use one "and" or separate into two different sentences? I think the information is important, but I get a little lost in what you're saying here

    29. but traveled to both London in his twenties.

      Fragment sentence

    30. University of Pennsylvania.

      Dates?

    31. behind the literary movement.

      Maybe specify which movement? E.g. "this movement" since you mentioned modernist movement before

    32. “To speak of the modern movement is to speak of [Ezra Pound]; the masterly impresario of modern poets, for without the discoveries he made with his poet’s instinct for poetry, this modern movement would still be rather a nebula than the constellation it has become” (Loy 157-8).

      This quote is very good! I love the metaphor that she uses: it really sets up the focus of your biography from the start. Excellent!

  3. May 2017
    1. I feel these two proud black womens on this 2 mins video, because to us black people all lives matter but in general blacks lives matter to us the most. One question, the white people forgot that black people build America , so why is we treated like s**t.

    2. The government of America isn’t doing anything to stop this, its like they with it too, a white cop kills a black male his badge get suspended. The cop don’t even go to trial, but the other way around us black people get 25 years to life in prison .

  4. Feb 2017
    1. military conflict capturing troops or a leader do not necessarily mean victory

      Go seems to be more focused on finding and controlling tactical positions.

    2. no two games are the same

      So interesting the number of possibilities form a seemingly basic game. I found some calculations of the number of possible legal moves in a game on a 19x19 board at Sensei's Library, an affinity space for Go players. They report that there are 2.082 × 10^170 leagal moves, for me that is mind blowing.

    3. first time player

      Easy to learn; hard to master

    4. Chinese strategy

      I has thought Go was Japanese, thanks for the heads up.

  5. Oct 2016
    1. Catherine's post here is still one of the best summaries of the point of Visitors and Residents workshops--this one was conducted by me and Dave White, at Catherine's invitation. This post is a great "outside eye" description of what we do, when we talk to rooms of people about V&R

  6. Jul 2016
    1. It is interesting to see the debate between animal rights and animal welfare issues.

      I think that this ties nicely with what is going on digitally too- there are a lot of view point as to what is right and wrong.

    2. here are federal regulations and then there are local regulation on top of those that require an additional inspection of safety practices.

      And there are really none for all this chatting and such that we do in this digital affinity space- hmmm

    3. When it comes to digital story telling I have a hard time stepping outside of it having to be a video production of sorts. I know this to be wrong of me but I continue to go back to videos. So seeing a blog as a digital story is quite intriguing.

      And I keep reading things and forget to look at videos, memes and everything else. digital Story telling encompasses so much and there are so many different ways to go about it.

    4. I struggled with was having those who comment be considered co-authors.

      I too was a little confused about this, do people really go in a change what they wrote in a blog because or for a comment? I would think that it would spark another convo, but not editing the current. I fell like that is like saying, um forget I said that during a conversation and then editing in something else, we don't forget, and really it would be hard for me not to focus on it then!

    5. I am not the only one that struggles

      Of course not, we all have our own 'hang' ups. For some blogging is easy where annotating is harder, it is all a learning process! Learn on!

    6. I gained some familiarity with some terms such as autoethnographic and hypertext

      Yes! Some great opportunities to learn some new vocabulary and broaden our digital horizons

  7. Jun 2016
  8. Mar 2016
    1. For the women who had run to the fire escape, the route down was terrifying. The landings and sloping stairs were wide enough for only one woman at a time. The fire escape ended over a basement skylight in an airshaft enclosed on all sides by the three buildings that occupied the city block. Realizing this, one woman opened the sixth floor shutters and broke through the window. Women followed her lead and ran to the stairwell on that floor only to find the doors locked. But they were the lucky ones. They were later rescued by a police officer who heard them pounding on the door. The fire escape soon collapsed taking dozens of women with it.

      Gives the info revolving around the fire escape incident.