1,337 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2018
    1. university of South Africa,

      If the table below is being referenced, tell us so. What do you want us to notice about the table? Do you need to include it? Or is the quoted material enough?


    2. According to Dr. Green writer in the journal of alternative and complimentary medicine,”There is a wealth of published reports on contributing factors which are thought to motivate and influence patient to seek services of a THPs. These include traditional beliefs, presenting symptoms, perceived source of the illness, social acceptability, easy access, low cost, confidence in THPs, as well as the perceived fit of a THPs’ explanation of illness with expectations of the local culture, and or failed treatment from allopathic health practitioners (AHPs) (2)

      This belongs in a block quote format; it's very long.

    1. Overall linking HIV/AIDS and family identity to negative consequences associated with lack of education

      fragment: what do you mean?

    2. Seeing a direct correlation between a continent with the highest level of HIV and a tribal world view is a good connection between HIV/AIDS

      I don't understand. What do you mean by "tribal world view"? And what do you mean by "a tribal world view is a good connection between HIV/AIDS"?

    3. ble.” (143)

      If the "143" says something about the information in quotation marks, you need to put the period on the OUTSIDE of the parenthesis.

    4. This post covers Africa as a whole and its relation to the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

      Why? What does this have to do with the Renard quilt?

    1. my subsequent pages will cover HIV/AIDS and its  relation to religious belief in the U.S, HIV/AIDS and its affect on different parts of Africa, and its affect on Africa as a whole.

      There is no suggestion in this introduction that Africa is important... Seems to come out of nowhere

    2. Don’t you find it fascinating that his familial relationship to the family member that made the quilt was more important to mention than the persons actual name?

      Interesting question, and rhetorically effective. Would be moreso if we see the panel in its entirety from teh start.

    3. The links to these can be found on the words in the sentences.

      You don't need to articulate this I think; the links are clearly present and inviting.

    4. Then through the use of my first and second annotated bibliographies. T

      Again, this is a sentence fragment. What do you mean? Do you do something "through" an annotated bibliography? What does that mean?

    5. First through the use

      Sentence fragment... Try using "I"... First, I will... Although do you mean "first"? Does this essay read chronologically? Or can we go from one page to the next as we want to? Would the essay still make sense that way?

    6. Tradition and Belief

      Whose? if I'm reading this for the first time, I think this is a text in sociology? or Religion? The title needs to get specific

    1. The dancing community changed the way they performed in order to bring awareness for the AIDS epedemic.

      This sentence is really your point, right? The first two are just kind of "warm up" sentences?

    1. m (3)”.

      The quotation marks are in the wrong place, I think. Are they quoting someone else whose work can be found on page 3? Or is this quotation found on page 3?

    1. m of dance is still popular today often implemented into dancing shows and movies all over the country

      Articulate paragraph/summary. And I can see how this would be useful, but there's no thinking here yet about how you might use this source, or why you might use it, for your own project.

    2. to make dance in an epidemic: tracking choreography in the age of AIDS” and historical evidence of the AIDS history in America.

      Although the syntax of this sentence lacks clarity, the detail is very useful.

    3. Here we go again!!

      Consider your audience... If someone randomly came here to this page, would this phrase make sense? Who is the 'we'?

    1. Many black people were pushed into slums and exposed to drugs and unprotected sex, and now it is difficult for people in these communities to branch out (as you may find evident in many of the lyrics of rappers who sing about making it out of the hood)

      Who are you talking about here? Without being specific, and drawing from research, this sounds like racist writing. Racist in that it paints people of dark skin with a broad brush, based on impressions made from media etc., not on research/reality

    2. While claiming that black power and aids are correlated is controversial and problematic, what we find is that many black communities are tainted by some of the horrors of society.

      These seem like non-sequitur claims

    1. On this Pan-African inspired quilt piece, we see three photos of the famous musician, poet, and African American social activist, Gil Scott-Heron. His influence is reflected in this very quilt piece. Gil Scott-Heron was a famous musician and African-American equality activist, and his influence left a mark on rap and hip hop culture today. Scott-Heron, unfortunately, lost his battle with AIDS. The subculture affected by AIDS, Pan-African pride and black activism, is resembled in this quilt piece.

      Introduction?

    1. related beautifully to my chosen research because it relates

      "relates"... can you think of a more specific word here? How does the passage affect your thinking about the topic? Or how might it affect the way your readers think about the topic?

    2. (Matshidze,Mashamba 5).”

      The names in parenthesis... are those part of the quoted material? Or is this the citation information YOU are attaching to the quotation?

  2. Mar 2018
    1. is the relationship between club culture embodied in the quilt and the HIV/AIDS epide

      Do you need to repeat this for each entry? why or why not?

    1. t the research themselves

      Actually the point is for researchers to replicate the experiment. If they do, and they get commensurate results, the study is affirmed.

    1. In this sense I saw no general substance for helping me understand what was going on with the my specific subculture.

      Why not? Are the claims made in this work about cultural groups generally not relevant for Lantinx culture?

    1. this letter captured my attention it may not fully correspond with my research.

      The question is ... who could use this in their research and why/when might they want to?

    2. inst HIV.” Post-Courier (Papua New Guinea), by By MAUREENGERAWA-TEXT-A SPECIAL HIV Fiji Ministry of Health. Newspaper Source, ezproxy.gsu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebsc

      This isn't MLA formatted citation. Do you see where this citation (engine-generated, right?) differs from the format requested in the guidelines?

    1. The Disney fandom is creating a space for those affected by the AIDS epidemic to have a voice.

      This one is super interesting... What happens if you add this to the front of the sentence... "The quilt panels tell us that Disney fandom is creating a space..." ?

    1. How are individuals who lived in the Eureka Valley, San Fransico (The Castro) embodied in the Aids Quilt?

      Your sources don't seem to speak to the specific community of Eureka Valley. I wonder why not?

    2. So maybe because he was a man and he also probably wasn’t protected is why he died from aids.

      huh... seems you're seeking and thinking about connections between the person and the epidemic, not your research question.... Do you understand the difference?

    3. The purpose of this article is to see how participation in a friendly gay neighborhood contributes to the variability of gay youth.

      What's missing in these entries is a description of the kinds of evidence the authors use...

    4. connection of my artifact.

      I don't understand... You say the article would be helpful to someone looking for info about gay men of color, and that's what you were looking for, so where does it go wrong for you?

    5. There are several authors for this source but Stephen L. Eyre graduated from The University of California with a Ph.D.

      This needs to be one sentence naming all of the authors and citing their general qualifications AND identifying their thesis.

    1. That was probably placed there to emphasize that is the name of the person who they lost

      This kind of writing needs to go somewhere else; focus on delivering just "thick description" in the bulk of this page...

    1. This article relates back to my panel because he was into art.

      could you say this about any article or book "about" art? Seems this very broad connection isn't very useful. What specific idea or perspective does this piece offer (or not) that might (or might not) help you think about the panel differently?

    2. This relates back to my panel in this way, because not only would America be different had this epidemic never came about but so would Andrew’s life.

      The generality of information here doesn't seem to add to your understanding of art and its relationship to the epidemic. Was there anythign in the article you didn't know before?

    3. changed peoples’ view on the epid

      I think what is most interesting about the article is the notion that peoples' views change... From what to what? Do you think it's still relevant, this notion of change? In waht ways?

    4. Next weekend Tacoma Art Museum explores that change in its groundbreaking national show “Art AIDS America.”

      This work is from 2015, right? So the sentence here doesn't make sense.

    5. Andrew Lowry is a male who passed away from HIV. He currently has a panel at The NAMES Project in Atlanta, Georgia.

      This seems to come out of nowhere. Who is Lowry? Why is this information under your title?

    1. It was because I was focused on an abstract idea or thought and not researching and describing concrete objects which are easily and accurately explained and understood.

      Maybe you just hadn't landed on an idea yet. I agree that it is often useful to gather material in the form of description, summary, etc. But abstract writing, if you're conscious of what you're doing, can very much help you discover and articulate an idea. For instance, this note that I'm writing right now is abstract, right? (Is it? How can we define that term?) It isn't unfocused, though, or "cloudy." At least I don't think so. What do you think?

    2. A writer uses abstract words because his thoughts are cloudy; the habit of using them clouds his thoughts still further; he may end by concealing his meaning not only from his readers but also from himself

      But maybe the writer means to be abstract. What if Fowler is wrong, particularly in his framing of thinking as either/or: either concrete or abstract, one is "good" the other "bad"...? This isn't how meaning-making works, is it? Could there be a third? What do you think?

    1. I will be focusing on the panels of David Rubinstein, Larry Kert, and John David and the many details among their panels.

      Why all three? Why only three?

    1. United States Longitudinal

      How are these specific terms useful to you or to the researcher pursuing the line of inquiry proposed in the activity?

    2. Provides insight into link between food insecurity and poor HIV health outcomes.

      Are these your words? Or are you taking them directly from an outside source? If you are, quotation marks are necessary.

    1. With the rainbow having the words Michael in it and the letters have a rainbow inside them, starting from the inside top of the letter with red and the inside bottom of the letter violet.

      This is a sentence fragment... what do you mean?

    1. made of is actually from his favorite disco shirt he would wear when he would go out to party at local clubs.

      THis is not the place for this information as it goes beyond pure thick description.

    2. The material his name

      There are words missing throughout this writing. Can you catch those missing words and fill them in? Try reading out loud slowly to yourself, or having someone read to you so you can catch them. (Writing Studio?)

    3. Primary Source Description Fela Kuti Panel Primary Source Description: The panel in the

      This page needs a title and an introduction. Imagine of someone just randomly opened this webpage... What information would they need to know to understand what the page is and does?

    1. The visual of what appears to be a vase, to hold the flowers littering the inside of the it

      Make this a complete sentence; what happens to the meaning when you do?

    1. to communicate my message in a more transparent way to avoid any sort of confusion with people who do not see the point I was trying to make

      But... confusion was had in the making of the hat, which is a multimodal thing. Why do you think multimodality leads to greater clarity? SEems to me it would do the exact opposite

    2. ts.” (

      This period goes after the parenthetical information. By grouping the information with the sentence it refers to, you're communicating relationship. That's what a period does, gathers ideas into one relationship.

    3. multimodality

      Is this a term Compton uses? If not, you can put quotation marks around the term to indicate you're taking it from Arola/Sheppard/Ball and applying it to Compton...

    4. made comparisons

      Remember: the idea is to "think with" the concept of multimodality about the ideas iterated in the 'Pussyhat' article. This goes beyond "comparison..." Come see me for more discussion of this.

    1. Next to the pink show patch with multi color palm tree island with purple, pink, green, red colors flowing all over it.

      Make this a complete sentence. WHat does it mean?

    2. With the words “special” and “friend” on the clouds and the words “with love, Serena” next to the rainbow.

      sentence fragment intended?

    3. “it had the words special, uncle, love ya, Tina Marie”

      Do you mean for all of these words in the quotation marks? Capitalization?

    4. e entire quilt is 3 ft x 6 ft w

      Give the page an introduction: What happens on this page? How does it go about communicating what? Why that way? How does this page relate to the rest of your site?

    1. ect Foundation which is lo

      Revise this paragraph so that it includes all the articles that it needs to. There are missing "the" "a" "an"s throughout.

      Also, consider adding a sentence or two that explains what you will and will not describe in your notes and why. (I notice you do not describe the comics themselves.)

    2. “In

      When you quote a quote, the quotations on the outside are double, the quotation marks on the inside are single ones... Like this: She wrote, "The teacher said, 'The quotation marks on the inside need to be single ones.' And she meant it."

    1. description is the back of the panel I previously did, so similarities are unavoidable, if you’d like to read my description of the front the click this link.

      AWESOME use of navigation here

    2. Through this description I will further my understanding of the concept of culture and build branches to a deeper insight of the objects really mean.

      Interesting! If you include this in the introduction on this page, your reader will expect eventually to read about this "further understanding" somewhere... A new post? page?

    3. he culture of the HIV epidemic

      This seems a bit misleading. What subculture is embodied in your particular quilt block? Can there be said to be an "HIV" culture? Isn't it a disease and not a culture?

    1. seem

      Now that you have the hang of putting the word "seems" to work, go back and think about what each instance means... Does it make sense to take out "seems" in some of these instances? If so why? If not why not?

    1. The evidence provided form the journal is shown through statistics and data derived from observation of patients

      Do you need all of these words? Which ones can go, if any? Why?

    1. Shoemaker died at the age of 41. Cuda died at the age of 44. Dr. C. died at the age of 49. Wood died at the age of 36. Baumring died at the age of 52. Holloran died at the age of 44. Thompson died at the age of 45. Haim died at the age of 37.

      Is this description or researched info?

    1. on. I pursue this source because I was curious about what did sports brand position and their say about the problem since this epidemic were affecting their Sponsor athlete. This information could

      Good

    2.   I wouldn’t find this article useful unless I mention the impact that Tom Waddell made in the history and what when on after his death. It would be more useful if were talking about the future of the Gay community or before him what actions did the gay c

      Good!

    3. h.D. in history from Yale, where his training focused on twentieth-century U.S. politics and culture.He has worked in book publishing since 2011 and presented his research to audiences at Harvard, Yale, Cornell, and meetings of the Organization of American History and the American Society of Church History.

      Try to follow the prescribed 5-sentence requirements

    1. hoice to take action to either follow the directions or they choose to ignore and keep continuing their habits

      Doesn't this assume they understand what's being communicated?

    1. could be getting my messages across by the use of many multimodal resource

      What do you think about multimodality in terms of making meaning, not just communicating it? What's the difference?