12 Matching Annotations
  1. Last 7 days
    1. But as humans became more mobile and able to live in larger and largersettlements packed with people who did not know one another personally andcould not “get back at” others if they were injured or insulted (or praised andstrengthened) by them, the Golden Rule became less and less sufficient as a moralguide. Indeed, as people from once-separate cultures came into closer proxim-ity, “doing unto others what you want done to yourself” often became a causeof conflict itself! What is a tribute in one society might well be an insult in an-other. In our modern, congested, multicultural world, a better, new Golden Rulemight be, “Do unto others as they wish you to do unto them.” In this sense,then, ethics becomes “situational” (something to be negotiated between strangersor newcomers) rather than something absolute and obvious for people who livetogether from birth to death.
  2. Oct 2024
    1. Responsibility to the tree makes everyone pause before beginning.Sometimes I have that same sense when I face a blank sheet of paper.For me, writing is an act of reciprocity with the world; it is what Ican give back in return for everything that has been given to me. Andnow there’s another layer of responsibility, writing on a thin sheet oftree and hoping the words are worth it. Such a thought could make aperson set down her pen.
  3. Jul 2024
  4. Jun 2024
  5. Sep 2021
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  7. Aug 2020
  8. Jul 2020
  9. Jun 2020
  10. Apr 2019
    1. Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else’s mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love: These are complex and hard-earned capacities. You don’t need a history of trauma to feel self-conscious and even panicked at a party with strangers — but trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens.
  11. May 2014
    1. The little-discussed fact is that it’s super uncomfortable to be loved when the feeling is not mutual (see my song Please). So uncomfortable, in fact, that many of us would rather act like callous, cold-hearted assholes than be in the same room as the person who loves us. We panic, we get distant, we deny any interest or care for the other person, we stop returning their texts. But that’s not an aversion to love, or to the lover; it’s the attachment and expectation being hurled in our direction with such intensity.

      What is attachment? Why would we ever prefer people to be detached? So what if someone is attached? Can't we resolve to fail to satisfy their wants without feeling guilty, rather than request that they temper their wants or somehow remain cool and detached from them?