1,337 Matching Annotations
  1. Feb 2018
    1. but the effort that is put in to obtaining it and the experiences held from an object

      What do you mean?

    1. written by three editors

      Editors don't usually write much content beyond the introduction or preface.What do you mean?

    1. For instance in comic strip Doonesbury when Andy Lippincott’s character was introduced as a gay man with HIV/AIDS by Gary Tradue writer and cartoonist wanted to inform and aware all ages and communities across the US of the HIV epidemic.

      Does Han Yu write about Lippincott and Doonesbury? Or is this your thinking?

    2. By knowing whom your target audience is it allows you to use the proper techniques to present the information and convey your message through the image text ratio effectively

      Is this your claim? Or is it Han Yu's?

    1. When you live in a technological world that has the liberty to speak his or her mind someone is going to be offended.

      So this second paragraph is for you to consider how the information in the source helps inform you about your larger research question.

    1. The AMA Journal of Ethics is niched towards the medical and health care groups but anyone that is interested can gain access to the vital information that Published in the AMA taking place in our society.

      This paragraph does not provide the information that the 5 sentence format requires. Want to come in and work with me on this?

    2. MK Czerwiec is a woman that wears many hats she is a nurse, author, and artist

      How can you rewrite this so that it is not a run-on sentence? Do you need the 'she'?

    1. About the quil

      Really great page, Mary!

    2. Dedicated

      Interesting. Why put this here? Why not at the beginning? How does shifting it (or not) change readers' experience of the page?

    3. The quilt panel is representation of a lost but never forgotten life of Andy Lippincott who died of HIV/AIDS

      Is this objective description? If not, where else could it go?

    4. The base color

      Nice detailing in the above images!

    5. G. Scott Austen, Miranda Marceo, and Juan Carlos Castano.

      Who are these folks?

    6. Forgotten Andy

      What do you think about punctuation here? Might it clarify the relationship between "forgotten" and "Andy Lippincott"?

    1. Yes, but... Not really, I think. Is Haltman concerned with how a thing is used and purposed for? Or is he more interested in how the details of a thing clue us into the kind of culture that made it?

    2. Eventually, it would end up included in computers, to be obsoleted decades later by new flat screen devices.

      How is this historical account an example of "thick description"? Doesn't it make many assumptions about the cathode beyond what a description of the artifact itself suggests?

    3. It is this type of description which Haltman encourages in his text, one rooted more in observing the potential impacts of an object on all domains of life, rather than a simplistic explanation of what an object is used for

      What does this mean? How can someone "observe potential impacts"?

    1. make the connection between the aids epidemic in the 1990’s

      to make the connection between the 90s epidemic and what?

    2. The intended audience is other researchers who are also trying to improve the health of those who are HIV positive.


    3. they are trying to fi


    4. the national coverage to help appraise their argument.

      what nation coverage? what argument?

    5.  like bibliographies and tables

      good. what kind of bibliographies? tables of what? The rest of this sentence doesn't yet make sense... what do you mean?

    6. There are several authors of this article, like Stephen A. Flores who graduated from University of Texas medical school with honors

      "like"? Are all of these researchers from UT?

    7. This source connects to my artifact because for Bobby Orr and article like would have been very helpful. Showing and explaining ways to prevent aids/HIV for people just like him.

      But how might this source be useful to you, in your research efforts?

    8. safer sex. The intended audience of this article come be for researchers who are looking for ways to encourage safe sex or possibly college students.  Someone who’s family member who has recently died of aids would possibly be interested in help prevent others from getting aids.

      These sentences don't quite make sense together. Who reads this journal? Why? What for?

    9. he purpose o this source is to encourage readers to have safer sex.

      Are "readers of this source" ... readers of The American Journal of Public Health"... having lots of unprotected sex?

    10. evidence of developing materials

      what does this mean?

    1. Next to the R on the right side of the name is a photo. I believe this photo was placed here because this is a photo of Bobby Orr. The photo is laminated, probably so that it can be preserved for a long time. The laminated photo was stitched on with a blue string. The photo is a bit creased, meaning that it been there for a while. The photo itself has a brown, grey color scheme meaning that it was taken a while ago. This is also assumed because he died in 1989

      Two sentences in this paragraph do not belong. which ones and why...

    2. The 20th century is assumed because in most of the other surrounding panels the date was of the 20th century.

      objective description?

    3. Probably there to emphasize that this is the name of the person they lost.

      Is this objective description?

    4. First I will describe the bold letters and numbers.

      why first?

    5. would be

      'would be'? Is this what you mean? Or do you mean "are"? What 's the difference?

    6. Information about the quilt

      Great! I like how this begins an introduction at the Panel level. This assumes people will read the "about" page or another page for more general information about your project. You might want to add a gloss of that info here... Can you imagine why?

    1. The design of the panel invites curiosity into the life of Michel Foucault. The obvious question when one first sees is “Who wrote this quote and what does it represent?” A quick search provides a substantial amount of information. It is easy to learn that he is not an average person. For example, the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy claims that he is “the author most frequently cited in the humanities in general” throughout “the first decade of the 21st century.” His ideas were not, however, widely accepted in the philosophical community, as he considered philosophy inextricably bound to history – a position starkly in opposition to convention at the time. The panel serves to attract interest to Foucault with its unassuming style and interesting quote and let viewers’ future research show the rest. Unlike most other panels, it does not immediately display the subject’s life and interests. In essence, it is a gateway to other, secondary, sources on Michel Foucault.

      description or analysis or report?

    2. This is made clear by the simplicity of the panel. It makes no pretentious assertions or claims to knowledge or power. Instead, it seems as an equal in the milieu of panels on the quilt. A person with his accomplishments could reasonably list them all in a flashy manner, but the designer of the panel understood Foucault’s philosophies and demurred.

      This is analysis and belongs in the final project...

    3. consider his work a history of modernity

      intro material? this isn't objective description

    4. This quote comes from a work he published, The History of Sexuality

      Objective description? Perhaps this goes in the introduction?

    5. which seems to be different

      Nice use of "seem"... How different? describe...

    6. arge font

      What kind of font?

    7. HIV.

      Why insert the image below this paragraph? Is it an image of "research on HIV"? What kind of font?

    8. All text

      How much text is there? What does the marker ink look like?

    9. color

      What kind of material is it?

    10. simplistic

      Is this objective description?

    11. Michel Foucault’s panel lies on Block 180 of the NAMES Project AIDS quilt, located in the middle left of the block. The AIDS Quilt was started in 1987 by activist Cleve Jones in San Francisco, California. Its purpose was to honor and

      Why start with Foucault's panel and then talk about the quilt broadly? What is the effect of that ordering?

    1. A. (2012, March 07)

      What you're doing right now is still primary research. And you're still too focused on researching Tony Fulkerson. But the quilt, as "embodied culture" speaks to a community, not just one person... You need to expand your idea about what you're researching, expand your research questions.

    2. This source connects with my artifact because it has a shirt from Mardi Gras in 1983,which the author attended, and then attended again in 2013 as a protester. Showing how Mardi Gras was so fun to him in 1983 until he grew older and learned from his mom what the event really culturalized and meant. This is all showing how his culture today and now are very different from what he would have done back then(1983).

      The AB is your opportunity to evaluate this source. It is a perfect example, actually, of a source that can diminish your credibility. The site promotes a religiously conservative agenda WITHOUT offering legitimate evidence for supporting its inflammatory claims.

    3. The audience for this website would be people learning about the background culture of Mardi Gras, and people who are interested in protesting against it. People who protest against the event of Mardi Gras will find this we

      I think you have very much misread this source. Try it again...

    4. really means

      This sounds as if you agree with this account or you find it valid.

    5. The author of this website is not named, although showing himself at Mardi Gras in New Orleans in 2013 protesting about the sin Mardi Gras goers are involved in.

      This link doesn't lead to "a website" but to a pdf document. The document very much has an author: "Ruben Israel"... I found that in about 1 minute... The website has a "mission statement" and the pdf has a thesis. It's very difficult to understand what you're evaluating here: a website? an image? a document?

    6. Our society today since has changed the way people look at LGBTQ people, simply from all the protest and marches.

      How can you USE this site to help you better understand the "embodied culture" within the quilt and what it communicates about the relationship between a specific community and the epidemic?

    7. about

      Is this the title of the page? How can you communicate that?

    8. ee le

      comma needed after 'Committee'... do you see why?

    9. e Committee

      This page needs an introduction, too.

    10. my Quilt

      What other language could you use here and why might you want to revise it? If someone opens this page randomly (surfing the web) what does this language communicate?

    1. here is the one shirt th

      This paragraph is overwhelming. How can you use space and subtitles to help you organize the information?

    2. Midtown Atl

      What does "ATL" mean? Is this an acronym present on the shirt? if so, you need quotation marks.

    3. All you can see is

      Is there a way to word this without the direct address, 'you'? Would you want to? Why or why not?

    4. There are 13 white tee shirts, 4 red shirts, 4 blue shirts, 1 green shirt, 1 orange shirt, 2 black shirts, 3 grey shirts, 1 purple shirt, and 29 shirts in total

      Really this page needs an introduction. What if someone landed on this page randomly? How would they make sense of this information?

    1. I just started to put down my thoughts as I was reading and it became easier as I was able to connect with the passages.

      What does this say about reading? The personal is necessary? To make meaning out of what you're experiencing? Isn't this the same as what you're talking about re; objects?

    2. One of the main things I got out of reading both of these articles was that you really cant replace an object that already has cultural value.


    1. later on give a subjective insight to the life of Steve Jacoby and how the materials in his memorial helped draw a conclusion to such an insight

      Good move here. But all-in-all you need a much more detailed introduction for this to make sense.

    2. designs are thicker than others and there are different uses of material.

      which ones? where?

    3. is that everyone lived until the early 1990’s

      Not sure what you're talking about here. "everyone" Is there an 'everyone' in the Jacoby panel?

    4. is quilt in this post

      Where is it in the image you've provided?

    5. blocks on quilts

      'quilts'? Do you mean "panels"?

    6. The quilt

      What quilt? You need an introduction.

    7. rimary Source Description #1

      If your audience is a reader randomly landing on this webpage, does this title make sense?

    8. Steve passed at the age of 36

      objective description?

    9. in memoriam


    10. which could be apart of A CHORUS LINE OF CARE or could be a separate mentioning of just the the city of Los Angeles


    11. printed

      What do you mean "printed"?

    12. presumably written by family and friends

      is this objective description?

    13. heartfelt messages


    14. Los Angeles

      What sentences in this paragraph communicate objective description of the quilt panel?

    1. Michael “Mike” Hernandez thrived in Dallas, Texas, a state predominately known for its majority of conservatives living there. This was an important note to keep, as the location in which he worked at was a center for those under the LGBTQ+ community, more specifically those dealing with HIV/AIDS themselves. Under the title of Foundation of Human Understanding, Michael advocated a change for those suffering the same disease as him. Despite the fact that Michael suffered as the others coming their doors did, he did not refuse to back down from the battle. He was dedicated heavily to his family and his work. The Foundation of Human Understanding, having since changed its name twice, first to the Dallas Resource Center in 1998—three years after Michael’s death, before officially landing on a deconstructed version, Resource Center in 2013. This significant change in the foundation’s name reveals the amount of changes undergone in Dallas after Hernandez passed away. Another thing the name change reveals is the time period of when the quilt was made for Michael, that being between 1998 and 2013, while it was still known as the Dallas Resource Center. Within the span of 15 years, Michael Hernandez’s legacy continued to live on through his closest friends and family after his death, his impact touched the lives of many within and throughout the LGBTQ+ community as well. Michael “Mike” Hernandez’s portion in the AIDS quilt is one of the newer editions to the NAMES Project, an addition for his family, friends, and to those studying the massive quilt could capture insight on small traditions and the life style of a regular man, living in Dallas, Texas fighting through the astigmatism and prejudice of the queer community. Acceptance for both people dealing with AIDS and being queer is not that great, but it has definitely changed a lot since Hernandez last walked this earth. Seeing a man coming from both ends, working to make the difference that long ago makes all the difference as to why it was created. His quilt depicted change for a better, healthier tomorrow.

      Nice report. But none of this yet is primary source description focused on rendering a "thick description" in objective detail.

    2. sloppy

      why judge here?

    3. sets an entirely new feel for those who are viewing the quilt panel. It is not a symbol of plain happiness but one of pride for who and what this man stood for.

      This isn't description.

    4. An Arbol de los Milagros is a simple, yet impactful tree to those with Mexican roots

      This isn't objctive description. It's important, but it doesn't belong here. Where could you put this information so that it's valuable and interesting, but not taking up space for articulated observations?

    5. simplicity of the entire work, perhaps, much like the life Michael Hernandez lead, was

      Is this objective description?

    6. depicting the short-lived life this man had.

      Is this objective description?

    7. stitched in a familiarized

      What does this mean?

    8. was

      It was? Where is it now? moved?

    9. meanings behind each

      behind each decade?

    10. the years

      What years?

    11. he quil

      What quilt?

    12. he rest

      The rest of what? You need an introduction.

    13. Quilt block 5959, buried under a large bundle of several other quilt blocks, each varying in weight and theme.

      This needs to be a complete sentence?

    1. It does not soundly benefit my case, but the point of tying two different subjects in order to create a broad connection does help those attempting to find a solution.

      yes. What connections are you making?

    2. The evidence pertaining to the case in this novel, includes the broken down science behind the disease affecting the lives of so many people within the current world.

      Good. This is the first instance I think when you describe kinds of evidence.

    3. is

      getting rid of this "is" can help you create more complex statements and integrate theses into first sentences.

    4. t still connects with the main prognosis of AIDS in the particular region he is from.

      Develop this idea. What do you mean?

    5. In his work he elaborates in the rates in which people who are under strict surroundings are forced or choose to become involved with the limited amount of people that are around them. In this paper written by Dr. Oppong, he brings to light the affects a prison system has on those suffering with the disease and the place that those who don’t have the ability to deal with their condition

      Needs to be in sentence 1. Also, what is his thesis.

    6. The article does affect many on this case, most importantly the man who continued to struggle through his problems while also helping many others in his position.

      What do you mean here?

    7. Here the true audience the article is aimed directly at Hispanics dealing with this semi-normative dilemma.

      What makes you think so? Do "hispanics" check the CDC site?

    8. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention is a widely known source for spreading awareness, it is a highly accredited institution leading the public health in United States. In the article written by the CDC, the institution addresses the problem of HIV/AIDS within the Hispanic community by providing real numbers of those affected by the disease.

      One sentence only please. YOu can quote the site for the thesis as it states the thesis in the first line.

    9. fter finding that the source didn’t directly correlate with my artifact, it still hit a very important issue

      Good. Remember, you're not looking to report what other people say about your artifact, you're looking for information you can use to help you say something about the artifact. How does this article relate to your subject. Your subject isn't the artifact as much as it is the culture embodied in the artifact.

    10. The written piece was made to address the issue of youths in America, suffering from a disease that has yet to be addressed amongst the United States’ society. Merian’s work is directed towards the older generations near Dallas who have the ability to create a change and make that difference for the suffering youth.

      What kind of evidence is included in the article?

    11. Anna Merian is a known journalist, circulating the New York area, originally from New Mexico; she specializes in Political, Crime, Religious, Subculture, and Women’s lives. Merian’s article attacks the AIDS Epidemic hitting the Dallas’ area, specifically the youth who are blindly moving through the streets because of their status.

      This needs to be one single sentence. It also needs to communicate a thesis, not articulate what the article "does"... That's for sentence 3.

    12. http://www.dallasobserver.com/news/the-rising-aids-epidemic-among-dallass-young-poor-people-7132893

      Why include this link here if it's in the bibliographic entry?

    13. it does not help me get any more specific to the community or relationships of those within the Dallas, Texas area.

      Why not?

    14. To use this research, it would be possible to center your work around either finding an area to press more focus on or using it to prevent any further spread of the virus.

      IS this source a primary source or a secondary source? How do you know?

    15. u, AIDSVu,

      H... Somethings not quite right here. Maybe you need a period? What if you turned the comma after the second "AIDSVu" into a period. What would that communicate?

    1. I would have to talk about the significance of when both Essays in Material Culture and “What Is A Machete, Anyway?” were published and the background of both publication backgrounds

      That's an interesting idea. I notice, though, that you're still comparing the two texts instead of thinking "with" one of them "about" the other one to understand it differently.

    2. ere the meaning behind

      I see application of Haltman/Prown here, just a little. But it's good. Thinking about the meaning of machete as culturally formed and embodied in the image of a machete... But this writing is mostly summarizing the machete article still.

    3. Albeit having the machete take symbolic form within the Agricultural era

      What does this mean, Ariana? Symbolic of what?

    4. ere is a woman using a machete, found on an

      But who is the creator of the image. Not linked in, right?

    5. blades as Hallman writes t

      This makes it seem as though Haltman writes about machetes. He doesn't. What's happening with your language to create this confusion? And what do you need to do to clarify?

    6. helped depict the difference amongst the value a physical object can carry amongst those who study it

      What does "amongst" mean? This sentence is confused by the term, I think. What are you saying here?

    7. ading Response 1

      Consider an outside audience when configuring metadata such as titles. For someone at, say University of Georgia, who randomly lands on this public site and entry, what title would be useful for them to know what this text communicates?

    8. the significance of when both

      Hmmmm. Isn't this comparing the texts? How does Haltman make you think differently about the machete text?

    9. During the Rwandan Genocide, the machete was a form of cheap weaponry, allowing for more violent deaths for those unfortunate souls.

      Ugh... Where did you get this info?

    10. Albeit

      What does this word mean here? What does it do?

    1. The artifact connects with my source because my artifact has a a Valkyrie helmet on it symbolizing the persons love of opera.

      More specific connection? What ideas does the source help you cultivate?

    2. the article is about the use of opera in AIDS activism.

      But what's the thesis?

    3. The source connects with my artifact by giving background information to further my understanding of the person the artifact was made for and those like him. It also gives me more questions about the way the triangle is displayed.

      Again... this is too general to be useful. Remember: your research project isn't "about" the person but about the culture embodied in the quilt and the relationship of that culture to the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

    4. his


    5. The directors names are Esteban Jasper and Nacho Steinberg, they are documentarians with many films under their belt; the documentary covers the life a SS Doctor by the name of Vaernet.

      This is a run-on sentence as the punctuation is used here... Can you make it a legit single sentence?

    6. The Pink Triangle and the Nazi cure for Homosexuality  [HD]

      How can you make this stand out visually, so we know it's a bibliographic entry? Is it a bibliographic entry?

    7. This source connects with my artifact by giving me a better understanding of the person on the quilt. For example, the person my artifact is about was also an eagle scout just like the person the source is about

      But what specifically might you deduce about culture, knowing this CNN article is from 2000, and the epidemic?

    8. The specific intended audience would include liberals because CNN is considered a liberal network

      Ha! Who considers it 'liberal'? Not listeners of "Democracy Now"! CNN is considered mainstream media (so is Fox News, by the way)... How can you describe this audience more specifically? Without the labels?

    9. (“Supreme Court says Boy Scouts can bar gay troop leaders

      Do you need to write this here? Why or why not?

    10. The source connects with my artifact because it answers my question regarding a patch on quilt. Reading this led me to a better understanding of my quilt panel. The boy scout patch on the quilt connects to the source via their obvious mention of the boy scouts.

      Hmmm. What does this mean? Can you get specific? How does it help you answer the question? Just by 'mentioning boyscouts'?

    11. The intended audience for this book would be law students, or other lawyers. Lawyers would find this useful because it would help them decide cases.


    12. The authors name is Joseph King Jr, and his qualifications are that he is a practicing lawyer in the state of Georgia. The author expounds that certain “doctrines be eliminated from the defamation nomenclature”(King, 2000)

      one sentence. Revise so that you can say more in fewer words; this will cut down on sources of confusion and help you think of more precise ways to iterate your thinking...

    13. is a reminder

      Can be interpreted as...?? Is this more accurate language?

    14. long the struggle for gay rights has lasted.


    15. ReadHowYouWant. com,

      Is this the title of an overall site? If so, then does the title of the article need to be in quotation marks?

    16. promote awareness of the injustices homosexuals faced during the holocaust.

      Why? In order to do what? Or that what will happen?

    17. Retrieved from http://scottcurry.blogspot.com/2004/10/sachsenhausen-memorial-and-museum.html

      I'm wondering why this is here? What is this image communicating?

    18. his post is regarding the AIDS quilts found at the NAMES project. The questions are marked by bullet points and these questions are the basis of my research, and why I created each bibliographic entry. Each question is related to an item on my chosen quilt.

      Perhaps revise to include a synopsis of your research?

    1. It symbolizes Renard’s talent for lighting.

      At this point, especially because you haven't introduced to us how you would use the key in this explication, it's difficult to tell where you draw your conclusions from.

    2. The Center of the Panel

      Perhaps give this some visual signficance and separation via a different font or effect?

    3. The swallow is a symbol of his childhood.

      Not objective description of the quilt. THis belongs in the analysis post... or in a post summarizing what the "key" communicates.

    4. The material is nylon similar to that of a well made flag.

      interesting description!

    5. To touch it is like rubbing grains of salt between your fingers.

      Wonderful detail!!!!

    6. because it is a new edition to the quilt collection.

      objective description?

    7. hile providing details given to me by the family that made it

      Stick to observation! Not analysis or conclusion drawing. Just describe YOUR experience of the panel.

    8. according to the key to the quilt that his family left with the quilt

      Okay.. you need to write about this. Introduce it. There's a key? Cite it... Where are you getting your information?

    9. e quilt

      do you mean panel? Can you imagine why this might be confusing?

    10. a picture on the back of the quilt of the person to whom the quilt is dedicated to with the name Christopher next to it, so one would assume his name was Christopher.

      Confusing... Do you know who the quilt refers to? How would you know "Renard" is a nickname? It feels like there's something you're not telling us. Like your sources... Or are you guessing? Stick to objective thick description...

    11. its

      Is this the correct 'its'?

    12. o couldn’t help but add more to i

      How do you know this? Do they say so? Perhaps quote needed here?

    13. NAMES project, and was just recently finished


    14. e the NAMES project website, th

      awesome embed here!

    15. what is unusual is that my panel has a front and back


    16. my chosen quilt from the NAMES project

      A much more detailed introduction is needed, I think. Imagine "Jacki," the random UCLA sophomore Sociology major lands on this page. What does she need to know to make sense of this text you've created?

    1. ttp://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0rYO5YI7kA

      I'm not sure what this connects to. The link is broken. Let's get together and see if we can find a plug-in for embedding youtube videos? THat might help

    1. Annotated Bibliography Unit 1

      Each one of these entries is missing sentence #3: "Articulates the purpose of the text"; what does the author want to have happen in the world because of the text?

    2. e is readers

      Who reads this?

    3. he author’s credentials lead the reader to believe that this is a credible source

      What kinds of sources/evidence used?

    4. Chistopher Capozzola, a professor of political and legal history at MIT, argues in his article that the AIDS quilt emerged from the failure of traditional methods to memorialize victims of AIDS


    5. rticle interesting.

      But how might they find it USEFUL? what does the author want to have happen in the world because of this work?

    6. wrote this article


    7. wrote this article on the importance of remembering the AIDS pandemic


    8. t the Simpson Center for the Humanities

      WHat is this?

    9. cites

      "cites"? Does she conduct interviews? Who does she interview? Who doesn't she?

    10. This could be a disadvantage as it would only be useful for general commentary.

      Okay. But it might shed light on a movement within medical disciplines to identify emotional labor and effects of HIV/AIDS and treatment.

    11. audience is other doctors.

      How do you know?

    12. cite previous scholarly articles and lay out their methodology to prove their credibility

      Like which authors? what works? what kind of scholarly articles?

    13. wrote this paper on the influence of stigma as a barrier to treatment for HIV / AIDS.

      Okay, but what's the thesis?

    14. However, what it does provide is quite useful.

      The question is how does it/can it help you in your project?

    15. History students studying late twentieth century American history would also find this article intriguing

      Only them? why?

    16. readers of the

      Who reads this journal?

    17. Carole Blair and Neil Michel’s

      Who are they and what are their qualifications?

    1. Introduction

      I think some explication is due here as to why you're choosing three blocks, and these three blocks, to observe...

      Also seems to me we need to know something about Howard Ashman and Disney... Probably these two needs resonate with each other...

    2. seems to be the same color as Sebastian.

      What color? I see what you're doing here.. Lots of "seems"... nicely done.

    3. (from the Under the Sea sequence)

      objective description?

    4. Ariel with Sebastian

      You're assuming your reader knows who these characters are.

    5. Howard Ashman

      What difference does it make if you put quotation marks around these words?

    6. There is nothing else written to show who might have made the panel.

      Is this objective description?

    7. Taylor ’95

      If a direct quote, put marks around this phrase...

    8. has three of them

      What does this mean?

    9. The NAMES project HQ

      What is this?

    10. The NAMES project is a project for people to memorialize a person that was important to them who died of AIDS by creating a 3’x6′ panel (about the size of a human grave).  The panels are then put together geographically into 12’x12′ blocks, often eight panels per block.  These blocks can be sent around the country to be used in parades and other displays.  As of June 2016, there are more than 49,000 panels in 5,956 blocks.

      This is a strong start to an introduction. But there's nothing about a "quilt" in here. It's assumed reader knows what a "panel" and "block" means. How can you give credit to this source?

    1. Dedicated

      Is this section a "thick description" of the panel?

    2. Mr. Fulkerson was one of the unfortunate who did not live long due to his condition.

      The way this is worded is misleading I think. What do you mean to say? Why are you saying it this way?

    3. facilities

      "facilities"? What does this mean?

    4. particularly neat


    5. hoever weaved this quilt was able to have all the t-shirts fused to the quilt while also allowing them to be level in appearance, coinciding with one another.


    6. tons of other hues

      Is this objective description? To what extent?

    7. ing to the Center’s documentation and Mr. Roddy

      What center? Who is Mr. Roddy? This page needs an introduction. Remember to imagine an outside audience.

    8. quilts

      "panels"? Is this word more precise? How does is affect your meaning?

    9. It has average dimensions which one would expect from a quilt of this nature.

      WHat does this mean?

    1. First visit to Andy Lipincott

      This title makes it seem as though you are visiting a person... Do you mean for it do seem this way?

    2. I am not exactly sure of the sequence of the comic strip if it is straight across and or top to bottom but I am going to make another visit and see the quilt again and I know I’m going to see something new and intriguing at my next visit.

      Is the comic strip embedded in the quilt panel? Not clear...

    3. in a hospital bed dying of AIDS a

      He is? How is your reader supposed to know? Perhaps some introduction is needed... This post assumes your reader knows what you're talking about.

    4. at.” While Andy lying in the hospital bed holding Joanie’s hand he says, “A bag of White Castle hamburgers”.

      any thing at?.... Is it possible to show us the cartoon?

    5. Andy

      who is Andy?

    6. Joanie

      who is this?

    7. non the less


    8. in the “Doonesbury”

      'the Doonesbury"? What does the "the" here do ?

    9. r,

      what does this comma do in the sentence?

    10. his remarkable quil

      there's a word missing in this sentence, i think

    11. blush pink my favorite color, b

      I'm wondering why there's no image here?

    12. is

      do you need this 'is'?

    13. who is “Andy Lipinocott”

      do you need "who is"?

    14. a interesting

      check articles

    15. Andy Lipincott quit

      what's missing here?

    16. chose.