682 Matching Annotations
  1. Mar 2019
      • gutes Teaserbild. Allerdings nimmt zuviel Platz. Für den Hauptinhalt (Wanderungen) muss man sofot scrollen. Eine Alternativ wäre mit einem "Karrussell" von den letzten 3 Wanderungsbilder oder so.
    1. personalize learning infographic

      This is not quite what it sounds like. It is a Pinterest style page with links to assorted articles that relate to personalized learning, most of which are presented in an infographic. It is sufficiently useful if one has the patience to click through to the infographics. Usability is satisfactory although the top half of the page is taken up with graphics that are not directly related to the content. rating 3/5

    1. This plain page incorporates an overview of job aids by Allison Rossett, who is the foremost authority on the topic. Not all information is given away for free as she wants to sell her books, which are also promoted on the page. This page can be a good way of tracking her current work. Rating 3/5

  2. Jan 2019
    1. Machines with interchangeable parts can now be constructed with great economy of effort. In spite of much complexity, they perform reliably. Witness the humble typewriter, or the movie camera, or the automobile. We have reached a point in technology now where all of these inventions can perform their jobs without human involvement.

      His description of the "humble typewriter" seems like such an understatement in comparison to the computers and recording devices we now have

  3. Nov 2018
    1. Partial charges and discharges that combine to 100% are counted as a single full cycle

      Really? I don't think anyone has tested partial charges and discharges. I would like to see a reference for this point!

    2. research says

      That is pretty weak evidence for such a strong statement

  4. Oct 2018
    1. I’m sure that after a century of being “the noisiest city on Earth,” folks have gotten creative about it.

      Response

    2. Moreover, if we accounted for the history of zoning in the neighborhoods that have the most or the least complaints it would add another layer of analysis to the data.  Are some of these neighborhoods used as entertainment zones, for example? Is it easier to open up bars there than elsewhere in the city?

      Condition of Rebuttal/Evidence, depending on POV

    3. Although it may not be possible to gather who the 311 callers are, including factors such as race and class may lead to very different noise maps.  For example, what would a noise map of Manhattan look like if researchers brought income into the equation?

      Condition of Rebuttal

    4. This is where the data falls short. Can it be assumed that those who are calling about the noise are mostly people who live in the neighborhood?

      Condition of Rebuttal

    5. At a glance, loud parties, loud people, and loud car stereos seem to be the major complaints in those areas, according to Sluis’s visualizations

      Evidence

    6. This is key information because it reminds viewers that this neighborhood is a lot more ethnically diverse than other neighborhoods with a smaller number of complaints. It brings to mind: what role does race play in these complaints, in terms of those who complain and those who are the focus of the complaints?

      Condition of Rebuttal/New Claim?

    7. The city may be noisy, but “noisy” is relative. Sluis’s map shows some predictably noisy areas for those of us familiar with Manhattan’s soundscape (Union Square, Times Square) but it also draws attention to other areas not as predictable in the mainstream imagination (East Harlem South, Hamilton Heights).

      Condition of Rebuttal

    8. what stands out is that the major circles of noise complaints are also places where there are different racial and ethnic groups mingling (for example, Times Square) or places that are populated by mostly minorities (Hamilton Heights).  Whereas Sluis flattens out the noise complaints, demographic stats point to the racial/ethnic contours of each neighborhood.

      Evidence

    9. Drawn from 2010 census data, the CUNY map clearly delineates neighborhoods and color-codes the groups in each neighborhood per block: blue for whites, green for Latino, orange for black, purple for Asian, and grey for “Other.” Although the Center for Urban Research, CUNY Graduate Center’s maps cannot be superimposed on Sluis’s maps, they help give a general idea as to where neighborhoods are located in addition to racial demographics.

      Evidence

    10. We must remember that annoyance oftentimes stems not just from physical reactions to noise but rather one’s perceptions about noise

      Condition of Rebuttal

    11. 40, 412 complaints, to be exact

      Evidence

    12. but neither takes into account the fact that some of the areas with a higher concentration of noise complaints are not just densely populated but densely populated with racial and ethnic minorities

      Backing or Qualifier?

    13. New York City isn’t the only loud city out there

      Qualifier

    14. Although New York City isn’t the only loud city out there, there are many reasons it’s called “The City That Never Sleeps”—and sound has a lot to do with it, depending on which neighborhood you call home.

      Claim

    1. of Wikibase for historical research early on.

      Wikibase for historical documents

    2. Rhizome, an arts organization

      Wikibase for GLAM

  5. Sep 2018
    1. preparing them for the idea of designing a new system that is native to the web

      native to the web

    1. Facebook does not allow third-party apps to display your newsfeed. This applies to Hootsuite. For this reason, you’ll always have to use Facebook natively. The same pretty much goes for Instagram.

      Facebook does not allow third-party apps to display your newsfeed. This applies to Hootsuite. For this reason, you’ll always have to use Facebook natively. The same pretty much goes for Instagram.

  6. Aug 2018
    1. tāds kā “grēkāzis” (“ļaunie un maznesaprotošie abortu aizliedzēji”)

      Šis cilvēks nesaprot, kā darbojas aktīvisms (un pasaule :D), right? Ak nē, Papardes zieds uzskata, ka aborti nav jāaizliedz un ka abortu aizliegt gribētāji nav jauki cilvēki. Nokrāsojiet mani šokētu! :D

    2. neviens valstī par abortu aizliegšanu ar likumu nemaz nerunā kā reālu iespēju

      Pag, kurā dienā un konkrētā minūtē valstī bija šis maģiskais brīdis? Zinu! Tas notika tad, kad visas planētas sastājās rindā. :D ("Nerunā" neuztvēru 100% burtiski, sorry.)

      Un arī nav mūsu valsts vienīgā un pa visu planētu, kā tajā senajā TV reklāmā. :D Polija, Krievija, konservatīvie politiskie spēki, kas atrodami it visur utt? Mm? Tāda sajūta, ka autors dzīvus cilvēkus sen nav saticis un īsti nesaprot, kā tie uztver pasauli.

    3. Tas arī izsaka šo informatīvo materiālu galveno domu un mērķi. Un, ja pēc tā, kāds uzdrošinātos teikt, ka ir par abortu aizliegšanu, viņš izpelnītos pārmetošus skatienus (kā, tu atbalsti tādas šausmas!).

      No way! :D Cepums autoram, ka ir spējis pamanīt šo "slepeno" domu - ka nejaukās sekas no abortu aizliegšanas eksperte uzskata par sliktām (kur pilnībā viņai piekrītu) un negrib pieredzēt tādu nejaucību atkārtošanos.

    4. Pirmkārt, atlasīti tie eksperti, kas pauž idejai atbalstošu viedokli; svarīgi tas, ka pieredzējuši.

      No šit... A ko citu tad Papardes ziedam bija jādara, ņemot vērā šīs organizācijas mērķus? Tajos brīžos, kad tai rodas vēlme apspriest abortus, meklēt nepieredzējušus "ekspertus", kas uzskata, ka aborti ir grēks? :D

    1. such as DOIs, which might be assigned by, for example, “crossref” or “figshare”

      I have to say publicly that this sentence makes absolutely no sense as crossref and figshare are not comparable assigning authorities. CrossRef is a registration agency of the International DOI Foundation; FigShare is not. Based upon the example given, the assigning-authority for a DOI would only ever be the set of agencies that assign DOIs. FigShare is not one of those agencies. See it is not on the list: https://www.doi.org/registration_agencies.html

  7. Jul 2018
  8. May 2018
  9. Apr 2018
    1. In its latest incarnation, digital delivery has been cleverly branded as “inclusive access,” a model wherein every student pays a mandatory course materials fee that represents an arbitrary discount off the (arbitrary) price of a new hardcover textbook (often more than the average student currently spends).
  10. Mar 2018
    1. Ficha técnica con más información aquí

      Aquí vienen muchos datos físicos útiles

    2. Las plumas de aislamiento ofrece muchas ventajas. Las características de la pluma garantiza un mayor nivel de aislamiento y el aislamiento de otros para proporcionar un hábitat cómodo

      Lo repitieron

    3. Los aislamientos térmicos a base de celulosa suponen una alternativa ecológica a las lanas minerales o las espumas químicas, teniendo como materia prima el papel reciclado, principalmente de periódicos, alcanzando el 75% de su composición, proporcionando altas prestaciones como aislamiento tanto térmico como acústico, de una forma más sostenible y respetuosa con el medio ambiente.

      Bien, son AISLANTES no materiales principales, ya me quedó claro.

  11. Jan 2018
    1. this article

      Hi there! When I try to click the link to the article, it doesn't work! I downloaded the article, but then I cannot annotate it with Hypothesis! Help! Thank you!

  12. Nov 2017
    1. Published in The Egoist, a literary periodical published monthly, the article was written by T.S. Eliot under a pseudonym.

      You probably don't have to go this deep, especially if you're looking tocut words

    2. However, Eliot’s connection to Loy is important.

      Not much info in this sentence

    3. As far as his work

      Clutter, can be removed

    4. What is perhaps

      Clutter

    5. Here, he focuses much more on global isolation and issues

      Examples/quotes would be handy here!

    6. The third and final era of Eliot’s poetry, highlighted by the publication of the Four Quartets in 1942

      I actually rather liked the structure you had where you started each paragraph with an era of Pound's poetry, and might recommend maintaining it. I would try to move this to the top of the paragraph; you can decide if you want to remove the information before or find a way to incorporate it into previous paragraphs

    7. This served as a way for Eliot to formalize his separation with his wife.

      You can tie this into the previous sentence to cut words

      " . . . to Harvard, which formalized his separation with his wife."

    8. The poem was also influenced by financial stresses, as well as Eliot’s studies in Sanskrit and Indian philosophy.

      This is an interesting side path, but you don't really go into what effects these influences had on his poetry. I would go deeper with this or cut it entirely.

    9. Pound called The Wasteland a work of genius and had a heavy hand in the many notable revisions to this poem.

      I would say the same thing: perhaps go deeper (give a quote from Pound, maybe) and explain this relationship more, or cut it to keep your length down.

    10. continuously attempted to reach his wife

      The verb "reach" is a little vague.

    11. Vivien’s insanity

      We don't know that she's insane at this point, so a little exposition might be helpful

    12. During this time, Eliot met Ezra Pound who became an advocate for Eliot’s poetry and subsequent publication.

      This detail is a little tangential and not expanded upon very much. If you're going to include it, I would delve into it further and detail their interactions, but otherwise I would cut it for brevity's sake.

    13. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock in 1911, The Wasteland in 1922, and Four Quartets in 1942.

      Titles in quotation marks; I'd say this for the other ones too, but will only mark it here to avoid cluttering up your page

    14. presents the theme of isolation;

      You can cut this, as the rest of the sentence restates this

    15. One of the most influential intellects of the 20th century

      This a bold claim that you could supplement with some details/evidence in order to persuade the reader that it's actually true:

      • How do we know he was influential? Perhaps a quote from a contemporary or critic would work well here
      • What did he influence (which movements, groups, etc.)?

      While you do establish some of these things later on in your paper, it'd be a stronger opening if you could immediately hook the reader and persuade them that Eliot matters. Admittedly, he is well-known enough that his name might speak for itself, but you don't want to rely on that; you want your writing to reflect it.

    1. Picabia died in 1953, in the same home he was born in Paris (“Francis Picabia: Biography”).

      If you have room, I would just suggest adding how/why he returned to Paris because the bio goes straight from his refuge in Spain to him dying in his Paris home. Something as simple as "Picabia eventually returned to his home country..." would help chronologically.

    2. causing

      "beginning" instead of "causing" perhaps

    3. so abstract and conceptually new

      "a very new and abstract concept" may work here as well?

    4. not truly being a household name artist

      "not being a household name" would suffice

    5. obsessed

      obsessed is a strong word, it works but if you use this word I as a reader would want you to elaborate further on how he was obsessed with it (versus perhaps fascinated, for example)

    6. , among

      "and" would probably work better here

    7. American

      America / the United States

    8. starting during

      I would suggest using "beginning with" or "starting with" rather than "starting during" ; it just makes the sentence flow better.

    1. who found diagramming sentences, feedback from Harold Ross, and Parisian newspapers influential.

      slightly awkward wording here

    2. Natalia Danesi Murray

      possibly identify who this woman is - she sort of just appears out of left field.

    3. “Letters from Paris”

      clarify - is this a column?

    4. Flanner’s lifelong career began

      possibly rephrase along the lines of "Flanner began what would be her lifelong career as the Paris correspondent for The New Yorker", etc.

    5. just created

      "which had just been created"

    6. her novel The Cubical City (1926) had received poor reviews.

      perhaps include some context as to why the poor reviews of Flanner's book led her to be cold toward Mina Loy. Without any details it leaves the reader sort of confused.

    7. talking art and culture

      "where they talked [about]"

    8. in 1922, settled in Paris

      "and settled in Paris in 1922,"

    9. discovered lesbian desire together

      This wording is very, very awkward; perhaps the two "lived as lesbians together" (were they out in Paris or not? This may be a pertinent detail to include).

    10. who Janet left Rehm for

      "for whom Janet left Rehm" - also, while we're on this annotation, I wanted to point out it may be wise to stick to either "Janet" or "Flanner" when writing the biography, just to be consistent. I would go with "Flanner" but ultimately it's up to you.

    11. introducing

      I would possibly change this wording to something along the lines of "a decision which introduced"

    12. two-year

      I don't believe you need a hyphen here.

    13. of

      "in"

    1. Julien Levy

      Might it be worth mentioning here that Levy became Loy's son-in-law?

    2. are credited

      Who credits Bunuel with this praise?

    3. are described

      Who described them this way?

    4. took Buñuel

      delete?

    5. Despite Buñuel’s comradery among Parisian Surrealists, extreme rightists often scrutinized his work. At the premiere of L’Âge d’Or on December 3, 1930, a group of rightist youths attacked the Parisian theatre and police mandated that the film be banned in Paris (Buñuel).

      With what specifically did they take issue in Bunuel's film?

    6. sought

      seek

    7. other fellow

      I think you could just choose one of these adjectives.

    8. the rigid social structure

      Could you be a little more specific here? With what did Bunuel take issue in regards to this social structure?

    9. died out

      This wording is a little awkward.

    1. The bio has a lot of great information, especially on Mina Loy. However, you could use some reorganization. There is information at the end that belongs earlier in the biography, and it's hard to see the focus and structure of the biography. You have a really great start here, and I can see that you've done a fair amount of research!

    2. Mina Loy compared the painting to Oelze saying she was waiting for it to light up at any moment.

      Good!

    3. She said that his canvas, “Expectation” haunted her as there was speculation of an affair between the two.

      You already talked about Expectation. Why is this so late in the bio?

    4. Mina Loy, according to, The Art World Online, became romantically involved with Oelze from 1932-193.

      You need this information way earlier

    5. As Oelze dealt with starvation he was uncomfortable in his own body and therefore it is reflected in his art such as in “In one of the Fallowing Years” which, “depicts a female colossus staring at the viewer, small homunculus apparitions covering her body.”

      This seems out of place. Revise this sentence

    6. Their relationship is discussed when talking about his mental illnesses including semi-starvation, poverty, and isolation.

      Their relationship or his mental state? Confusing

    7. Loy wrote her daughter a description of Richard’s famous painting as a “gigantic back of a commonplace woman looking at the sky,” which shows that Loy had a different perception of this art than Oelze, who focused on all the people in the painting rather than solely the woman.

      Connect this back to the painting in the novel

    8. ntimate details of Loy and Oelze are represented in her novel

      what do you mean by intimate?

    9. which shows that Loy had a different perception of this art than Oelze, who focused on all the people in the painting rather than solely the woman.

      I would separate the sentence here.

    10. Richard’s

      I would say Oelze since you refer to him by his last name elsewhere

    11. In the novel, Jones reacts anxiously to one of Insel’s painting, one similar to Oelze’s “Expectation,” and then ships it to the United States, just as Loy shipped Oelze’s painting to the U.S

      I would revise this sentence

    12. ainting

      paintings

    13. character’s enactment of an embodied, unstable, and automatically conditioned subjectivity.”

      explain this quote after you use it. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here

    14. rance

      add a comma

    15. even

      cut

    16. the characters are said to be a reflection of their relationship with each other.

      Which characters? You also already said this.

    17. 1930s in Paris

      or you could say soon after meeting Oelze

    18. talent counting

      I'm not sure what you mean by this

    19. with her two characters Mrs. Jones, a gallery director, and Insel, an artist.

      but you have three characters listed here. I would revise this sentence

    20. d 1970s

      add a comma after 1970's

    21. The pessimistic tenor of Oelze’s art represented his deep psychological issues that caused him to live a very isolated life after the war in Posteholz.

      I think that they show and express rather than represent.

    22. who started in 1929 when he first encountered surrealist paintings from Max Ernst and René Magritte in Switzerland.

      What was he before?

    23. Richard Oelze is a highly regarded German surrealist painter,

      I would definitely include his DOB and DOD in the biography

    24. The effect of the war on Oelze is shown in his post-1950 art

      I suggest you talk about the different of before and after.

    25. released from being a held as

      you can simply this to just "released from being"

    26. Now,

      This is awkward

    27. who started

      started what?

    1. The landscapes of his early work indicate remnants of Impressionism, notably in “My Mother’s Garden” (1905) and “Corsican Village at Sunset” (1905) (Leger & Schmalenbach, 10). Nearing World War I, however, he found the melodiousness of Impressionism irreconcilable with the tumultuous times, so he experimented with Picasso and Braque’s Cubism. His tendency to break figures into tubular shapes earned his work the nickname “tubism”. In 1909, his work was shown in Paris galleries alongside Duchamp, Brancusi, and Picabia. Léger advocated for embracing the modern era. In a 1914 lecture entitled “Contemporary Achievements in Painting”, he likened the sharp contrast in his paintings to that between billboards and landscapes. Léger’s paintings explore unity of Impressionist-style sceneries with modern technology. Léger served in World War I until he was injured in 1917. This exposed Leger to a variety of modern technologies that began appearing in his work; in a 1922 letter, Leger wrote that he enjoys painting “forms necessitated by modern industry”, such as a furnace or machine gun (De Francia 41). Famously referring to modernity as “a life of fragments” (De Francia 46), Léger replicated disintegration with the fragmented posters, stairs, and dummies in his painting, “La Ville” (1919). In 1926, Leger produced the film Ballet mecanique, a non-narrative film that explores the simultaneous disunity and unity of the modern industrial era, through portrayal of machines at work. He stated in 1913 that modernity must “accept as its means of expression an art of dynamic divisionism” (Turvey 39) and look for classical ideals of nature and beauty within the fabrication of technology.

      I would be careful to not just list his major works, but to talk about trends in his work, or in his life. Right now, parts of this read like a list of his major works. I suggest being careful with this, and using the works as examples, rather than the focus. That way it will be the works in context of his life, rather than the other way around.

    2. Léger’s paintings explore unity of Impressionist-style sceneries with modern technology.

      good

    3. advocated for embracing the modern era.

      how specifically? Use some more details in this semester

    4. The landscapes of his early work indicate remnants of Impressionism, notably in “My Mother’s Garden” (1905) and “Corsican Village at Sunset” (1905) (Leger & Schmalenbach, 10). Nearing World War I, however, he found the melodiousness of Impressionism irreconcilable with the tumultuous times, so he experimented with Picasso and Braque’s Cubism. His tendency to break figures into tubular shapes earned his work the nickname “tubism”. In 1909, his work was shown in Paris galleries alongside Duchamp, Brancusi, and Picabia.

      Good details!

    5. From an early age, Leger was attracted to media in various forms. After apprenticing in an architect’s office, he moved to Paris in 1900, where he studied privately under two professors at Ecole des Beaux-Arts

      Where was he born? Did he grow up in a family?

    6. Léger’s legacy has not been confined to Paris; the Manhattan Museum of Modern Art has exhibited his work five times, most recently in 1998. Leger’s work maintains relevance for ushering in the modern era, uniting traditional styles with industrialization and experimentation.

      I would expand more on his legacy. What is he remembered for? If his style is a focus, consider moving some of the earlier details here to add more to this.

    7. During the 1930s, Léger visited several countries to give lectures, including Berlin, the United States, and London. In 1945, he joined the French Communist Party. In 1955, he was awarded the Grand Prize at the Sao Paulo Bienal. He died in 1955.

      I would consider revising these sentences. Up to this point you've included both simple and complex sentences, and this paragraph has simple sentences.

    8. The works of Loy and Léger were often considered in the same circles. They moved to Paris three years apart and shared acquaintances like Picasso and Picabia. They reportedly met on at least one occasion at a Paris dinner party for notable figures in the art community (Burke). Julien Levy, a friend of both, filmed Loy and Leger for an experimental film series on artists at work.

      I think you can definitely expand this paragraph. This is one of the most important pieces of the biography, so you should consider adding more details an information into this.

    9. a friend of both, filmed Loy and Leger for an experimental film series on artists at work.

      more details

    10. They reportedly met on at least one occasion at a Paris dinner party for notable figures in the art community

      give more details.

    11. three years apart

      dates?

    12. La Ville” (1919).

      keep in chronological order

    13. He stated in 1913

      why is this out of order?

    14. ”,

      comma inside quotation mark

    15. enjoys

      enjoyed. Keep the past tense

    16. injured

      what kind of injury?

    17. unity

      the unity

    18. ”,

      comma inside the quotation mark

    19. Fernand Léger was a notable French artist and filmmaker during the first half of the twentieth century. A Cubist painter, Leger is known for bold colors and geometric shapes, particularly those portraying modern machinery. Later in life, Leger created experimental films, including the well-known Ballet Mecanique (1926).

      Great start to the biography! Looks fantastic

    20. ”.

      Place the period inside the quotation mark

    1. Looks great!! No grammar issues, no big problems. You use a lot of semi colons to connect together sentences, maybe think about removing some of them just because you have a lot of very long sentences. But it's up to you!

    2. it

      add a space before it

    3. in which she was to be included

      I think you don't have to say this

    4. under Ford’s direction

      I think you need a comma after direction

    5. the initial

      the initial or an initial?

    6. hus, “Ford was to feel equally at home—and equally in exile—all over Europe and America” (Saunders 18).

      Good!

    7. The Modernist Era was distinguishable for its incestuous artistic circle of authors, painters, musicians, and the like, but few artists were born into the circle as Ford Madox Ford was in December of 1873—the son of Francis Hueffer, a German music critic, and Catherine Madox Brown, an English painter, pianist, and model; thus much of Ford’s literary success unarguably stemmed from his upbringing.

      Maybe break this sentence up, it's a little long

    1. Fraser’s work in poetry has received much recognition. Her honors and awards include the New School’s Frank O’Hara Poetry Prize (1964) and the American Academy’s Discovery Award (1964), as well as a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts (1971, 1978) and a Guggenheim Fellowship (1981). Working with primarily small press publications, Fraser has published more than fifteen books, including mixed-genre collections, a chapbook of collaged wall pieces, and an essay collection.   Her published works include twelve volumes of poems and two children’s books: What I Want (1974), New Shoes (1978), Magritte Series (1977), Each Next: narratives (1980), Something (even human voices) in the foreground, a lake (1984), Notes Preceding Trust (1987), when new time folds up (1993), WING (1995), il cuore : the heart—Selected Poems 1970–1995 (1997), Translating the Unspeakable (2000), and Discrete Categories Forced into Coupling (2004).   Fraser now splits her time between San Francisco and Rome where she lives with her husband, the philosopher/playwright Arthur Bierman. She lectures and gives readings at a number of Italian universities and has translated Lampi e acqua, a book-length serial poem by Maria Obino (excerpts published in AVEC), and a selection of poems by Toni Maraini, Daniela Attanasi, Sara Zanghi and Giovanna Sandri (published in Thirteenth Moon, “Italian Women Writers” issue).  

      Although I think this information is fascinating, I'd consider cutting this to meet the word count simply because this info would be more crucial if the project were about her and not Loy.

    2. on of

      extra on, maybe?

    3. Fraser is inspired by Mina Loy, as well as other modernist women writers, questioning why the poetics of female voices and experiences have been marginalized and excluded from academic research and public realms. In an effort to recover the voices of American-women writers, Fraser, from 1983-1991, published, edited, and contributed to magazines entitled, HOW(ever), and later, HOW2. These magazines focus on innovative writing by contemporary women poets and writers and those culturally-abandoned texts by Anglo/American modernist women writers. Now online, these recovered collections include pieces from many contemporary authors (Rachel Blau DuPlessis, Denise Levertov), who bring to the forefront the importance of these absent modernist women’s voices in contemporary literature and culture.

      Really well-phrased!

    1. y

      add ,

    2. But as Dodge shaped her life in New York with increasing independence, she formed an image of herself distinct from those of the artists who attended her salon. In 1913, she proposed the idea for and helped organize the Patterson Strike Pageant. That year Dodge also promoted the Armory Show, where Stein’s poem, “Portrait of Mabel Dodge at Villa Curonia,” first appeared. After the Armory show, Gertrude Stein finally won recognition in America, and everyone in New York asked who Mabel Dodge was. People looked at her, not just at her guests.[6] In 1915, Dodge and journalist John Reed, who she met while organizing the Patterson Strike Pageant, became engaged. When Reed traveled to cover the Great War, Dodge met and began an affair with Maurice Sterne and lived with him in Croton-on-Hudson, New York. When Reed returned, Dodge offered him a bedroom and a writing studio. The three lived together for a few days until Reed moved out, ending his relationship with Dodge. She married Sterne in August 1917, and as she entered her third marriage, she adjusted her feminism: “For the mature woman, there is no father,” she wrote. “There is no master. There is only herself, free and alone.”[7] Dodge and Sterne spent most of their marriage apart, traveling between New York City and Croton at different times until, briefly after their honeymoon, Dodge eventually sent Sterne to New Mexico for fear that he was looking at other women. In November of 1917, Sterne called Dodge to meet him out west: “Dearest girl—Do you want an object in life? Save the Indians, their art—their culture—reveal it to the world!”[8] When they divorced in 1922, Sterne returned to the east coast, leaving Dodge in Taos, New Mexico. In 1923, she married Antonio (Tony) Luhan, a Native American who courted her before her divorce from Sterne.

      I feel like these are all saying something about her character; when you shorten your bio, perhaps these could be included in one brief, single paragraph

    3. certain

      ???

    4. As social entanglements, her presence at the center of the artists’ lives, and her boredom with Edwin took a toll on Dodge, she had a string of affairs and attempted suicide twice.

      This is a lot of important information shoved into one sentence; maybe revise.

    5. Arcetri,

      specify country because not everyone will know that this is, I am assuming Italy, because Florence is in Italy.

    6. Dodge made her début in Buffalo and, after attending an Episcopal girls school in Buffalo, another in New York City, and a finishing school in Washington, D.C., she married Karl Evans at age 21.

      Take a second look at this sentence; you should revise this.

    7. début

      what kind of debut? social? authorial?

    8. Dodg

      Is her last name Dodge or Luhan? I'm confused.

    9. Victorian, emotionally reserved and socially elite parents,

      Okay. I would maybe revise this to: "Born in Buffalo, NY in 1879 to emotionally reserved and socially elite Victorian parents"...otherwise, it sounds like he was born in 1879 to Victorian era.

    10. Mabel Dodge hosted three modernist salons—in Florence, New York City, and Taos, New Mexico—presiding over her guests as a friend and an intellectual provocateur. After standing at the center of these three salons, Dodge turned to memoir, forming the life she curated into her own art.

      What is this? A bio? Places she met Loy? I was under the assumption each section was to first include the summary info-- place of birth, date of birth, place of death, etc.

    1. Their social and artistic values kept them circling around each other in so many historical pages that it’s difficult to believe their relationship didn’t go beyond a mere photograph.

      Revise

    2. would not have gone unnoticed by

      you use this phrase a few times; I would consider using a different phrase here

    3. Breton wrote to him so much exhorting him to move to Paris and join the fight there, that by the time Tzara arrived, he was treated like some sort of savior.

      Revise

    4. particular

      particularly

    5. All of these are people Loy would have known, or at the very least known of, and would have been in some form of contact with.

      consider using a semicolon prior to this sentence

    6. their

      I don't think you need this "their"

    7. ,

      Maybe place this after photograph.

    8. surrealist movement

      I'm guessing this is probably a personal decision, but I would capitalize these movements.

    9. avant garde movement

      Same as before, should this be capitalized?

    10. movement

      Should Movement be capitalized here since it's a proper noun?

  13. Oct 2017
    1. You biography looks great! You are about 250 words over word count, so I would suggest looking at some places which you can condense and remove some of the material. One example of this is some of the quotes you use. Another example is when you're taking about Nicholls' argument. I also think that you need to move Nicholls' argument to a paragraph or two earlier. I would suggest to not end on Nicholls' argument, but rather the ambiguous nature of their relationship. You really want to end on fact instead of another critic's opinion.

    2. interactions

      Use a new word here. You say interaction in the previous sentence, so if you want to say interactions here, change interaction to relationship

    3. are

      make sure to change to is to have subject-verb agreement

    4. Yet, the frequency, nature, and depth of Pound’s interaction with Mina Loy remains ambiguous.

      This is an additional reason why I would be hesitant to quote Nicholls' argument as fact. Their relationship remains ambiguous. So while you can describe Nicholls' perspective and hypothesis, it remains a hypothesis.

    5. Peters

      Say Nicholls instead of Peters. His first name is Peter. Also, here, you will want to say "Peter Nicholls," using his full name the first time you refer to him.

    6. Finally, and most surprisingly, Peters notes the marked similarities in word choice and vocabulary between Pound’s Hugh Selwyn Mauberley and Loy’s work as hints that Pound truly admired–and perhaps at times even strove to emulate–Loy’s abstract, emotionless writing style.

      Why I hesitate to take this as true is because Pound came before Loy. So you really need to qualify what you're saying because Nicholls has honestly a pretty controversial, and arguable, opinion.

    7. as hints that Pound truly admired–and perhaps at times even strove to emulate–Loy’s abstract, emotionless writing style.

      You need a citation or a quote here, something to actually prove what you're saying. Also, it's Nicholls' (not Peters'). Peter is the first name so you'll want to use his last name when referring to him. The first time you will want to use both his first and last name.

      The other thing, is that it's Nicholls' hypothesis. This isn't a proved fact, and you need to express it as Nicholls' opinion, his hypothesis, etc. not as a proved fact.

    8. erse?”

      You need one more sentence here to explain what point you're trying to make, to unpack these two examples of their interaction. What explicitly are you trying to say?

    9. points to the contrary

      I don't think this is what you want to be saying here. Pound admired and complimented Loy, but he still remains eminent in literary thought. Loy has a rise in appreciation currently, but their relationship does not actually point to the contrary. Pound was a critic of hers, not the other way around.

    10. Pound famously coined the term logopoiea–defined as “a dance of the intelligence among words and ideas and modification of ideas and characters”–to describe Loy’s writing.

      I would place the definition in a separate sentence. You already have a colon in this sentence so there are too many ideas in one sentence

    11. wherein the eminent Pound was a mentor or role model to the relatively obscure Loy

      good

    12. one-way one

      just say "one-way"

    13. Wilmer states that Pound is frequently misunderstood: “If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted” (Wimer).

      I'm actually not sure if you need to quote Wilmer here. You frame your entire biography through the eyes of Loy, so to quote other authors seems to be unnecessary. I would either have Pound's biography as separate from Loy's perception of Pound, or I would remove this quote.

    14. Pound remains a divisive figure today. His brilliance as a poet, translator, and thinker are countered by his anti-American rhetoric and association with fascism, resulting in his imprisonment and fall from grace. Loy recalled that Pound “was like a child, and an old professor at the same time” and that he “was a sensitive man who didn’t think other people were sensitive.” Wilmer states that Pound is frequently misunderstood: “If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted” (Wimer). Following his institutionalization,, Pound returned to Venice and stopped writing. He died in Venice on November 1, 1972. His legacy is vast; Pound is widely considered the father of imagism and recognized for his work in both the imagist and modernist sphere

      You say "Pound remains a divisive figure today" in this paragraph, looking generally at Pound's legacy, but then insert where he died following his institutionalization. I would move the two sentences on his move to Venice and subsequent death to earlier, before you begin to look at his legacy. That way the ideas will connect

    15. ,,

      extra comma

    16. If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted”

      I'm not sure if you actually need this entire quote here. You highlight Wilmer's expression of Pound as misunderstood, but the quote addresses a lot more than just that. So I would cut out the second sentence, if not more of the quote.

    17. “was like a child, and an old professor at the same time” and that he “was a sensitive man who didn’t think other people were sensitive.

      maybe remove "and that he 'was'" and instead add "..." so that the quote is one long quote. Up to you, but it's a little awkward the way it is.

    18. His brilliance as a poet, translator, and thinker are countered by his anti-American rhetoric and association with fascism, resulting in his imprisonment and fall from grace.

      perhaps change the end of this sentence to "countered by his anti-American rhetoric, association with fascism, and imprisonment." The sentence as you have it doesn't clearly express the point you're making, which is "his brilliance in... is countered by..."

    19. Deemed insane, he spent 1946 to 1958

      I would say "several years, between 1946-1958," or something like that. Right now this sentence is a little choppy.

    20. He became an anti-war advocate, making several hundred broadcasts airing his political stances, many of which were anti-semitic and pro-fascism, in addition to explicitly critical of the United States’ war effort.

      Run on sentence, too many ideas in one sentence

    21. began to become

      Just say "became"

    22. In Paris, Pound developed a relationship with the young Ernest Hemingway, wrote an opera (which Mina Loy attended), and collaborated with T.S. Eliot in the editing of the latter’s famous poem “The Waste Land.”

      You have a lot of information in this sentence. I suggest 1. Including the dates he was in Paris, 2. List out these in terms of accomplishments. I.e., "Pound accomplished..." or "While in Paris, Pound was in connection two three major poets of the century..." somehow to frame how these are presented. There's a connection between them, so why not pull that out and make it stronger?

    23. Paris, and the impact

      No comma. Impact of what? WWI or his move to Paris? Specify

    24. the landscape of England, and the course of Pound’s career.

      Suggested revision: "changed not only the landscape of England, but also the course of Pound's career"

    25. His poetry focused on concrete, succinct language.

      Good!

    26. His most famous work, “In a Station of the Metro,” was written in 1913. From 1912 to 1914, he also launched the Imagist movement, producing the first imagist manifesto.

      Good!

    27. arrived

      Perhaps a stronger verb

    28. and soon published numerous collections of poetry and became an influential contributor to the New Freewoman/Egoist, Poetry, Others, The Little Review, and numerous other literary magazines.

      A little wordy. Perhaps only use one "and" or separate into two different sentences? I think the information is important, but I get a little lost in what you're saying here

    29. but traveled to both London in his twenties.

      Fragment sentence

    30. University of Pennsylvania.

      Dates?

    31. behind the literary movement.

      Maybe specify which movement? E.g. "this movement" since you mentioned modernist movement before

    32. “To speak of the modern movement is to speak of [Ezra Pound]; the masterly impresario of modern poets, for without the discoveries he made with his poet’s instinct for poetry, this modern movement would still be rather a nebula than the constellation it has become” (Loy 157-8).

      This quote is very good! I love the metaphor that she uses: it really sets up the focus of your biography from the start. Excellent!

  14. Sep 2017
  15. Aug 2017
    1. 35 per month

      See I had no idea about this. And I love youtube. If they actually want to make money from stuff like youtube red or youtube tv they need to promote it more. I know they give free 1 month trials of youtube red which is smart.

    2. Theses are exclusive shows and movies produced solely for subscribers. Some of the platform’s biggest stars are involved, including PewDiePie, Lilly Singh, and Rooster Teeth

      I wonder if youtube keeps updating the app will it increase how long it says up? People like trendy things. I f youtube stays with the trends...

    3. YouTube TV will give you access to live TV from more than 40 providers

      I think most people watch youtube for free so this isn't even the part of the app that makes them the most money

    4. Just a few short years ago, there was a dearth of quality television streaming options for people desperate to cut the cord. If you wanted to watch live TV in any way, shape, or form, you needed to splash out on a costly cable subscription. Which was frustrating.

      I feel like at this point everyone takes the internet and youtube for granted