1,337 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2018
    1. university of South Africa,

      If the table below is being referenced, tell us so. What do you want us to notice about the table? Do you need to include it? Or is the quoted material enough?

    2. Nemutandani,

      Dr.? Is this a last name?

    3. traditions impact on the HIV/AIDS epidemi

      Okay, but tied to family identity?

    4. According to Dr. Green writer in the journal of alternative and complimentary medicine,”There is a wealth of published reports on contributing factors which are thought to motivate and influence patient to seek services of a THPs. These include traditional beliefs, presenting symptoms, perceived source of the illness, social acceptability, easy access, low cost, confidence in THPs, as well as the perceived fit of a THPs’ explanation of illness with expectations of the local culture, and or failed treatment from allopathic health practitioners (AHPs) (2)

      This belongs in a block quote format; it's very long.

    1. Overall linking HIV/AIDS and family identity to negative consequences associated with lack of education

      fragment: what do you mean?

    2. this

      To what does "this" refer?

    3. With this fact in place you can infer that

      You don't need this part of the sentence, right?

    4. you

      Avoid "you"...

    5. and family identity

      Mbiti doesn't refer to "family identity"... So what do you mean?

    6. fe).

      no period on the inside

    7. Mbiti,

      Is this a first name?

    8. Seeing a direct correlation between a continent with the highest level of HIV and a tribal world view is a good connection between HIV/AIDS

      I don't understand. What do you mean by "tribal world view"? And what do you mean by "a tribal world view is a good connection between HIV/AIDS"?

    9. ble.” (143)

      If the "143" says something about the information in quotation marks, you need to put the period on the OUTSIDE of the parenthesis.

    10. This post covers Africa as a whole and its relation to the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

      Why? What does this have to do with the Renard quilt?

    1. my subsequent pages will cover HIV/AIDS and its  relation to religious belief in the U.S, HIV/AIDS and its affect on different parts of Africa, and its affect on Africa as a whole.

      There is no suggestion in this introduction that Africa is important... Seems to come out of nowhere

    2. belief have

      comma needed

    3. persons


    4. ou

      "you" doesn't really make sense here. You can't know what your reader wonders...

    5. part of Renard’s life.

      Why do you say so?

    6. quilts


    7. Don’t you find it fascinating that his familial relationship to the family member that made the quilt was more important to mention than the persons actual name?

      Interesting question, and rhetorically effective. Would be moreso if we see the panel in its entirety from teh start.

    8. someones


    9. his actual


    10. their family identity


    11. more to it


    12. block

      What is a "block"?

    13. chosen panel

      Which is it?

    14. true meaning of the different cultures our materialistic world embodie

      This seems an exaggeration. STay specific

    15. The links to these can be found on the words in the sentences.

      You don't need to articulate this I think; the links are clearly present and inviting.

    16. Then through the use of my first and second annotated bibliographies. T

      Again, this is a sentence fragment. What do you mean? Do you do something "through" an annotated bibliography? What does that mean?

    17. First through the use

      Sentence fragment... Try using "I"... First, I will... Although do you mean "first"? Does this essay read chronologically? Or can we go from one page to the next as we want to? Would the essay still make sense that way?

    18. he Names project t

      Can you change this to open in a new tab?

    19. Tradition and Belief

      Whose? if I'm reading this for the first time, I think this is a text in sociology? or Religion? The title needs to get specific

    1. this is that it

      "this" and "it" create a sense of vagueness that keeps meaning unclear.

    2. grappling with hom

      This would be an opportunity to use a "block quote"...

    1. The dancing community changed the way they performed in order to bring awareness for the AIDS epedemic.

      This sentence is really your point, right? The first two are just kind of "warm up" sentences?

    2. ramped


    1. m (3)”.

      The quotation marks are in the wrong place, I think. Are they quoting someone else whose work can be found on page 3? Or is this quotation found on page 3?

    2. ce “T

      Why no punctuation here? What punctuation would be best and why?

    3. aths’ b

      Why an apostrophe here?

    1. m of dance is still popular today often implemented into dancing shows and movies all over the country

      Articulate paragraph/summary. And I can see how this would be useful, but there's no thinking here yet about how you might use this source, or why you might use it, for your own project.

    2. e university students

      "researchers"? What kind of researchers?

    3. to make dance in an epidemic: tracking choreography in the age of AIDS” and historical evidence of the AIDS history in America.

      Although the syntax of this sentence lacks clarity, the detail is very useful.

    4. my second quilt panel

      Put this way, it sounds like you have quilted two panels...

    5. hese annotatio

      Why center this paragraph? Why big, bold font?

    6. Here we go again!!

      Consider your audience... If someone randomly came here to this page, would this phrase make sense? Who is the 'we'?

    1. Many black people were pushed into slums and exposed to drugs and unprotected sex, and now it is difficult for people in these communities to branch out (as you may find evident in many of the lyrics of rappers who sing about making it out of the hood)

      Who are you talking about here? Without being specific, and drawing from research, this sounds like racist writing. Racist in that it paints people of dark skin with a broad brush, based on impressions made from media etc., not on research/reality

    2. While claiming that black power and aids are correlated is controversial and problematic, what we find is that many black communities are tainted by some of the horrors of society.

      These seem like non-sequitur claims

    3. Hip hop and rap culture over time has evolved and become more reckless and vulgar.

      Really? Your sources for this claim?

    1. On this Pan-African inspired quilt piece, we see three photos of the famous musician, poet, and African American social activist, Gil Scott-Heron. His influence is reflected in this very quilt piece. Gil Scott-Heron was a famous musician and African-American equality activist, and his influence left a mark on rap and hip hop culture today. Scott-Heron, unfortunately, lost his battle with AIDS. The subculture affected by AIDS, Pan-African pride and black activism, is resembled in this quilt piece.


    2. this

      which one?

    1. our community

      Do you know what "Cbc" is? You do know it's a Canadian broadcasting company, right?

    2. subculture

      Get specific here... What subculture?

    3. NAMES project

      Probably need "foundation" here as part of the name of the place.

    1. related beautifully to my chosen research because it relates

      "relates"... can you think of a more specific word here? How does the passage affect your thinking about the topic? Or how might it affect the way your readers think about the topic?

    2. (Matshidze,Mashamba 5).”

      The names in parenthesis... are those part of the quoted material? Or is this the citation information YOU are attaching to the quotation?

  2. Mar 2018
    1. HIV and family identity would lead to the discovery of unlikely con


    2. nsidered out of date in the AMA you can’t be too sure. This sour

      good questioning

    3. End Citation:

      Actually, "end citation" means the bibliographic entry.. It's the info you have listed under "source used"

    4. is the relationship between club culture embodied in the quilt and the HIV/AIDS epide

      Do you need to repeat this for each entry? why or why not?

    5. ir platfor


    6. s.” (Buckland 2)

      period goes outside the parenthesis

    1. medically reviewed

      What does this mean?

    2. t the research themselves

      Actually the point is for researchers to replicate the experiment. If they do, and they get commensurate results, the study is affirmed.

    3. devastating

      do you mean "devastated"?

    1. for the lack o


    2. build backing

      what do you mean?

    3. In this sense I saw no general substance for helping me understand what was going on with the my specific subculture.

      Why not? Are the claims made in this work about cultural groups generally not relevant for Lantinx culture?

    1. with historical context about the situation itsel


    2. travel and how the LGBT communtiy takes into consideration different ideals.

      What does this mean?

    3. research I may be able to utilize a pathos approach while informing my reader.


    4. happened

      It was luck?

    5. this letter captured my attention it may not fully correspond with my research.

      The question is ... who could use this in their research and why/when might they want to?

    6. inst HIV.” Post-Courier (Papua New Guinea), by By MAUREENGERAWA-TEXT-A SPECIAL HIV Fiji Ministry of Health. Newspaper Source, ezproxy.gsu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebsc

      This isn't MLA formatted citation. Do you see where this citation (engine-generated, right?) differs from the format requested in the guidelines?

    7. from utilizing it f


    8. cultural festivals are taking arms in the fight against the stigma of HIV and continuing current traditional festivitie

      What kinds of evidence?

    1. The Disney fandom is creating a space for those affected by the AIDS epidemic to have a voice.

      This one is super interesting... What happens if you add this to the front of the sentence... "The quilt panels tell us that Disney fandom is creating a space..." ?

    1. The purpose o this source is to encourage readers to have safer sex.

      Not really, right? I mean, who reads this journal?

    2. itative comparison analyses of the national coverage to help appraise their argument.

      Great! Here you are describing evidence

    3. They


    4. only

      Why "only"?

    5. about Bobby Orr.

      It's not about "Bobby Orr," right?

    1. How are individuals who lived in the Eureka Valley, San Fransico (The Castro) embodied in the Aids Quilt?

      Your sources don't seem to speak to the specific community of Eureka Valley. I wonder why not?

    2. flaw

      why "flaw"?

    3. using incidence, lethality, and morality coefficients

      If these are their terms, you need to put them in quotation marks.

    4. So maybe because he was a man and he also probably wasn’t protected is why he died from aids.

      huh... seems you're seeking and thinking about connections between the person and the epidemic, not your research question.... Do you understand the difference?

    5. ould be anyone

      not "anyone"... "researchers" right?

    6. a different environment, they can really be themsel

      different from what? How specifically does this speak to your research?

    7. The purpose of this article is to see how participation in a friendly gay neighborhood contributes to the variability of gay youth.

      What's missing in these entries is a description of the kinds of evidence the authors use...

    8. connection of my artifact.

      I don't understand... You say the article would be helpful to someone looking for info about gay men of color, and that's what you were looking for, so where does it go wrong for you?

    9. The intended audience for this article would be anyone who wants to know about gay men

      Who reads this journal? Not "anyone"...

    10. There are several authors for this source but Stephen L. Eyre graduated from The University of California with a Ph.D.

      This needs to be one sentence naming all of the authors and citing their general qualifications AND identifying their thesis.

    11. oject preserves panels that ha

      Why center this text? Why is this intro about the NAMES project more than it is about your research project?

    1. This letter was written by Bobby to

      Is this writing "about" the letter? giving a summary? Or is it describing the 'letter'? (Really this is a post card, right?)

    2. That was probably placed there to emphasize that is the name of the person who they lost

      This kind of writing needs to go somewhere else; focus on delivering just "thick description" in the bulk of this page...

    3. The subject of this quilt’s memorial is Bobby Orr is the name on quilt 1333.

      read this sentence out loud. Do you hear what's wrong with it?

    4. els

      Just one, right?

    5. s ther

      comma missing here...

    6. 1960’s.

      Perhaps "from" the 1960s? But not just of this decade, right?

    7. orial “the quilt” so

      memorial, the quilt, ... (notice the commas)

    8. co there mission

      This becomes a runon sentence here. Do you mean... Their mission?

    1. This article relates back to my panel because he was into art.

      could you say this about any article or book "about" art? Seems this very broad connection isn't very useful. What specific idea or perspective does this piece offer (or not) that might (or might not) help you think about the panel differently?

    2. This relates back to my panel in this way, because not only would America be different had this epidemic never came about but so would Andrew’s life.

      The generality of information here doesn't seem to add to your understanding of art and its relationship to the epidemic. Was there anythign in the article you didn't know before?

    3. changed peoples’ view on the epid

      I think what is most interesting about the article is the notion that peoples' views change... From what to what? Do you think it's still relevant, this notion of change? In waht ways?

    4. Next weekend Tacoma Art Museum explores that change in its groundbreaking national show “Art AIDS America.”

      This work is from 2015, right? So the sentence here doesn't make sense.

    5. he wa


    6. o,

      no comma here

    7. Assuncao, Muri. “How AIDS Changed Art Forever”. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/3kkvdk/how-aids-changed-art-forever. 21 Aug. 2017.

      This information comes first

    8. Andrew Lowry is a male who passed away from HIV. He currently has a panel at The NAMES Project in Atlanta, Georgia.

      This seems to come out of nowhere. Who is Lowry? Why is this information under your title?

    1. both had similar th

      Uh oh... Don't just compare them... How does one affect your understanding of the other?

    2. It was because I was focused on an abstract idea or thought and not researching and describing concrete objects which are easily and accurately explained and understood.

      Maybe you just hadn't landed on an idea yet. I agree that it is often useful to gather material in the form of description, summary, etc. But abstract writing, if you're conscious of what you're doing, can very much help you discover and articulate an idea. For instance, this note that I'm writing right now is abstract, right? (Is it? How can we define that term?) It isn't unfocused, though, or "cloudy." At least I don't think so. What do you think?

    3. A writer uses abstract words because his thoughts are cloudy; the habit of using them clouds his thoughts still further; he may end by concealing his meaning not only from his readers but also from himself

      But maybe the writer means to be abstract. What if Fowler is wrong, particularly in his framing of thinking as either/or: either concrete or abstract, one is "good" the other "bad"...? This isn't how meaning-making works, is it? Could there be a third? What do you think?

    4. really put it all into focus

      How? Explain. Example?

    1. I will be focusing on the panels of David Rubinstein, Larry Kert, and John David and the many details among their panels.

      Why all three? Why only three?

    2. About the Quilt

      I think this is important information. But some of it copies the info above... grammar errors and all. Why?

    1. es you questions that you can potentially use for an annotated bibliography

      Who? In what way could the source be used?

    2. United States Longitudinal

      How are these specific terms useful to you or to the researcher pursuing the line of inquiry proposed in the activity?

    3. Provides insight into link between food insecurity and poor HIV health outcomes.

      Are these your words? Or are you taking them directly from an outside source? If you are, quotation marks are necessary.

    4. portrayed into the website

      What does it mean to "portray into" a website?

    1. Although

      What does this "although" mean?

    2. With the rainbow having the words Michael in it and the letters have a rainbow inside them, starting from the inside top of the letter with red and the inside bottom of the letter violet.

      This is a sentence fragment... what do you mean?

    3. he

      which one?

    4. This panel

      which one?

    1. made of is actually from his favorite disco shirt he would wear when he would go out to party at local clubs.

      THis is not the place for this information as it goes beyond pure thick description.

    2. The material his name

      There are words missing throughout this writing. Can you catch those missing words and fill them in? Try reading out loud slowly to yourself, or having someone read to you so you can catch them. (Writing Studio?)

    3. does not have any specific meaning

      What makes you say so? How do you know?

    4. There are fewer than ten of every block created that are surrounded by the special pattern of the border

      What does this mean?

    5. Primary Source Description Fela Kuti Panel Primary Source Description: The panel in the

      This page needs a title and an introduction. Imagine of someone just randomly opened this webpage... What information would they need to know to understand what the page is and does?

    1. Despite the unusual shape of the contraption,

      Is this objective description? Or subjective, "writing about" what you see?

    2. The visual of what appears to be a vase, to hold the flowers littering the inside of the it

      Make this a complete sentence; what happens to the meaning when you do?

    3. allowing us to envision the primary state of the woman’s panel.

      Is this objective description?

    4. to Flo


    5. sparking

      sparked? How to make this a complete sentence...

    6. less


    7. woman

      just one? Or women, more than one?

    8. quilt

      you mean quilt block? or panel?

    9. quilt was dedicated to

      The entire quilt?

    10. , stood

      Write this in the present tense, which is what we do when writing about texts. This thing exists now, not in the past.

    1. to communicate my message in a more transparent way to avoid any sort of confusion with people who do not see the point I was trying to make

      But... confusion was had in the making of the hat, which is a multimodal thing. Why do you think multimodality leads to greater clarity? SEems to me it would do the exact opposite

    2. the other

      the other what?

    3. ts.” (

      This period goes after the parenthetical information. By grouping the information with the sentence it refers to, you're communicating relationship. That's what a period does, gathers ideas into one relationship.

    4. multimodality

      Is this a term Compton uses? If not, you can put quotation marks around the term to indicate you're taking it from Arola/Sheppard/Ball and applying it to Compton...

    5. made comparisons

      Remember: the idea is to "think with" the concept of multimodality about the ideas iterated in the 'Pussyhat' article. This goes beyond "comparison..." Come see me for more discussion of this.

    1. they left what they loved about him and they mess most about him.

      This is a run-on sentence as is...

    2. The creators of the quilt all knew Glenn in a very personal way,

      How do you know?

    3. was

      Why past tense? Does it not exist this way now?

    4. The panel was made by a number of it people that came together to leave their mark on Glenn S. Fox .

      What does this mean?

    5. Next to the pink show patch with multi color palm tree island with purple, pink, green, red colors flowing all over it.

      Make this a complete sentence. WHat does it mean?

    6. With the words “special” and “friend” on the clouds and the words “with love, Serena” next to the rainbow.

      sentence fragment intended?

    7. “it had the words special, uncle, love ya, Tina Marie”

      Do you mean for all of these words in the quotation marks? Capitalization?

    8. poster path

      What's a poster path?

    9. time patch

      What's a "time patch"?

    10. words


    11. It the words


    12. steams

      Why "s" here?

    13. . Medium length black hair and blue eyes.

      Why give this information a new sentence? Is it a complete one? Why might you want a complete one? Why not?

    14. ages

      check word form...

    15. e entire quilt is 3 ft x 6 ft w

      Give the page an introduction: What happens on this page? How does it go about communicating what? Why that way? How does this page relate to the rest of your site?

    1. ect Foundation which is lo

      Revise this paragraph so that it includes all the articles that it needs to. There are missing "the" "a" "an"s throughout.

      Also, consider adding a sentence or two that explains what you will and will not describe in your notes and why. (I notice you do not describe the comics themselves.)

    2. PSD2

      Consider giving this a title that communicates to the reader what the page will do.

    3. “In

      When you quote a quote, the quotations on the outside are double, the quotation marks on the inside are single ones... Like this: She wrote, "The teacher said, 'The quotation marks on the inside need to be single ones.' And she meant it."

    1. facial products that work miracles for acne.

      Why suddenly this specific example? Do you mean it as an example? If so, say so... And explain what it exemplifies

    2. coincide

      Is this the right word here? What does "coincide" mean?

    1. ChristopherNames projectPSDQuiltRenardThick description

      Could you include tags that could communicate your "further understanding" as articulated in the introduction?

    2. description is the back of the panel I previously did, so similarities are unavoidable, if you’d like to read my description of the front the click this link.

      AWESOME use of navigation here

    3. Through this description I will further my understanding of the concept of culture and build branches to a deeper insight of the objects really mean.

      Interesting! If you include this in the introduction on this page, your reader will expect eventually to read about this "further understanding" somewhere... A new post? page?

    4. he culture of the HIV epidemic

      This seems a bit misleading. What subculture is embodied in your particular quilt block? Can there be said to be an "HIV" culture? Isn't it a disease and not a culture?

    1. seems

      "seems" doesn't work here. Why not do you think?

    2. It seems t

      Is this all one block? Perhaps noting where this image rests within the block will help maintain the connection.

    3. seem

      Now that you have the hang of putting the word "seems" to work, go back and think about what each instance means... Does it make sense to take out "seems" in some of these instances? If so why? If not why not?

    4. middle guy’s

      this is a colloquial, colorful way of putting it... If you're going for more objective sounding language

    5. The p

      which one?

    6. Introduction

      Having an "introduction" half way down a page seems a bit strange. Why do you have one here?

    1. GLMA – GLMA Home Page, glma.org/index.cfm?nodeid=1.

      This needs a full citation.

    2. The evidence provided form the journal is shown through statistics and data derived from observation of patients

      Do you need all of these words? Which ones can go, if any? Why?

    1. The color blue is often associated with wisdom, so this hints that these individuals were experts in their field and top notch physicians.

      Is this description?

    2. multicolored win

      not just "multicolored"... Get specific.

    3. Shoemaker died at the age of 41. Cuda died at the age of 44. Dr. C. died at the age of 49. Wood died at the age of 36. Baumring died at the age of 52. Holloran died at the age of 44. Thompson died at the age of 45. Haim died at the age of 37.

      Is this description or researched info?

    4. because they are longer names and were shrank to make room for the rest of the names.

      Do you know this? (or is it description?)

    5. I am unable to get specific measurements of the trimming as the block is not available for physical viewing.

      intro material?

    6. he subjects of the quilt

      Is this objective description?

    7. lock is a twelve foot square block, unlike

      Perhaps give us an introduction.

    1. oes not connect with my artifact at all but it provides the information on why are we losing the battle to the aids epidemic. I wo

      how can this be?

    2. JANAC i

      what is this?

    3. n Africa are a major social empowerment that influences the communities a

      What kind of evidence exists in this source?

    4. on. I pursue this source because I was curious about what did sports brand position and their say about the problem since this epidemic were affecting their Sponsor athlete. This information could


    5.   I wouldn’t find this article useful unless I mention the impact that Tom Waddell made in the history and what when on after his death. It would be more useful if were talking about the future of the Gay community or before him what actions did the gay c


    6. h.D. in history from Yale, where his training focused on twentieth-century U.S. politics and culture.He has worked in book publishing since 2011 and presented his research to audiences at Harvard, Yale, Cornell, and meetings of the Organization of American History and the American Society of Church History.

      Try to follow the prescribed 5-sentence requirements

    1. that is being made is composed of a different material which makes them heavy and difficult to transport

      Is this pure description?

    2. common aid quilt dimensions. This blo

      You need an introduction, I think. What will this page do?

    1. ill provide a clear understanding

      Are you sure? Why do you think so?

    2. also die out.” (Conca) 

      Good use of quotation here.

    3. There no solution to force people to go our way and we have to leave it up to that personal ethics and morals

      What does this mean?

    4. hoice to take action to either follow the directions or they choose to ignore and keep continuing their habits

      Doesn't this assume they understand what's being communicated?

    5. Projects. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2014. Print.

      Why only provide citation for one text?

    1. could be getting my messages across by the use of many multimodal resource

      What do you think about multimodality in terms of making meaning, not just communicating it? What's the difference?

    2. This reading

      Maybe start a new paragraph here? Why or why not?