Come talk to me sometime if you continue having trouble with this. The easiest solution is probably to upload it to YouTube and then embed it here

One quick note about structure: keep thinking about how your reading might want to navigate the multiple pages of your final essay. Right now, navigation between the individual lyric pages and navigation out to the next section isn't as user-friendly as it could be.

Website titles should not be in italics

Same thing here as for Wikipedia

We always want to include the shortest possible version of URLs for citations - this tail, for example, can be removed and the link shouldn't be affected

Remember that author is distinct from website for these citations - since there is no author for Wikipedia articles, the title should come first, followed by the date, followed by the name of the website

No need for this - just date is enough

need place of publication in addition to publisher

remember not to cite databases, just the source itself

Make sure your bibliography is in alphabetical order

"Thus" implies that the previous sentence provides evidence to support a claim being made in this sentence - but what's needed here, instead, is a transition word that makes clear that the context in the previous sentence led you to want to do what is outlined in this sentence.

what purpose is this serving?

You're making a big (and very interesting) claim in this sentence - but it's a bit jarring, as this big claim hasn't come up in your Introduction until this point. If Kendrick's impact on social movements and other musicians is an important part of your project, make sure to include it in your overview of the project in your opening paragraphs.

comma

the grammar of this sentence isn't clear - largely because "to" here needs to match with a previously stated verb, but there are so many verbs that come before it in this sentence that it isn't clear which it is supposed to modify

word choice - neglect implies that something is accidentally forgotten about, not purposefully put aside

"set" and "on" don't match here with "narrative"

This is a bit of a run on sentence - consider reorganizing or splitting into two

Frame this as an argument, not as a guess as to what the reaction of your reader will be

You are speaking to the viewers directly, here - try not to talk about your reader in the abstract third person

What is this a citation for? It's important to make sure that your citations are clearly linked to whatever information or quotes you are sourcing from them - here, the structure of the sentence and the placement of the quote gives the impression that it is Hart's video essay. (This is partially a question of grammar in the first two sentences - it isn't made clear that the title given in the first sentence refers to the video essay referenced in the second sentence. Right now, it appears that these are two separate things.)

nice opening sentence

You've listed pages, not topics

Grammar (make sure your subjects and verbs are matching)

great!

This is great! "Urging" and "promoting" both locate your argument with the song itself - it is feasible to make an argument about how the music and lyrics of these songs are doing this urging and promoting, but this doesn't necessarily say anything the songs' reception in the world at large (which is in this case actually a good thing and helps clarify your argument)

Same thing here as above - this is an argument about the social context surrounding the songs, and thus either 1) needs to be accompanied by evidence supporting that social context, or 2) needs to be reframed to be about the internal characteristics of the song rather than about the song's effect on the world at large.

This sentence could be clearer - partially because there are so many verbs with no punctuation indicating their relationship to one another (remain, inspire, overcome, utilize, gained)

make sure to include spaces before and after an em dash like this

As we've talked about before, these are two very different claims - the track absolutely celebrates Compton (this is easy to provide evidence for, as it refers to internal lyrical aspects of the song), but this does not necessarily mean that it unites Compton (something that is quite difficult to provide evidence for, as it refers to society beyond the bounds of this specific song). If the idea of unification is important to you, make sure that you either 1) provide that broader social evidence, or 2) reframe your statement such that it is clear you are discussing internal characteristics of the music and not its broader social impact.

word choice - "event" isn't the best word to describe the speaking of a lyric

If you want to use the word "rather" here, it should be preceded by either an em dash or a semicolon and then followed by a comma

Period should go within quotes

Here's another spot to keep an eye out for and try to avoid parallel constructions - you've ended both of the last two paragraphs with "Ultimately, ..."

Make sure to tell us something about McLeod's piece - telling us that he discusses the operatic elements doesn't give us much information without elaboration on what his argument is, what his methods are, etc.

"Similar" and "Echoing" are serving the same purpose in this sentence and are redundant with one another

This is a great conclusion sentence, but the emphasis is placed on the sources rather than on your argument - how could you rewrite this to emphasize that the important part is your argument about Mercury's identity and how this is communicated through Bohemian Rhapsody, with the sources just acting as evidence to support this argument (e.g., the sources themselves are secondary to your argument)?

The structure of this sentence puts the emphasis on Malhotra's exploration, not on the argument you are making using it as evidence; try reversing this!

Make sure that you reference people using their full names the first time they are mentioned in your writing, unless you are 100% sure that your reader will know who they are just from their family name.

italics

Try to avoid many parallelly-constructed sentences in a row. Here, each of these four sentences has the same structure: they each begin with an opening subclause followed by a comma ("In this way, ..."; "Further, ..."; "According to Winahyu's interpretation, ..."; "Also, ..."), which is then followed by the main claim of the sentence. There's nothing wrong with this structure, but try to mix it up a little bit so that you're not using it many times in a row.

This phrase implies that you provided evidence in the previous sentence to support a claim being made in this sentence - but the previous sentence discusses Mercury's life broadly, while this sentence discusses Bohemian Rhapsody specifically. Can you more clearly link the evidence to the claim for your reader?

"Musicality" is a quality that something non-musical can have (like a person or a poem) - it highlights that something that is not music has similar qualities to music. Thus, we shouldn't use "musicality" to describe music. Can you rewrite this sentence (and other places where you use this word) with this in mind?

I know we're all trained to use these kinds of transition words as much as possible - but in well-constructed prose, they're actually usually unnecessary! In most cases, it's either clear that a transition is happening because of the content being communicated, or there are other ways to make this transition that are more specific to what is being discussed (rather than using a general transition word like this). This is an example of the latter - can you substitute something else for "additionally" that specifically addresses the content of these two sentences but serves the same transition purpose?

This is a fantastic use of an external source - you're incorporated it into your own prose really well

Generally, it's best to speak about your writing in the present tense

Here and throughout your writing, keep an eye out for places where you can cut extraneous words from your prose to improve the flow without compromising your meaning. Here, for example, you don't have to tell us that this lesser-known story is compelling - we know it's interesting, otherwise you wouldn't be talking about it!

no need for this - your reader will know that the things you're referring to are genres

just "the" works better here ("this" and "that" work best as way of discriminating between multiple options - here, you're only talking about one thing, so just "the" is best)

italics

who? grammatically, this could refer to either Tubman or Erivo

word choice (you used such interesting verbs in the previous sentences that really fit the nouns that followed - do the same here)

similar to what?

This is an excellent and direct call to action - try reorganizing this paragraph so that the call to action comes first, and then elaborate on it afterwards

What are you referring to with this?

The flip back to imperative here is jarring - you opened the paragraph by speaking to the reader directly, but then moved away from that in the following sentences

and

This structure isn't super clear - by asking a question and then immediately answering it, you're implying that 1) you already knew the answer before asking, and thus that it didn't need to be asked in the first place, and 2) that your experience is representative of all people's experiences

italics

unclear reference here - what is "this"? Her queerness? Her lack of language for her queerness? Her understanding that she was queer since a young age?

Is this context important? If not, just say "in an interview"

italics

Grammar - the opening clause doesn't match the following clauses

in

Define BLM the first time you use it - and be specific about what you mean (Black Lives Matter has a long history and is still ongoing)

grammar - singular / plural disagreement

subject mismatch - the first clause requires a delayed subject (with the assumption that this subject will be stated at the beginning of the second clause), but then the subject of the second clause ("both") doesn't match the first clause

Are you making an argument about how the song was taken up by listeners outside of the context of the film, or about Erivo's original intentions? These are two very different things! (though they could be related)

word choice ("unjust" is what you're looking for)

grammar

Without any context, we don't know who this is or why we should care about what they have to say

no "the" here - and specify specifically who you're talking about (because there have been enslaved people throughout the world and throughout history - specify that you're talking about the US, etc.)

"piece" is a better word here - "song" has a very specific meaning in classical music, and Swan Lake is not considered a song

Swan Lake should be in italics, not quotes (the line between short-form and long-form music in the European classical tradition is a bit complicated, so you don't need to worry about why this is). Op. 20 isn't necessary here - opus numbers only really have currency in classical music-specific contexts, and even then primarily only when multiple pieces have very similar names and we need a way of telling the difference between them

apostrophe

what purpose is this "most" serving?

unclear pronoun - better just to reiterate the name of the song here

"this", here, isn't referring to anything in particular - why not just say "an" or "the"?

nice

this would work better as a parenthetical

word choice - critics are listening too!

everyday as a single word is an adjective (e.g., "everyday Americans") - if you're referring to every single day as a time measure, it should be two words

careful of these redundancies - "generally" and "often" are serving the same purpose here

what exactly is the critique here? why are these commentators framing this as a bad thing?

Make sure to state that you're introducing your Critical Reading Assignment and not just talking about this for its own sake

title?

Do you see there being an important difference between these two things? If not, just pick one to say here

this is confusing in the context of having just specified that you're talking about an American audience - I think I know what you're trying to say, but make sure that the relationship between "American" and "culture" here is clear

word choice (collaboration implies that the genres are working together of their own accord - the genres have the agency in this framing, not Jackson)

This structure isn't clear - and the music review is missing a title

What's the core takeaway here? You don't need to tell us specifics about what Silberman's piece is doing (you do that in your Critical Reading Assignment) - instead, walk us through the argument that you're making with this essay (as you do in the opening sentence here)

this wording is a bit confusing - it gives the impression that the song that aired on MTV is different from the music video

italics

This is a great opening sentence! Is there a way you could rewrite it using fewer commas?

If you want to say this instead of 1990s, make sure to use an apostrophe - '90s

not sure exactly what you mean by this

If you want to say this instead of 1980s, make sure to use an apostrophe - '80s

How can you rewrite this to be more direct and evocative? (Hint: you can remove "ultimately" [we know that this is your conclusion because we can see that it is the final paragraph], and think about showing rather than telling)

What instruments? (Careful about your use of "instruments" and "instrumentals" - they're not totally interchangable)

citation?

Tell us about what this piece is doing, not about what it's not doing

Here's a place where you could rewrite this more effectively without using any form of "to be"

both tense and singular/plural disagreement here

use present tense when discussing your writing

Keep an eye out for places in your writing where you can remove extraneous prose like this without losing any meaning (here, "dives deeper" already positions this review within the context of the other sections you've already discussed)

Why "the" rebellious youth, and not just rebellious youth in general?

I know what you mean here, but is there another way you can say this? (just because "shouty" isn't really a word)

Is there a way that you can say this more concisely?

italics

apart from what?

comma should go inside quotes

Grammatically, this should either say "this playlist" or there should be no commas

You can disprove a point, but not a person

The content of this sentence is great, but the structure isn't clear

Excellent framing sentence! It would be made a bit more grammatically clear by reframing how the "by" is working - right now, it isn't clear whether the by refers to how Metallica set themselves apart or how you are analyzing them

as

no need for this comma

This "each" isn't clear - are you referring to the experiences of each band member, or each (as in, every) experience that they've had?

singular / plural (might be better here to say something like "is a set of short..."

nice

Try to limit yourself to two or fewer prepositions per sentence - here, "as", "through", and "against" being placed back to back without any punctuation between them gives the impression of a run on sentence

This is partially just a personal taste thing - but the more indefinite "the" sounds better here, to my ear (I try to save this/that for circumstances where there are multiple things I could be referring to and I need to clarify)

same idea here with trying to minimize repeated words

Try, in general, to avoid using the same word multiple times in the same sentence / back to back sentences

this is a really nice opening! To make it even better, consider how you might be able to make it even more active - one way to do this is to talk not about characteristics that mainstream music has, but describe what mainstream music is / what it does (in other words - try to rewrite this sentence without any form of "has")

This has the makings of a really nice conclusion sentence - keep working on the prose so that it's clear that you're returning to this scientific lens as a metaphor for not just dreams in general but the song in particular

tense (this implies that this only happened in the past)

singular / plural disagreement

No need to cite Frisch here - there's nothing all that special about the phrase "many meanings", so there's no need to quote them directly. You've already already made clear that this is your claim as well, and provided evidence for it, so you're not paraphrasing Frisch as much as reiterating your own argument.

Can you tell us more specifically how this cover relates to the argument of your project as a whole? (It is implied, but state it outright for your reader!)

Frisch's observations don't discuss anything, Frisch does :-)

Is there a way that you could reformulate this paragraph to be more of a narrative? Right now, while the content of the paragraph is excellent, the three sentences don't seem to be all that clearly related to one another - how might you be able to help your reader transition more smoothly between these sentences?

Grammar ("jeopardized" and "loss" conflict with each other here)

lowercase

This sentence is a bit redundant with the previous paragraph - you don't need both! The framing here is of presenting a fact - and you've already told the reader that fact before. You could, instead, reiterate what was said before without presenting it as new information again ("Similarly to how each individual will see a different rainbow in real life, every individual will also have their own...")

Make sure to be consistent with whether you're using Oxford commas or not - either way is fine, as long as you're consistent

I'd like to see you experiment a bit more with different types of sentence structures, Leanna - particularly multi-clause sentences. You draw extensively upon very short and direct sentences throughout this Intro - and while these are each great on their own, many similarly structured short sentences back-to-back can detract from the flow of your prose.

This isn't to say that all your sentences have to be long and include multiple clauses! This sentence here ("I decided to investigate further.") is a perfect example of where a short and direct sentence structure works really well - it grabs the reader's attention and pulls them along into the following paragraph.

"Work" here is a bit of a confusing term, because it could reference either your Scalar site or one of the song's you've been discussing

In general, try to use specific terms / names in the opening sentences of paragraphs - pronouns / implied subjects are generally best avoided in intro sentences, even if their meaning is fairly clear from context. Here, for example, it would be better to say "The original recording of "Over the Rainbow"" or something along those lines

Just reiterating my comment above - this opening paragraph is two sentences of quotes from others, and a third sentence telling us you agree with those quotes. These quotes are both great pieces of evidence, but the central focus here should be your own argument about the song (which the quotes are then used to support)

wording

Is this necessary? What info is this giving your reader that "podcast" didn't?

an

grammar

Don't use equivocal language like this - just go ahead and say directly what the Playlist & Listening Guide is doing / what you are doing through it

comma

Can you flip this to tell us about what the Playlist & Listening Guide does instead of what it contains? (i.e., its argument)

This wording isn't super clear

How can you say this more actively and with fewer words?

Is there a reason you're not capitalizing this?

best placed within commas

Generally, it's best to give the author (in this case you!) the credit instead of ascribing agency to the piece of writing. "In it, I reveal how..."

perfect portrayal, or portrayal of perfection?

Nice! This is a clear statement of your goals with this project. My next challenge to you is to think about how to articulate these two goals as one singular goal. What are the links that tie them together? Is there a way that you can articulate a single overarching goal of your project, of which these are two subcategories?

In a summary sentence like this, be as specific as possible - even if the subject of the sentence is clear from the context of previous sentences, it's important (usually) that conclusion and introduction sentences stand on there on. Here, that would involve telling the reader what that "something" is.

another [sic] needed here

Is this a direct quote? If so, it's worth pointing out to the reader that this grammatical error is in the original text and not an error of your own when copying it over - to do this, we put [sic] right after the error in the original text

Unclear comma usage - there is a comma after "to some" but not "to others"

The grammatical structure of this sentence implies that the reader already knows about what's happening in the first clause, and that the second clause is a surprise - but the information in the first clause is new to the reader as well at this point

Great job distilling down the "so what" question for your reader - keep revising this sentence so that it is as clear and concise as possible

Grammar here is unclear - the implication is that Lana released "National Anthem" just like these other women also released "National Anthem"

This is a very broad statement - can you give us some more specificity? In a specific time period? A particular group of women? A particular kind of performing arts? In a specific place?

"because" and this comma are incompatible - because needs to have its result in the same clause

No need for this! It's clear what song you're talking about :-) Why not just toss in a timestamp instead?

comma should go after citation (this is the one instance in which we don't put punctuation inside quotes)

not sure what this is saying?

need some sort of punctuation here

no need for this comma

Conflicting with what? (Internally conflicted?)

word choice (ideal refers to a matter of personal taste or philosophy - "idealized" might be more what you're looking for)

Keep an eye out in your writing for places where you could remove some redundant language to make sentences more direct and clear. Here, for example, "theme" and "idea" are serving somewhat similar purposes and the sentence would flow a bit better with only one or the other

of?

Is this the end of the paragraphs? A line break between paragraphs would be helpful

This isn't exactly nominalization, but it has some of the same features as what we discussed in class - could you try rewriting this sentence without the "is" in the first clause?

This phrase is a bit vague - what specifically do you mean by "prevalent" and "pop culture"? You talk about the charts in the following sentence - are you just referring to how much airtime the song was getting?

period (at the end of every citation)

If you want to include a URL for a journal article, make sure it's the DOI

all journal titles / book titles / etc. should be in italics

you don't need to include this - just the journal name is enough

include a line break between each citation

no need to repeat the name the page here

Never include links to databases - if you want to include a URL for journal articles, use the DOI

only cite the source, not the database

remember that, for books, we need both publisher and place of publication

You only need to include access dates for online content which is constantly changing - for us, that typically just means social media posts

all publication titles should be in italics

Remember to always cite the original source, not a database

make sure your citations are in alphabetical order

italics (for all publication names in citations - only place not needed is for website names)

all YouTube videos include a publication date

author?

no need to italicize this

When citing social media posts, we need to include an access date

no need to italicize this

no need to italicize this

be consistent with whether you're abbreviating author first names or not

Make sure your citations are in alphabetical order

Is this the director? If so, that should be indicated: "Lemmons, Kasi, dir."

remember to include the place of publication as well as the publisher for books

If possible, page numbers are needed here