1,337 Matching Annotations
  1. Oct 2017
    1. The purpose of the text is to give insight of how religion and the people influenced is affected by the practice of abortion.

      Lets really look at the sentence-level work here... Do you hear confusion in terms of verb agreement?

    2. The intended audience are those who are having problems with making decisions on their own and who want more information on the constitutional natural human right “right to life”

      Very general... Can you imagine a more specific audience>?

    3. Evidence provided within the source is based on controversial issues today, such as abortion, and sex orientation in which it gives the educational background of sex and what are the steps taken to solve an issue

      yes but what kind?

    4. The evidence that exist on the organization’s website are legislation articles that identify the rights of humans in both federal and state legislation, who also gives insight on today’s national issues dealing with the human right to life

      good

    5. The intended audience are for the terminally ill/disabled who want to know the basis of “right to life” or a broader audience in which they are trying to interpret/understand the United Nations claim on “right to life”.

      Aren't law makers and politicians primarily interested in this? ngo's?

    6. Based on the draft, “General comment No. 36” in article 6 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights says, “States parties may not regulate pregnancy or abortion in a manner that runs contrary to their duty to ensure that women do not have to undertake unsafe abortions”

      What kind of evidence?

    7. As a citizen of the land of the free, the United States, do you feel as if you have exercised the natural human right, “right to life” to its extremity or to its full potential?

      Interesting move here. What if you started your intro with this?

    8. I learned that the “right to life” is not taken to be relative in today’s society in which the United Nation I pushing to make the natural right more relative and to give individuals the courage to make decisions at their free will.

      What does this mean?

    9. he sources I have used to accompany my research on overall women’s health and how it has encouraged and contributed to the most used phrase in politics today, “Right to Life” have all provided information pertaining to the ones self-evaluation and decisions.

      What does this mean?

    1. Planned Parenthood is an organization that provides vital reproductive health care, sex education, and information to millions of people around the world. They main targeted audience is women but can be provided to all genders and sex orientations. The main purpose of the organization is to aid women’s health by providing the most efficient healthcare. Planned Parenthood as a facility and organization want to provide a reliable institution and source to go to for service or informational help. Not only women but teen girls would also find this health source beneficial and reliable because it gives insight and information on sex, STD’s,  pregnancy, abortion and its options, etc.

      This isn't following the 5-sentence format yet. Why not?

    1. I love what's in academic discourse: learning, intelligence, sophistication-even mere facts and naked summaries of articles and books; I love reasoning, in- ference, and evidence; I love theory. But I hate academi

      "discourse" here is two things: a) things being discussed; b) the language conventions employed to discuss them. what about "construed"? Things being 'construed'?

    2. dilemma. In doing so I will as- sume an ostensive definition of academic discourse: it is the discourse that academics use when they publish for other academics. And what characterizes that discourse? This is the question I will pursue h

      Definition: He's using the term to define the term? Who let him do this?

    1. he purpose of this article is to inform people about how climate change is affecting storms by making them more powerful. The intended audience for this article is concerned people about the devastating impacts of hurricanes, and people who want to know why hurricane Irma and Harvey were so huge. P

      Who reads this news source?

    2. Climate change activist or even Climate change deniers would find this podcast helpful because it gives a psychological view of  why people deny climate change.

      Is this everyone? Won't marketers, activists, other researchers be interested in this?

    3. This article gave me a more in-depth knowledge on climate change and its effects, but it only gave me a little bit of a psychologist facts with how kids and be traumatized and affected long term.

      nice detail

    4. Michael Oppenheimer a professor of Geoscience and internal Affairs and Jesse Anttila-Hughes assistant professor wrote The Science of Climate Change started off with how the greenhouse effects work, how we know the world is getting hotter because of human activity, and then also explain the source of scientific Knowledge about climate change and the models’ scientist use to predict the effects of climate change in the future, and they focused on how climate change effects children.

      Work on distilling the thesis: What is the authors' main point?

    5. Stoll-Leemann, O’Riordan, and Jaeger work with PIK Postsdam Institute of climate impact research wrote The Psychology of Denial Concerning Climate Mitigation Measures: Evidence From Swiss Focus Groups claim that Various studies of public opinion regarding the causes and consequences of climate change reveal both a deep reservoir of concern, yet also a muddle over causes, consequences and appropriate policy measures for mitigation.

      What does this mean?

    1. Hillary Clinton has also helped Black Lives Matter activists after intruding into her event. Hillary Clinton gave activists advice of the direction they should take in their movement.

      What does this have to do with the phrase?

    2. “Black Lives Matter” has  been culturally impacted by women. During an interview with Marcia Chatelan, she discusses not only has African American males been targeted by police officers, but so have women. African American women have  been profiled, harassed, sexually assaulted, and brutalized by police because of their gender.  “We know that girls and women of color are also dying. The question is: does anyone care” (Chatelain 3)? The interviewer, Kaavya Asoka, mentioned why the killings of women haven’t received the same attention has men? Chatelan believes  sexism has something to do on why women aren’t getting any attention.  Sexism is an act of being prejudice against women. Police being sexist against women because they believe a man’s skin color is more of a threat.

      What does this have to do with the phrase: Black Lives Matter?

    3. people weren’t saying the phrase “Black Lives Matter”, but it was obvious that there were campaigns or movements to prevent discrimination and nonviolence acts.

      Great! You're moving the focus to the phrase. So what is the connection between the history of discrimination against black people in America and the phrase?

    4. Police officers who are being acquitted for their poor mistakes is a challenge to the criminal justice system because there wasn’t any justice served.

      What does the King incident have to do with the phrase Black Lives Matter?

    5. s ignored

      The phrase is ignored? By whom? I don't know anyone who hasn't heard or said that phrase. Most people I know have weighed in on the issues the phrase evokes. Be sure to make a clear distinction between the phrase and the thing/s the phrase represents.

    1. I believe some politicians would find this text useful so they can be aware of how Black Lives Matter can impact politics.

      Who reads the independent? What is that source? What kind?

    2. The students use tweets on Twitter to back up their evidence. In 2014, 66,159 tweets mentioned the “Black Lives Matter” hashtag.  

      Interesting and useful to have in here.

    3. The purpose of this interview is  to inform people  that sexism still exists and  that police officers do not only target African American males, but women as well.

      This seems a little misleading, given your identification of the thesis. Few credible people believe that sexism doesn't exist (perhaps no credible people... there is plenty of evidence to suggest that it does). Can you get more precise and consistent in this assessment?

    4. The intended audience is everyone. 

      Nope. Use your imagination: who is likely to do something with the information she provides? Who is she addressing when she writes "My life matters'? Not her mother, let's hope.

    5. Black Lives Matter, argues when and where did  the expression “Black Lives Matter” first emerged in public disclosure. She claims that Black Lives Matter originated in the South  of 1954.

      Can you combine these sentences? What happens when you do?

    6. intended audience is everyone

      Not everyone is going to be responsive to Edwards' message. Is she speaking to people who might have a wrongheaded idea of what BLM means? Who would that be? Or perhaps she's speaking to people who sympathize with her cause but don't fully participate? Why would she want to do that?

    1. other seen in the video above

      I think you need to keep your investigation broad. This video has nothing to do with autism. But you open with a definition of autism. How do these two things relate?

    1. he sensitive topic of rejecting server transplant patients grasped my interest especially because the reason for their rejection is their mental disorders and disabilities. Most mental disorders like; Autism, puts patients in positions to not be able to speak up for themselves but they are surrounded by people who can. The mental disorder; Autism, is personal for me so I engaged in extensive research to attempt to answer the tough question: Is the reject of organ transplantation to autistic/ mentally disabled patients considered medical discrimination or is it medically ethical?

      This introduction begins to describe the controversy. It could use to go into greater detail, however. Autism is a spectrum, for instance. Some autistic people can very well speak for themselves...

    1. His recent article , ” Entrepreneurship:Productive, Unproductive, and Destructive” elaborate and evolve the  hypothesis of the varies entrepreneur differences.

      What does this mean?

    1. The Autism Research Foundation teamed up with the Harvard Brain Tissue Resource Center at McLean Hospital in B

      So how many points of view exist on the issue? How could you make this very clear?

    2. Recently in today’s news the question surfaced who gets to make the call to grant someone a second chance at life and what qualities must you posses to be chosen or not to be.

      What do you mean? Say it plainly, directly. Be clear.

    3. Did you gain some insight?

      No.

      What if that's your reader's answer? Then you've lost them. What can you do to keep them reading about your important topic? We still don't know what the issue is.

    4. I’ll specifically be discussing autism so down below I provided a video to virtually step in the shoes of an autistic child and gain a better perception of the disability.

      Why not embed the video here? Why not begin with the video?

    1. It has been several controversy topics in the world recently and most topics consist in politics, sports, and technology. The topic I find most interesting is sports. I chose sports because I feel it has a better impact on me and my daily routines through life.

      Your writing gets interesting when it begins with your personal story. Thiese first few sentences are too general to be meaningful.

    1. The author specific purpose was to educate people that was not just baseball fans but anybody who concerned on the topic to give them extra information for their final decision of yes or no.

      Why write this sentence? What good does it do for whom?

    2. The author for this article is Matt McHugh. Matt is qualified because The Aragon Outlook supports him to get his article qualified on there website.

      Just because a news source publishes what someone writes doesn't make him qualified to speak on a particular subject. I found Matt McHugh and turns out he's a journalism student: Matt McHugh (@mattmcsports27) is a sophomore studying journalism. He’s from the Bay Area and only roots for the good local sports teams (A’s, Raiders, Warriors and Sharks). His favorite sport is baseball, and hopes one day to get paid for doing something related to it. He likes dishing out hot takes (Derek Carr for MVP) and enjoys bumping some good ol’ country music in his spare time.

      https://wnursports.com/staff/

      Is this a high-quality source then?

    3. he author is Sports World and sports world were qualified by YouTube.com

      Who is "Sports World"? and what does "qualified by YouTube" mean? What's interesting about this YouTube post as a source is that it's really a PRIMARY source. It's the data itself, not someone analyzing or commenting on or editing that source, that's why this AB ends up being a summary and not an analysis of the source's usefulness.

    1. The power comes from the media, they televise and report on the situation to inform the people.

      This seems true for any issue. How does it inform this particular one?

    2. College students are most effected by the term because they have to go to school with peers who might be carrying and that is intimidating and even frightening to some.

      What about campus police? They probably think about it more than students do, don't you think? What about teachers? What about teachers that give grades to students?

    3. Culturally the term is probably made fun of more than it is taken serious because of memes and social media

      Wow, really? Seems like a serious issue. Who is making fun of it? What memes are you talking about? Which social media outlets?

    4. students and staff of 16 states including Georgia to carry concealed weopons on college campuses

      This needs a complete sentence, I think. Who are "the people"?

    1. I believe Kendrick’s perceived audience is much wider than just that of the Black community. K. Lamar wants to reach everyone living underneath the reach and influence of this system.

      Why would you think this? Why would Lamar want to "reach" them? For what purpose?

    2. This begs the question, who supplied the bundles of cash for the group? My educated guess, the celebrity situated at the epicenter not holding money. Kendrick Lamar is the supplier of financial freedom and resources for those closest to him; this can possibly be extrapolated to the black community surrounding Kendrick, not just a few.

      Uh... they've killed the judge! I'd agree that Lamar not holding cash is significant. It's almost as though he's risen above the need to flaunt cash. He's happy (clearly) without it.

    1. No matter the sinaireo he admits to being depressed and obsessed in that detrimental state of mind that bounds him to pain and anger.

      And why would 14 year old girls want to hear this? Or why should they?

    2. These emotions and actions speak volumes, it acknowledges that depression isn’t gender or age specific. They lead to detrimental actions and thoughts

      Suggesting that young girls experiencing depression are likely to find a larger group when they listen to the album? Acknowledgement of the audience? They're likely to feel it?

    3. he understands the resentment that comes with being misunderstood and shunned

      How do you know this? What about the song communicates this to the extent that you believe it?

  2. Sep 2017
    1. Carbon Dioxide has a lot of power in changing the climate.

      So at this point we see your post has bloomed off topic. The post is about the term "carbon dioxide" not the THING carbon dioxide. How does this affect the way you think about the post?

    2. Many people have doubts about it, but when scientist come up with evidence it kind of makes them be more open to the idea.

      Who doubts? What is the basis for their doubts? How do "Climate Change Deniers" respond to the term or use the term?

    3. e graph Carbon dioxide is warming the earth and causing climate change.

      This doesn't seem like very much. Why does it matter if temps rise .8 degrees? And what does this have to do with the controversy?

    4. According to scientist working with NASA the temperature has gone up due to the amount of Carbon Dioxide in the air.

      What does this graphic tell us? What does it have to do with carbon dioxide?

    5. Carbon Dioxide (Co2)

      Could you format this to bring focus and attention to the term? Maybe add information to the title, or a subtitle, that intimates it plays a role in the controversy?

    1. confusing long names seem to give validity to the words for people who don’t understand them

      Interesting rhetorical analysis here. What's missing is discussion about how the terms, and their rhetorical effect, inform the controversy.

    1. magine sitting in the Mercedes Benz Stadium watching an Atlanta Falcons game and all you hear is the crowd going “OOOOOO” from a hard hit that was giving out to an opponent

      Vivid start to this... But I think your personal story is more captivating.

    2. ust imagine sitting in the stadium or sitting at home watching the game and after a play is over you see your son laying out on the field hurt from a concussion. Your heart is pumping fast b

      Start with this paragraph. What happens when you do?

    1. eate spaces where different groups are able to effectively communicate big issues like cultural sensitivity, eurocentrism, and many more.

      Yep. Great topic.

    2. I feel that there is only debate on the use of the word because white persons are told not to use the word.

      But hip hop communities are criticized by other black communities for using the word. Are their hip hop artists who won't use the word?

    3. usage, and lastly many people believe that no-one should use the word regardless of its contextual use

      Some people believe black people should use the word as a way of reclaiming it, too.

    1. Pro Athletes Playing For Free

      The controversy below seems not to be about paying athletes but about whether they should have to go to college. And you seem to be talking specifically about basketball, but I'm not sure.

    2. hese people who set the rules feel as if they are parenting the young athletes and getting them the education they need, however most athletes don’t stay for longer than the time required before they can enter the draft and in the case of the number 1 overall pick in the NBA Draft 2 years ago, Ben Simmons, he claims that he no longer went to classes or to the campus after the basketball season was over because he knew he wasn’t going to care about his GPA or his attendance for a school he would be leaving soon. 

      This very long sentence doesn't really make sense. What are you saying?

    1. I stand with my father. I stand with Black Lives Matter. I stand with Colin Kaepernick. I do not and will not stand for the pledge of allegiance or America because it is not the land of the free and the home of the brave. People of color will never be truly free in America. My form of protest is the same as my father and many other Americans; boycott the NFL and fight social injustice and euqality by any means necessary.

      NIcely said.

    1. That’s why the Hall of Fame does represent and should represent: “a place for the best baseball players ever”.

      So isn't it debatable as to whether they're the greatest if they needed PEDs to achieve their "greatness"?

    2. All of these All-Stars had no thought of breaking the rules it was more to just have fun and be better than the best.

      Not true. Most of them hid the fact that they took PEDs and they lied about it.

    1. There are many points of view for this story, and only when all of them are taken into consideration can progress be made.

      This sentence sets me up so that I expect to read what these diferent POVs are, who holds them, and why. But the next paragraph doesn't really deliver this. Why not?

    2. he Price of Drugs

      Be sure to give attribution to all of your images: where do they come from? Who created the image? When?

      This info can go in the 'caption' aspect of your media library entry.

    1. The question is should gender identity be added to anti-discrimination laws. Browsing the internet, I came across a video of a transgender lady giving a speech about her life and what she encountered during her change and what kind of feedback she received. Seeking her own rights as an individual, she composed an email she sent out to her coworkers discussing her gender identity.

      Beautifully written!

    1. laws because I myself respect anyone despite their personal feelings and decisions. I can understand how it feels to stand out from everyone so passing the law would mean getting justice for those who stand out.

      This seems like a different, another, point of view. Some say it's dangerous because sex change medicine is still new and to encourage sex change by enacting laws tacitly supporting transgender identities is to encourage transgender people to engage in risky medicine; Some say laws supporting transgender identity endangers children; Some say transgender identity laws support the humanity of transgender people; AND some say laws should support everyone's personal choices. Are these last two synonymic?

    2. Coming from an article from the German Institute of Youth and Society, they believe we should not proceed with this action because it can cause damage in the long run.

      German? Why cite an article from Germany?

    3. Known as “gender identity” meaning a person’s internal sense of being male, female, some combination of male and female, or neither male nor female. “Gender identity.”

      What do you mean here? The sentence fragment is confusing.

    4. Including the discrimination against race, color, religion, etc., should we make it illegal in all 50 states to discriminate against one individual who believes he or she should be of the other gender

      What does this mean? I think several ideas are smushed into one sentence here, resulting in confusion.

    1. where abuse by the police is common thus all organizations working indirectly or directly are better for their supporters.

      So is the "issue" how to solve the problem or the problem itself?

    2. More than 2,300,000 (2013) individuals are currently incarcerated in local, state, federal, Indian Country, immigration, prisons in territories, juvenile corrections, and other holding centers.

      This is a detail that needs citation. Perhaps link to the original source? But introduce it and cite it, too.

    3. The United States of America consists of the world’s 5% of the total population, yet it strikes home at 25% of the world’s prison population.

      Can you re-write this so there are fewer words, say 3-5 fewer? I'm noticing that your meaning gets skewed by imprecision frequently, though the sound of your writing resonates nicely. Perhaps cutting down on word number will force clarity in meaning

    1. I would agree with all the blame on the parents because of the control and influence they have on their children

      Even if they are poor and can't afford healthy food? And what about medical reasons for obesity? Does that factor in?

    2. ncreasing childhood obesity rates. Blaming the sugar filled ready meals easily available on super market shelves and fast food chains, it would seem these are easy targets to give the accused obesity finge

      Nice placement of evidence here!

    3. According to Center for Disease Control and Prevention (2017), “The percentage of children with obesity in the United States has more than tripled since the 1970’s” (overview)

      What if the percentage goes from 1 to 3? That's not "a big concern..." is it?

    1. College universities generate so much money during the year that its only fair they give the athletes a share of it. The athletes should get paid based on the university’s apparel sales and revenue. The main reason the NCAA is not allowed to pay their college athletes is because they (the athletes) can lose his/her eligibility if they are paid to play. The scholarships the coaches use to lure the student athletes in are only recruitment tactics. The scholarships only pay for the student’s tuition, room and board and books, but the athletes don’t have any left for other needs.

      So this writing wiill get much much better when it gets much much more specific. How much money? What kind of apparel? Which athletes? Which scholarships? Which coaches?

    2. The cons of this debate would be that the coaches and staff would most likely receive a salary cut and taxes could possibly be taken from the residents that live in that state.

      It'll be interesting to see what happens when you become much more informed on this issue. It's a good one. There are many voices suggesting different solutions. You might have a "solutions" page that describes these proposals.

    3. Fans, athletes and even some coaches argue that the NCAA should pay their athletes.

      When you revise this, I recommend drawing out the voices. Not all fans, right? Who? Maybe make a list of four or five different points of view and explain them.

    4. uring my brothers four years at Georgia Southern University as a football athlete, he experienced many hard ships because of the lack of funds that was provided to him.

      Super interesting! This personal story really draws readers in. Give us details (if you can)...

    5. Iesha Wilcox Dr. Arrington ENGL1102 9 September 2017

      So this information is conventionally appropriate for a physical paper that you hand in. But a blog post doesn't need it. Can you imagine why?

    1. The debate is still going on, and what scientist find out in the future will hopefully answer some of the many questions we all have.

      So what's the problem? That science doesn't know enough about climate change? Or that some politicians reject the notion of climate change? Or something else. ?

    2. but how climate change has made the storms more powerful and devastating

      So... climate change creates stronger variations in weather, not necessarily "hotter"... We might get exceptionally strong snow storms this winter. That confirms scientists' conceptions of climate change. right? This is a very nuanced subject. I'll be looking for your ideas about the issue to become nuanced, too. Great!

    3. scientist need to get to the bottom of it.

      This implies that scientists have only recently begun studying "climate change." True? If now, how can you reword this to be more precise?

    4. fact of scientist changing the research of “Global Warming” to “Climate Change” makes him skeptical, and he is not the only one. On The Daily Dot

      Can you provide links to these sources within this document?

    5. climate change is not real.

      This is an opportunity to define more than 2 p.o.v.'s. For instance some don't believe "climate change" is "real." But others believe climate change is "natural" not "man made..."

  3. Aug 2017
  4. Apr 2017
    1. Plagiarism exists here, Javin. If you use the exact words from a source, like "...was established to recognize and immortalize the greatest players and coaches of the game," you must put quotation marks around the phrase/sentence and in-text citation

    1. Conclusion

      I recommend "Conclusions" ... Why only one? Also, this isn't much writing. What's here makes more sense as an introduction, I think.

      Instead, based on your research, how should aquariums rethink their displays adn what would happen if they did?

    1. So without examining other aspects of the built environment of the space, you can't really draw a convincing argument. Maybe the Beluga whale is the only digital display? And maybe the problem is only with digital displays. If you're going to focus on displays, focus on ALL of the kinds of displays and where they are...

    1. Comparing Environme

      This slide show is currently just a list of interesting tidbits. What we need is a cohesive argument. Don't let design take the place of argument; it can't. We need well-researched claims explained in the context of a thesis. I still haven't read a thesis. That's a problem.