1,095 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2022
    1. lso gave paint and knives, along with "A Shirt very fine withRuffles & ribon" and "A fine lac'd Hatt . . . with a Cockade."31The sameaccount shows that Johnson distribute

      ALSO Gifts during Indian wars to influence allience

    2. and vermillion, which has a red.

      ADDING EURO DYES TO TRADITIONAL TATTOOS

    3. IndianFashion."23Indian consumers rarely adopted European costume from headto foot, an

      Indians wearing Euro clothing IN DISTINCTIVE WAYS (Furs impacting Euro fashion? Big component of Atlantic consumerism/culture?) Wearing looser, as loincloths/with moccasins -> more skin exposed BECAUSE THEY'RE CONSUMERS -> THEY ALLOW EUROS TO EXPAND THEIR MARKETS -> WANT PARTICULAR GOODS LIKE TEA AND SUCH -> AID IN EXPANSION OF CONSUMER REVOLUTION IN COLONIES - ALSO want specific TYPES of clothing / colours - This enabled individuals like JOHNSON and Peter Kalm (maybe not) to have UNPRECEDENTED levels of luxury because of this trade exchange / new markets - Overall enriches colonies mayhaps?

    4. ohnson lived in the middle of this trade. T

      JOHNSON's role -> expediating goods goig in BOTH DIRECTIONS -> furs, ginseng gathered by Indians - Also colonist goods - IMPORTS booze, clothes, weapoms

    5. l mobility of its weare

      test

    6. did more than simply imitate the fashions of English gentle-folk. They used trade goods to invent new appearances,new ceremonies, anda new, visual language by which they communicated in a diverse and con-tentious world.

      NEW culture apart frm eng

    7. ing offered to Indian men, women, and children.11Clothing helped the Mohawk Valley's inhabitants establish what RichardWhite calls a "middle ground

      clothing as middle ground

    8. mportance of clothing inself-presentation.

      clothing as material culture evidence here

    9. ,dressed and painted after the manner ofan Indian War Captai

      johnson dresses as both colonist and indian

    10. portrai

      Using VISUAL CULTURE as evidence

    11. Together, Johnson and Hendrick exerted a tremendousinfluence on the Covenant Chain, an alliance governing economic anddiplomatic relations between the Iroquois confederacy and Great Britain'sNorth American colonies.

      Johnson (colonist) and Hendrick (Mohawk leader) have massive joint influence on Covenant Chain alliance which oversees the relationship between Iroquois and colonies.

    1. hose who earned their freedom continued to desire land and au-tonomy, and their aspirations threatened a renewal of the Indian wars thatrelentless territorial expansion had brought in its trai

      D I R E C T -> TERRITORIAL expansion sparks Indian wars

    2. saw colonization as an opportunity to erect a reformed reli-gious polity. Unlike their counterparts elsewhere, settlers in those plantationswere watched more closely and disciplined more effectively than they hadbeen in England—and they in turn had responsibility for the watchful care oftheir neighbors. Since they simplified worship and replaced oversight by bish-ops with that of the congregation, their praxis transferred more easily intothe “wilderness.”

      "wilderness" allows radical protestantism to develop in isolation

    3. Other migrants who were unableto pay their passage signed indentures to serve for a set number of yea

      Indentured servitude

    4. Proportionally more English people mi-grated to the Atlantic world in the 1630s than would be the case at any othertime

      MORE ENGLISH MIGRATE IN 1630S THEN AT ANY OTHER TIME

    5. male majority, even in New England, where migrantfamilies helped somewhat to balance the sex rati

      Colonies dominated by men

    6. The primary crop produced for export by colonists in 1640was tobacco. It was cultivated in Virginia, Bermuda, Bar

      Mostly tobacco across colonies by 1640

    7. The massive out-migration from England helped to bind these new At-lantic settlements to the center, since the passenger-carrying trade vastly in-creased the number of English ships sailing Atlantic waters.

      Settler colonies allow greater traffic/trade ->increase presence of British ships in Atlantic

    8. All plantations were heavily reliant on the ships that plied the Atlanticseasonally, bringing new settlers and servants as well as essential supplies thatcould not be produced locally. T

      ALL TRADE basically w/ England -> Dependant on this trade (seasonal supplies)

    9. Efforts to keep the government in the hands of a selectgroup within the Massachusetts Bay Company had failed when the malehousehold heads demanded and got (save for a restriction based on churchmembership) the right to send representatives to the annual meeting of theassembly

      Development of this self-govt

    10. Warwick had trouble getting colonists to acceptthe governor he sent, acquiescing in 1640 to the popular choice after his owncandidate was rejected. 19 By 1640, about half of all colonies had created alegislative body that would allow planters a degree of self-government, re-gardless of the plans of their colonial masters

      Colonists here declare self governmen by 1640 -> because of land claims on Indians maybe ?

    11. Planters sought to own theland they worked and to have the say in government that went with landownership in England, despite the claims of proprietors or charter compa-nies. As one observer put it, settlers objected that English lords “exact rent,and would fain be absolute.

      Confloct between settlers and LLs -> basically want say in govt and rights to own their land (Peasants basically)

    12. nRhode Island, New Hampshire, New Haven, Connecticut, and Long Island,colonists functioned independently of any English proprietor. They oftenshored up their claims by purchases from or agreements with local Indians

      D I R E C T -> Indians provide land purchases for colonists who use this land to ASSERT claims over land in region and seem more legit

    13. Connecticut was on the sameunofficial footing as neighboring New Haven and Rhode Island; all threecould be characterized as “squatter” colonies. 15

      Ie not officially granted (squatter colonies)

    14. Maryland, half a dozen years old in 1640, remained on aprecarious footing, a high death rate having reduced the population to onlyabout six hundred people. 13 In all, nearly half the residents in the Stuart At-lantic of 1640 lived on land owned by a (usually nonresident) proprietor

      COLONISTS MOSTLY LIVE IN land of unpresent proprietor -> UNSTEADY FOOTING/ HIGH DEATH RATE AMONG RESIDENTS

    15. Kirke himself settled with one hundred colo-nists at Ferryland on the southeast coast in 1639. 10 More populous thanNewfoundland, Maine had perhaps five hundred residents, living in three orfour coastal villages and as many fishing stations, along the coast betweenPiscataqua and Casco Ba

      1639 Maine tiny in terms of settlement patterns (under proprieter David Kirke)

    16. Unlike the predominantly English migrants who resided in their colo-nies, this group of proprietors included men with extensive Scottish and Irishinterests; Carlisle, though he lived most of his life in England, had inheriteda Scottish earldom,

      Proprietors start in Ireland plantations -> expands outwards

    17. Great men—most of whom never gazed upon a single colonial planta-tion—owned the English Atlantic world and sought to control it. Had theEnglish produced a map of North America and the Caribbean in 1640,

      BY 17TH CENTURY -> ENGLISH COLONIES CONTROLLED BY INDIVIDUAL GREAT MEN (Proprietors ) and three charter companies -> """"""direct"""""" authority over great landmasses.

      EVEN AREAS WHERE NO ENGLISH LIVED -> Chesapeake, Bahamas

    1. Then its shoulders, its legs, its tail. It rolled itself in the blood, letting it coat its driedskin, before slithering along the rocks.

      GENUINELY creepy

    2. n the damp light of the moon, a faint silhouette of a man dragged the bodies of twohikers out of the cav

      not developed enough, unless main character?

    3. bon

      real horror doesn't have gore coward

    4. A stalactite had fallen and jutted out of the skin where his neck met his should

      WAY too not impactful

    5. This is so fuckin’ cool,” he laughed, bouncing the light off the rocks, causing theshadows to dance around them.“Mhm,” Kate mumbled, taking another bite of her bar. I could be eating pasta right now,she thought.

      nice

    6. slope into the lak

      establish scenery a bit better? Good flow but hard to get a sense of environment...

    7. o digging through them no

      why?

    8. e an unconscious toddle

      sleeping?

    1. eat, Buck.” D

      How about Trainspotting? first person and in line w/ narrator -> more revelation of character observations.

    2. Dicky spotted her near the statue where the sea of bodies starteddissipating, canvassing big red

      What does Dicky think of this?

    3. ould’ve been his world, but it wasn’t, and it never would be. He had his scholarship, and then hedidn’t.

      elaborate?

    4. Translation: Dicky

      great dialogue

    5. Dicky?

      TENSION in dialogue

  2. moodle.concordia.ca moodle.concordia.ca
    1. grade

      Big question: WHERE to slow down?

    2. elling me horrors wit

      asked about Mr. Ellis (thoughts?)

    3. “Oh I apologize, does Mr Ellis not live here? I’ll have to stop sending his checks to this address,then.” They both fell silent, so the voice continued. “Please sit down, sir.”

      great, chilling dialogue. Brutal without saying much.

    4. free as they w

      AGREE w/ Terry -> flesh out thoughts more of Delta. Timeframe is good, and believe trauma bonding works well to establish relationship -> maybe emphasize this earlier.

    1. al and intimate as a kis

      make this more intimate

    2. Dani, you and I, we’re different. You were born in America, and two wonderful men adopted you.I grew up here, in a country where kissing you could get us both in a lot of trouble. If

      Emphasize place

    3. This would have been the perfect time to say something, to tell him the truth.But I was scared.

      Again, emphasize / hint beforehand me thinks -> even if not explicit

    4. “I wouldn’t have a problem with it if you weren’t.”

      hint

    5. But I think that’s just what they were telling themselves to feel better about their lazy,unromantic partners.

      Narrator has certain view?

    6. fiveguys with defined calves stood behind Jake in support.

      Love this.

    7. was six hours to prom.

      Great opener

    1. In 1789 William Wilberforce, a wealthy philanthropist and M.P. fromHull, and a close friend of Pitt—later esteemed, as we have seen, by literateWest Indian slaves—introduced resolutions in the House of Commons againstthe slave trade

      BACKGROUND: FIRST HOC DEBATE ON ISSUE 1789

  3. Mar 2022
    1. Ines Braul

      Overall: Interesting start to either a novel or series of vignettes. I liked the vignette/slice of life structure and didn't actually expect it to come full circle until Maria and Valentina/August see e/o in the street -> Then I was immediately intrigued. In fact, still throught it'd be shared universe situation because no interaction.

      Clearly NOT a whole -> though Maria's was isolated enough I thought it'd be cooler to see an "apartment block vignette" style novel (like Brooklyn/TS) instead of trad novel.

      Am interested to see where characters play out w/ e/o

      Biggest issue I have is that narrator describes feelings / relationships / character situations too much when I personally would rather see them illustrated through action

      Mayumi -> described as being self conscious about beauty, Bi/gay, and especially as second mom to kids. However, actual dialogue and interactions with kids/siblings do a better job at establishing this and make it unnecessary for the narrator to state. So, I would recommend fleshing out these scenes -> like adding way more dialogue between Tala and Mayumi that establishes what kind of personalities they have and the relationship that develops as a result.

    2. . Her sadness was overwhelming, it was like a bad smell that stays in your nose for a few minutes

      NEGLECTED PLEASURES does seem short through

    3. oms always used her as an example “You don’t want to end up like Maria. She dropped out of school and now nasty men are visiting her. Ant Gracie says she’d addicted to cocaine too. You better stay in school girl or you’ll end up just like her

      NEGLECTED PLEASURES

    4. Maria was infamous in the neighbourhood

      I LIKE this angle -> very nice

    5. which left Mayumi very confused.

      Again, elaborate through thoughts/actions idk

    6. he girls danced together all night long and Mayum

      Beautiful

    7. At her last party, she had kissed her best friend. She knew she liked her a lot but wasn’t sure of what her feelings were. Her parents were Filipino, and she didn’t think they would accept her if she came home with a girlfriend.

      Another instance.

    8. And you Adan, you shouldn’t get involved in your brothers’ stupid fight, you’re too old for that

      ACTUAL ADVICE: See scenes like this do just what I was saying without the need for the narrator to establish this. Reader puts two and two together -> allows us to spend more time w/ characters

    9. xcept that Mayumi had been forced to become a woman because she was the second mom for her siblings, she took and picked them up from school, made them supper, and helped them with their homework when her mom wasn’t there

      ACTUAL ADVICE: If a LONGER WORK -> would rather see this explained through actions of Mayumi / interactions with Tala. Establish that this is the kind of relationship they have instead of saying it.

      Saying it feels valuable when there's less space to convey, but it should build somewhere I think

    10. Mayumi teared up the poster and threw it into the tr

      ACTUAL ADVICE If this is building up to this moment, I do wnder why NOW she decides to do this. Also would maybe open with her tearing off the poster -> could even just leave it at that. Notice her curves/whiteness and compare to herself -> then tear. Don't pull back into a biography here

    11. The painting embraced the purity and innocence that Mayumi had lost, and it represented the insecurities that she had carried with her since she was a little gir

      same

    12. To feel more adult, more sophisticated, she had hanged a poster of Botticelli’s Birth of Venus.

      NEGLECTED PLEASURES -> but ALSO could be example of just hanging it as opposed to narrator explaining why.

    13. Mayumi lived her life one obsession to another, it kept her alive and distracted her from the emptiness she felt, constantly chasing her, like a cat chasing a moos

      Unsure how I like the narrator explaining characters this much.

    14. Should we go down and get a few beers before the party?

      QUESTION: interesting ending, is this supposed to lead somewhere or is the vignette finished?

    15. shoulder dance transformed in a more intimate on

      NEGLECTED PLEASURES: nice

    16. Valentina had never felt anything like it before

      meh

    17. August smiled and looked into Vale

      Emphasize closeness here through sensory details More details of skin/breath/face like you had above!

    18. Valentina had meet August at a neighborhood party, he lived five minutes away from her in another big grey apartment building and had always been sweet to her. As Valentina was lost in August’s warmth, the vinyl stopped playing. Valentina got up and asked August to come and help her find a new vinyl to put on. August got up and looked through her collection. Valentina had the best hip hop vinyl collection of the whole neighborhood

      ACTUAL ADVICE: sections like this feel a lil vague. Maybe expand on sensory/concrete details, add some dialogue?

    19. he wasn’t aware o

      Is she perceiving this?

    20. As he was sharing his story, Valentina stared at his moving lips

      ACTUAL ADVICE -> this as opposed to "stared at how attractive he was"

    21. nd a small mustache that made his baby face look a little bit older.

      NEGLECTED PLEASURES Love this description

    22. f him like a heat

      Love the link between August name and season too

    23. how attractive he w

      ACTUAL ADVICE -> don't have narrator reveal her thoughts through these lines -> describing how she got lost in (specific features) like you do immediately after this is better

    24. iving room but made the room heavy with smoke since the apartment was tiny and did not breathe w

      ACTUAL ADVICE Cut, streamline descriptions like this

    25. August had come to Valentina’s apartment for the first time. She was nervous, looking at August was like staring at the sun; August seemed to be shining so bright that Valentina felt both comfortable and intimidated

      This kinda like Toni Morrison

    26. Maria finished her cigarette, got up, and started to put her makeup on. She was late on her sched

      Overall, this scene should weave past and present together in a clearer way. Two flashbacks in one really -> also very unclear BETWEEN flashback transitions "You're very pretty you know," -> how far out "of her memory" does she go? Is the opening of this flashback scene the same flashback as with the dude?

    27. Moments

      Lmao nice. Also, example of what I mean by not describing things via narration -> letting reader put two and two together

    28. he whished she was invisible again

      Maybe, wished she was a kid again? That said, also good because you tie it back to being 13.

    29. t the blood rushing through her hea

      tighter imagery maybe?

    30. He wasn’t attractive and had the audacity to put down his poor wife in front of her.

      Again, lines like this unnecessary -> by describing hom the narrator already generates this tension

    31. Prettier than my wife. Th

      brutal

    32. You’re very pretty you know,”

      Again, VERY unclear where / when in the story this is taking place, still a flashback?

    33. she learned that her mom had tried to run away with her that da

      A bit confusing how much young MAria knew/knows

    34. Yes?” “Does dad know we’re not coming back tonight?

      VERY good drop/transition. Excellent 1-2 punch. Also love the "flinch" reaction

    35. Maria w

      Wait, is this the flashback? Font change is confusing, but it seems like there's another FB in the middle of the paragraph.

    36. Just by looking at the bottle, she could smell the fruity essence with flowery accents.

      Already stating the obvious, would cut.

    37. and worst of all, she got assaulted at school. Once, a Senior put her in a corner to grab her boobs.

      Could make this more impactful. Wouldn't format it like a list -> could even alude to assault w/o stating?

    38. It’s free, it’s running free while I’m stuck here

      This is a great detail!

    39. her big circl

      ?

    40. Jerry was a single middle-aged man who lived alone and was tired of smelling Maria’s cigarettes and had made many complains about her.

      Sentences like this give narrator too much insight?

    41. sadly poeti

      How?

    42. apartments.

      Find synonyms for apts here

    1. 6 P

      Agree with Zoya -> BOOK of shor tstories.

      "Coffee and cigarettes"

      Agree w/ Olivia -> more sensory detail.

    2. I was frozen. "That's all?”

      Why? Does this imply he's unsettled by what Larry's said? About how he's content with just this kind of life or whatever?

    3. here's no one there except other concepts

      Overall feels complete -> no one there except for "comcept" of Larry -> but what about narrator?

    4. He leaned in close to me, the smell of alcohol cut with aftershave wafting upward. “I'm Larryof the Parking Lot,” he repeated

      I have mixed feelings about the physicality of the story being introduced so late in the game. I DO like the spare details, don't need to beautifully illustrate the parking lot, but I think one, MAYBE two more lil pull back/intro scenes could fix this abruptness. Also unsure how I feel about Larry himself being described physically so late. Mental image was kinda the same though -> largely because of title I think lol.

    5. I wanted to ask him why he'd talked to me. Whatdid he expect from me? What was I supposed to say to him? What would I do when he nally decidedto leave?

      Maybe cut?

    6. what,the mysteryof it all."

      So, maybe replace this line with something more specific?

    7. pend another night

      Little allusions like this pretty good actually. Divorce? Running away from home? On the run?

    8. "Well. What should I do now?"

      Here again alludes to something more concrete, but idk I think I'd rather see that developed later on? Like in a sequel?

    9. "I can’t make peace with any of this,” I said. “Life.”

      Sort of makes the narrator seem whiny, then again he's the one talking to Larry at 3am. If fleshing out, maybe just a mention of a specific problem other than "life" ? This line can even stay, but I'm more intrigued than ever over why the narrator is in this situration, and I'm not convinced "life" is he answer. Again, just an allusion to a specific problem

    10. That's what it's all about.”

      Maybe another pause before this? That's what it's all about maybe feels to on the nose...

    11. except to catch a bus once a week. He just stays in bed.”“Where was he going on the bus?

      Such a natural flow/break -> exactly like how a real conversation would play out.

    12. But that's really not the point,” he said

      Love the in medias res here. Doesn't feel too abrupt or anything.

    13. omething scared me.

      ?

    14. That isn't something you do,”he said. “Imagine you were a river. When the river meetssomething cold and unyielding, jagged rocks and twisted tree trunks, the water does not ail against itand rage and protest. It just goes arou

      beautiful

    15. Because it happened to somebody who was never alive in the rst place.”He was getting to me a bit, I had to admit

      damn

    16. e come back as a ghost or something?

      lol

    17. ke blood on a paper towel.

      nice

    1. wrote back, because it felt right. Her sisters had brought Ivy into paradise, back when theyweren’t so willing to be virtuous. She had danced and danced, until He found her spinning and left muddymarks on her skin. Then she was twirling into vines across the walls of paradise and couldn’t keep any youngwoman from borrowing her name

      Thought this was unclear, also too late within story ?

    2. Offering the sacrifice, t

      Agree with YOU: should be more ivy emotions here.

    3. Among the floral arrangements of the Man who continued to ignore her, of the Man who condemnedHis progeny to live among the taida sweet berries and peace lilies, she thought about what hadn’t belonged.She let blood soak her muddy skin and thought about the bruised shape fluttering into her hair, a wet tearpulling down one dark petal of four. Follow those leaves, their broken seams, to a pile of discard. There shehad found forbidden fruit

      THIS is key to that underdeveloped thing I'm talking about

    4. Or we can choose. To be seen.” She’d begged, but her sisters pretended not to see the bitemark, thestains on her teeth

      DID something happen?

    5. Ivy,”

      AGREE W/ ZOYA -> Think both feed well into e/o -> 2nd makes 1st more sense.

      Intentionally obscure?

    6. She reminded herself that this was a dandelion in her hand; it cost her nothing to see what a gust ofwind could do

      I LOVE THIS HOLY SHIT

    7. As she swiped through the profiles, she wondered what was faltering. Had she yet to match anyonebecause she hadn’t the courtesy?

      Scene transition is somewhat confusing

    8. to do was succumb to hunger.

      Who is this?

    9. They were still hunting for a serpent, instead of investigating her bite. The same bite they had erasedfrom memory with nectar and drunken love.

      See whatever happened still confusing

    10. d swiped and swiped, she would never have to settle, never have to give i

      ah...

    11. and she saw the loophole in His order

      Maybe a bit too sudden?

    12. Once all the preparations had been made, they all sat in a circle and prepared to watch herdecide.“I’m sorry,”

      This scene feels like it could physically be built up to more.

    13. Download it and you’ll see!”

      Bit of an unclear role apps pay here...

    14. She might as well let garter snakes race into the ponds. God forbid she grew lonely

      innuendo?

    15. when her sisters laughed and spilled their palm sugar nectar onto her c

      Do they also find freedom here?

    16. notunlike their father, whose cacophonous breaths rarely sounded through paradise.

      Love this - watching

    17. oy only turned onto her other side,

      If tying back to whether or not a story or allegory / could flesh out physical details in scenes like this. Obviously you have beautiful imagery, but its employed in a way that makes it seem like its 90% metaphorical, like we're not actually supposed to assume this image is the world they're operating in.

    18. him

      Him?

    19. someone close to her, to feel a thud on the skull, the drunken haze turning rare before she tasted sweet fles

      love this

    20. All sh

      Somewhat unclear regarding the course of events -> maybe emphasize actual act of fruit biting more. Clear this takes place after, but what ere the consequences?

    21. fried her lips, burnt her tongue black and bubbly, and singedthe eyes off of her orchids. It clapped and roared, shook and bellowed, until she cried out and hid under thetaida and lilies. Light punishment. Lazy retribution. Many suffered more for less.

      God tier imagery

    22. pulpy flesh, lift up into her skin

      ? cut?

    23. ince years later, now that she’dlong grown into the ivy, she should have been avoiding luck altogether

      ? Scene transition?

    24. ould pull atighter across her throat, they’d s

      Lil confusing

    25. ingers tangled into stems, ripping leafy hearts from their roots.

      Harvest

      (also, "tremble" )

    1. This all started

      I think this is overall a good transition into the background/bio details of the story, but I'd consider using another transitionary phrase other than "this all started six years ago," maybe even just starting with "Six years ago" could be more impactful.

    2. I

      I'd suggest weaving some of these sentences together to cut down on some of the "I" repetition.

    1. THE LI

      PITCHES:

      Concordia: - series of profiles on Concordia writers (all levels!) - As a creative writing student, have lots of connections within the department and thus access to a lot of talent - Curtis McRae and Josh Quirion (co founders of Yolk literary mag and grad students) Professors such as Mikhail Iossel, but most importantly students! Students who enter stories into magazines, who are working on novels, plays, poetry. From the published all the way down to street level artists writing poems on napkins - Inspire students to keep writing -> importantly want to emphasize the diversity of writing content out there, of genre. Want to dispell any notions that you can't just write what you want -> serve as fuel for the literary fire!

      Municipal: - Longer piece on how the nature of "garage" music has changed. - Montreal is famous for being a breeding ground for musical talent - But are (especially young, but not exclusively) people still able to do this? - How have changing economic realities warped who can ,say, pick up a guitar and start a garage band or afford actual recording equipment to rap over? - Basically intersection of class, gentrification, and music scenes. Are music scenes only going middle class now? Are working class voices, whether in hip hop or rock, being sidelined by those who can afford equipment, etc?

      National: - Last year the National Gallery in Ottawa adopted a "rebranding campaign" called Ankose which seeks to "recenter Indigenous ways of knowing" regarding what content isexhibited in the gallery. Has this worked? What do Indigenous artists actually think about this? Is it just a lot of talk?

    2. Work with

      My wonderful work with Mariana AND Dexter -> coordinating and writing stories. Now comfortably say I know what makes a good feature (while being open to improvement of course)

      As important, know which stories would make good features (long artist profiles, issues related to art

    3. Gather, assign and edit stories for the Fringe Arts section.

      Point to my crisp trello -> honed alongside Mo as co news

      Pitches: in the loop on Facebook, following local artists on social media -> bands I like, etc -Also a matter of paying attention to what's going on around you.

      For instance, in the Hive today

    4. multimedia c

      Something I'm genuinely new at. That said, Olivia, Aude, etc I'm sure will teach me

      Do have experience working with Aude on coordinating video between the video and news sections

      Also social media like at Ottawa and SPVM protest

      Experience publishing photo essays of protests, etc -> often of same event like Ottawa, recent

    5. oaching contributors on arts reporting and writing.

      BIGGEST EMPHASIS on cultivating contribs -> in edits and in initial contacts

      ALL ABOUT: - ensuring contributers know our standards, specific style guide. and expectations regarding deadlines before setting them on their way and continuously emphasizing this throughout the process

      How will you hit quota? - By being ON TOP of contributers -> constant follow ups (but not of course, in an aggressive way). I find contributors most responsive to when it appears I'm interested, showing that you're invested in this story as well and want to see it published! Especially for contribs who pitched stories of their own, show genuine interest in the topic -> also pays off because you know more about what's going into your section and makes editing smoother

    6. (6) articles

      Evidence by my numbers hitting quota.

      Speed at uploading, familiar with different formats and layout of backsite

    Annotators

    1. emptied from her pockets,

      Jean shorts pockets in the summer. EMpty them and run free.

    2. No, shereplied, that couldn't be it, and he looked at her the way a hungry dog looks at an empty bowl,and said, “Not even a little?”

      just god tier

    3. Mama!

      yes maam, character revealed thru action, etc

    4. Sheswore and dragged her gaze to the pregnancy test on the counter. Two lines. Two lines, shethought, a false positive, surely. She’d take anothe

      GREAT TRANSITION -> use of draggedd to literally shift scene

    5. osephine blinked at Dr. Lilith and shifted again on the crinkly paper beneath her.

      Maybe nothing captures the discomfort of growing up like this. Literal childness/childhood of a pediatritian

    6. “Back on our meds again, are we?”

      and then

    7. hair.

      Great at comforting feeling of a routine check up

    8. always liked the smell of the doctor’s and the cold fingers of the nurseon her arms.

      EXCELLENT

    1. w old are you?” the emperor asked.

      Like Dinu said, AWESOME world building AND character descriptions in one interaction.

      More about one mage, only man alive in actual story Wrote as exercise for context of a SCENE of discovering dead bodies -> but tries to give context that magic workers are in scarece supply.

      Title character is manipulator / man -> telepathically uses boy to kill master

      Caasie says elaborate on ghost story -> flesh it out. Ghost stories as cool plot device / foreshadowing

    2. 1 Erin Staley

      Like Caasie said: what kind of mages? -> but make sure to explain this in a non-narrative way. Just wave in and out? Give examples?

      LIKE FIRST CHAPTER IN AGOT -> kills off characters right away

      Ask about folk tales (Tolstoy)

      Vendors smiled down -> Good "doomed" imagery, but if not, why sad?

      If he's the main character -> more than offhand mentions of mother.

    3. s he spoke, the master’s voice seemed to fade out, as if his head was submerged in water. Malko glanced around, but none of the other boys seemed to notice anything unusual

      Also here a bit of a sudden transition, maybe prolongue it w/o generating expectation of what's tc come.

    4. Had he just killed the master? His lip trembled and he suddenly found it very hard to breathe.

      This whole scene should be zoomed in WAAAAAAY more. Way more of a discriminated occasion. Like the mystery of it all, and the tonal shift is fun but maybe too abrubt. If this were a comedy / trying to subvert expectations it would be more effective?

      Think you should focus on the sensory here.

      "Yanked his hand back" maybe wrenched or another violent word? Overall love how violent this is though

    5. Malko felt everything go silent once more. His own hand reached up and grabbed his neck. In front of him, the man stood and said something, and Malko watched him climb back up the hill as he clawed out his own throat.

      This is confusing, is the dude clawing out his own throat?

    6. Blood splattered across his face and Master Kostin crumpled on to the grass, his still-warm heart lying inches away.

      DAAAAAAMN

    7. l Master.

      very earthsea lke

    8. To become a mage was a great honour, his mother had told him before he left, and he would be the greatest there was. They wouldn’t have taken him so young if he hadn’t been great, would they?

      Explore relationship w/ mom more?

    9. Boris

      OVERALL love the Russin/East European details

    10. The prince is a sickly and disturbed boy. His musings are of no consequence.

      nice

    11. e replie

      Smoking? Concentrate on sensory here?

    12. complexion, and his eyes reminded Malko of the saucer-eyed oxen they had kept up north

      good imagery, but I would pause on this moment more as it seems significant

    13. k from his mother’s cabinets.

      more background?

    14. earch of his next snack

      great youthful energy

    15. The vendors smiled sadly down at him as they handed him his food, and he grinned back, letting the juice from his kebab dribble down his chin as he bit into it.

      nice

    16. gers slipping as they pushed him against the wooden posts of the bunks

      great imagery

    1. . “Was it true... what you said about your brother when we were baked?” J asked instead. “Y

      Why does he suddenly bring this up? Make it more of an important occasion?

    2. alcoholic”, which ran deep in his bloodline, and hesitated to answe

      Be specific or more vague

    3. Better to be with Will than alone at times.

      Need to emphasize loneliness as main conflict?

    4. J decided in that moment that he would never get high with Will again

      hm...

    5. he always reminded him of a younger version of his mom, and J adored her sweet angel-like personality

      Could draw out comparision here -> specific details that remind him of mom to emphasize ho gross this is. Also, make it a quote

    6. to an unpleasant exposed surface

      rewrite, more concrete imagery here, what makes the surface unpleasant sensory wise?

    7. On the front, the image of a larynx cancer victim’s little black hole gaping in the center of his neck, J reflected on the box’s origin.

      Cool imagery but reads a lil awkward

    8. ather, Son and the Holy Ghost was arranged, and the entirety of the Holy trinity decided to say, “Fuck you J”, J’s hand shook for the last time, and the majority of the contents from that crinkled sweat stained paper spilled on his lap

      nice

  4. moodle.concordia.ca moodle.concordia.ca
    1. umulative publicrecord evidences a people and its rulers entering the abolition process primarilybecause they wanted to sustain their national momentum in a situation where theyalready felt themselves to be leaders in coalescing international movements forhuman amelioration

      LEADERS JOIN ABOLITIONISM BECAUSE OF SUSTAINED MOVEMENT OF PEACE AND PROSPERITY IN BRITAIN 0> WANT TO KEEP IT GOING

    2. hen abolitionism burst on the scene late in 1787, both the external andinternal conditions of Britain had never seemed so favourable. Its century-long rivalhad ceased to seem a menace. More astonishingly, a flattering cultural ‘Anglomania’had taken hold across the channel as France’s internal movement for reform acceler-ated. The British press took note that English language and literature studies were evenbe

      Again, Abolitionist conditions favourable because of this wave of pro-humanity

      Also France not a rival anymore, actually mimicking UK -> French found friends of black society

    3. mpeachment of Warren Hastings for misrule in Indiawere simultaneous reflections of a new sense of reforming humanity on a globalscale

      MISSION IS TO MAKE BETTER EMPIRE-> MORE HUMANE. REFLECTED THROUGH OTHER MEASURES LIKE REFORMING MISRULE IN INDIA

    4. not only for a new, but for a better empire: ‘The eighteenth-century faithin man’s potential reached its British peak in the decade 1783–1792’. In this context, anumber of new African projects began to emerge.5

      BECAUSE OF BRITISH PROSPERITY AND CONFIDENCE -> AFRICAN PROJECTS LIKE SIERRA LEONNE SETTLEMENT BEGIN AND TAKE OFF

    5. he ex-slaves were ‘most shamefully given up to their cruelmasters [when] Lord Cornwallis surrendered himself and his gallant army’, and theex-slaves were made to suffer hanging, whipping, mutilation and death. The writercalled upon Cornwallis to support the remnant in England with compensation forlife in reparation for his earlier abandonment.

      Also cite Cornwallis' abandonment of blacks ot awful fate at hands of Yanks -> call to reparate now

    6. lists of prominent contributors gave the intended beneficiaries more publicprominence and commentaries than any previous group of blacks had ever enjoyed

      Blacks supported publically by wealthy beneficiaries because of this

    7. most of the impoverishedblacks had served the country fighting under the British flag. Having deserted theirmasters and placed themselves under a British commander, they were now left toperish by famine and cold. They were entitled to the benefit of British ‘gratitude,humanity and policy’.5

      ARE THEY NOT ENTITLED TO BRITISH GRATITUDE FOR SERVING AGAINST YANKS? -> HUMANITY

    8. le for parish reliefwhen unemployed or disabled. News items appeared with some frequency describingsuffering blacks who were offered legal support in claiming damages for being treatedcruelly or denied wages.

      BLACKS COMING INTO UK ON OWN TERMS POST WAR -> SUFFER BECAUSE NOT ELIBILBE FOR PARISH RELIEF

    9. ‘the revenue and the present subsistence of many upon theproduce of the Plantations and the labour of slaves, seem to damp the hopes their exer-tions might have raised, but the end is to be prayed for’.47

      economic succes remains an obstacle even as movement takes off

    10. e free port system was viewed as another way for the WestIndian planters and merchants to recuperate all of the losses that they had enduredduring the harsh years of the war

      SEEN AS GOOD -> GETTING BRIT OUT OF DEBT

    11. imilar British trade success inthe French and Spanish Caribbean. New markets for the British transatlantic slavetrade were opened by both French and Spanish merchants in the British Caribbeanfree ports

      Disregard above basically, 80s see NEW SLAVE MARKETS opened between Fr/Uk/Spn cause of new trade deals, trade flourishes -> basically have hungry custoers

    12. British anxiously watched the dynamism of the French on the coast ofAfrica and in the Caribbea

      BRITS JEALOUS OF FRENCH RENWED SUCCESS HERE

    13. he peak decade of the transat-lantic slave trade.4

      BRITAIN ALSO KING OF TRADE NOW -> OTHER RIVALS THROWN INTO DISSARAY STILL PROFITS FROM / IS KING OF SLAVE TRADE IN CARIBBEAN AND PLANTATION COMPLEX. OTHER POWERS SCRAMBLE TO PARTICIPATE. PEAK DECADE OF TRADE

    14. rospects of the ‘end of conflict’in Europe seemed to rise, the question of ending the brutal conflict and inhumanitythat fed the slave trade was easily tagged onto the agenda of public discussion.

      BECAUSE OF CONFLICT ENDING AND PEACE COMING / INHUMANITY ENDING -> SLAVE TRADE EMERGES IN PUBLIC DISCOURSE

    15. ould not even threaten to forestall a Prussian interven-tion (with British support) into a Dutch republic mired in revolution. The Nether-lands’ civil war was described by one newspa

      All of Brits potential competetors were mired in revolution and war -> France, NL. When abolitionists make first appeal in 1787, situation therefore ripe to BRING PEACE ONTO CONTINENT AND END YEARS OF WAR

      Treaty of Utrecht leads to new trade negottations between Fr and UK -> first step towards peaceful partnership -> "embracing health and happiness of Europe and a CIVILIZED EARTH"

      Especially France who had it comming because of their help in Rev war

    16. mark the present aera as being distinguishable for more prosperityand tranquility than any former period in British history’.

      Overall papers reporting new era of undisturbed tranquility COMPARED to America, the supposedly "free" land

      American comparision does NOT inspire abolitionism

    17. British flag alone enjoyed exemption from corsair predation

      Brits enjoy EXEMPTION from corsair raids because of deal -> Americans had lost this obv

    18. To what a pitiful condition are the worthy sons of American liberty reduced! Theyare forced either to fly from the Barbarians of Africa or to become their slaves. Achanged state of things indeed from that which they enjoyed while dependent onthis country. Then our naval thunder frightened the enemy from them.

      Lol people in papers laughing at Americans BEING ENSLAVED by Barbaries

    19. 1785 that American shipswere extending their slaving activities.

      Slave trade EXPANDS in US following war -> but some states ban trade (Penn?)

    20. results of the American exper-iment seemed uninspiring.26

      THEREFORE: AMERICA NOT AN INFLUENCE / BEACON FOR ABOLITIONISM

    21. illiam Grenville introduceda new bill in Parliament to regulate trade between the United States and the BritishWest Indies. He emphasised that the provisions had to be temporary because it wasdifficult to decide whether Americans were ‘under one government, whether theyconsisted of many discordant governments, or whether they were under no govern-ment at all’.2

      America in trade and political crisis following independence

    22. On arriving in London the fol-lowing year, he was astonished to find that the Quakers had long since formed an anti-slave trade committee with the intention of arousing the public.

      Thomas Clarkson (organizer of abolition) didn't even know about Quaker attempts